Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I love him, how can I convince him to love me and marry me?

unrequited loveSalam everyone. I have a problem that might be similar to many but I am stressed out to an extent that I can not sleep or eat. I have even lost weight and my health has deteriorated over the past year.

I fell in love with a guy who was a distant relative. When he came into my life four years ago, there was another person who liked me and my parents wanted me to get married to him. The person I love made me feel all bad about him and I said no to being with him.

I spent the next two three years knowing that this person loves me. From the beginning he said he could not marry me due to family issues but I always believed that he loves me and will marry me one day and stand up for me. Because he used to do so much for - meet me take care of me little things that made me happy.

I later got to know that he was also having similar relations with the girl of his choice because his mother liked her and he also wanted to marry her. When I got to know this I was shattered. I held him accountable for keeping all sorts of relationship with me over years. And then denying me and our relationship in front of the family. I was insulted within the whole family because it was my respect at stake.

He left me to be with that girl, they are still not married but in a relationship. I love him dearly. I have extreme emotions for him. It has been more than a year. He has come back into my life several times during this one year. Had same sorts of relationship and then left again. He came back a little changed, did not love me or care for me the same way. I don't know what he wants when he comes back although he degraded me and humiliated me a lot when he left. Since I love him I accept him every time he comes back.

All this time, I was de-tracked and I went to several Aalims who said they could help me get married to him. I went to a dozen of them - all of them looted so much of my money wasted my time and could do nothing for me. Now he would be getting married soon but he says to me that he is not interested in getting married right now. And he still meets me talks to me.

Everyone who loves me, my family and friends, have told me to stay away from him and forget him. But it is impossible. I don't tell them about him anymore.

I don't know if Allah (SWT) will ever forgive me to go astray and defy my religion and my faith in Him. I want to seek Allah's forgiveness but I also don't want to let go of him. I can not think of marrying anyone else. After such relations, how can I marry anyone else? Please tell me of any way, any dua or anything that can get me to him and help me get married to him. So that our families agree and he agrees himself.

I would appreciate your replies and your support, I don't know what I should do.

- needhelp28

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6 Responses »

  1. I only have one question.

    If he cant take a stand for you and marry you, then does he deserve you?

    My answer: I don’t think so.

  2. Stay away from him actually he was not interested in you and never marry you so seek for God guide and repent .

  3. As salamualikum sister,

    Run as far as you can from this non-existant relationship. This guy has costed you your eman more than anything. You do know going to Aalim is not allowed. These aalim use shaitan to trick you into false promises. If these aalims had any power, they would have run the world. These alims ask name of mother and your beloved and then make a pect with jinn to help you, which does not happen as Allah is the controller of all. Please educate yourself, watch iqbal salfi on youtube or abu ibraheem the jinn series where he exposes such people. You do not need to see all series.
    So repent for this act.
    Then coming to this guy. It is clear
    1) he says he CANNOT marry you.
    2) he is interested in MARRYING someone elsw
    3) he has humilated you , degaraded you and insulted you
    4) whenever he feels lonely and bored he comes to you
    5) did not take a stand for you

    After reading this , i ask you what are you running after ? What is in the guy that makes you feel in love with him. He comes to meet you ??? So what so many people meet for so many purposes what is special about this. Ever heard of creative enterpeneurs , they are always meeting people. People fly from different states and countries to meet potential spouses. How is meeting eligible for wasting 4 years. Also chances are he never made time specially for you. He was probably passing by and would have met you. What else taking care of little things ? He is ignoring all the big things in your life and all you find attractive is his care for little things ?? Please let us know what little things does he help you with. That guy is just wasting your time. You need to close this door asap and never look back. He has made clear he does not want you and returns only because he is bored or perhaps has you as a rebound. Also if he loves someone else why do you want him to love you ? IS it really love or Is your ego hurt by him showing his true colors. After all this he has the audacity to meet you . And this speaks volumes about how he views you , he does not care about you no matter what he says neither he is interested in you . Please wake up
    You ask how to ask Allah for firgiveness. Allah is all forgiving but you have to make an effort, you have to show Allah that you are ready to repent. Seek forgiveness for all the alim visits and this useless relationship. Cut ties with this guy and pray to Allah because Allah is worthy of prayers not that you want the guy from Allah.
    If you are from indopak then 4 years is a lot of time. You have wasted enough years after him. Is this what Allah sent you for ? You are muslima be strong end this and ask Allah for a man who would respect and love you. Do not lower yourself for someone who is not making the proper moves. Time is flying in this era. Absolutely waste nothing of it. Make effort and change this situation. If you can work , start working. Volunteer around. Tell people around you want to get married . Enroll in islamic studies, science in islam. We are in dire need of muslim researchers in the scientific field. Can you publish scientific proof about the effects these haram relations or zina can have on ones mind ? We need such papers as science is regarded big. Use your experience to write one and create awareness. So much to do in this world and you are after a dead end.
    May Allah bless you.

    • Assalaamualaykum needhelp,

      You write:

      "Since I love him I accept him every time he comes back."

      I get it. Love can be all-consuming. But you need to love Allah first and foremost. And if Allah is at the top of your priority list, you will not accept this guy back or use "love" to justify your taking him back. That is not love. It is fear.

      Love is not something you can convince someone of. It is the one universal and intangible concept that transcends cultures, religions, time-zones, whatever. If someone doesn't feel it towards you, don't try to coax it out of them. It won't work. It should come naturally, and in this case, because Allah isn't where your heart is, it's not. I'm not trying to be difficult, but this is really important to remember. Once Allah is your No. 1, you have your best buddy in your corner, who will set you up with that ideal partner!

      I wish you the best,

      Nor

  4. Dear sister, you wrote, ¨From the beginning he said he could not marry me due to family issues.¨

    So he told you the truth from the beginning. He does not intend to marry you. I think you have imagined a relationship and love that does not exist from his part. Move on and cut off your contact with him.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. Salam wael-

    Quick question. How do I sign up for notifications from this blog? You seem to have removed the follow up boxes and probably disconnected everyone hence why barely people comment.

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