Islamic marriage advice and family advice

The guy who wanted to marry me married someone else out of the blue. I feel so lost.


Assalam'Alaikum Wa Rahmathullahi Wa Barakathuhu.

So I knew this guy from high school 8 years back. Both of us were interested in each other but kept it from our parents till we were matured enough. We lost touch along the way. But I prayed a lot to unite us in a halal way. I even started praying tahajjud  which I continue to this day. Alhamdulillah.

3 years back he decided to contact me and told me he ws still interested and that he should speak to my parents. He did speak to my mom and met up with my dad and all and everything was going fine. I even felt that he was a little too eager to get married. Little did I know that he was yet to speak with his dad about me while his mom already knows.

Fast forward 1 year, I came to know his dad was not interested in this as I am from a different region . I have messaged him asking the same. The message was left unread.

Recently I came to know that he got married to another girl.

I think it ws very disrespectful of him to ghost me (disappear) nand my father who tried calling him to inform a few things but he didn't attend the call on and leaving matters with me without a closure. But I also don't know what happened at his end.

Also it's a bit embarrassing for me because my family knows so and so ghosted me and got married to someone else.

I am very much at peace except for the part that he involved my parents for nothing. Please advice me on what I should do hereafter as I am so lost in this matter. 

Did some sins I might have committed changed the decree? Is this a form of punishment for me?

My mind in salah still says to keep asking for him in my duas but i am confused. I keep seeing quotes like "if Allah didn't want to give you it, He wouldn't allow you to do dua for it".

But he is already married. Should i keep making the dua?

Any help is appreciated.

JazakAllah Khairan.

- ixabel

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11 Responses »

  1. Leave him, Just read surah yaseen , waqia, fatteh , Surah Muzaamil Al nasrah, surah duha.. Make yourself stronger. you will best person Correct ameen..
    Even dont curse him , Just keep attached yourself to Fazir NAmaz.
    Ammeen ..Everything will better by the mercy of Allah

  2. Assalamualaikum wR wB,

    Looks like you dodged a bullet. His family seems prejudice and it might have caused you problems in the future. They are petty to worry about these stupid things as region, color, background. Other than your Iman nothing should matter. Also the fact that he ghosted you also seems to be an insight into the future— meaning he doesn’t deal with problems or conflicts and leaves them to quietly resolve without intervention. I think your Duas were answered, he is not good for you so Allah made the decision for you without any involvement on your part. Your parents are grown, they can see the way he handled things is immature and juvenile they would not want him for you after this anyway.

    Make Dua for a worthy partner who will excel
    Your Iman in this Duniya and the next. Ameen.

    • Dear I understand what you might be going through.

      Alhamdollillah your doa has been answered and at the same time Allah showed you that,the guy you were praying for returned but he is not worthy of you.. after proposing he ghosted you and your family ,it tell you about this person’s character. Please recognize Allah’s wisdoms I see a wow moment here!
      have Taqwah..May Allah ease your suffering and reward your beautiful patience.

      Please don’t make doa for this person, make doa for the right person to come along.Ask for Afiah..

      “Allahum Asalukal AFfiyah”

      • JazakAllah Khairan for taking the time to respond.
        Alhamdulillah. Allah's wisdom is vaster than what the human mind can fathom.
        Whats hurting me more is that he did my parents bad. I feel like I have been a cause to what my parents faced.
        Though my parents didn't take it as an embarrassment..I feel embarrassed for putting them in such a position.
        But hasbunallahu wa ni'mal wakeel.

    • JazakAllah Khairan for this response. It's giving me lots of hope and the eagerness to trust Allah and His decisions no matter what. May Allah reward you.

      Now that I look at it as how you put it...indeed I did dodge a bullet. Alhamdulillah.

    • Asalamualaykum Sister Ixabel,

      Please let your feelings of embarrassment fizzle out and forgive all involved, especially yourself. Everyone here has given great perspective and advice. This guy doesn't seem to be capable of even standing up for himself, let alone you. He couldn't justify his decision so he chose to run away from any responsibility to you. That's the last thing you want in a marriage partner! Allah knows best and takes care of His creation in a loving way that both protects us and teaches us how to handle future challenges Alhamdulillah.



  3. That’s wasn’t nice of him to ignore you and get married silently. That’s not a decent man. He doesn’t have the guts to stand up against his father. In the future when there are problems he won’t be able to take your side and will let his family do what they like. It’s a blessing in disguise. There are plenty of fishes in the seas.

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