I feel that he lies to me, I don’t trust him
How to deal with jealousy?
SALAAM ALKIUM EVERY1, I DONT KNOW WHERE 2 START OR WAT 2 SAY BUT I DONT TRUST MY HUSBAND THESE DAYS. I FEEL LIKE HE LIES 2 ME OR DONT LIKE ME. N SPECILLY I GET DA FEELING THAT HE LUVS HIS SON MORE THAN ME FROM (EX WIFE).
I DONT LYK WEN HE TALKS 2 HER I GET VERY ANGRY DONT KNOW WHY AND JEALOUS FROM HER VERY MUCH. I ALWAYS WISHED THAT SHE NEVER EXISTED BUT SHE DOES. AS LONG SHE HAS HIS SON EVEN THOUGH HE DIVORCED HER LONG TIME AGO BUT THEN WHEN SHE CALLS OR HE CALLS HER 2 ASK ABOUT HIS SON I DONT LIKE IT. THAT MOMENT IT RUINS MY LIFE.
I DONT KNOW WAT IS WRONG WITH ME AM I A VERY JEALOUS PERSON OR MY LIFE IS HARAAM IN HARAAM? COZ B4, NOW MY LIFE ISNT DA KIND OF LIFE THAT EVERY GIRL DREAMS OF. IN OUR HOUSE THERE IS NOT ENOUGH BARAKA. I KEEP TELLING MYSELF "INA ALAH MACAAL SABIREAN" (ALAH IS WITH THESE WHO ARE PATIENT).
I'M PREGNANT ALAHMDULAH IN HALAL WAY BUT THEN I KEEP THINKING TOO, TOO MUCH ABOUT MY LIFE NOW THAT IZ NOT STABLE, WHAT ABOUT WEN DA BABY COMES IZ IT GONNA BE LIKE THIS?
I LUV MY HUSBAND EVEN THOUGH I GO THROUGH ALL THIS. HE IZ A VERY NICE PERSON WITH FULL IMAN LIKE ME. I BELIEVE WITHOUT OUR IIMAN N PATIENCE OUR MARRIGE WOULDNT LAST BUT I'M SICK N TIRED OF THINKING AND BEING A JEALOUS PERSON.
PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ HELP ME MAY ALAH HELP US ALL AMIN
- MARYA
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Salaam Dear Sister,
Jealousy occurs when we have a fear which in your case is the fear of losing your husband. The object of our jealousy occurs when we take an object and attribute it with qualities it does not have, we give it "magic powers".
In this case, you fear losing your husband and you have projected this fear onto the child who is now the object of your fear. You have given this child magic-powers such as the power to change your husband's love for you, the power to take your husband away from you and the power to replace you in your husband's life.
The solution to this is to remove the magic powers that you have given the child and the relationship he has with your husband and see it for what it really is - a good father, son relationship which has no affect on your husbands love for you whatsoever.
The next step is to look at your fear of losing your husband which is giving rise to jealousy. It may be that your husband has noticed that you have a bad reaction when he speaks to his son and is editing this information from you as he does not want for you to become jealous and you are sensing this. The solution to this is to increase the visible love and trust your husband. Sit down with him and tell him that you are jealous because you fear losing him, but at he same time, you are going to solve this jealousy problem, that you do trust him and you want to have a good, honest and open relationship with him. Apologise if you have been angry out of jealousy and ask him to help you mend it.
It's OK to be afraid of losing the people we love, but it is not OK to punish them for our own fears and jealousy and possessiveness is a punishment for your partner. Much better to be loved and trusted than feared and suspected right?
Once you have removed the magical elements from your thought processes and seen the situation as it really is, you should feel in yourself a greater sense of calm and a greater sense of trust. That trust should facilitate honesty between you and your husband.
Peace,
L
Hi Dear
If i would be in your situation. i would try to take my husband in my full trust. And then find a day when he is very nice with you, and they i would talk to him about all of this, but in polite and positive manner. Only showing him the cause, why you are talking like this, is just that you need his love and trust. I won't talk about son and his relationship to son. He is his Son. Your husband will never like if you talk about this.
And i will also try to love son as my son. I
And ofcourse it will be inshallah better when ur baby will be born. Communication between 2 after marriage is very important thing. And this communication should be done politely and most important in a positive manner.
Our minds are thing sometime very bad things, all these negative things should not be discussed with partner.
I wish you good luck in ur life.
Regards
khan
AsalamAlaikum sister,
Wow. it must be hard to hear him talk to his exwife. but i gotta agree with the first person who responded to you (L). sounds like this person really knows what they are talking about. this person gave you some good advise. and the "magic powers" L is talking about is so true. we tend to give something which has no powers all of these powers that only end up harming us. I agree with L. talk to your husband about when he talks to his exwife....maybe he could keep it a little short with her. also talk to him about his son. tell him your feelings. BUT remember one thing. the boy is his son. if you try to get between him and his son - you will only loose. not to mention that you will also be unfair to the innocent child. i always tell my husband - if i die, i want you to remarry however remarry a person who will love my children as their own. therefore, i will only tell you the same....love his child as if the child was your own....remember, Allah SWT sees everything. if you are unjust and unfair....Allah SWT will know and see. Think like this....the baby inside you will be born soon....imagine if you were the first wife and the exwife was the second....wouldn't you want the exwife to be as honest and loving as you are to your child.....hope this helps...Khuda hafiz
N