I have given 2 out of 3 Talaqs (Divorces) to my Wife.
Divorce.
Salam, Unfortunately I have given 2 talak (divorces) to my wife and we have had constant fight over little stuff from cleaning to cooking. It's nothing major but both times a year part she would keep talking back to me ... I tell her not to but says she will not back off ...
We are both to blame and sometimes our fights have gotten worse ...
I dont want to leave her - she has left to her house and now seeking divorce ... What are my rights? I love her alot and I want to do the right thing. I dont want to lose her.
She says she is tired of our fights and even physical confrontation 🙁
I had given her 30,000 dollars worth of gold and 11,000 hakmair (dowry). She took all the gold with her and is asking for the Dowry ... She is seeking divorce.
I have talked to the family over and over again to please try to make this work and we can with right guidance but they are wanting divorce ...
We had a love marriage - her family DOES not like me or my Family - they are into marrying their daughter in the family so she was the first one who had a love marriage ...
What are my islamic rights and how can I save my Relationship?
Do you also have someone here who I can talk to, in the USA? CT or NJ or NY area?
I feel like I have been played by the family because they have used these little fights against me and have encouraged the girl to leave me because SHE never wanted this and I have tried to get in touch with her but will not let me talk to her.
What do I do, please help.
- Syed2012
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Sallam my dear brother,
Firstly I want to say that am no imam or a sheikh to give advice but I can share some knowledge with you.
I just wanted to say reading your post reminds me that I am also currently going through the same situation, but the only difference is that I gave my wife Talaq un Bayin (3 Talaq in 1, which means I can not bring my wife back unless we get married again).
Brother I gave my wife talaq because I was angry. My wife also spoke back to me in a rude manner and her family also encouraged her to go back home and break up with me, because they never liked me. I know were your coming from.
My wife is currently in Turkey on holiday, and reflecting that she should not have done some things to break this marriage up.
I also love my wife dearly and want her back.
My advice to you my brother is giving talaq is easy, but be sure what you are doing. Take time out and have some time to your self and truly think about what would happen if you get separated. It may not be advice you want to hear, but I wish I done that.
Talk to your wife in a proper manner, I understand that its sometimes get heated over conversation, but be calm and understanding towards her, I understand that you cant get in touch with her.
I follow a sheikh on twitter, called Sheikh Mohammed Abdul Jabbar from Birmingham UK, whom once wrote
" Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. Allah will grant after hardship, ease" (Surah Al Talaaq 65:7).
This ayah has helped me so far. Always make sure that Allah is testing us on a regular basis.
Brother read my posts and you will see that I am also on the same post.
Should you want to talk email me and we can help each other. I dont want to post my email address but there must be a way.
May Allah help you brother and keep us informed how things go.
Yahya
Brother I. Have my wife two talaqs I need help
Brother Syed,
I sat down about an hour ago and wrote a long message here and then I had to stop. I found I was siding with your wife not knowing full and well your situation so...I wanted to ask you more.
You argue about cooking and cleaning...tell me more. Does she cook and clean or is she a slob and your sick of it?
You say that your arguments have often gone from being verbal to physical...why? Are they physical due to you lashing out or is it your wife?
Not knowing anything about your situation, I don't think the family played you...I just think that as this is their daughter, they are naturally going to listen to her and stay by her side. They are hearing that their daughter is unhappy with you, tired of the fights and so on and so forth. Has your wife's family listened to your side of how things are at home?
Have you tried visiting your local masjid in the city where you are? You might try to talk to an Imam there who might offer you guidance. You could explain your situation and let the Imam know how very much you want to save this marriage and that you need help in any way that they can offer you. If you don't know where your local masjid or Islamic center is, you can most likely Google it via the web.
Now...only you know how bad your last argument was and why your wife fled to her parents home. Do you want her? Do you really want this marriage to work? How hard are you willing to try to get her back? You could start by sending her a dozen roses with a simple card that reads, "I'm sorry". As a man, you might not think flowers are a big deal brother but they are.Those flowers can be a stepping stone for you to try to amend things and bring your wife home.That is as good as anything to get started. Any relationship takes two people to work together, not against each other. I am going to assume you are both young hence your quick draw on the word "Talaq" when you are angry and at your wits end. That has to stop unless of course it is something that you wish to be.
Get going and don't delay, send some roses to your love and pray, if she takes you back again, Inshallah you can make amends. Work together and you will see, you can live in harmony.
Salam 🙂
Salam,
Three talaqs in one go is not vaid? Even in some muslim countries this is not allowed.
The muslim sharia council in the uk told me it counts as one talaq.
Sallam sister,
Why do you say that 3 talaq in 1 is not valid. My sheikh was very sure it was allowed
According to the Shaafi’i madhab and also other madhabs, giving three talaaqs at once counts as three separate talaaqs and is irrevocable. I've heard Salafis considered it as one.
sallam
brother you know these little fights they are caused by the devil the devil likes to break up marriages. what is cooking and cleaning? we can all do it and we should all do our part in the home. Mashalah the prophet is a beautiful example he never burdened any of his wives and woul;d always help!
if you followed the sunnah you would not be in this problem. now your blaming God for burdening you? the ~Quran and the sunnah have all the answers to all our problems, alhumdolillah any problem can be avoided if you live a good muslim life ameen.
take this as a lesson in life do toba and repet brother and inshallah your burdens will lessen!
look i dont know you but some men have the attitude that im king and want there wife to seve them! mashallah the prophet being so holy never did this and never had an ego and alhumdolillah brother neither should you!
Allah Hafiz
Well said!
jazakallah
Well said brother
Assalamualikum:
Accordingly Imam e Azam Abu Haneefa 3 talak result in divorce , means 1 time counts for 1. Brother You have 1 chance left .
I advise you to avoid break up . For this you should have big heart , so that u forgive her, sorry her for bring her back. Compromise on little things happen. Told your wife that you loves her and want her back Try to forgive other mistakes. If u forgive, other will also automatically forgive you . Hope this will help you . Thanks
Walakum As Salam Brothers and Sister,
I want to answer to make clear why the fights had happened ... We live in a joint family, my mother is not well and works and so does my father ... I am out to work, she is home and is not in school also. I see my father cleaning the kitchen and bathroom on days he is off, I tell her to please do it and as time goes by it just gets worse and worse ... We had a love marriage, we come from a different family and her family were against marrying me but only agreed because I am Syed (per her dad). I have done lots of wrong but honestly i have tried to do everything good to her ... She is really nice but i just feel if your home, you should clean and cook because we have been looking to buy our own house which I want to do because she wont have baby unless we have our own house 🙁 really sucks but I am doing it ... I love babies and want it asap but I just want to make her happy ... My Father comes home and has to even bring grocery, cleans bathroom and kitchen my mom works and leave home by 2pm and she is sometimes waking up at that time ... It really upsets me because I tell her how can we have our own house when you cant even manage this ...
As of now, her family is going to the LAWYER and wants to file for divorce ... I have called and called to talk to her her family would not let me talk and say its her wishes and she wants out ... we even went to her house with my dad, tried to talk to her dad and he says he has talked with an IMAAM and he says since I have given 2 TALAK our marriage is NOW NOT PURE and is considered ZINNA 🙁 I have never heard such thing, but he says its better to get them divorced so my daughter does not go through this constant fighting ... I have written her messages on facebook and email ... I never wanted this but I am going through it ... There are no nights tht does not go without me crying myself to sleep and begging ALLAH for help because ONLY he can save this ...
Is it not my right to just atleast talk to her, what can I do to save this marriage ... Please all of you make dua for me ... I will also make dua for you brothers and sisters because I never realized that this is by far the worse thing a man or women can go through ... JazakALLAHKhair For your help and dua's ...
sallam
brother, you guys make me crazy im going to be honest, before you marry all you think about is love, sex, haraam, you dont see what are the qualities of this person?
is she used to cooking? cleaning? if she cant do it doesnt make her a abd person it means she never leart or had the responsibility. So after marriage you expect her to do it all? when your finding someone to marry you think what can she do, what responsibilities in her home can she handle being a wife.
one more thing my father also helps with the house work we all help. the prophet always helped his wife, so your father helping isnt a big issue, the issue is why did you not help if you saw she was struggling. I bet instead you had a fight with her all the time instead of being wise and helping her or teaching her?
you think about all your rights but think about your dueities? its your job to take care of your parents run there home make sure your parents are happy and healthy inshallah. not find a wife and keep her as a servent. your all supoosed to work together, if somehting is difficult for her guide her help her teach her?
Allah hafiz
Syed,
Long story short, my husband works to provide for our family. I believe It is my duty as a stay at home wife and mother to clean my home and make certain it runs well. I cook, run errands and do the best that I can. My husband should not have to come home after a long day and clean anything...period. The only thing he needs to do is eat a hot meal and relax and do what he pleases. I did not know how to cook anything when I got married in fact, I would have burned water lol. In time, little by little I learned how to prepare meals and today I am a very good cook alhumdillah.
You are no different. Your wife needs to remove herself from bed and get up and take care of the home. I think as you are the provider financially, that her preparing a meal and cleaning isn't much to ask. If she is not able to take care of these very things when you don't have children, how on earth will she tend to it when you have children?!
I am really sorry how things are for you right now, I do know what you are going through. My son was where you are and in the end, his wife went home to her family. Best thing ever...dead serious. May Allah guide her and may she learn for a future husband that a marriage is not a matter of convenience. If a married woman is going to lay in bed all day, why get married? Marriage takes work and commitment from both parties involved. To expect the husband to jump through hoops to make it work is ridiculous and unfair.
Best of luck to you...Salam
I totally agree with you 100% your post is how it should be shame not all couples are like this though.
(Editors: please delete my previous post i was typing from phone so overlap some paragraph thank you)
I see this brother did tried to help his wife maybe the situation was mot good she avoided her responsibility she wanted to live her life the way she did in her parents house I am sure before they got married they knew about each other families situation regarding relationship between how husband and wife should act
The Glorious Prophet of Islam (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) said: "I saw plenty of women in the Hell". The Companions asked: "How come, O Allah's Apostle (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam)" He said: "For two reasons: First, the women indulge much in taunting and criticizing others. Secondly, the husbands may be treating them well for years but once they experience something less than their expectations they would say: "We have never seen any good from you."
the Holy Quraan has not chosen her to function as the head of the family, because owing to his masculine constitution and appropriate mental make-up, the husband is better equipped to earn livelihood for the family, to bear the physical strains, and to avert dangers to the family in general. The Holy Quraan refers to these functions of the husband when, speaking of his role for the wife. It says: "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they spend of their wealth (for supporting them and other members of the family)." (4: 34)
Of course, the husband has to administer the family jointly with the wife, according to the Quraanic Law: "(Believers are those) who conduct their affairs by mutual consultation (and not arbitrarily)." (42: 38)
As a follower of the Quraan, it is only in extreme cases that the husband may differ irreconcilably with the wife. But, then too, he cannot transgress the bounds of justice and mercy of the Holy Quraan, which commands him to be always just, merciful and considerate.
The second position of the wife as administrator is, thus, not a source of suffering for her but a source of strength and a blessing.
Every woman must obey the legitimate commands of her husband. Appeasement of husband is a great virtue while the displeasure of the husband carries heavy prosecution. The Holy Prophet of Islam (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) has said: "If I were to command humans to prostrate before anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded the women to bow down before their husbands."
The Messenger of Allah (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) has also said: "If a woman dies in a state that her husband is happy with her, she would enter the Paradise".
The Glorious Prophet (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) has also said: "When the husband calls his wife for some work, she should immediately attend his call even if she may be sitting by the side of her hearth (for cooking)". The Hadith means that the wife should give top priority to attend to her husband.
Another Hadith says: "If a husband says to his wife to transform a yellow mountain into a black one or turn a black mountain into a white one, she should obey his orders". The Hadith means that the woman should try to perform the hardest of the hard job assigned by her husband.
The Holy Prophet (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) said: "Allah's Angels curse the woman throughout the night whose husband calls her to bed but she refuses and the husband goes to sleep in anger".
Relations between husband and wife have been conceived as based on mutual cooperation, love and compassion. The Holy Quraan says: "And among His Signs is this that He created your mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (30: 21)
It means that: -
marriage is essentially a spiritual bond of union, rather than a mere physical relationship;
marriage should be contracted with the firm resolve of maintaining the relation for life;
Monogamy should be ideal, because that is the ideal condition in which mutual cooperation, the common man can practice harmony and love normally and smoothly.
Remember, the relationship between a husband and his wife is a very strong and life long association. The affinity and understanding between the two is the greatest grace of the Almighty Allah. Once this understanding gets disturbed, the life on both the sides gets spoiled.
The domestic quarrels between husband and wife have become very common these days. Several Muslim houses are burning in this fire. The difference of opinion between wife and husband reaches a stage when both of them pray for death. It is very easy to eliminate this difference of opinion and a state of civil war within the household.
There are lots of rules for a muislim married women to make her married life happy I won't state all of them I will quote some.
Every wife should try to appease her husband day and night. This would satisfy his ego and he would feel that there is someone in the house that cares for him.
A husband likes a wife who obeys his orders without arguments and without asking why and how. If the husband asks her to massage him throughout the night, she should bear that much pain and patiently obey his command. This little trouble would bring to her immense love from her husband.
Every wife should understand the temperament of her husband. She should know the likes and dislikes of her husband. By living with him for years together she may excel in knowing what makes him happy and what annoys him. She should master in her husband's habits and tastes.
It is obligatory on the part of the wife never to fight with her husband. She should not pass sarcastic comments to him nor should she criticize him bitterly.
She should not give him a sharp and rigid reply nor should she pass any left-handed comment.
She should also not find out defects in things brought by him nor should she describe his house and other property as useless and base. She should not pass adverse comments about the parents of her husband as this may lead to unnecessary arguments and will ultimately end in hatred towards each other. This hatred gradually aggravates to the extent of separation. The wife will leave her husband's house and go to her parent's house where her brother's wife and unmarried sisters may make her life miserable by taunting at her. This may lead to a bigger fight between the family of the woman and the family of man.
The matter ultimately goes to the Court and drags for years together.
She should not complain: "I have never been happy in your house. Oh Allah! My whole life spent out in sorrows and hardships. What I saw after coming to this ruined house. My parents have thrown me into this hell. They married me to a pauper and unlucky man like you." This sort of groaning will make the husband disappointed and disgusted. This frustration gradually will lead to constant fights and face-to-face confrontation and finally to the divorce. The Glorious Prophet of Islam (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) said: "I saw plenty of women in the Hell". The Companions asked: "How come, O Allah's Apostle (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam)" He said: "For two reasons: First, the women indulge much in taunting and criticizing others. Secondly, the husbands may be treating them well for years but once they experience something less than their expectations they would say: "We have never seen any good from you."
The wife should show utmost restraint and respect in front of her husband. Whenever the husband returns home, she should welcome him leaving all the work aside. She should arrange for his comforts. She should not talk to him in a way that may annoy or confuse him. If the husband gets annoyed with the wife over some issue, she should keep silence and should not utter anything that may aggravate his anger.
If the husband gets annoyed over some of her mistake and rebukes her, she should not feel it bad. She should unconditionally beg his pardon and bring him back to his good mood by persuasive methods. If the husband rebukes her without any fault, she should not repay him in the same coin. This would be her greatness to make her husband happy.
As long as her husband's parents are alive, she should obey them and attend their requirements even she dosent know how to handle she has to learn. The husband is their son and if they incite him against the wife, he will be annoyed at her that will ultimately result in deterioration of relations. Similarly, she should treat her husband's brothers and sisters nicely. She should never try to divide the family. She should never insist on her separate household. However, if the parents of her husband themselves decide to live separately; she should welcome their idea happily. But after this separation she should always visit her in-laws and find out their difficulties and help them promptly.
If the wife faces any hardship in her husband's house, she should never narrate it to her parents and relatives. This creates tension between the two families.
The wife should concentrate more on her looks - her clothes and personal hygiene. She should take into account her husband's likes and dislikes. She should occasionally apply Mehndi (Henna) in her hands and feet. She should not keep her hair shattered and disturbed. A little carelessness with regard to the physical fitness may compel the husband to go to other women who make special arrangements to look good to the husbands of careless women.
The wife should take food last of all in her husband's house. She should arrange food for her husband, his parents, his brothers and sisters. She should always play a hostess at the dining table.
The wife should share and learn the housework with the mother-in-law and the sisters-in-law/s. This would create a feeling of helpfulness in the hearts of the women in her husband's house. The women folk will start liking her and cooperate with her in all matters. She should attend to her ailing mother-in-law or other sick members in her husband's house, as this would give her a dignified status in that house.
If the husband is poor and has no capacity to employ a maid-servant, the wife should not make any complaint of doing the work herself. Many tradition of Sayyiduna Rasoolullah (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) reported in Bukhari indicate that the beloved daughter of the Holy Prophet (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam), Sayyidah Faatima az-Zahra (radi Allahu anha) personally attend to the domestic affairs of her home. She went to the community well herself, filled up the container with water and carried it on her back to her home. She used to grind the flour at home and due to this rugged exercise, her palms got wounded. Similarly, Sayyidah Asma (radi Allahu anha), the daughter of Sayyiduna Abu Bakr Siddique (radi Allahu anhu) did the entire domestic work alone in the house of her husband Sayyiduna Zubair (radi Allahu anhu). She brought date seeds from distant orchards to feed the camels and massage the horses.
The wife should not demonstrate any obstinacy and stubbornness in her husband's house. This is a general habit of women that they get furious very soon. Their parents may bear this fury but the in-laws will not bear this. The stubbornness of a woman in her husband's house becomes an issue of great criticism. Her obstinacy earns her a very bad name.
The house of the husband is a new place for every woman. She comes across with so many strange faces with different habits and behaviors. There is a possibility of difference of opinion and a clash of interests between the two parties. But the wife should keep patience and be kind to the mother-in-law and other members of her husband's house. One day or the other, the family of her husband itself will feel ashamed of their rude behavior and extend a hand of friendship and cooperation towards the new comer.
The wife should live in her husband's house with discipline. She should neither talk too much nor too less. She should talk sense. Her diction and intonation should be soft, clear and sublime. Her speech should not hurt any body.
May Allah guid us all
Sorry for long post
Long post or not...beautifully written!
Salam
Salam Nadia, what a beautiful post..I wish my (ex) wife could have read this post. My marriage only lasted fot 3 months only but we were physically together for 22days only. It has been 2 months and I am still praying that may Allah (swt) give her hidayat to accept her mistakes and come back to me. Tonight is 29th night of Ramadan and my heart is praying every second for her and me to reunite. I wish she was ur daughter then maybe this marriage would have never ended. I know I had my faults and I want to repent on it by being with her again and inshaAllah as I promise her we will go hajj next year.
To Admin, when will my post be publish? Please Advice.
Allahafiz, may Allah (swt) send his abundance of mercy, love, forgiveness toward all the humanity.
Editor can you please DELETE all my post from this. There are 3 (thank You and JazakAllahKhair). Unfortunately this Relationship is now Ending no matter how much I have tried to save ... Its ALLAH's wish and I take it and accept it ... May ALLAH give us ALL Hediath and ability to become Better Muslims. Ameen
As a matter of policy we do not delete posts after they have been published. Many people have similar problems, so others can read and benefit from your question.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Sir:
Please guide and give a ruling. If a Muslim pronounces divorce twice in one go and make raju the same day and also repents to Allah, is this valid according to Islamic Sharia. This is my question which will be responded with yes or no, Please send your response on my email address, Best regards