I want my friends back and I do not want to lose any more people
Hi.
in the past 2-3 years I have lost three of my best friends. one I do not know what happened she just stopped talking to me and refuses to. Although she talks to our other friends still. She was like a sister to me, we would not have been seen apart. My family even loved her and all my siblings loved it when she would come over. I do not know what I did that made her leave. She left right after I got married.
My frind A and i got into a fight and we have not talked since although we see each other. I tried talking to her but got back response stating she does not want to talk to me. It happen after she got married. i told her my problems, i told her my husband is leaving to go see his family. I told her not to tell anyone cus if my husband found out it would result in a fight between us. She went and told her husband. Her husband went and asked my husbands best friend who came and told my husband. My husband and I got into a fight, he asked me if he can even trust me with things anymroe or will i go and tell my frnds. After this happened i went and talked to another friend and told her how frnd A did that. well this friend went and told frnd A that I was made at her and i said I would not trust her with things nymore because i was not sure if she would tell her husband. This made frnd A really mad and she has not talked to me since then even tho i tried contacting her. I do not want to lose this frined we have been frinds since we can into this life. I just do not know what is it that she is mad about anymore, Sometimes she says it is this fight and sometimes she states that i changed after my husband came into MY life. when i ask her how she does not reply.
My other frind B and I had a fight and i am still mad at her, but i miss her. She and i have been together since we were born. she is a month older than me and she got marriend a month before me. we have always gone to teh same school and lived in teh same neighborhood. but one day i forgot to grab my text book and had to do hw before class. i lived far from where i was and so i asked her to let me see hers. she said that i cant do that and that i should learn to plan aheard next time. i was shocked. this never happened between us we always were together and shared everything (clothes, food, studying toggether, etc) so i left and that made me sad so i sent her a heart felt sms stating that i was hurt by her actions and this made her mad and she said i shold not mix frindship with schoolwork. since then we hav enot spoken to each other. we talk about hw somtimes since we are in the same clases but apart from that we barely speak.
I want my frnds back and i do not want to lose anymore people.
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Dear sister,
It seems you are really stressing yourself.
First, it is wrong to publicize your personal marriage issues to your friends. You should ask your husband to forgive you and repent to Allah. We only talk about them to a wise person who can help us and that is with limit. Moreover, you should see that your friend A is unfaithful, because she spread your secrets to her husband. Why would you still love to have a friend like her? And if your friend B is changed over you, why should you keep them? We only keep friends if they are loyal, and have same values with us. "A person's friend is a person" Do not keep such friends, you too need to change. You need to be close to Allah, and only keep up with friends that Fear Allah.
Take care.
Hello,
Sorry to hear about your depressing mysterious situation. It is hard indeed to see best friends leaving.
Regarding friend C, the first friend you've mentioned that unfriend you out of the blue. It seems as though she was really close to you and your family, therefore it is terrible to see them ignoring you. But with what you've mentioned, i.e, she left you after you got married, it seems as though the problem is with ' marriage ', it probably has somthing to do with jealousy or hatred or envy etc.
Answer these question in your mind, Is she married ? If yes, then are their relationship flowing smoothly or they have troubles, thus envying yours which she might think is troubless. Or she might be jealous of somthing beautifull you got ? If she ins't married, try comforting her that she will one day find her ' prince charming '. Tell her its going to be fun. It can possibly be unrelated to marriage . But there certainly is a problem either with you or her. Think hard if there's somthing wrong you did, if yes an apology might help. Or did your character or attitude got modified after marriage? She might think so. In the end, if all the problems lies within her, Then do not blame yourself for her actions.
Regarding friend A, its plain and clear. She said it. The problem she 'thinks' is your attitude has changed, your occasional fights and possibly few more. I wouldn't say that people don't change after marriage. They certainly do. I've got friends who are playfull, jokers etc but after marriage they become more mature, serious etc. So therefore, if you think you've changed, then getting back to 'old you' might help here, if you wish. Or if you didn't change then your friend A has problems in her marriage. May they have constant fights or arguements thus keeping her in bad mood to talk to others. She may be busy in life now, thus focussing more at work and/or household duties. Try convincing her to explain.
Regarding friend C, well I highly doubt that school work could destroy friendship. Back in school days, we dont share hw, so that our teacher can scold those who didn't do and we would laugh at them. If teacher is serious we share. But in your situation when she didn't show hers, you shouldn't have gone hard at her. Sometimes at any instant we humans become jealous etc that we do not know what we did was right or wrong. She didn't show her hw was a mistake on her side. ( Actualy, its never right to share hw, but we do it anyways as friends. ). You should have forgiven her instead. Try telling her, lets forget the past. You apologize, she apologize and move on. If only it was that easy. We can only guess what their problem is
Try doing the followings,
Your friends might not be talking to you, but as you said, you see them sometimes. While you see them, try being very nice and talk to them in a humble, friendly way with the intention to solve any issues. Do not argue back or fight even though if they initiate. Control your anger. Be Muhammad (PBUH) or Jesus (PBUH) etc in character. Start the conversation with simple ' Hi ' or ' Hello ' at first and then compliment them like ' you look gorgeous today ' or ' beautiful outfit ' or ' cute hairstyle ' etc etc. Girls normaly loves compliments. Write them e-mails or letters expressing yourself and ask them why you guys are no longer friends and apologize. Be kind and honest, invite them over to your home or other places. Ask them you want to be friends etc. But the main things is DO NOT RUSH. You guys are now sepreate, you cannot solve things quickly, it needs time to repair the friendship. Don't call them everyday, it might annoy them. Do it once/twice a week, with frequent sad sms. Cry in front of them saying you missed them etc.
If all these are in vain, then some people are just stubborn and so you have to be happy with whoever you have. Or make new good friends in your neighbourhood. Its not hard. Agian simple ' Hi ' would be an ideal start.
You might think that I'm harsh etc ( Which i'm really not) and also I'm telling you to be the softest person, do lots of apologize because, YOU want them back and not the other way round. Therefore, you've got to do hard work to get them back.
One more thing, you and your husband has occasional fights and arguements too in your pursuit to get back your firends and that is BAD. Do not share with your friends about whats in your home if your husband doesn't like it. Dont break his trust. Build a beautiful relationship with your husband and then your friends even if it means to ignore your friends for now. Do not fight with your husband, fights will certainly lead to one result. A bad one indeed. Don't make it worse. Leave aside friends, you really dont wanna lose your husband. Take care. I think you might get back friend C and B. A is difficult.
Assuming you're muslim, build a perfect relatonship with Allah first and insha'Allah evrything will come to you. Have patience and be dutiful to Allah.