I am very confused, I am feeling pressured to marry my friend but am in love with another.?
I have known this man for 4 years, we are family friends. We have been good friends, and we've recently been talking and I know for a fact, that this man does have feelings towards me. I know that he's told his parents about me, and one day he hopes we get married.
I like him as well, but theres a little problem. I have developed feelings for another man again. I don't see him much, because he travels. But I thought I got over him, I guess I was wrong. Astugfullah, I know I am not doing anything bad, I fear Allah (swt) and I follow my deen, but I feel guilty for not having straight feelings. I feel bad for this guy being clueless that my mind and heart are not fully his.
My mother tells me to preform the Salat-al-istikhara. but with no clear answer.
This issue has caused me too loose sleep, I am afraid I will go forth with him, half heartedly, still thinking of someone else.
Is there anyone I can ask someone to preform the istikhara for me?
Thank you so much, Asslam wa Alaykum, Allah (swt) bless you all, I am so glad I stumbled onto this website.
Al hamdillah,
~A Hanna
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Salaam A Hanna.
There is no need for anyone to perform salatul Istikhaarah on your behalf. It is best if you do it yourself,but make sure you do it sincerely and looking for the right things. Know the meaning of the dua you are saying. Ask Allah swt to also guide you to whats best for you. Istikhaarah is not really about dreams, its about your feelings and you are asking Allah swt to open doors towards whats right.
Please scroll to the top of this page and you will find some links in green boxes at the top. Click on Istikharah Qs and Answers and read through carefully.
It is normal to have confusing feelings from time to time. Especially when you are making a committment to someone your mind might suddenly give you cold feet and makeothers seem attractive. What you must do is work out whether your feelings for this random guy are just you getting cold feet or whether there is something in your friend which you feel may not make him the best husband for you. It doesnt mean you have to marry the other guy. Assess your own feelings and chances are you have the answer.
Also of course keep contact with any non-mahram man within islamic boundaries. It's easy to slowly let your guard down so be careful of this InshaAllah. 🙂
If you need a more detailed answer please give more details
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister A Hanna, make a choice. Make a commitment. Stop fooling around. You've known this man for four years, apparently he's a good man and wants to marry you. If you're ready for marriage, then tell him yes and get married, Insha'Allah.
If you are not prepared to commit to him, then tell him that you are not interested, and let him move on with his life and find someone who can reciprocate his love. Stop stringing him along. Either commit to him, or let him go.
As for this other person you have developed feelings for, it's irrelevant. We do not have to be controlled by whatever desires and attractions we may experience. We can make a choice.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Sister,
What i would kindly ask you is to please give love unto who loves you.. Your friend has been your pillar for 4 years in which he could have cheated you but he didn't.. Trust him.. Please dont think I'm being pessimistic but I would like to tell you that when a persobn dies how much ever we love a person and that person dies you'll have to live with the fact that he or she is dead, you cant bring them back no matter what and dont we move on with our lives forgetting their absence???? WE DO!! So itz just our mind playing games with,please do not hurt your friend.. he truly loves you..
Love,
Hassana
Asalaam alaikum,
Just ask yourself this: what happens if you do not marry the man who wants to marry you and whom you wanted to marry? Are you ready to be alone while you hope some guy you barely see, makes time for you, maybe?
You have been given a chance by Allah (swt) to know someone after four years and who you know wants you to be his wife. It's time to start getting the families involved and finding out whether you two will be married. Stop hesitating.
If you cannot do this, then Islamically, you must stop having any relationship with him. With that realization, I think the path will be more clear to you.