Muslim Father Abandoned me as a Child
Father is bound to help his wife raising a Muslim family by setting himself as an example, providing for his family, educating them and build there character.
I am half Arab. My father is an Arab Muslim. He got my mother pregnant and left her when she got pregnant with me. As a child, I always wanted to know my father. My mother kept calling my father and pleaded with him to support me financially and be involved in my life in some way but he refused. He did not raise me as a a Muslim. He was absent my whole entire life and didn't even bother to raise me or give me any kind of love and affection. With that said, I still love him because he's my father. One day, when I became an adult, I called him on the phone and told him that I was his daughter and he had an emotional break down.
He started to cry and felt guilty for what he did to me and my mother. We met in person and everything was fine but he changed drastically due to pressure from his wife and his kids and I guess because he never really considered me as his daughter since he didn't raise me. He told his whole family, his relatives (brothers, sisters, everyone in the family) that he married my mother to cover up for his sin, but in reality he did not. He does not call me, support me financially or emotionally. He behaves as if he no longer wants me to be part of his life. Is this Islam?
I have been patient and kind towards my father for so long but he treats me like garbage compared to how he treats his other kids and he let his wife bully me. I visited his country twice and each time I visited him, his wife created problems for me. She doesn't want me in the picture anymore. Why did my father agree to meet me in person and introduce me to his whole family after all these years if he was just going to throw me away later on like I never meant anything to him? Do I have a right to my father under Islam? Is he obligated to treat me as his daughter?
Do I have a right to his inheritance? I have suffered a lot in my life from not having a father. I can't believe someone could do something like this to an innocent child. I gave him a second chance and wanted to start fresh when we first met but after the way he's been avoiding me and being so cold to me and disrespecting me as a person, I dont know if I can forgive again.
I need advice please, thanks.
- AnonymousGirl123
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"You say: "Do I have a right to his inheritance? I have suffered a lot in my life from not having a father"
Is your father's name on your birth certificate? What country you live in? DNA test can establish paternity. A Muslim man can have four wives, I don't see why your father did not treat your mom as a wife.
Did your father tried to get citizenship by marrying your mom? There are good and bad Muslims. You can't blame Islam for what your father did.
Old rich arabs often go to other countries to marry teenage girls.
You would have suffered more living with him so I think you are probably off without him. If you have been born and raised in an Arabic country you would have been treated as a second class citizen... It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with Islam but that's how it works in our culture. Men do mistakes but they are immediately forgiven, when a woman does the same she is punished severely. If money is what you are after yes you can get it but only if you have evidence that he is your father, other than that I would suggest that you get over it and thank god that you have your freedom that a lot of us Arab girls don't get to experience
Assalam alaikum Sister,
I think your journey needs to begin with asking yourself what it is that you want from your father and getting to know him. If you are looking for a father to nurture you and take care of you and remove all the bad memories of the past, that isn't going to happen and it may be extremely dangerous for you to hope for this.
I don't think it is inappropriate for you to expect to have financial support from your father and I am sure you entitled to inheritance as well--but I am not sure how you can expect to get these things when he lives in another country--it is best to speak to a few lawyers and get some information from them.
My fear in all of what you are writing though, is that you are mixing expecting financial support with expecting wounds to heal. I really think you need to make it clear to yourself that the ultimate source of joy, peace and love is from Allah swt and that your father will not miraculously become this source that you are looking for to fill the void inside of you. If you continue to expect this, you will be hurt and will jeopardize your self-worth.
Before moving forward, given what you have said, you need to perhaps speak to a counsellor and a lawyer and make yourself clear on what you are looking for before you continue your search.
May Allah ease your pain, Ameen.
Salaam sis.May Allah bless you, guide and protect you from all evil throughout your life.No sis, what your father did, defied Islam completely.He has sinned gravely against both you and your mother and from what you say, seems to be too weak to even make an attempt to atone for his past sins.He had a duty to marry your mother, be by her side when she was pregnant and after, and to help raise you emotionally and financially, as per the duty of a father in Islam, which he did not fulfill.
I would advise you to leave him be.No use going down a road that leads nowhere.You tried to create a bond between the two of you, which he did not let develop.Please don't take offense but such a man does not deserve love or forgiveness, not unless he tries to atone, which he isn't.I would advise you to instead treat your mother with all the love and respect that you want to give your father and double strengthen your bond with her.She must surely be a wonderful, strong lady to have brought up a child alone, under such circumstances.Make something of yourself, try your best to rise in the world and make a comfortable life for you and your mother, who deserves it, after the hard life she must have had.Prove to yourself that you are capable of succeeding, even without the help of your father.
Sis, some people are just plain evil, there is no why of it, its just the way they were made.I know its not easy to do, but just try to accept this fact and try your best to spend all the energy you waste feeling furious at his callousness, in working hard and occupying yourself in worthy ways that make a positive difference in your life.Just accept that he is bad and wrong, that you can't change it and thank Allah for creating you differently, with the sense to differentiate between right and wrong.And trust me sis, there WILL be a Day of Reckoning when he will be accountable to Allah for his sins, and Allah is the most Just.He will not get away with anything on that Day.Once you realize this, slowly, bit by bit, you will be at peace with yourself and your anger will fade away to mere pity.For such men are to be pitied.Study hard, work hard, cherish your mother always, do good to others, say your prayers and recite the Quran regularly, and leave the rest to Allah.
I am not sure about the inheritance part, hope someone can guide you properly regarding that.Best of luck to you sis, May Allah protect you always.
Such wise words, may Allah send blessings to you for taking the time to give this girl your heart felt advice that I couldn't agree more with. You are awesome.
salaam,
since you were born out of wedlock, you have absolutely no legal or moral responsibility towards your biological father, nor does your biological father have any legal or moral responsibility towards you. You will be called and recognized by the name of your mother.
you will not be known or recognized by the name of your biological father
child born out of wedlock will not inherit your father nor will your father inherit from you. You will always be the illegitimate offspring of your father. You, however, will be able to inherit your mother and vice versa. Your father can leave you whatever he pleases by a separate will.
peace..
Ahmed be careful with how you word your statement then right after go back and study aHadith. Per law yes he doesn't HAVE to "by law". In the eyes of Allah however that shouldn't stop the father from support or even lending a helping hand in any way possible. Bukhari, for example, cites numerous passages where The Prophet (SAW) looked after and cared for others children, some of his Muslim followers looked after war children or orphans and even suckled children who weren't their own if the parents were missing. Being Merciful according to aHadith is just ONE part of Allah's SWT's Never Ending Mercy, the other 99 parts he kept for Himself for all of mankind and Beyond. Hadith states this over and over. Children are to be looked after! One who is not merciful towards others will not be treated mercifully is what Islam teaches First and Foremost!
ahmed in this case I think you are not correct, since the father has acknowledged that she is his daughter. What are you are describing would be true if he denied paternity.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I'm sorry my x abandoned me when I was 9 mo this pregnant it was almost as a gift from God because he was a horrible Muslim addicted to prostitutes and porn. We have an older daughter together and he never thought her Islam or prayers it was me always trying to teach her. He hated my first daughter from a previous relationship he would treat her like garbage. My First daughter left home at the age of 16 to get away from this devil. His family mother, father, sister a.d brother had an evil heart they are evil in general they pretend to be Muslims and are always faking to be good Muslims infront of their Muslim friends. The are Satan the devil on Earth I'm glad he abandoned me when he did I wish he had done it Sooner. He never paid alimony and courts forced him to pay max child support. I thank Allah for taking that devil out of my kids lives now kids are in therapy healing from all the verbal, physical, financial, emotional abuse they witness. My little girl is now 3 1/2 and is growing healthy I keep all his dating sites log printed so one day when she is older I'll show her that he is not with her beautiful time. A father should not be consumed by greed like my x was that's proof that the devil has taken over their soul. Their entire family is evil too!! My kids are safe new. Be glad you are away from himyour father sounds like my kids father a covert narcissist and bipolar. Thank Allah that devil left you when he did. They are evil people who go around pretending to be good Muslims deleting their evil they have caused to others.
Ahmed "nor does your biological father have any legal or moral responsibility towards you. You will be called and recognized by the name of your mother."
Are you talking about Islamic law?
Looks like OP was born in UK. In UK I am sure DNA can be used to establish paternity and a father can be held for his responsibilities or to determine inheritance? I am sure father in this case has accepted her as a daughter in presence of his relatives.
Many married men just marry Western women to gain citizenship with full knowledge of their families inlcuding their wives. What a shameful thing to do.
First of all, My heart aches for you, because I know exactly how your mother would have felt.
My son is 9 weeks old. His father is Lebanese Musljm. He abandoned me when I got pregnant. And has no interest in being involved in my sons life.
The last time I saw him, he said if I ever tried contacting him again, he would.... So in fear I never contacted him.
My heart is broken. I look at my son and he looks so much like him. I will never understand why he did this.
Did you resent your mum as you grew up? That's my fear, my son hating me for having an absent father, and never knowing him.
Hi Alicia. I was wondering if you still read This? I have been abandoned by my daughter's father. She is now 10 months old. I was wondering if you would like to chat at some point?
I hope you are still here Alicia.
I was abandoned by my long time Algerian ex-boyfriend, he is Muslim when I was pregnant and gave birth to the son. He left us completely when my son was 3 years old. Since my son was born, I was the only one raised and supported him financially, emotionally, and for education.
Now my son is 16 years old, he is a sweet young man who love his mother very much because he knows that I am the only one who can sacrifice my life to make him happy.
For the father, he got a chance to meet him, but that doesn't affect anything to him much. He still loves and is always by my side due to his knowledge that his father is just a stranger who failed to do his duty. By the time passed by, his father had got married with the woman from his family arrangement and by his great sin, they cannot have any kid together. They were so frustrated about this fact and asked God to forgive him. But when he didn't want to fix his own mistake, God will never forgive for what they've done to us.
Give your son a lot of love and understanding, he will not hate you.
Hello,
Sister, I feel for you because this is so similar to what happened to me. I've known my Pakistani family for about 9 years now and honestly it just gets harder and harder. I met my Dad at my high school graduation and attempted to get to know my family along the way. They only speak Urdu around me (despite being fluent in English), insult me in another language, never include me in any family activities (like my sister getting married and just not inviting me), they sometimes ask me to do things for them and then cancel without telling me so I've done tasks for nothing, and then consistently blame me for not being a part of their lives. Over the past nine years I've known so much more pain than I did when I was just a girl with Pakistani background and no dad, but the story is only ever told that the abandonment was the worst part. Our relationship now is mostly through Facebook, and the countless times I've tried to wipe my slate clean, delete them, and move on has only been shown to prove that they hope to keep the relationship to internet only by insisting we just stay friends on Facebook.
As far as the financial goes, I know they have money, I know my aunts and uncles and cousins have money, but none of that will ever go to me. Sure they all made their money by moving to America to get citizenship (which they got through my dad who got his by marrying and abandoning my mom) and have become successful, but that doesn't have anything to do with me. When I needed a couple hundred dollars to help me with some bills and rent while I was in college and had no other way to get the money they told me "I was an adult now" and it was my responsibility to pay for these things, despite the fact I couldn't pay was for a medical expense after I got really sick. They have no problem paying for my sister and brothers college, and have even helped out my cousin with college too. They don't value me as a person, and see me as the family embarrassment. I would say it's worse spending the past 9 years having to sit through excuse after excuse to why I don't really count as a family member and should be okay with that while still giving to them.
Just don't do it, it doesn't matter what their religion is or how devoted they appear to be, there are good people and there are bad people and they come in many shapes and sizes. I know what you're feeling, an anger that you feel deserves to be reconciled, you have all the ammunition to shove their religion in their face and demand to be treated with respect, which involves financial retribution. Getting involved with these people may also seem like a way to fill a hole they left when they abandoned you, but trust me it's infectious and will only create more holes and self doubt over time. Look at all the mindful Muslims that are on this page supporting you with the love and respect they were taught to treat people who grew up like we did, these are the type of Muslims that will embrace you and allow you to understand parts of your culture you weren't given the chance to learn. I joined a community center that respects my upbringing and my desire to understand and know Islam and the Pakistani culture but doesn't expect me to become a Muslim or follow the 5 pillars, that is actually the majority of Muslims I meet and how they treat me. I have come to understand that my family doesn't give me that same respect because they don't love me and see me as only a reflection of who they are and not as an individual. If I could do it all over again, I would not have tried to become close to them, and would have gotten to know my culture and background from outsiders... much less emotionally damaging.
Muslim parents are EVIL, they do not care about their children. I have known both a muslim father and horrible mother from Libya to have no concern or care of their own three young children, and have abandoned them for many years by moving across the world to the South US. The mother is obsessed with seeking her own small petty gains , she is self serving and very willing to sacrifice her own three children . She rules over her husband, and the children have been abandoned by both parents, here in the US. They both are making all types of excuses why they do not return to their three children. The woman I know, also lies and steals - and cheats. I feel horrible for the her two boys, and small girl, as their mother is wicked. Its not LOVE , its not of god, I can tell you this.
It is better you did no know the father OR MOTHER who abandoned you, for those parents are of the wickedness - and you are not of them. It is just so incredibly sad, and I pray the love fills your life abound through gods resources, and that you know that a real mother or father would NEVER ever abandon a child, and even a week would be too long to depart from that precious child. You deserve as any child, better than this.
Leslie, so you've known two Muslim people who were bad parents. You cannot deduce from that that 2 billion people in the world - or at least the parents among them - are evil.
My parents sacrificed for my sake and were always there for me when I needed them. As for myself, I am a single father of a 10 year old girl, and doing my best to raise her well in every way. Looking around at the Muslim families I know, I see healthy and loving parents in all of them.
In fact, out of maybe 30 Muslim families I know, I can think of only one where the parents are not extremely loving. They provide for the child, but don't show him a lot of attention. But they are the exception, not the rule.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hi, I saw this post and wanted to let you know that its a cultural issue your father on matters of financial support - he is suppose to support you with this because you are his daughter. If you have no other father to support you financially. If you marry and divorce you are to be then supported by your father again. Islam has rules that are divine. Unfortunately we don't have educated people who are unaware of the culture ties that conflict with Islamic rules. Alot mistakes and sins happen. He will need to repent and ask your forgiveness entirely. This is something god the exalted cannot pardon, so u should keep trying. I think if your father was born elsewhere it would of been easy to treat you kindly and not with ignorance to say the least. Good people can be found...ask god to help you. Empower yourself with judiasm Islam which both follow Allah's teachings and gospel.
i got pregnant for a Muslim man, when i told him he asked me to abort and i refused because abortion in murder according to my faith, that was the end of it, he stopped communicating, i went through the pregnancy alone and i gave birth to a baby boy and he has refused to even see the baby, not support, my baby is a true photocopy of the father, i keep wondering if he did that because of religious difference or he is just a wicked man.
We both same experiences. My son father from syrian I meet him the time I'm working Qatar he told me kill my son inside my tummy, I refuse until same you my son photo copy.. I realise now whatever he support from beginning my son now coming 1years old and starting abandoned my son.. not also feel some muslim man bad attitude not obey Allah.
Hi I’m sorry this has happened to you I relate to this post thanks for sharing your experience. Iam currently 3 weeks away from having a baby by a Muslim man and I”m 27 first son and he’s 34 first son. He was nice and handsome but told me to abort. I refuse because I was in love and didn’t understand why because of culture he didn’t care. Now he talks to other woman and told me he wants to marry a 20 year old girl from back in his country the same month I’m given birth. I wish he would abandon me instead he wants us all to get along and this other girl is okay with it to she likes him and I have to see them flirt and send love on Facebook to each other. I regret given him a chance plus he is born deaf and I accepted him completely like an idiot because he kept acting like he really like me when we first met but it was all to get in my pants he told me.
Assalamu alaykum. The same thing happened to me. My baba abandoned and only called once when I was 4 years old. I had been through a lot because of him. I almost died in the hospital when I was 6 alone (because Mama has to work), my mother was slut-shamed and I was bullied my whole life, I had been suffering from depression, trust issues, and anxiety since I was just a kid but despite everything I never got mad at my Baba and his family and relatives although they don't recognise me, perhaps because of racism (my mama was a Filipina DH). I am now an independent and stable woman and does not care about my father's money etc. My only concern is that if ever my father is still alive and/or I will find him and his family, do I have the right to call him Baba or talk to him or hold him and my siblings even if his family doesn't recignze me? because Wallahu alam they are very dear to me.
P.S. My parents are married and I carry his last name.
I'm sorry for what your father made you feel but thank Allah for allowing him to walk away because you are probably safe from all his toxic behaviour. my x abandoned me when I was 9 months pregnant it was almost as a gift from God was sent because he was a horrible Muslim. He was addicted to prostitutes and porn cheating him his father and brother also cheated on their wife's, but his mother was okay with this.. We have an older daughter together and he never thought her Islam or prayers it was me always trying to teach her. He also gave her up when she was born and we got back together again years latter I did it for my daughter he did it for a green card . He hated my first daughter from a previous relationship he would treat her like garbage and abuse her in many ways. My First daughter left home at the age of 16 to get away from this devil. His family mother, father, sister and brother had an evil hearts they are evil in general. They pretend to be Muslims and are always faking to be good Muslims infront of their Muslim friends. They are Satan the devil on Earth. I'm glad he abandoned me when he did I wish he had done it Sooner. He never paid alimony and pretended to be broke during our divorce and left us homeless but courts forced him to pay max child support. I thank Allah for taking that devil out of my kids lives now kids are in therapy healing from all the verbal, physical, financial, emotional abuse they witness. My little girl is now 3 1/2 and is growing healthy I keep all his dating sites log printed so one day when she is older I'll show her that he is not worth her beautiful time to go looking for him. A father should not be consumed by greed like my x was that's proof that the devil has taken over their soul. X entire family is evil too!! My kids are safe now.
Be glad you are away from your father. Your father sounds like my kids father a covert narcissist and bipolar evil and greedy. Thank Allah that he pushed that devil away from you when he did. They are evil people who go around pretending to be good Muslims deleting the evil they have caused to others. You be a good Muslim and ask Allah for guidance I've seen many good Muslims and great fathers too. Don't allow evil families are in all religions it's the devil hiding behind the good to deceive and hurt others.
Assalamualaykum Sister or Brother,
What is Bipolar Evil? It is not right to judge people based on a mental illness, or use the name of an illness in a negative context or connotation. Those who are struggling with mental illness have a very real struggle/test, and are not sinners because of their illness. In fact, many will enter Jannah without account, if they are unable to be held accountable due to their illness.
Nor
IslamicAnswers
i suggest you not say things like “they won’t be punished” when you don’t know the context of it all.