Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband does not let me visit my parents

muslim woman in hijab

Salaams,

I have been married for 10 years.

Due to misunderstanding between my parents and husband,  he won´t let visit my parents. He also gambles what should Ido?

I don´t want my marriage to break, we have  children. He says he loves me but I think what´s the point if he can´t see how unhappy I am.

- Jannah

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7 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum, jannah,

    Thank you very much for sharing, I am really sorry for the situation you are living in.

    All the weight to change your life is in your shoulders, you want to keep your marriage, your family and honour your parents, and you need tools to get your goals. Then we are going to focus in what you can do to improve your situation, insha´Allah.

    The most powerful tool of a believer, apart from salat, Al-Quran and Sunnah, Allah(swt) Names and Attributes, is Dua.

    About Dua is written to be a cure for all diseases, Al-Khattabi said: "The meaning of dua is the servant´s asking his Lord for His Help, and asking His continued support. Its essence is that a person shows his neediness to Allah, and frees himself from any power or ability to change (any matter by himself). This characteristic is the mark of servitude and in it is the feeling of human submissiveness. Du´a also carries the meaning of praising Allah and attributing to Him Generosity and Bounteousness".Sha´an ad-Du´a,p.4.

    Ibn al-Qayyim defined it as, "Asking what is of benefit to the person and asking the removal of what is harming him or asking the repelling of it before it afflicts him".Bada´i al-Fawa´id,3/2

    With this I want to encourage you to change your life with the tools that Allah(swt) has given to you, He is the One that will guide your steps, one by one, to get what it is the best for you, insha´Allah.

    You and all your family are in His Hands, trust the power of Allah(swt) and go to Him, pray and be sure that He is listening to you, Alhamdulillah.

    My beloved sister jannah may Allah(swt) guide all your steps for the best for you and your family. Ameen.

    All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Dear Sister Jannah, As-salamu alaykum,

    Your husband does not have the right to forbid you from seeing your parents. The family connection is tremendously important in Islam. We are commanded to obey our parents, and be faithful to them, and help them in our old age. This is a command from Allah. No one can countermand it. Allah says:

    "And We have enjoined upon the human being [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination." - Quran, Surat Luqman, 31:14

    And,

    "And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." - Quran, Surat Al-Isra [17:23-24]

    You have to start standing up for your own rights. Your husband will apparently not give you your rights freely. You must be assertive and do what you feel is right. Tell your husband that intend to start visiting your parents regularly, then stick to that, even if he objects.

    Sometimes it takes a real shock to function as a wake up call and let a man know that what he is doing is wrong. If that means that you take the kids and go to stay with your parents for a while, that might work.

    As far as his gambling, it's a big sin. I'm sure you both know that. It's really up to you whether you want to stay with a man who gambles and tries to control all your actions. That's your decision. If your husband has other redeeming qualities, then maybe it's worth sticking with it and trying to work things out.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Asalaam'alaykum
    i got married 8 months ago, it was a love marriage and at first my inlaws were against it. I live with with my inlaws and am finding it very upsetting that they wont let me visit my parents. I ask permission from my husband and he agrees to let me go but then my mother in law tell him i cant.. my inlaws dont like him taking me anywhere. my husband is a good son and i dont want to be the cause of any grief but im really finding it difficult to like my mother inlaw....i know i should see her as my mum but wont let me or my husband make any decisions of our own. plz help me

    • Assalam alaikum, 
      Siister, ur situation is no different than mine, except that mine was arrange marriage. I miss my parents so much but my husband and mother in law won't let me coz it's a 6 hrs journey to home so they say i have to visit my parents once in a year and that to just for a week. What my husband and mother in law are doing is completely wrong, it's a sin I'd say coz it's out right oppression what they are doing. 
       But in Islam husband have more rights on a women. According to a hadith's from Bukhari "Ayesha (ra) asks prophet "who has more rights on a women?, Mohammad (PBUH) replied "husband" then she asked, Who has more right on a man?. He replied "Mother" ..

      And there are many Hadiths stating husbands importance and obedience towards him, which is a way to paradise for a woman. (Am not mentioning the Hadiths coz I don't remember thier reference. But they are authentic )

      So basically we are stuck in between our parents and our husband. My parents keep calling me to come, but my husband and mother in law won't allow. In Islam in laws don't have any kind of rights on us, what ever we do for them is like doing charity work. There is not a single Hadith about mother in law or in laws except one were our prophet warned saying "be careful while entering upon a woman" one ansari man stood up and asked "what about the in laws" Mohammed (PBUH) replied " inlaws are death".. This Hadiths is from Bukhari 
      So it's clear from this Hadiths that in laws or mother in law I should say have no say in our matters, but they deserve more respect from us coz she is our husbands mother. In above Hadith's Prophet (PBUH) says inlaws are death coz one person who is non mehram (brother in law ect) may enter the house unnoticed.. So joint family system so not in Islam.. Coz of hijab in case if one has brother in laws.  
      So in laws or mother in laws I should say have to rights on us we should respect them coz they are our husband's mother, but it doesn't mean she goes making rules on us. Your husband must definitely be an obedient son but it does t mean he forces u to do as his mum says.. U r in that house coz of your husband, u left your home thinking and hoping that he is your support and companion in everything and he is. You hav got no one else their for your support.. So he should understand your feelings.. 
      Conclusion u hav to make him understand with love and calmness. If u get his permission then no one should interfere and no one can if your husband stands by it.. In case if your husband is stubborn and doesn't agree u won't be left with much of a choice but to wait and be patient. And ALLAH love who are patient and guaranties paradise for them in Quran..

      • Hi,

        I just wanted to say, i hope things have worked out. We women have 1 powerful right we are not informed about. We are able to make a contact/agreement before marriage, i suggest it is in writing but verbal is still binding. You write your wishes and demands for marriage. Once you are married, the contact must be obeyed first and foremost by your husband. You can say BEFORE marriage, that he is never allowed to restrict you from visiting your relatives. Once married, if he says you cant see your mum you do not have to listen to him, he has to listen to the contract.

        Think back to any verbal agreements you made before marriage, these are your rights. Please educated your daughters. We are given these rights for protection.

  4. As salam o alaikum,

    (Please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer it in turn, Insha'Allah. And please give us more details about the situation. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  5. Assalam alaikum My husband not letting me to meet my parents due to some misunderstanding in my husband and my parents please let me know any information about this

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