What will happen to me after my husband’s second wife gives him a child?
What will happen?
asak!
I am a Muslim woman married for the last 5 years but still don't have kids. Meanwhile my husband married a second wife two years back and she is now pregnant.
I don't know what will happen to me after the birth of his child by her. Will there be any respect for me? I am totally confused and depressed. Please help me.
thank you.
allahafiz
- nausheen
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Sister, do not fear. Of course there will still be respect for you. Don't panic. Its normal to feel threatened by your husband's growing family: but in truth, there is nothing particularly respectable or disrespectful about having children or no, its just your perspective. I myself was raised by three women - all acting as my mother, and there was no difference between them - you too can be this person in your husband's life and in those children's lives - and indeed in that other woman's life. What a lucky young child this is!
Nothing is more important to us than the sisterhood - the bond between women in which they understand eachother, stand up for eachother and help eachother - especially in motherhood, especially the emotional onslaught that comes with pregnancy, childbirth and understanding of eachother.
You can feel threatened, or you can feel excited and be a part of it and welcome the new addition into your family.
My advice would be to welcome the news as you would welcome it from your own sister, offer your support and your help, support your husband and his other wife through this exciting time- and realise that your value is in the way you are with your husband, his family and yourself - not in the amount of children you produce
God bless you and guide you to peace and goodness,
Leyla
asalamu alaikum,
sis how are you? hope you are doing well. okay after reading i can understand why you would be depressed. sis if i told you after the birth of the child everything will be alright, so how would you feel? but then that would be a lie cos i dont know how your husband nature is like nor do i know how he treats you. with the info you gave i cnt say much. so i suggest in order to get respect you should respect your husband and his second wife, inshallah they should re-pay you the same way.
ma salama
As-salamu alaykum sister. I have two questions:
1. Does your husband treat you with love and respect now? If so, then I imagine he will continue to do so after his second wife has the child.
If he does not treat you with love and respect now, then it will probably just get worse later.
2. Have you asked your husband this question? Have you discussed it with him and shared your fears and insecurities? If not then I suggest you do so. If your relationship does not have an open climate for such discussions, then that is another problem that must be addressed, maybe with the help of a marriage counselor.
Salam Sister Nausheen. I guess the answer to this question will differ according to where you live, in what sort of society etc. If you are living in the west, are educated then I suggest to you that you should leave this child and wife obsessed man, he doesn't deserve you. There are options such as IVF these days and if he really loved you then he would not have re-married. Instead he would have lived with you alone, loving you and caring for you. Maybe not having children is what Allah (SWT) intended for you both. If you are living in a third-world country where you are economically dependent on this man then you should stay with him, put up with it and look forward to your reward in the next world.
In Islam, if he is treating you wrong or un-equal, then you have a right for divorce. As a man with more than one wife, who cannot treat them equally is in great sin. Allah (SWT) has given us women a lot of rights Allahamdullah.
I hate men like this. I for one, cannot even imagine my husband having another wife. If he did I would divorce him right then and there. I am not one of those women to tolerate such behaviour from men. I have been married for a year and we haven't tried for children yet. But if I don't have any, then it is what Allah (SWT) has intended for me. Inshallah everything will be alright.
Salammmmsssss
Amira
I second wael's and Amira's response.
Since Im a doctor myself I know infertility is no big deal these days. There are so many treatments and so many options that most of them do get treated anyway and end up having kids. Though the treatment does take time. I have seen people having kids after trying for even 10 years. Only 5 years have gone by since your marriage.
I wonder why your husband didnt try out those options first before marrying another woman.
I think he was just greedy for another woman. I can tell ur from a third world country like pakistan like myself. Its a stupid and unnecessary norm over here to get second wives just becoz the first wife cudnt bear kids!
And its obvious hes going to pay more attention to the woman who is the mother of his kids and probably younger too.
I can never consider my husband's wife as my sister. I agree with amira on that!
Asalamu Alaikum
AstagfirAllah to the sisters who would say they would divorce their husbands for no valid Islamic reasons! Sister, if you have a good relationship with your husband than what would change? His marriage to you isnt his marriage to her, and having children is not the scale on what makes a good wife and marriage. Put your trust in Allah and your husband. Dont let shaitain whisper to you about this!
May Allah bless you with patience!
salams sister,
I am in the same situation, I have been married to my husband for over 9 years and last october he got married again and his second wife quickly got pregnant and now has a lovely daughter, mashalla
My life totally fell apart! but I said to myself I can totally fall apart and be bitter, or i can deal with this, and Allah helped me, mashalla
It is very difficult as I am also on dialysis, as my kidney not working, hence we didnt have any children
It is very important that we stay focused on islam, my prayers have really helped me, and it ismost important that our husband keeps to their islamic duty, ie treating us equally, money, time etc.
As you know from hadith, it is almost impossible for a man to love 2 women equally, so he will love one more than the other.
Please sister, keep focused and insha'allah things will work out, pls contact me, my email is above if you need to talk
love aisha
asslaamu alakum i agree with sister aishaa just be patience inshallah put trust in allah everything will be ok and allah wont forget u and mashallah u allowed ur husband to marry second wife tht is wonderful thing u know tht if u give ur husband respect and honesty and serioclys ur husband will love u more then second wife tht child are poor and blessed from allah and i will do samething as u serily my husband asked me to marry second wife alhumduillah i say ok for the sake allah but i dont have kids yet we marrid 2 years alhumduulilah i feel happy marrige and i trust my husband and i put trust in allah and alhumduillah iam really happy for husband going to get marrid this december 2010 inshallah iam willing to help my husband inshallah may allah gives us patience ameen and inshallah sister nausheen may allah give u sabr and i will remind u sister allah will ask to jabril tht how is my servent and jabril will says tht ur severnt i left her to pray and to ask u forgivness and she is more sbar and if u have more sbr about ur husband allah will loves u and allah blessed u somthingels tht makes u happy and just make dua inshallah dont listen shaytaan and the people who are talking about u and it will make u misreable life and i advice dont listn the people who wants to u and ur husbnad divorce and listen good people who are close to allah inshallah may allah make u easy affair u and ur husband and may allah give good poius children who are close to allah ameen may allah u and ur husband happy life marrige and may allah protect u and ur husband from shaydaan ameen asslaamu alakum sister take care my dear
Assamalukum,
I have just found out that my husband has taken a second wife and i am not deaing with it very well. I fell betrayed after 13 years and i cant look at him without crying and feeling sick. We have 5 children and i have always worked and given him the money to help with the family. I also have looked after his 2 children from a previous marriage for the past 9 years and i still have not done enough for this man to respect me and only be with me. He told that he just wants another wife to relax with and feel free, but what about me!. I really dont know what to do all i know is that my heart is broken into millions of pieces and i cant funtion with my daily routines anymore. Please give me advice
Sami, I can only imagine what you must be going thru.I have been with my husband for 18 yrs and lately the idea of having a secong wife emerged. Let me tell you my life fell apart and this hasn't happened yet he just wanted to get my opinion and reaction I guess. Since my views have changed and I love him to peaces I am not sure if this ever happens how I will deal with it and will I be able to live with the knowledge of knowing that my husband is in love or attracted to someone to marry her. It is hard but if your husband loves and respect you try working things out if the other woman is a good woman I think the best for all is to try to get along it might not be easy but maybe you will live better with the situation. My heart goes out for you and let us pray to Allah for strenght and patience Inch Allah.