Why are my ex and his family still tormenting me?
AOA
*FIRSTLY IF SOMEONE IS EVER GOING TO READ POST, IF YOU CAN'T REPLY A LONG PARAGRAPH ATLEAST REPLY A SINGLE LINE, I NEED HELP, I AM DYING FROM INSIDE, MY PAST IS KILLING ME! *
I was a Girl who was in a relationship for almost 3 years, better to call it torture, anyway its a long story about me and him. went through every single gunnah with him, every type of (at that time it use to kill me but he don't gave me a second to repent) .
Then after some time our families got to know, Like my mother only and then things got worse. His whole family used to abuse me because in our culture if a girl marries a guy whom she loves, she is a girl with the worst character. So as things were getting tough day by day, they all started giving me torture by telling me which kind of character I have, not saying a single word to their son.
They made me a psycho patient because of this problem. My family got to know and they snubbed me alot. I was too ashamed already from that day - i cut off all contacts and went to my Allah, I started asking forgiveness from Him and started feeling so light, like he is forgiving me. But then problem was how to get rid of that boy, his parents only used to blame me but not said a single word to him that if now she stopped all these wrong things , don't distract her because in our society *CHARACTER* is only for GIRLS!
He is my university mate so every day in university he started blackmailing me, abusing me, sending unbearable texts, blackmailing me that he will tell deep things about our relations to my parents. Once he abused me so much that i got pissed off and in the university i just said that if a single more time you will abuse me or my parents i'll slap you. the moment I said it he punched into my eye and i tripped and HE JUST WENT AWAY!!
The boy who use to call me his princess and use to act that he loves me showed me that yes! THERE IS NO ONE EXCEPT ALLAH,before all of this his mother said me *badkar larki* (Bad character girl for countless times) while she also have a daughter. So then my parents went to his father, request them cried in front of them for the sake of my respect being a girl, and he promised my parents that he will stop him but things were getting more worse, all day texts on from different numbers, facebook...
Finally He made me Leave university. I was a very bright student (scholarship one) I use to have a craze for higher education. then after one month my teachers told my parents to send me to university on their grantee, because i am a good student. In this time period I repented so much and a feeling i have that Allah swt have forgiven me then the path started which day by day took close me to Allah!
But now after 20 to 30 days he again text me from different identities annoy me abuse me. even after punching me he is not still done.
I was bearing this all silently now yesterday what things he said to me breaked me into peaces , I am not able to even Ask Allah that what is my mistake now? for how much time I have to face the consequences of the mistakes for which i have already repented. He messaged me that "i know you're dating someone else, i'll make your character and your image worse in university, you slept with me and all that so I want to pay you for that, because i don't sleep with girls without paying!! your are habitual of tackling boys you're a whore girl" and so many other abuse things that i can even mention.
Okay fine before 8 months i was that kind of girl but now i am totally for Allah but still I am abused for what i have done previously and blamed for things i haven't done, i can't even think of disobeying my Allah again and he say that I am dating someone else!
for 20 days i gather my confidence, barely learn to smile again and after some days he again message me these things every time breaking me with a new strategy, black mailing , i can't even tell my parents now! they will die because they already faced so much because of me! He make me feel like i am some sort of item girl and he will pay me! no one can ever imagine how it feels like! how it feels to know about those words which define you so bad, I am all broken.
I just want to ask one single thing? When I have repented i came to Allah, changed my path now why these kind of abuses still and these kind of blames? Do boys have every right to beat girls, abuse them? If i am answerable to Allah so do he, then why only i am facing this all? why he can so anything whatever he wants? why can't he let me live my life with my Allah? for how many more times i have to break? I have already bundles of fears when I'll get married what he will do? what if he tell my future husband? what I am gonna do now? he won't let me live, I am tired of dying, How can i live my life peacefully with my Allah?
Is Allah still angry with me that i am facing these problems? there is no punishment for him? for how many times i am gonna be abused, beaten? why am i a girl? whom to ask? whom to tell? how to get justice??
Help me!! please!! what else I have to do to erase my mistakes from past and their consequences?
A sinner
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Sorry to hear about the pain you are going through. In answer to your question no, no one should have tolerate thay kind of abuse. We are humans and all make mistakes. You have realised the error of your ways and repented. You need to alert somone of your situation. He cannot be allowed to get away with this kind of mental and physical abuse. Change your number, email so he does not have any way to.contact you. Any verbal messages, if they continue I would advice you to go to the police and get a restraining order. His behaviour is controlling and not acceptable. Allah is mercifull and will.forgive you and reward you for turning towards him and leaving your past behind you.
Sorry to hear about the pain you are going through. In answer to your question no, no one should have tolerate thay kind of abuse. We are humans and all make mistakes. You have realised the error of your ways and repented. You need to alert somone of your situation. He cannot be allowed to get away with this kind of mental and physical abuse. Change your number, email so he does not have any way to.contact you. Any verbal messages, if they continue I would advice you to go to the police and get a restraining order. His behaviour is controlling and not acceptable. Allah is mercifull and will.forgive you and reward you for turning towards him and leaving your past behind you.
You are paying price for your mistakes .All haram acts will give trouble in life some day .
You should not tolerate his blackmailing .Lodge a police complaint and keep those SMS as proof .
Salaam sister, I am sorry to hear what you are going through and can imagine the pain and frustration you must be feeling. InshaAllah it will all get better with time.
What this guy is doing is clearly a way to control you and to make sure you are miserable. Men like him are control freaks and the best way you can deal with him I believe is letting the police know. He can get done for all this just keep the messages saved and details of call logs etc. You should have reported him for punching you too.
I pray everything gets better for you and this can all come to a end for you and your family. Just stay patient and have yakeen. Get closer to Allah because the more closer you are the less pain you will feel from the troubles of this world because you will realise that behind you, infront of you and all around you is Allah and Hes watching over you.
Lots of love x
Salaam sister, I am sorry to hear what you are going through and can imagine the pain and frustration you must be feeling. InshaAllah it will all get better with time. Remember one thing all these questions you have as to why hes not being punished or being answered for the pain hes caused you.....Allah is watching him also and He is taking into account for every paiin he has inflicted on you. Allahs nizaam is such that He gives us time to repent and if we carry on sinning a time will come when Allah will punish you either in this world or hereafter. Allah is Just the All Aware and one of the worst sins a person can commit is hurt another person Haqookal ibaad is much more heavier then haqookallah because with the latter its between you and Allah and its upto Him to forgive. BUT if you have ever hurt someone Allah wont let you off until the other person forgives you. So dont worry leave this matter to Allah because what goes around comes around and in time people will realise their mistakes.
What this guy is doing is clearly a way to control you and to make sure you are miserable. Men like him are control freaks and the best way you can deal with him I believe is letting the police know. He can get done for all this just keep the messages saved and details of call logs etc. You should have reported him for punching you too.
I pray everything gets better for you and this can all come to a end for you and your family. Just stay patient and have yakeen. Get closer to Allah because the more closer you are the less pain you will feel from the troubles of this world because you will realise that behind you, infront of you and all around you is Allah and Hes watching over you.
Lots of love x
You should report to the police. Are you from Bangladesh or India?
Assalaamualaikam
What this guy and his family have done and are doing is wrong. Keep a record of the harassment - that way you will have evidence to show your family and any authorities should you wish to report him (which I think you would be within your rights to do - his behaviour is abusive and in quite a few countries would be classed as breaking the law).
You are not a whore, and have not been one. Don't let their cruelty seep into how you see yourself. You have sinned, yes. But you have repented and changed your life to turn back to Allah. When a sinner repents, Allah teaches that the sin is washed away. So stand up for yourself - you are a Muslimah and worthy of the respect due to you.
My advice would be to tell him and his family to leave you alone, that you want to put this in the past and have no further contact with them - you have repented for your own sins, and want nothing more to do with them. Then, change your phone number, your email address, etc. and be very careful about who you give them to - maybe have a separate email address just for work/college stuff and a personal one for your friends and family. Also, tell your parents that this guy is continuing to try to communicate with you and tries to upset you; it's important for parents to know what is happening with things like this so that they can help. Keep a record of all further harassment, make a record of what happened up til now. If he and his family don't leave you alone, consider approaching the relevant authorities if it is safe to do so - his university will have a disciplinary system for students who are behaving badly, depending on where you live his behaviour may be breaking the law (eg. in the UK, it is illegal to physically assault someone or to harass them in the manner you describe).
Make sure that you are looking after your own health, and don't let their cruelty cause you to think badly of yourself. You mention that the stress of this has caused you to have some problems with your mental health. There is still some stigma about mental illness, but it is far more common than you might think - about 1 in 4 people will have some sort of problem with their mental health during their life. Don't think of yourself as "psycho" or being broken from this. You are still you, and inshaAllah can come through this stronger and with a better understanding of Islam and Allah's mercy.
Islamically, what this guy is doing is wrong. It is never acceptable for a Muslim to be abusive towards their brothers and sisters, it is not acceptable for a brother to harass a sister (he's making repeated attempts to contact a non-mahram who doesn't want to speak to him - that's just not acceptable), and backbiting is never ok. The way they are acting is not Islamically acceptable, and they will, as Allah wills, be held accountable for their actions. Leave their fates to Allah and put them out of your life.
May Allah help you recover from this and in time may He grant you a kind and pious husband who will treat you with the respect and love you deserve as a Muslimah.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
This life is temporary, today or tommorrow u and he'll die. so think abt Jahannam, compared to that ur ex bf torturing is nothing. atleast u can say, I am paying for the price of my mistakes. this is a test of Allah (saw). u hav to win over it. I think u'll get a gud husband.. its my strong belief. be patient sister and get close to Allah (Allah).
Sister,
Put your past behind you and repent to Allah for your transgressions. Change your phone number so he cannot contact you and close your Facebook account. Those actions alone will be helpful in order for this man to have no contact with you. It doesn't mean he can't try other ways however, it is a start so he will stop texting you and looking at your Facebook account.
Salam