Islamic marriage advice and family advice

This 14 year old girl has a obsessive crush on me.


teenage teacher student

It all started when I was looking for a part time job. I’m a college student and I’m living in an apartment with my room-mates. As I was good in maths I decided to teach maths at high school to the ninth graders. Several weeks later, this one student of mine namely Chelsea came up to me after class and said she had some problems with algebra and asked if I could tutor her at her place. And, I was like sure.

So, there I was at her place helping her out with her math problems and out of nowhere she brushed my hair behind my ear with her hand and said I was the most amazing person she had ever met. That sure did struck me with lightening but I brought her back to earth and made her realize we were here to solve her math problems.

So, for the next several days I tutored her and everyday she would make a move that I wouldn’t take so seriously. But, I had enough of her when she gave me a kiss on the cheek. That would be the last day of our math work. I told her that she no longer required any of my assistance in her algebra problems. But, that didn’t stop her. She would call me several times on my cell but I wouldn’t take the call. Yeah, I started avoiding her. But, I couldn’t while in class.

One day she confronted me after class and she was hot red. She asked me why I was avoiding her and I said I wasn’t avoiding her, I was just busy. She had watery eyes and man she was getting redder by the minute. She called me a coward and pushed me and just stormed out of the classroom.

I don’t know why she called me a coward. Why would she get so pissed off? I didn’t do anything wrong. How can I solve this without upsetting her?











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11 Responses »

  1. Toole,

    Forgive me for being blunt but it was a mistake to agree to tutoring her privately. Even if it was a male student it is still a mistake both Islamically and professionally. So please bear this in mind for the future. It is tough because as a teacher you need to be approachable and friendly but you also need to learn what to do when a student oversteps the mark or what is over-friendly.In future keep all contact with students within a working environment. Don't give your number and avoid personal conversations unrelated to the work.

    If this girl is still working at the school I would advise you to look for another job ASAP. Be professional at all times, don't respond to her except in a classroom setting and be composed. There are 2 concerns here. 1. She may try to lead you to a possible liasin which is wrong, its zina and you can get fired! or if you make her angry by ignoring her she may make false claims against you and put your job at risk.

    I strongly advise you to get out of this situation (job) now to protect yourself from these risks. Try to get another one if you can.

    And if another students requests tuition guide them towards an official tutor to avoid these problems in future.

    Sara Editor

  2. salaam.

    brother, first problem that i noticed is one you walked right into.
    namely, going to her place, alone with her.

    isnt it against the law to go to a students house anyway in the u.s/uk etc.

    this caused her a great temptation.

    in fact to be honest, i dont blame her for touching since you allowed a young girl to talk you into staying with her alone in a room.she is a human being, and has desires, just like we aaaaaaaaaall do.

    the prophet[saww] said in an authentic hadith that a man and a woman donot walk into a room alone EXCEPT that satan is the third party.
    so satan tempted her,

    so dont blame her brother, but blame yourself.
    1.shes a person
    2.shes a non muslim girl(has no morals but little) walked into a room with her alone(tempted her)

    also, when she came upto you and confronted you and asked you why you were avoiding her, why on earth would you try to explain yourself by saying you werent, as if you are in the wrong here.

    you should save her from herself by breaking her heart, and telling her to not approach you in a very very harsh way.
    because for her to cry over you when she doesnt even know you is pathetic.
    and for her to dare to touch you is absolutely flabbergasting.

    so take this young girl out of her dillusion and give her a hard pich so she returns to reality.

    and next time, whether in college or school, be the type of a boy that girls are scared to approach, because that is how the companions of the prophet[saww] were.

    when 'Umar [ra] walked through the streets of madinah, ALL the women would run into their houses, they wouldnt try to kiss him, stroke him etc.
    they would run.

  3. Yes, you've gotten yourself into a situation. And you are not reciprocating the feelings she has for you. I'd be worried that she may tell your supervisors that you have tried something with her. You should definitely look for another job ASAP, as Sara said, rather than risk her ruining your reputation.

  4. Toole,

    It seems to me that you are a genuine person whose mind was only on teaching math whilst your student's mind was elsewhere. To be flags should have been flying in the first lesson when she tucked your lock of hair behind your ear. She was beyond the boundaries of student and teacher relationships and she knew it but...she is 14 and you are the adult. Hopefully this will be a valuable life lesson to you...don't go to the home of any student if a parent is not present.

    I have a male tutor for chemistry for my daughter and he requires that I be home in order to work with my daughter or else he will not come into my home ( I wouldn't have it any other way). It not only protects the tutor, but my daughter as well. In addition, I have both the tutor and my daughter sit at the dining room table in full view of other family members.

    As far at this 14 year old girl goes, I would not be so concerned with her hurt feelings as much as you need to be concerned about that of your reputation. Not only is it haram to be alone with her but you know deep inside, something didn't feel right about being alone with her.

    I know several tutors who choose public places to tutor students like the library or even a coffee shop. This way you are never alone so things don't get out of hand as they did in your case.

    Have an awesome day...Salam

  5. It is definitely not right to teach a non-Mahram person, because of the emotions and feelings that may arise. It is

    better to avoid this, as a matter of precaution.

    This girl is not to blame, alone, as the girl fell in love in an inappropriate, unislamic situation.

    Feelings are natural, and if you don't want them to develop, the root of the problem has to be fought.

    First I thought that this story is somehow sweet, because this young girl fell in love with you and expressed

    it sweetly, somehow. But even if the rules of Allah are followed properly, in Muslim communities they

    are afffinities and affections people develop for each other, that is not rare. The solution to that might

    be marriage, but in this case, it is an attempt to heal a broken heart. This girl has developed natural feelings

    and in her world, this is not forbidden or sinful, the love she feels for you might be completely innocent.

    Be gentle and nice with her and explain to her why you can't be with her. Don't hurt her feelings by telling

    her that you don't love her; rather, say that you have religious reasons and that your faith doesn't allow you

    to be alone or build a haram relationship with a non-Mahram woman. This is a young, passionate heart you

    should treat gently; don't be harsh to her with your honesty. Try to disguise the truth in order not to break her heart.

    I wish you good luck, and hope that the situation will develop to your benefit.


  6. SALAM
    bro what can u do is that, tell her that u dont have any such feeling for her "i hope u dont"

    n ur relation is just a "student n teacher" not "boyfriend n girlfriend"straight & forward

    is as simple as this, unless bro u dnt have any feeling for here

  7. another thing if that girl is really nut i mean really then she can create problem means she can even charge u with molestation n other stuff n mind u she is just 14 a minor

    well it depends how crazy is she for u

    well bro im not offending u or the girl i dont know about her mentality , n i surely hope nothing like this happens

    but just a precaution u might wanna take

    so tell her staright that u dont like her n cut off every possible ties with her

    even bro change ur number if its possible

  8. Salaam. Well, I can understand she has a crush on you, but you should have gotten the signal when she tucked you hair behind your ear. I think now, you should tell her that it's not going to work out (and never will), and just be completely blunt with it-but careful not to hurt her feelings.

  9. 13 and i have a crush on a maths teacher. i cant concentrate when hes talking, and a few days ago i needed help with my homework and thought it was a good idea to go and ask him WITH MY FRIEND but she said no so i didn't. hes just soo funny. its odd because the nice people are never that good looking. so, since you a teacher, what should i do?

    i also have a crush on this guy in my class, hes EXACTLY like me, plus he always talks to me if i sit next to him. i always try to keep a strait face and act normal. i hardly ever start the conversation. i really wana be his friend but i know its against Islam, so i prevent myself.

    last thing , am i allowed to have a crush on the way people look and talk? i know a few actors which are so awesome, like thor from thor and gale from hunger games

  10. I call shenanigans on your 'I'm a victim story.'
    As it goes, women that age have strong hormonal urges and you being in that situation as the adult should never have allowed things to get out of hand.
    I'm sure you're wondering how?
    By effing addressing the situation that's how. I could care less whether it is soft or bluntly done, nowhere in your pity party story do I read that you actually made attempts to put a hard stop to situation and make sure she acknowledged the problem.
    More than likely you suffer from low self - esteem and exploited a young child's common age crush to feel better about yourself.
    As a tutor you likely try too hard to be liked vs actually teaching the material.
    Just my opinion.

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