My husband converted to marry me, but now he says he can’t adjust his thoughts to Islam
Understanding Islam
Assalamualaikum sisters and brothers,
I think I have a problem.
Let me first give you a brief introduction to my marriage.
I met my husband (called him KVD) from my work, he s an european and I an Asian. We have been overseas business partners for 3 years and in the third year we finally had met in an annual conference.
From there, we started communication like a couple. He visited me to my hometown and we were on a vacation. Before he left (on his first visit), he told me he wanted to be with me.
I told him that my religion and my culture wouldnt allow living-together without marriage. And he said he would marry me. And I said, in my religion we need to be in the same religion to be able to marry. He said he would convert to Islam (He was an atheist). I said I didnt want it if he only converted in order only to marry. And he said it would be very hard for him but he was willing to learn and try.
After that, I told to my mom and my mom was a bit not accepting but after I talked to her slowly then she understood. Next he visited me again and we went together also with my mom. My mom liked his personality. Everyone likes him because he is really a sincere man. He even tried to do fasting for half day. Next he proposed to me and I told him we needed to wait until he proposed to my dad. Next I told my dad and my dad wanted to see him, dad told me that KVD couldnt propose if he's not yet converted. Next KVD visited me, I introduced him to my dad.
Next we went to a city to stay for 2 days in an Islam dormitory and saw a bit about Islam dorm life. He followed everything but at that time he couldnt still accept some concepts of Islam. For example, Islam is the best religion and that we all saved KVD if he followed and be Islam. But (in way that he loves his family so much), he said "if it is true than my parents will go to hell if they are not a Muslim, i cant accept that although my parents do all good deeds in the world but they will go to hell anyway".
Then on that, our first methods to teach him Islam is not suitable. But he said yes he felt something with Islam then he converted and proposed me. He went back to his country and 3 months later we got married in Islam way, with Ijab Kabul and evrything. He is not yet circumcised, he worries about it. And in his country, circumcision is not advisable by the government. But then I thought I couldn't force him because then he would be even more freaked out.
Anyway, we are 8 monhts married now and I am now in my country and he is in his country (i am in the process of residence permit application). But few nights ago, we were chatting and he told me "I dont think I cant be a good muslim. I cant adjust my thinking to it." after I read that text, I was so sad.
What should I do. Please suggest to me some books, some Islam scholars that I could talk to some videos. I know he is willing to try and he would love it if I am the one who teaches him. But frankly, I am still trying myself too to be a good muslim.
Please advise. thanks.
- aldiladalamore
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Salamualaikum,
Sister, if you need contact numbers of Major Scholars such as the Muftis of Masjid al Haraam or Scholars from the Islamic University of Madeenah, then let me know if you can speak Arabic or Urdu.
If you intend to bring your husband to Islam, he should stay with you. But if you go to his country and he does not change and goes back to his old faith, then you'll be in trouble.
He accepted Islam to marry you. He did not believe in Allah as his Lord and Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam as Allah's Final Messenger. This is what I feel, after reading your post.
My sister, you probably made a mistake in urgency.
Still, you may speak to the Scholars if you want to, insha Allah. You just tell me if you can speak Arabic or Urdu.
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum Muhammad,
Thank you for your rensponse. I know that there was a glimpse of sincerity when he said his Syahada. He has a very pure heart and just not yet get hidayah and taufik yet, that is why I need to guide him.
I dont speak Arab or Urdu.
ASSALAMALIKUM-EXPLAIN TO HIM ALLAHS MERCY SEE THIS VIDEO- SEE MY ALLAH'S UN-IMAGINABLE MERCY HE SAYS PROTECT THEM [THE ATHEISTS]O MUHAMMAD http://creatorstruth.ning.com/video/allah-orders-to-protect BECAUSE THEY ARE MISGUIDED ASK HIM DO YOU WANT MORE PROOF OF HIS EXISTENCE-THAT HE UNDERSTAND THEIR HEARTS AND THEIR UN- BELIEF AND MAKES ARRANGEMENT FOR THEM TO SAFEGUARDED-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNkxpTIbCIw&feature=player_embedded
PL TELL YOUR HUSBAND PARENTS RIGHTS COME LATER 1ST RIGHT ARE OF THE CREATOR AND ALSO EXPLAIN IF YOU GO TO DESERT AND FIND VERY FINE SUPER MODEL WATCH IN THE SAND - WHAT WILL YOU THINK -WILL HE THINK THAT THE WATCH HAS COME BY ITSELF AND AND LYING THERE WITHOUT ANY MAKER -ASK HIM TO PUT HIMSELF IN PLACE OF THAT WATCH AND ALSO SEE THIS WEBSITE TO KNOW WHO HE IS HOW HE CAME INTO EXISTENCE-
http://www.creationofman.net/chapter1/chapter1_2.html
ASK HIM AND SHOW HIM THIS WONDER HOW DOES IT TAKE PLACE -WITHOUT A CREATOR-AND ALL THE CRITICS OF ISLAM HAVE NOT GONE MAD TO PRAISE THEIR OPPONENTS IN THEIR OWN WORDS.
http://www.quranandscience.com/what-the-others-say/158-quotations-from-famous-people-.html
http://www.quranandscience.com/what-the-others-say/158-quotations-from-famous-people-.html
PLEASE YOU COPY PASTE AND SEND THIS IT IS SUFFICIENT FOR HIM TO SAY SHAHADA PROPERLY IF HE IS REALLY TRIED OR TRYING TO UNDERSTAND ISLAM AS YOU SAID-
I AM HOPING THIS MATTER WITH SPECIAL MERCY OF ALLAH WILL WORK MIRACLES IN YOUR LIFE-
REGARDS
ALI YOUSUFF-
Assalamualaikum Ali,
Thank you very much. These sources will be very helpful for me. Thank you and if you have more sources, let me know
Dear sister,I believe that your husband is just a bit overwhelmed right now , Islam is a lot for a revert to take in all at once ,he will need patience understanding and gentle guidance ,it sounds to me that he is sincere ,try not to bombard him with too much information all at once,and please please do not tell him that his parents will go to hell because they are not Muslim,that is for Allah to decide that not any of us .please try to stay away from negative comments to him,and tell him of all the blessings that he will receive for reverting and that is pleases Allah, take care