Can I marry this person if I married in America
Need advise on second wife
Assalam O Alaikum,
Dear brothers and sisters. I am confused as to the following situation.
I am an american citizen legally married in the united states. However, I have met this wonderful person in Pakistan and I would like to marry her. I have had conversations with her and have been very honest with her and have informed her that I am legally married in the U.S. and have a wife there. She accepts me as I am and is willing to become my second wife. Can I have a second wife in Pakistan and marry her in pakistan? I don't know if this is allowed or not. Also, if the Pakistan courts and governments will allow me to marry her. Please, I need some advice and opinions.
- yaqub mohammed
14 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Salaams,
It is best to contact the Pakistani government directly to find out the legality of your marriage to this sister who lives there. They would have the best information on what that would look like. Of course regardless of what legal status you marriage with her has in Pakistan, your second wife will never be legally recognized in the US and that could pose some issues.
Aside from that, I'm concerned about how you plan to show justice to your second wife since you will be obligated to give her equal time. That's a tricky thing to work out when the two spouses live near one another, and all the stories of a second wife living overseas usually results in the "away" wife being severely cheated out of her rights. Polygamy is no joke, and is going to be the most stress on you since you are the imam of your family. Quran says if you can't be just between both wives you should only keep one, so I hope you are giving this some serious thought before you move forward into polygamy.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum,
Brother Yakub, you are allowed in Islam to marry her, ONLY if you can treat her and your first wife on equal terms and deal with them justly. Allah Said:
And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice]. (Surah an Nisa, 3)
Also, as a matter of trust and good behavior, inform your first wife and assure that she won't be dealt with unjustly and won't be loved any less. You must also consider sister Amy's advise before you act.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Men like him are setting up themselves to be in a very disastrous situation.I wonder,how did this man even meet that woman ? Surely this must not be any halal-chaperoned meetings in which the guardian of lady is present.
Do you know the legal consequences that you could face if you married a second wife ? The first wife can possibly press charges against you.
And are you sure that the pakistani woman is interested in you because of your personality,not because of your passport.
Assalamualaikum
There are two issues which need to be addressed.
1) How come you met this person over internet while married to your current wife. Are you guys having issues in marriage or is it that you want to hide your marriage from her. It looks very bad if you have been flirting around on internet while married to your current wife behind her back.
2) US law does not recognize polygamy. So if your wife finds it out and she takes you to the court then you have no legal standings and a you may end up in jail. On the other hand, I know of two public personalities at least who have two wives, the second wife stays in the native country. Both wives know about each other and are ok with it.
3) As far as Pakistani law is concerned, by law you need to show the consent from first wife, even though I am not too sure about it. Enforcing laws in Pakistan is not easy.
You can never bring your Pakistani wife in US as a second wife (polygam is not allowed in US), she will have to stay in Pakistan. So make sure she understands this.
JZK
Since you come from a monogamous culture you must seek your first wife's permission.
Though in Shariah there is no evidence that the first wife's permission is a prerequisite for another marriage, Nevertheless it is a requirement in Islam that a man seek his first wife's consent for another marriage if he comes from a monogamous culture. That is because in Fiqh your cultural norms are part of your marriage contract by default as long as it is not haram. The Prophet(SAW) said that the conditions most worthy to fulfill are those which make your wife legal for you.
Speaking from a jurisprudential standpoint, traditions of the people do have an effect on Islamic rulings and do affect people's contracts and worldly dealings in general as long as they do not contradict the rules of Shari`ah.
In Islamic law, the rule goes that what is default according to tradition is a default condition in the contract. This means that if the tradition of the people (or perhaps the agreement of the couple before marriage) indicates that the man will not marry any other women, then it goes as a "legal condition" in the marriage contract that is abiding to that man, unless his wife (or perhaps a judge in certain cases) willfully allows this default to change.
Therefore, if the tradition of the husband and wife view monogamy as the normal and default, then they should apply it, because what is a default according to tradition is a default condition in the contract.
Note: The husband does not sin for taking a second wife. The marriage with another woman is valid. But he violates Shariah and becomes a faasiq [transgressor] for not fulfilling the stipulations of his marriage.
So if the couple is from a monogamous culture, the husband must seek his wife's consent should he choose to engage in polygamy.
You can see this on the Fatwa on askthescholar.com by Sheikh Ahmed Kutty:
http://askthescholar.com/question-details.aspx?qstID=2016
http://askthescholar.com/question-details.aspx?qstID=2258
Question: Salamu aleykom Shiekh Ahmad Thank you for your efforts to spread the knowledge.I have small question about polygamy. Is is required for husband to have his first wife permission to marry second time?Jazaka Allah
Answer:
If you married your wife in a culture where monogamy was the norm, and you never mentioned to her about your option to marry a second wife, then you owe it to her to seek her permission to do so. For as the Prophet (peace be upon him) taught us, we are bound by the terms of our marriage contracts. Since there is no reason to limit such terms to the written ones, they should also include those which are simply assumed or taken for granted in a particular milieu or society. If, therefore, your wife would not have married you--if she had the prior knowledge that you would exercise the option to take a second wife-- then it was a tacit agreement you had agreed to with her; as such you are bound by it.
http://askthescholar.com/question-details.aspx?qstID=2567
Moreover, we are also bound by the terms of our marriage contracts. In a milieu like ours where monogamy is the norm, one needs to get the permission of his first wife to marry another; for she had married him with the tacit understanding that she would be the only wife he will be having. So unless such an option had already been stipulated in the contract, he is not justified in marrying a second wife without her permission.
Assalamoalaykum
I wonder how you met and talked to that other woman before marriage. This would be called 'emotional cheating" on your first wife. I say you ask for her forgivenes before anythimg. You have cheated her for interacting with other women behind her back. I hope she throws you out before you do anything else.
I understand that second marriage is Mubah (permissible) under Shariah. But that does not mean you don't take your first wife's feelings into account. For example, under Shariah once a woman remarries she loses custody of her children from her prior marriage. But her new husband can accept her kids from a prior marriage into his new family. A husband also has the right to restrict his wife's movement out of the house. And its a woman's right to not give a penny of her income to her husband since its his duty to provide for her even if the husband's business is failing. But giving up one's spousal rights due to care and love for the other would only make the individual a better person, a better Muslim and earn that person more hasanaat. Similarly, giving up second marriage (which in this case doesn't even have a beneficial purpose behind it) because of you caring for your first wife would make you a better husband to your wife and possibly increase your respect and worth in your wife's eyes. So if the husband gives up a right to take care of his wife's feelings doesn't that make him a better husband? Know that second marriage is merely optional, not recommended or required of you. Its optional just as it is a man's optional and conditional right to marry a chaste Jeish or Christian lady, so such things can be negotiated over with other parties (some parents object to their sons marrying chaste Christians/Jews, that does not mean they are opposing what is Halal). As Muslims it is our moral duty to encourage adab and good akhlaaq.
Waalaikumussalam
Something I really don't understand, when mans are actually need a second wife?is it if you like her you can marry her? Or is it some short coming in first wife then can marry 2nd or to help the women then can marry second? If its just she is nice etc then dose it really suit to marry second! I mean you may liike another after you marry second then marry third? Like wont stop in life!
I think men marry a second wife or more for desire nowadays. As in this day and age most women are self sufficient. They don't need a man to look after them financially or emotionally. But the man usually acquires the other wife by haram relations. I haven't heard any man asking people that he is looking for a second wife and to look out for a good Muslima for him. Second marriages are usually the fruits of affairs these days.
Even the man who are married to Jewish cristian women all start out as haram relationships . Boyfriends and girlfriend relationship and in the end they sometimes decide to get married or end it. As you see lots of stories on this site.
But isn't this all haram. Men wishing to marry should meet women in presence of mahrem and ask for the girls hand not test her out before by having illicit relations.
I agree with you Sumatra, and I think it has also led to a situation where there are many unmarried Muslim girls because their male counterparts pursue relationship with non Muslim women (at least in North America). For some reason, parents turn a blind eye to this, and openly embrace their new daughters in law once they say the shahada. Once children come along, the problems start.
They don't need a man to look after them financially or emotionally
So it means that women marry for physical reasons........I never knew that. Now I would treat women the same way they would treat me..i.e just for physical reasons.
aaaaaaaa,
"So it means that women marry for physical reasons........I never knew that. Now I would treat women the same way they would treat me..i.e just for physical reasons."
I did not mean that women marry for physical reasons only. I was trying to explain that in the olden days men used to marry more then one wife to take care of widows or divorced or poor women. They were helping them out. It was not primarily out of desire.
But nowadays widows divorcees can look after themselves. There are plenty opportunities for women to work and be independent. They need not become a second wife for support.
so men are not marrying to support a damsel in distress but just a preety lady that catches their eye maybe.....
I do not know what your reasons for marriage are. But I would marry a man to be my best friend someone I can share my life with, laugh and cry with in happiness and grief. and someone who will understand me and of course to have a family with. ; )
Not always now days there are tons of women who need help eve they are cable for their own needs but still a man support to live a life and there are also some man who marry more then one as our Islamic law and fullfill their responsibility.
Sumatra and Sumaira has serious flaws in their understanding. Wallahu 'alam from where they got this ideology.