Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can’t take this life with my in-laws

Angry in-laws


ive been married for nearly 3years. I moved cities and married my husband, we met through family friends.

the first 2 years of marriage was very hectic as i was trying to be the ideal daughter in law, i live in a household with my parent inlaws and my husbands brother and his wife and kids.

my sister in law and brother in law are always disrespectful towards my husband, and my mother in law and father in law are always disrespectful towards me. but its never shown in front of my husband.

my husband doesn't speak up to his parents and i respect this, i have had to answer back a few times as i couldn't take it any longer. we have no space in the house, so if we were to have children we will really struggle.

me and my husband have decided to move out, my husband broke it to his father and his comment was " are you going to leave your mum and dad." since then my father in law has been off and has refused my husband to tell his mum just yet, i can tell my husband is a bit sad, and i feel upset but i really don't know what i am supposed to do. i wear hijab.. its always hard to walk around the house without being seen by my brother in law.

the cooking is always down to us daughter in laws, the parent in laws do not help at all, things are said to me: "has your mum not taught u anything" etc, "don't tell my son he will get sad" lots of things were said, i cant take it anymore, will it get worse?

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7 Responses »

  1. The thing is, your husband needs to own up even to his own parents. The thing they are saying is actually blackmail and the fact that the parents are doing this to their kids make my blood boil. If your husband can’t even do that than what’s the point of the whole thing, don’t get me wrong sister but if it was up to me I would just buy a new house simple as Whether they like it or not. I would buy it closer so that I can come and visit in that way both side are equal, but also you need to tell your husband that this is happening with you, but be honest to him, and tell him sincerely that you feeling like this, and inshaAllah your husband will be able to judge the situation and come to a conclusion. Because now that your husband is a grown man, he doesn’t need his parents to tell me what he needs to do, it’s up to him now, their time is over now is the sons time to look after his family which is you and your son/daughter to be inshaAllah.
    So yh just tell him not to fall for those blackmail, cuz then Allah will show them the right path the hard way.

    Hope it works for both of you.


    Shafi 😉

  2. As Salam you need to move and bring deen in to your life.success happiness peace of mind is only obeying Allah commandments through the example of Muhammad s.a.w...This is the only way .This is the order of Allah today the majority people are far away from deen..Salah is lacking..the environment is weak .sooo what do you expect.My advice tell him respect is onething but being in the same house especially with brothernlaw is dangerous etc..So at the end of the day your in control of your life and do what is best.

  3. do everything to move out, somewhere close. Life will get better 100 percent

  4. I suggest that you should accept your husband option because if you insist that he must leave the house his family will never be happy with your decisions and God will not be happy with it So always be patient

  5. Salam sister, per your Islamic rights , you are supposed to have a space of your own if you wish. So I think it's a good decision for you to move out inshaAllah. Makes lots of duas and ask Allah to make it easy for u and your hubby. Also, since you are being oppressed by your in laws, you have the right to speak out against such oppression.

    Allah is JUST and has witnessed all your pain, sometimes you have to be selfish for your emotional and mental wellbeing. It's Always best to have good thoughts of Allah only, as He said, I am as my serants think of Me, so have good expectations.

  6. Asalamualaykum Sister Buttercup,

    I agree with Ria. You are entitled to your own space and in many ways that is actually preferable. You don't feel comfortable around your brother-in-law, and your mother-in-law and father-in-law are being emotionally manipulative to your husband when they cite that he would do that (leave) to his "mom and dad." They should be happy that their son is gaining independence and wants to make a life and family of his own. He can still help his parents out by visiting every once in awhile or speaking with them on the phone. They needn't be attached at the hip! Just because your husband is sad and you are stressed, doesn't mean that staying is the right option. Sometimes we have to do things that are somewhat uncomfortable in the short run to achieve good results in the long run. His parents will adjust, just as every human must in this temporary life. I wish you and your husband a peaceful and comfortable home environment, Ameen.



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