He Loves Me, But Does he Really Intend to Marry Me?
Is his concern true?
I have done something awful. And I repent every day in my namaaz for it. I was with a guy for 7 years. We was about to get married next year as he is my fiancee at the moment. Both famillies are happy with this and have agreed.
However he cheated on me 3 years ago with a white woman for 8 months. I forgave him for this and we moved on happily. We have been happy ever since. Only to find in this year few months back he doesn't want to marry me but he said he still loves me.
Then he comes back and wants to be my fiancee and then he stops ringing me I don't hear from him. Then I hear from him so its on and on and off. This has gotten me down so much to the point where I'm shutting everything and everyone off.
I don't wanna live I feel hurt betrayed and stupid. I love this guy and I know he loves me. BUT why does he keep walking in and out of my life evry other day? What shall I do? Help 🙁
~ beeds
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Sister beeds, As Salamualaiki,
Its really stupid for a man to do such a thing. He is to be your husband, but is looking for other alternatives.
He said "doesn't want to marry me but he said he still loves me."
This makes me feel that he's not interested in marriage. And the fact that he has been having relations with other women says that he has no interest in you. Infact, it is sad to say, but I believe that for him, you are option B. When he fails somewhere else, he comes to you.
My sister, I believe you should not marry him. Because he could be the same even after he gets married, but then it will be difficult to deal with the problem. So, my personal opinion is that you should not marry him. And don't worry, Allah Will give you a perfect match, have patience and seek Allah's Forgiveness for the sins you might have done. Insha Allah, you'll find the Help of Allah always near.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
as-salaam-u-alaikum-wr-wb..
I totally agree with brother Waseem.. & I don't quite understand how you believe that this guy loves you ukhti.. when he keeps on tuning in & out of your life in convenience to his emotions..
If the guy loved you then he wouldn't have had an affair with another woman for at least not 8 months? 8 months is a long time.. I must say you have a big heart for forgiving the chap!
If he had any intentions of marrying you he would have never told you outright that he doesn't want to get married.. BUT he loves you.. I guess the way he loved the lady he had an affair with?
Anyhow.. It just seems like he's a lusty man who's got a lot of love to offer to random ladies.. but doesn't want to commit himself to one muslimah alone..
& as new girl ukthi has said he will keep doing the same after marriage.. seriously? overlook the whole situation from a third persons point of view ukhti & you'll realise he's so NOT worth it! <-- this is what i believe after reading what you have told me..
ALTHOUGH.. it is possible that something is stopping him from marrying you.. something that you're not aware of?
Salams,
i agree with Waseem, this guy sees you as a plan B when it doesnt work elsewhere. Dont marry him. He will keep doing the same after marriage. You will find a better match, InshAllah.
Asalamu alikum sister,
He does not love you.
I dont know what kind of love that is, but find a man that is really dedicated to you. A good muslim man that knows how to control his desire, he seems to have no control. He may beg and criy when he needs you, but thats what all abusive people do, they cry after the fact- but dont think about it before they do it. Dont be merciful, just cut him off immediately.
You dont want to have children with this man and later find he is cheating on you again- and the consequences will be much much worse.
You may still love him, but trust that Allah is showing you these signs as a warning- and for you to know that there is someone else out there.
May Allah give you the strength to leave him, and the patience to heal from the suffering this man has caused you.
Samira
Salam sister. I just wanted to say that you wasted seven
Precious years of your life that you will never get back and in
In return he just plays with your emotions because you let him
Believe you're worth nothing more but my dear sister
You are worth more than all the pearls,diamonds and golds
In the world and the minute you start to realize how much you're
Worth and have respect for yourself, that's when you will get
Respect from others. I personally don't believe in relationships
that last for that long because nothing good comes out of them
and if you can't get to know someone in a few months chances
Are you wont get to know them in a year. Ask Allah for forgiveness and
inshaallah he will give you a righteous man who will honor
And protect you. May Allah guide us all to the straight path.
Asalamoalaikum sister,
I’m sorry to hear about your pain and pray Allah swt gives you the patience and strength to overcome this hardship, ameen.
I believe your ‘fiancé’ is actually mixed-minded. He isn’t sure if he wants to marry you. I am unsure what is going on in his mind, if he has unfinished business with the other girl, or if in general he isn’t too sure about getting married to you. Regardless of his reasons, he is treating you unfairly and you are allowing him to.
I doubt this man will make a decision of getting married to you and even if he does, he may regret his decision as he seems quite indecisive. My best bet is that you leave this man and move on with your life. I know this seems very difficult but you must realize that he isn’t sure about you. You do not want to sit and wait for him only for him to realize that you are not ‘the one’. So please save yourself further heart break and tell him you are done with this.
You deserve to be with someone who knows they want to marry you not someone who can’t make up their mind or think they might want to marry you.
-Helping Sister
Sorry to hear that sister, I would honestly leave this guy from reading your post is like he still doesn't wanna settle down with you yet, he is wasting your time all these years, like the above post said your so much better then that. Wake up and stop saying he loves me, sometimes love isn't enough honey. I wish you all the best.
if he loved you sister he wouldn't be running in and out of your life when he feels like it. This guy is wasting your time, leave him and your better than this. I don't even think he loves you in fact he don't care hes a player and how can you just forgive him just like that no one deserves to be treated like this end off.