My ex has turned away from Islam, should I let him see my daughter?
Assalamu Alaikum
My husband talak'd me last week and the very next day he posted on facebook that he is married to a Christian woman... all his family who are my friends told me that he introduced her to the family on Eid as his wife, but yet at that time.. we were still married and he was telling me that he wants to work on our marriage. We were married for 8 years and were recently seperated because he lost his job again, stole money from me and when I confronted him - he got violent in front of daughter- she is 7 years... My father arrived at my house and told him to leave.. he tried to stab my father with a screw driver and then he left.
I've been staying on my own for over 7months and he has not Nafakad me or our child and he is going clubbing with his new wife and flaunting it in front of me. I have been praying to Allah and asking him for guidance and help to get over this as it really hurt me. I was a good wife and extremely loyal and I found out that that is not the kind of woman he wants, he wants a woman who he can party with and do drugs with- so I am happy and grateful to Allah that he is out of my life as he put me and my daughter through alot of pain and abuse over the years.
Now he wants to see her.. I do not feel comfortable letting her go with him.. because of the life-style he leads and also my daughter does not want to go with him either.. she refuses to speak to him on the phone.. I want to what is right Islamically and am trying hard to forgive him because it is the best thing for me to do so that I can move on Insha'Allah.. am I wrong for keeping her away from her father?..
I know he loves her, but he is a very bad influence on her and in my eyes has rejected the Islam way of life.. Shukran
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Unfortunately he is the father and children will always be tied to their parents. He sounds like a bad dad to me, and was probably a bad husband to you.
This woman also a bad Christian if she is taking drugs, is she?
I think you need to make sure at least he is treating your little girl properly when they are together and perhaps his family will help to supervise if it's too early get the authorities involved at this stage?
If he chooses to forget his religion there is little to do but pray for him. It is his right (unless you live in a country that is not a democracy) to do so but he has a responsibility to care for his child and I don't know what you mean by "violence" but he MUST behave in front of her, she is only little!
My prayers for you my dear, I hope you and your daughter will be OK.
You should not let your daughter go with him. He is violent, he may hurt her, and he may expose her to very bad influences. He should not be allowed to spend time alone with her.
If it's very important to him to see his daughter, you can arrange a supervised visit. He can visit her in your presence, and with other family members present as well for safety and to meet Islamic requirements. He should not bring his new wife with him. The visit should last for one or two hours, constantly supervised.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wael,
She never mentioned he was violent towards the daughter or a bad father to her, however, she did mention he loves her.
Clearly he was a bad husband and generally a bad person perhaps, however,...I wonder whether this is sufficient reason because of which a child can be kept away from his/her father?
He's been violent toward the mother, tried to stab the grandfather with a screwdriver, and does drugs. This is NOT someone a child can be left alone with. I didn't say keep her way from her father, I said supervised visits only.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hmmm. Okay.
Jazakallah khair for the clarification.
Salaam,
Is true, one has to be very careful when dealing with this kind of situation. He should never be left alone with him, he should see her only with supervion and if possible at his mum.
To raise kids towards right path can be hard, even if all what she sees arround her is islamic enviroment. Now this kid will be exposed in a very compromised situation. Children's brain is like sponge, what ever they watch they will want to try. You dont want this kind to learn early in life that taking drugs if fine, clubbing is part of normal life, and going out with random ppl before marriege is ecceptable. I doubt it, if she will see much if she will see her dad with supervision, and at her grand parent.
But if you allow him to take her for a day or two in his house, this kid might be put in danger. you can not trust drugy completely. They are unpredictable.
Be careful sister, you have responsibility infront of allah. Protect her as much as u can. She is your precious daughter after all and as you are responsible parent, it is important to raise your kid in an enviroment where there is less bad influenced.It MATTER BIG TIME.
agreed with everyone supervised visits only and no not leave your child alone. If your ex was capable of a screwdriver and wiling to stab someone then you cant take that risk of letting this man be alone with your child not even for a second
Share this with your ex , may He and all who read this repent and be reminded :-
There were only 15 minutes
left before Salat-ul Isha.
He quickly made Wudhu and performed Salat-ul Maghrib.
While making Tasbih, he again remembered his grandmother and was
embarrassed by how he had prayed.
His grandmother prayed with such tranquillity and peace.
He began making Dua and went down to make Sajdah and stayed like that for
a while.
He had been at work all day and was tired, so tired.
He awoke abruptly to the sound of noise and shouting.
He was sweating profusely.
He looked around.
It was very crowded.
Every direction he looked in was filled with people.
Some stood frozen looking around, some were running left and right and
some were on their knees with their heads in their hands just waiting.
Pure fear and apprehension filled him as he realized where he was.
His heart was about to burst.
It was the Day of Judgment.
When he was alive, he had heard many things about the questioning on the
Day of Judgment, but that seemed so long ago.
Could this be something his mind made up?
No, the wait and the fear were so great that he could not have imagined
this.
The interrogation was still going on.
He began moving frantically from people to people to ask if his name had
been called.
No one could answer him.
All of a sudden his name was called and the crowd split into two and made
a passageway for him.
Two angels grabbed his arms and led him forward.
He walked with unknowing eyes through the crowd.
The angels brought him to the centre and left him there.
His head was bent down and his whole life was passing in front of his
eyes like a movie.
He opened his eyes but saw only another world.
The people were all helping others.
He saw his father running from one lecture to the other, spending his
wealth in the way of Islam.
His mother invited guests to their house and one table was being set
while the other was being cleared.
He pleaded his case,
'I too was always on this path.
I helped others.
I spread the word of Allah.
I performed my Salah.
I fasted in the month of Ramadhan.
Whatever Allah ordered us to do, I did.
Whatever he ordered us not to do, I did not.'
He began to cry and think about how much he loved Allah.
He knew that whatever he had done in life would be less than what Allah
deserved and his only protector was Allah He was sweating like never
before and was shaking all over.
His eyes were fixed on the scale, waiting for the final decision.
At last, the decision was made.
The two angels with sheets of paper in their hands, turned to the crowd.
His legs felt like they were going to collapse.
He closed his eyes as they began
To read the names of those people who were to enter Jahannam.
His name was read first.
He fell on his knees and yelled that this couldn't be,
'How could I go to Jahannam?
I served others all my life,
I spread the word of Allah to others'.
His eyes had become blurry and he was shaking with sweat.
The two angels took him by the arms.
As his feet dragged, they went through the crowd and advanced toward the
blazing flames of Jahannam.
He was yelling and wondered if there was any person who was going to help
him.
He was yelling of all the good deeds he had done, how he had helped his
father, his fasts, prayers, the Noble Qur'an that he read, he was asking
if none of them would help him.
The Jahannam angels continued to drag him.
They had gotten closer to the Hellfire.
He looked back and these were his last pleas.
Had not Rasulullah [SAW] said,
'How clean would a person be who bathes in a river five times a day, so
too does the Salah performed five times cleanse someone of their sins'?
He began yelling,
'My prayers? My prayers? My prayers.?'
The two angels did not stop, and they came to the edge of the abyss of
Jahannam.
The flames of the fire were burning his face.
He looked back one last time, but his eyes were dry of hope and he had
nothing left in him.
One of the angels pushed him in.
He found himself in the air and falling towards the flames.
He had just fallen five or six feet when a hand grabbed him by the arm
and pulled him back.
He lifted his head and saw an old man with a long white beard.
He wiped some dust off himself and asked him,
'Who are you?'
The old man replied,
'I am your prayers'.
'Why are you so late! I was almost in the Fire!
You rescued me at the last minute before I fell in'.
The old man smiled and shook his head,
'You always performed me at the last minute, did you forget?'
At that instant, he blinked and lifted his head from Sajdah.
He was in a sweat.
He listened to the voices coming from outside.
He heard the Adhan for Salat-ul Isha.
He got up quickly and went to perform Wudhu.