Everything has gone wrong since sister in law came
Asalamu alaykum,
I am 20 years of age, I just wanted to ask that since my sister in law came to england about 3 years ago from pakistan everything has gone wrong all the sukoon in the house has gone and 1 week after she came my mum got ill and was diagnosed with cancer and then died couple of months after since then she has taken my brother off all the family especially the sisters and she is trying to put fasaad against our cousins that we have been saying things about them that have never even happened and got them on her side and everyone else on her side. Our house is breaking into pieces one after the other is happening. She is very against us sister in laws especially my big sister. An because our mum isn't alive and father doesn't live with us she is taking advantage of every situation that is happening. Can you please help it would really benefit me and my family alhamdulillah. Jazakallah Khair
6 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Salaams,
I am not familiar with the word "sukoon" or it's meaning. I tried looking it up...but couldn't find anything. I can only guess from your context that you mean something like the positive energy of the house?
It may be pure coincedence that your mother became sick and passed at the same time your sister in law came. It's very likely that because the time between her diagnosis and passing was only two months, that the cancer was already in her system for some time, it just was not detected. This wouldn't be your sister in law's fault, nor should she be to blame for that tragedy.
Who is your sister in law staying with? I tend to think that if she is causing so much fitna for you and other family members, that you all would tell her to find another living situation if she can't be respectful. Maybe this is something you should consider doing if you haven't already. In the meantime, all of you in the family who are being affected by whatever your sister in law is doing should come together and draw up a mutual strategy everyone will use to deal with her. For instance, if she backbites a lot, then everyone needs to be in agreement that when she comes and starts backbiting to that person, they will respond by telling her, "I'm not interested in talking about that. Let's change the subject, please". If everyone in the family were to do that, she would have no one to backbite to and that would minimize some of the issues going on. If there are others, as you say, who are "on her side", then perhaps it's time to have a big family conversation to iron out the problems that have arisen. Come up with some boundaries that everyone must abide by going forward, and try to work out any problems that come along after directly with the person who is at fault instead of involving third parties.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister Amy,
Sukoon is peace/calmness in Urdu. You weren't far off. : )
Sister i cant imagine getting married to a man from another country then leaving my family to go live with his family and within a few weeks his mother getting ill and then dying and the then my sisters in law thinking it was all my fault, i mean what a horrible thing to think about someone, iam sorry but you have to put yourself in her shoes its just qadah Allah and unlucky for her that she came into your lives at such a painful and stressful time i lost my mother the same way diagnosed with cancer and died 2 months later(AR) it devastated my family like the heart was ripped out of us all and the light warmth gone from our home thats why your home feels that way but insha'Allah with time all will be well play Quran in you home and dua this feeling will go, try and start from the beginning with her try and forget all the negative things from the past 3yrs tell her you all want to start fresh, and if she makes your bother happy than say Allahamdulilaah,
Some sister in laws bring happiness and some bring misery now one will only say such thing if has been through some bad moments with a sister in law, I have a evil sister in law my brothers wife I my self married and have 3 sister in laws my husband and his family are amazing just like my own family are with my brother's wife yet my sister in law can't stand the fact we all get along she always draws attention to herself always starts fights arguments for no particular reason every other month she has to have a bust up. Now where is the normality in that they say it's always the mother in law with the issue in our case it's the sister in law with the issue
sallam sister
one thing i think is bad and unislamic is when you said that she came and your mother got ill and died of cancer. death is already written and someoen cant induce it! allah know best why it was your mothers time to go. i think your trying to associate the 2 her coming and your mother passing but its not good!
im not saying she a good person but blaming her for your mothers death isnt good either.
secondly try and keep her out of your life! maintian a relationship with your brother and avoid her! your brother is still your brother! if your unmarried and you all live together work on trying to marry and move out! that should be your aim!
dont make her the focus of your life! your should be the focus of your life and your happiness should be! inshallah things will get easier for you and your family! try and be happy and maybe the atmosphere in your home will change?
ther are duas for peace and to maintain hapiness int he hope! im not knowlageble enough to quote them however i ahve come across some on youtube, duas recited! or ask smeone from this site mashallah they have alot of knowledge!
Allah hafiz
I cant even begin to tell you all the things my sister in law has done since shes got engaged let alone after marriage. When I talk about it to people they say no she cant b that bad and even I start to think wait is it me. Is it my fault. Do I make her react that way. But then why is my other sis in law not like that. She is juat such an evil human being. I loved my brother so much but its really hard for me to love him now. Shes turned him against my mum and me. My mum had so many dreams for him to look after us when he grows up because we never had a male in the house. My dad left us. Im just blabbing on. Shes really not a nice person. And I dont think she will ever change. Im the dumb type of person that if upset with someone I cannot be in peace. I dont sleep for weeks. So I always try or hope to sort everything out. I just wish Allah could punish her for being so cunning and ruining our house and making my mum sad. Im honestly put off kids especially sons.