How shall I take this lady as a second wife?
assalaam alaikum,
I am a doctor in India. I have a family going on fine by Allah's grace. I am in close relation with a lady who is a new Muslim who is living single. I care for her so much that I wish to marry her as my second wife, and protect her and give her love and care I give to my current family.
I know about the responsibilities and duties and am fully aware of them. I need to marry her and the nikkah need to be conducted.
I need your help to advise who should be her guardian to conduct the nikah, since I said she is a new convert. She is a doctor and is a very understanding lady. Please advise if you can help me.
wassalam,
-asim
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AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother Asim,
Please discuss this matter with your local Imam. As al-Qadi/Imam is the guardian for the one who has no guardian.
It is encouraged in Islam to not marry more than one wife according to many scholars of our deen.
And it is also liked that he (the person choosing a spouse) does not increase upon one woman if he attains from her الإعفاف (chastement, abstinence i.e. if marrying one woman keeps him chaste and allows him to avoid sins then he should not marry more than one) according to the most correct opinion in the (Hanbali) madhab. (Al-Insaf Page 1337).
Imam Ahmad Ibn Naqid al Misri said, "It is unlawful for a free man to marry more than four women. It is fitter to confine oneself to just one." (Umdatu Salik -reliance of the traveler {Shafi'i fiqh book})
Indeed monogamy is one of the great Sunnahs of Rasulallah صلى الله عليه وسلم and of most of God's prophets before him as most prophets were monogamous except for a few who were celibate and a few who were polygamous.
However if you do go ahead in marrying a second wife then you must ensure justice to both wives. Otherwise you must stick to one wife if you cannot be just.
Let us learn from this story:
There had been some dispute between the Abbaside Caliph Mansur and his wife Hurra Khatun. The Khatun wanted the matter to be referred to Imam Abu Hanifa. The Imam was summoned by the Caliph and his wife also sat behind the curtain; The Caliph asked the Imam, ‘How many wives at a time are allowed in Islam?’ The Imam replied, ‘Four’, Mansur cried out to his wife., ‘Did you listen what the Imam said?’ The Imam at once said, ‘But this is subject to one condition. A man is empowered to marry more than once provided he is capable of doing equal justice to all of his wives. Otherwise he must stick to one wife. So we must heed Allah's admonitions'. The last part of Imam’s reply went against the interests of the Caliph. On reaching home in the evening he found a man waiting for him with a bag of guineas and a letter of thanks from the wife of the Caliph. The Imam returned the money with the remarks that it was his duty to speak the truth without any fear or favour.
And can I ask why you said " I am in close relation with a lady". This is disturbing to read. Please repent.