My husband does not completely support me financially
Salam,
My husband and I are married for over 5 years and i have a two year old beautiful son. When our relationship was being finalised by our elders, his parents showed us that their son who will come down from UK has enough to support himself and family. We had asked him in the beginning what he plans to do and he had replied don't worry you will have no financial issues.
As soon as we married, he told me since he is studying he cannot afford to spent too much. I used to spend my own money on outings, in fact we went abroad and i spend on everything from visa fees to travel. As soon as i had my baby, we had problems on finance as he had send more than half of what we send to his father saying it was his debt.
Now our finances are separate. He went for Hajj and told me he has to go and does not have money to support me. On parental preassure from my end, he gave half of what spent at home. from the last one and half years, he spends on certain basic necessity but my own personal expense and certain expenses of the kid are borne by me.
I have been working from day 1 from my marriage. This has always been an issue from the start. Now are relations are strained. We live in the same house but don't care about each other. We are there for our son.
My husband think he is right, his parents don't correct him and i am getting stressed in this marriage. What should I do?
- baz
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Salamu'alaikum sister,
The relationship of marriage is between two souls and its strength depends on how the two behave with each other. Perhaps, what has happened has frustrated you. You think your husband has lied and thus, have the perception you currently have. I do not know if he actually lied, but one possibility, which is one of the most common things is that he had finances when he told you he did, but the scarcity which came later was a test from Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala. What is required in this is patience, in which, both parties involved (the husband and the wife) should have patience together and face the test with thankfulness and percievierence. Remain steadfast on deen, remember Allah all the time and be good to your husband.
It is alright if you work, though it is not upon you to work if you do not wish to. It is the responsibility of your husband to take care of you and your children. Just be good to him and show that you care for him and make him realize his responsibility in ways that are wise.
You need to refresh your relationship and face difficulties with patience and as one soul. May Allah make it easy. Be obedient to Allah, follow the Messenger Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallah and his example in all affairs, his ways and see how he dealt with his family. You have to be the coolness of your husband'd eyes, that is when, insha Allah, you will see a lot of change in your life and in your child's life, insha Allah
May Allah make it so
Aameen
Wassalamu'alaikum
Muhammad Waseem
Salaams,
You are entirely correct that whatever you make from your own job and wages, is yours to spend as you like. You are not obligated to use those funds toward your needs or the children's needs that the husband is Islamically obligated to furnish, but if you do I imagine it will be reward for you in doing so.
Your husband is obligated to take care of the basic needs for you and your child: food, clothing, shelter. It doesn't mean it has to be the most extravagent housing and clothes or the most premium of food, but he has to make a sincere effort to provide this much. As such, going on hajj is something we are only supposed to do if we can afford it- meaning that we are able to cover our obligatory expenses and have no outstanding debts. If he is not able to cover your needs, he shouldn't be going on hajj right now then. He should perhaps put that off for a few years until his finances are in a more stable place.
If you feel that he is not keeping his priorities in order or doing all he can and should to provide for you as a husband and father ought to, this would be an Islamically valid ground to request a divorce. However, if you think it's something you can have sabr with and will turn around when he gets more financially stable, then try to do that. Only you know what you are able to bear with this type of situation, and only you know him well enough to decide if he is being sincere and just struggling, or just blowing smoke up your nose.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaikum ,I think you should divorce, as my husband is same . We got married , and he told me is student and he does not have enough money. I work full time, all my money goes on the house, bills and food. He just pay half rent and his credit card bills. I have a child to take care of asweel from my first marriage, my husband does not understand I need to look after my child asweel so he can support me just a little bit, in paying some of bills.No , he tell me I use him and this wwords hurt me. I just cant believe. His praying , his working in masjid, He says is loving God more then me.I just hait him sometimes as I dont know what to do .
How can u advise somone "divorce him" I think ur wrongShiraz
As-Salāmu 'Alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh ,
I found one excellent answer on this subject:
Q1. In Islam, can a husband force his wife to earn for herself and her children? And, if she does start earning then is the husband free from his responsibilities?
A1. In Islam, the living expense of a family is the responsibility of the husband and not the wife according to the Qur’an, the Sunnah, and the consensus of all Muslim scholars. Allah said, “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend [to support them] from their means.” (Qur’an, 4:34)
Allah, the Exalted said, “The father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis.” (Qur’an, 2:233)
Mu’awiya Ibn Hayda said, “I asked the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) what is the right of someone’s wife over him?’ He said, “That you feed her when you eat and clothe her when you clothe yourself and do not strike her on the face. Do not malign her and do not keep apart from her, except in the house.” (Abu Dawud)
A husband should not force his wife to work or spend on the family from her own wealth because that is his responsibility even if his wife is rich. However, if she wants to help him without any pressure then it is her decision. At the time of marriage if the girl puts a condition that her husband shouldn’t stop her from working, then he should adhere to it and should not stop her from working until and unless there is a legitimate reason. And, whatever she earns from her job belongs to her unless she is willing to spend on her husband or her family.
If such a condition doesn’t exist and if the wife decides to work then she should get permission from her husband first. They can both mutually agree on spending a percentage of their income on their family to cover their expenses.
By Dr. Yahya Al-Bahith ,
SAUDI GAZETTE
Assalamu alaikum,I am the same Aaisha who is writing in here,since 2013.I am married since 2012.All I wanted from my marriage is peace and a loving husband.My husband start from day 1 ,saying he does not have to much money,and I advised to change his job,and not working in the masjid,if his paid to low...I have a child from my first marriage,now its seems I have 2...as my husband ....his only pay rent...and I have struggle with everything else...I had full time job,and he use to take my special needs child to school each morning....Now...2 weeks ago,he told me he wants to separate as he is having enough ...but what he did for me actually..rather then tearing me apart.....I had to quit ...half shift ...so I can take care of my child...as he does not want no more...he said he is not feeling enough man...he neds more space to have fun...should I say so.....Financilaly he does not help me..with groceries,with bills .I dont ask him to suport me financially for my daughter as ,islamicaly only if he wishes....but he is eating...his using house...i wash him...so...I am expecting him...to realize what I do for him.....but he just coming...and his leaving...he does not ask me if I need something..and if I ask him for money ...he sais no....we just living in house like 2 strangers....I just cant take this any longer....He is sending money...for his family...in Pakistan....and I have to struggle....i love him for the sake of Allah...but this...is way to much....His family never...ask me if I want anything....they just influence him against me....my husband speaks daily with them ...about me......and here we go....I dont knoww...what to do....Jazakaallah khairan....
Salam sister,
I personally believe that your husband has financial responsibilties towards your food, shelter and cloths etc in reasonable means.
However i am also married, but have only done just NIKAH- NO rukhsati or send off. My wife lives in another country and i will be sponsoring her soon. Can anybody please guide me also that am i responsible for all her financial needs from nikah onwards, OR after we both start living together as husband & wife
I gave her some money to spend on herself when i returned back
Who is responsible for her visa + travel cost BEFORE rukhsati / send off.
Or would it just be a very nice thing by Me to inform her parents that i will be sending money for these costs?
Hope i helped &. Please guide me aswell
Salam
Your wife becomes your wife after the Nikkah is completed, and thus the responsibilities begin at this time, I do not know what a 'Ruksati' however whatever it is is a cultural practice and not an islamic one.... i.e it has no bearing on the validity of the marriage after the Nikkah, nor is there any 'need' for one to take place Islamically.....
This is just my 2 cents. I think it might help to focus on other aspects of your marriage. Is the financial arrangement the only issue or are there other problems as well. Is he good as a husband and father. Was he giving enough time and attention to you and your son? How is his religious side? Look at the marriage from all aspects instead of focusing on the one issue and it might help you get a bigger picture of your relationship. He did Hajj so it means he is God fearing. If you want to make your marriage work maybe try to Pray together and read islamic books together.Distract yourselves from the main issue.And when he is approachable slowly explain that the financial burden is overwhelming you if he can step up and help out.what is your husbands attitude towards this? Does he make no effort to be financially supportive or he genuinely has problems. You know the whole situation best.Sometimes we focus so much on our rights that we forget we may have to compromise.mutual understanding is really important.Please understand this is just my opinion I am no scholar.
i am in the same situation since 9 years now. My husband left three jobs and has been jobless for around two years this time, two, three years before 2014. I mean we have always been shaky in finances. I used to trust his business plans, which till this day are a failure. I sold all my jewellery as I wasn't earning. Now, I am working since 3 years app, and he just pays school fee of my son by the nominal tuition he gives at home.
He can go to universities and schools as visiting faculty but whenever I give this suggestion, he gets angry. I work 8-5, teach my kids, cook, maintain the home and all.
Jobs as minor as mending a broken door knob keep delayed for months, he can atleast do what he can atleast. If I say something, he gets so bitter so I don't complain now.
I have given up to the fact that I have to live like this forever and bear being with him for the sake of kids.
I do not complain or show this to anyone, but myself I am hurting from inside, I don't know how to get over this feeling.
I am with my husband for 7 years now. I married him (in my country) because I thought he is a good man. But when I got my marriage contract, it says there that he is Married. So I asked him and he said he is divorce for long time. I still believed on him. He went back to our workplace first, then 2 weeks, i followed him because I still have work there. I got shock because he asked me to stay in his office. I didn’t complain. But time came that I can’t sleep anymore there as my work sometimes is night duty. So I told him and promise me to find a house for us. One day, Igot shocked when one old lady came and was shouting. My husband asked me to go in the room And locked it. I can’t understand well Arabic before. But I did undestand that he called his son and asked to take his Mom. I was crying and feeling cheated. When that woman went outside the office, she shouted that I am a Flirt Lady. Of course,I’m not. I was supposed to call my parents but he took my phone. I was left alone in that room crying. I didn’t know what’s the truth.
We transferred to a house with 2 bedrooms. I got shocked because he was asking me to pay the half. I did even l’m getting small amount of salary. Because I came in a culture that husband and wife are helping each other. One day, he didn’t go home and i tried to call him many times but no answer. He came home and asked sorry. Followed by 3 days that he didn’t come home. And not answering my call at all. He will come home without any explaination. I was so disturb that time. He repeated many times. And I was crying till I got sleep for almost everyday. He will come home whenever he wants.
Time came that I went on vacation in my country and tried not to come back anymore. My family got shocked in my decision but I didn’t tell the truth still. And my husband followed me and told me to come back and he’ll change. I believed him. We went back together.
Ramadan came, again,he started not coming home. I felt the pain again. One day, I called him and he went home with his son. I asked him why. No answer. I asked him if he is still married and he said Yes. I slapped him. And he pushed me then slapped me also and went outside the house with his son. My world went upside down. I’m professionally graduated in college with license of bachelors degree, 27 years old, single, and working independently when he married me. And he is on his 50s, business man but he is earning from his business not that much and have 5 children.
Work. Home. Cry and nobody knows my situation untill now. I tried to be strong and I gained it. I decided to finish only my contract And I will go home to my parents. But it didn’t happened.
In our 2nd year of marriage, I transferred into a new facility and getting more than double of my salary previously. It made me more confident. And I can still stay to earn money. But still the happiness is not there. Im the one who is paying our house rent, buying groceries, my things and his clothes. He is always telling me he doesn’t have. But i always see in his account that he is spending 300-500 groceries. Where are those groceries going? In his children. I really don’t know if he is divorce or no. But since 3 years back he is staying home everyday.
Sometimes, I have the feeling of running away from him and will not come back anymore. It’s like I’m sweeping the floor in front of the electric fan. He doesn’t plan for me/ for our future. It’s really hurting...