Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is not the good Muslim I thought he was

husband marriage wife disappointed

AA! I recently did nikah about four months ago to a man I thought was the man of my dreams. He prayed, is good with his family and to everyone else. To sum it, he was what I wanted in a muslim.

We just found out we are being blessed with a baby. But now that we live together and I get to see who he really is I realize he is far away from being a muslim. I know I don't want to be with him. I also know he hides things from me and does HARAM things.

What should I do for this baby's sake? I tried talking to him but he says: "don't try to change who I am". Help


Editor's Note: The author previously submitted the following two posts. Reading these will give you a better picture of her current situation:

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6 Responses »

  1. In your last two questions . You were so eager and desperate to marry that man . I wonder , where that love went .

    • Lala,

      Well spotted, so thank you for pointing that out. I shall add a note to the sister's post about this as it will give readers a better picture of the case at hand.

      SisterZ Editor

    • I do love him what I dont love is who he really is, his friend, and his actions.

      • Asalaam alaikum,

        Did you marry the man from your previous posts or another man during this time? I ask because in October you said,

        I just wanted to update all of you who helped me by answering and giving me good advice.

        After waiting for him to get back from overseas I found out by a friend of mine that he got engaged and was very happy. Shortly after, he confirmed it. So it was all a waste of time, but at the end I did learn a good lesson.

        Could you clarify this point?

        • I am glad you spoted this, nobody else did, and I honestly did not want to mention it, but he is a different person. I dont want to seem harsh but i do love him with all my heart, he treats me so so good! maybe i am being a bit harsh on him, after all no body is perfect...

  2. Salamu'alaiki sister,

    i understand you did a love marriage. Most love marriages have this problem. You married him because you thought he was Religious. You (or your Wali) probably made a mistake by not researching about this person before you married him.

    What you should do now is passively call him to follow the deen. Play lectures of scholars from the Ahlus Sunnah when he is at home, regarding the haraam things he does. If you have a difficlulty in finding the lectures, you can comment on this, telling me what you want and insha Allah, I'll find some for you. If this does not work, then inform his relatives such as his parents or anyone he holds high and listens to. Ask them to give some good advise to him.

    I know a person who did a funny but an effective thing. He lived with his relatives and his parents lived abroad. The relatives did not offer prayers and did wrong things.
    He could not advise them directly, so, he wrote a letter addressed to them, warning them about what they were doing and called himself Abdullah, a member of WAMY (World Assembly of Muslim Youth). This was true. He was a slave of Allah and also a member of WAMY's online mail group.

    If none of the ways work, then you need will have to decide if you want to live with his non Religious nature or ask for divorce and marry a righteous Muslim. Get help in this regard from your Wali or your parents.

    My personal advise is 'if he does not want to leave Haraam and practice Islam, then you should ask him for divorce and marry another righteous Muslim man'

    Allah knows Best.
    May Allah keep you firm upon His Deen
    Muhammad Waseem

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