I’m gay but society won’t accept me, what should I do?
Rejected by society.
I know being gay is bad, but I read my five times namaz and read the Quran daily. No one is perfect, but the local Muslims think different.
No Muslim from my town knows yet but some non-Muslims do.
I'm scared if my family find out I might get kicked out. I've not just woke up one day and decided I'm gay, since I can remember I've liked boys, I've never liked a girls.
I'm 15 and I can't keep it in, it's too hard. I'm sure Allah swt will let me off for this one error. Also does it say in the Quran that you should kill someone if they're gay?
- hellohi
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hey, im 16 and to be honest i dont really know much about homosexual relationships in islam, i know they are haraam and strictly forbidden but thats it. What i do know is the fact that we are teens, liking people; girls or boys is just lust, we're targetted by the devil to do this cos we're young, and yes nobodys perfect, but we can try our best with the help of Allah, so my advice to you is pray to Allah for help and try not to see boys in this way, try steer yourself away from it and keep yourself occupied with something else
Best of luck
Jazakillah soldierette of Allah, you have said enough. Brother "hellohi", consider what your sister has to say. Concentrate on remedy instead of giving into the sin and listening to the devil (Shaitaan).
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Masha'ALLAH brother ^_^ nice advice
hellohi, Assalamualaikum,
I can not blame you because the environment you live in has made you into what you have become, what you have started to feel. The world finds excuse saying it is a difference in mental makeup that makes a person gay. This is not true and is just another excuse given by the people of desire.
You are not naturally gay. You think you are, because you have led Shaitaan take over you, your mindset. We do not let our mind and heart go wherever they want to go, as see how far they can go. Instead, we set boundaries all around us and let the heart and mind free as long as they are within the boundary. And this boundary is the one set by Allah.
Being gay is beyond the boundary and as you have heard, the punishment for sodomy is death.
Will you still think you should not change yourself, after knowing that Allah destroyed an entire nation (people of Loot Alaihis Salam), because they practiced this evil?
This is an evil of the society supported by Shaitaan and made to seem good by him, but it is enough for destroying one's Hereafter.
It is Haraam because it is against the nature Allah Created us with. Your excuse that everybody sins and Allah Will Forgive this one sin is invalid, void. Allah Forgives, but when you delibmberately disobey Him and deny what has been said regarding it, it is not correct. Everyone sins, but the best of the sinners are those who do tawbah. So, ideally, you should be doing tawbah.
A hadith says the following:
"Kill the one that is doing it and also kill the one that it is being done to." (in reference to the active and passive partners in gay sexual intercourse)
This is the punishment for such an act.
As I said, there was an entire nation (Ummah) which was destroyed, just because they had this bad habit or this bad characteristic. Allah says in Surah al Hijr:
73. So As-Saihah (torment - awful cry, etc.) overtook them at the time of sunrise;
74. And We turned (the towns of Sodom in Palestine) upside down and rained down on them stones of baked clay.
75. Surely! In this are signs, for those who see (or understand or learn the lessons from the Signs of Allah).
This is a reminder from Allah, a warning from Him. We should pay heed to this at any cost. I know it is difficult to come out of the trap of the Shaitaan, but remember that it is your life and you have to answer to Allah on the Day of Resurrection.
You are deceiving yourself, but there is a way out. You can live a peaceful life, and have a peaceful hereafter. You do not have to live distressed, concentrate on your Deen, get married to a righteous lady when you get rid of these thoughts and reach the age of marriage and fulfil your sexual desire from her, instead of turning to the Haraam.
And my brother, you should seek Allah's Forgiveness for your sins and earn the Pleasure of Allah. Use the time you have, to do Tawbah and have your sins forgiven, and also do Allah's Worship and Please Him.
Abu Huraira Radhiallahu ‘anhu narrated that the Prophet Shalallahu ‘alaihi wa Salam said, ‘if Allah loves a person, He calls Jibrael (Gabriel) saying,’Allah loves so and so; O Jibrael (Gabriel) love him.’ And make an announcement amongst the inhabitants of the heaven:
“ Allah loves so and so therefore you should love him also, and so all the inhabitans of the heaven would love him, and then he is granted the pleasures of the people on the earth.” Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim.
Abu Huraira Radhiallahu ‘anhu narrated that Allah’s Messenger Shalallahu ‘alaihi wa Salam said that Allah said:
“I will declare war against him who shows hostility to a pious worshipper of mine And the most beloved things with which My slave comes nearer to Me, is what I have enjoined upon him; and My worshipper keeps on coming closes to Me through perfoming Nawafil (praying or doing extra deeds besides what is (obligatory) till I love him, then I become his sense of hearing with which he hears, and his sense of sight with which he sees, and his hands with which he grips, and his legs with which he walks; and if he ask Me, I will give him, and if he ask My Protection (Refuge), I will Protect him.” Narrated by Al Bukhari.
So, should you not intend to be loved by Allah? Should you not intend to become among the chosen Mu'minen, who will be under His Shade on The Day of Resurrection?
Then do not come close to homosexuality. It is NOT an option, IT IS NOT. So there is no option for you in Islam to choose to be or not to be gay.
So my little brother, pay heed to the warnings from Allah and do not follow your own desire, thus following Shaitan. Obey Allah and His Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and work towards normalizing yourself and becoming a normal man - straight.
If you think I am being harsh, I am, my brother. So that I can pull your ear and bring you on the path of Allah, because you are my younger brother and going astray. You will be destroying your Aakhirah by remaining 'gay' and thus, CHALLENGING Allah, The Supreme Lord. Is this what you want? I am sure, not. So, my brother return to Allah and give up the though that you are gay and you should remain gay. This is the thought of the people of desires. You are a Muslim and you follow the Quran and Hadith. You do not say such words.
Read the following post concerning coming back to Islam from homosexuality:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/
reintegrating-a-homosexual-into-islam/
Fear Allah and take steps to reintegrate yourself as a normal man. You can take help from the post I have mentioned above.
Allah Knows Best.
Do not worry my brother. There is a way out. You just need to work a little. May Allah enable you to overcome the urges.
May Allah bring you out of this, and May He accept you as one of His chosen Slaves.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Masha'Allah great comment.
Dear brother it is unclear to me who is supposed to do the killing of gays.
The judge or the ruler of a Muslim nation passes the judgement, only then it is carried out. Just like the punishment for Zina, Killing, Stealing, etc.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Ok thank you
Senna as muslims we are not supposed to murder anyone.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Yes, Precious star, as Muslims we don't kill anyone but we do execute when we have the ability. A life for a life, married fornicators, people who commit the act of Lut salawatu wasalamu alayhi and people who do zina with forbidden family members and people who do zina with animals are all to be executed under Sharia.
And anyone who denies a law in Islam after it has been made clear to him that this is from Allah and His Messenger is disbeliever. He is enslaving himself to taghout and not Allah.
Brother Gibran,
These are the Quranic verses from sura Nur. They deal with those who practice fornication or unlawful sexual intercourse. There is no mention of murder or execution.
24:2 The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication,- flog each of them with a hundred stripes: Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the Believers witness their punishment.
24:3 Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry and but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.
24:4 And those who launch a charge against chaste women, and produce not four witnesses (to support their allegations),- flog them with eighty stripes; and reject their evidence ever after: for such men are wicked transgressors;-
24:5 Unless they repent thereafter and mend (their conduct); for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
24:6 And for those who launch a charge against their spouses, and have (in support) no evidence but their own,- their solitary evidence (can be received) if they bear witness four times (with an oath) by Allah that they are solemnly telling the truth;
24:7 And the fifth (oath) (should be) that they solemnly invoke the curse of Allah on themselves if they tell a lie.
24:8 But it would avert the punishment from the wife, if she bears witness four times (with an oath) By Allah, that (her husband) is telling a lie;
24:9 And the fifth (oath) should be that she solemnly invokes the wrath of Allah on herself if (her accuser) is telling the truth.
Precious Star; the deen is not just Surah an Noor, the following Aayah says that a murderer has to be killed:
5:45
وَكَتَبْنَا عَلَيْهِمْ فِيهَا أَنَّ النَّفْسَ بِالنَّفْسِ وَالْعَيْنَ بِالْعَيْنِ وَالْأَنْفَ بِالْأَنْفِ وَالْأُذُنَ بِالْأُذُنِ وَالسِّنَّ بِالسِّنِّ وَالْجُرُوحَ قِصَاصٌ ۚ فَمَنْ تَصَدَّقَ بِهِ فَهُوَ كَفَّارَةٌ لَهُ ۚ وَمَنْ لَمْ يَحْكُمْ بِمَا أَنْزَلَ اللَّهُ فَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الظَّالِمُونَ
And We ordained for them therein a life for a life, an eye for an eye, a nose for a nose, an ear for an ear, a tooth for a tooth, and for wounds is legal retribution. But whoever gives [up his right as] charity, it is an expiation for him. And whoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed - then it is those who are the wrongdoers
And the deen is not just the Qur'aan. The Ahaadeeth are equally a part of the deen.
The Aayaat you mentioned were for zina by unmarried people. For zina by married people, Ahaadeeth say that they are killed. People practicing sodomy are also killed. A Muslim does not deny these rulings, and it is not befitting for them to deny Ahaadeeth that are Sahih.
It is important to accept the deen completely from Quran and the Sunnah. There is no scope for accepting some and rejecting some parts.
Allah Said:
2:208
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا ادْخُلُوا فِي السِّلْمِ كَافَّةً وَلَا تَتَّبِعُوا خُطُوَاتِ الشَّيْطَانِ ۚ إِنَّهُ لَكُمْ عَدُوٌّ مُبِينٌ
O you who have believed, enter into Islam completely [and perfectly] and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy.
2:209
فَإِنْ زَلَلْتُمْ مِنْ بَعْدِ مَا جَاءَتْكُمُ الْبَيِّنَاتُ فَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ
But if you deviate after clear proofs have come to you, then know that Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.
2:210
هَلْ يَنْظُرُونَ إِلَّا أَنْ يَأْتِيَهُمُ اللَّهُ فِي ظُلَلٍ مِنَ الْغَمَامِ وَالْمَلَائِكَةُ وَقُضِيَ الْأَمْرُ ۚ وَإِلَى اللَّهِ تُرْجَعُ الْأُمُورُ
Do they await but that Allah should come to them in covers of clouds and the angels [as well] and the matter is [then] decided? And to Allah [all] matters are returned
And your translation of the aayah from surah Noor is wrong. It does not include adultery but is only for fornication:
24:2
الزَّانِيَةُ وَالزَّانِي فَاجْلِدُوا كُلَّ وَاحِدٍ مِنْهُمَا مِائَةَ جَلْدَةٍ ۖ وَلَا تَأْخُذْكُمْ بِهِمَا رَأْفَةٌ فِي دِينِ اللَّهِ إِنْ كُنْتُمْ تُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ ۖ وَلْيَشْهَدْ عَذَابَهُمَا طَائِفَةٌ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ
The [unmarried] woman or [unmarried] man found guilty of sexual intercourse - lash each one of them with a hundred lashes, and do not be taken by pity for them in the religion of Allah , if you should believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a group of the believers witness their punishment.
Please refrain from such translation as they aim at changing the deen. I know a person who disbelieves in Isa Alaihis Salam coming back, al Mahdi, Dajjal, Yajooj Majooj, etc. and has written a tafseer of the Quran. What tafseer can we expect from such a person?
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Masha'ALLAH nice response....
And brother hellohi In sha ALLAH you can over come these thoughts...
In sha ALLAH
"You are not naturally gay".
There is research that suggests a biological basis for homosexual feelings. Pregnant women who have abnormally high levels of estrogen, for example, subject those hormones to the fetus and the male fetus is more likely to be have homosexual tendencies as well as female characteristics. This is just an example.
My point is not to make this person feel like a freak of nature, only that it was something he was born with.
The SIN comes with acting on his homosexual tendencies. The people of LOT were told to repent because they had behaved in a sinful manner.
If you reach marriageable age and still find that you are attracted to males only, and not to females, then I do not suggest get married. It would not be fair to your wife, unless you told her in advance and she was totally ok with it.
There are other things you can then do with your life besides marriage, such as taking care of your parents or doing aid work in poor Muslim countries. But you have lots of time before you make that decision.
In the meantime, try fasting to control your urges.
Salams to all
May Allah grant us usnderstanding of his deen,may we listen and obey,whether we understand or not
Let's put our logic aside and try to embrace our deen
I'm not too fimiliar with the actual prescribed punishment for sodomy but what I do know is that
Allah destroyed an entire nation for this particular act
It is Allah who has created us and he has made a male a male and a female a female
This is the only natural way,if something goes against nature than it can't be accepted
With regards to feeling towards the same sex this is obviously whispering from shaytaan
Shaytaan makes a suggestion to us and we decide how to deal with it
If we are week and follow his orders than we suffer the consequences
Allah made you a man and you have all the organs of a man,is it not clear that you are meant to be with the opposite sex?
Make dua for guidance young brother,it's not too late
Shaytaan will tell u that Allah is most forgiving so u can't be gay and he will
Overlook it,yes Allah is most forgiving
BUT! This whisper is from shaytaan and could only be a trap
May Allah guide us all
Salaam brother.
I am sorry to hear of your predicament. First of all, I advise you to stay away from labels (gay, straight, bi, or any other cultural labels.) You are Muslim and a slave of Allah - that is all. Labels are what society has made, but they are not good, they are very limiting.
I think you are thinking too deep about your feelings. I dont mean to belittle them in anyway brother. Feelings are real, but having lust towards members of the same sex (even for a long time) does not necessarily make one person gay. Islamically you are not held to account for your feelings - it's what you do about them that can make a person sinful. So feeling attracted to a person in itself is not sinful. BUT if you go and tell the person, or start a relationship/friendship with them or commit sexual acts with them that that would be sinful.
My advice to you, don't tell people you are 'gay' because by doing this you are saying 'it is OK.' Just accept the fact that you seem to have lustful feelings towards members of the same gender at times. Keep yourself away from getting friendly with people, keep good company and make tawbah. And do not worry about what society says about you - think of Allah - is He pleased with you? InshaAllah with time and patience you will overcome this difficult test.
May Allah make it easy for you to overcome these urges.
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswerscom Editor
Nice response dear sister..
Masha'ALLAH
Assalamualaikum
Enough has been said already so I will try to be brief. It is very easy to get confused because the society around us really has no clue of what is right or wrong. As long as there is a group of like-minded people who prefer something then the society starts to accept it. Sometimes the society moves in the right direction (removal of racism) while other times society moves in the wrong direction (open relationships, homophobic relationships, abortion, child abandonment etc).
Muslims pretty much are aware of what Islam says about something, while the wisdom behind these commandments is often not easily understood. The appreciation of these commandments starts to come when you start to truly believe that Allah is the creator of this universe. Then making changes in ones lifestyle are not too difficult.
My advice to you would be to not worry too much about what others (muslims and non-muslims) will say:
i) Constantly ask Allah for guidance.
ii) Try to approach Islam with an open mind (try to understand the wisdom)
iii) Analyse your behavior and see if your environment is forcing you to think in a certain way, then you need to distance yourself from such environments.
May Allah make it easy for you and guide you to the right path.
JZK
Assalam'alaykum 'hellohi',
Read carefully,
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “I certainly know people of my ummah who will come on the Day of Resurrection with good deeds like the mountains of Tihaamah, but Allaah will make them like scattered dust (perish).” Thawbaan said: O Messenger of Allaah, describe them to us and tell us more, so that we will not become of them unknowingly. He said: “They are your brothers and from your race, worshipping at night as you do (fast, pray) , but they will be people who, when they are alone, transgress the sacred limits of Allaah.” (Sunan Ibn Majah)
Of no effect is the repentance of those who continue to do evil until death faces one of them and he says: ‘Now have I repented indeed’, Nor of those who die rejecting faith; for them We have prepared a punishment most grievous."
(An-Nisa 4:18)
Just remember, "..The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing)."
(Qur'an Al-Imran 3:185)
so, “.. ‘O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful."
‘And turn in repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to your Lord and submit to Him(in Islam) before the punishment comes upon you, (and) then you will not be helped.
‘And follow the best of that which is sent down to you from your Lord (i.e. this Qur’aan, do what it orders you to do and keep away from what it forbids), before the punishment comes on you suddenly while you perceive not!’ [al-Zumar 39:53-55].
So take heed, I know of many people who are 'gays' (they've done the acts too) but they've overcame it with hard work and patience and are successfull muslim 'men' now. They fear Allah much. There's plenty of informations online on how to overcome it, hope it helps you.
Masha'ALLAH nice response
salaam brother,
You know my life experience is different. I have worked in medical field for years and my father has as well..I dont think your environment made you this way. I have seen children even in strict muslim families as babies that had "differences" ..even in the gulf you see the differences.every situation is different. Brother...i will not judge you .only ALLAH SWT can do this. you can pray wholeheartedly to ALLAH swt and he knows our hearts.This will never go away, you will always have this orientation. Be honest with yourself. I can only say that just be honest with others, dont marry a woman with these feelings,and dont misled anyone. Focus on your studies and improving your imaan. ALLAH swt can only judge us and see our intentions..take care of yourself.
btw have you hormones checked? i have noticed that whenever i do blood work extensively on alot of homosexuals their sexual hormones are out of range.Thus i dont think this issue is simply an issue of simply evil thoughts ...i will pray for you.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Whatever you do, DO NOT give up your Shahada and your Salah. If you give up your salah you will have committed something far more severe than liwat.
If you do fall into a any sin, do not tell anybody, just repent to Allah and regret it in private.
Marry a woman. If you have to do something, do it with a woman.
I am going to be a little bit explicit here but even An-Nabi (S) said what he was supposed to say and Allah is not too shy to tell the truth.
Brother if you want to be chaste and avoid sin, this is the advise I have for you. It is similar to the advise Lut salawatu wasalamu alayhi gave to his nation who were practicing this sick deed.
You might think "I am not attracted to women."
But that is fine. You can still achieve an orgasm by trying the act. Even though it would take awhile, it would eventually occur. Think about it this way-if you masturbated with a pillow something eventually would happen right? The same is true for a Muslim woman. If you did it with her you would eventually reach a climax and you would be fine. This is how you keep yourself chaste.
Until then, try to do fasting to curb your desire.
http://quran.com/11/78
http://quran.com/15/71
May Allah help you. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES give up Salah or any of the five pillars of Islam.
Brohter Gibran, this is bad advice. It would be unjust for him to marry a woman when he feels no attraction to her. He would not be able to give her her sexual rights, and she would not be happy. It would be better for him to remain single and chaste.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Jazzakallahu khair Wael
I totally understand your point about it being unfair to the girl. I think I remember hesitating to add "Marry an understanding righteous woman."
So I understand that now- brother hellohi, you need to marry a righteous understanding Muslimah.
Now for this sentence:
It would be better for him to remain single and chaste.
Me thinks wael, that you are a little far from being 15 years old. Brother, I am close to 15 years old (I'm almost 19 right now), and subhanAllah, you don't have the memory I think of how back breakingley difficult it is to resist.
At around 14-15 the thoughts of this immorality probably run through his head a LOT. You don't know how much he's going to want it when he turns 18-trust me man. He needs some light at the end of the tunnel. In his case it's no just about sinful enjoyment-it's literally relief. Resisting the urge is extremely painful. It takes a sabr, a patience that is perhaps greater than the patience a believer exerts when faced with a calamity. The brother needs relief.
Finally, I've thought about how to solve this problem and really, the only way I can think of is this:
1) The person with this problem needs to have the sincere desire to avoid disobeying Allah azza wa jal.
2) Dua
3) He needs to do similar to what Lut salawatu wasalamu alayhi told his nation to do.
If you have to do it-do it with a female. A righteous, understanding Muslimah. As for the logistics of how he is going to do it if he does not feel attraction to woman....I think I have covered the logistics of that in the previous comment. No need to get unnecessarily explicit. I do wish I was a lot less wordy though, I feel my paragraphs may be a bit hard to read....
Gibran, I understand where you're coming from. I do think you have a valid point.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamualaikam
At 15, you're still going through the transition to adulthood, and it's not unusual for people to experience confusion about their sexuality during this time. Hormones are going up and down, society throws all sorts of temptations in front of us, and there's huge pressure to "fit in" to a group of peers.
But, the way we feel at 15 isn't necessarily the way we feel at 20, 30, 40... "Coming out" as gay is a huge statement about your identity, and one which it is often difficult to move on from in the future. It also goes against Islamic guidance to maintain privacy, chastity and purity.
While you may feel that you cannot control your feelings and desires, you must remember that we have our free will and intellect. If we use these in our fight to stay on the straight path, it doesn't matter how loudly Shaitan calls to us, we do not need to answer.
Why not try to fill your time with positive activities - study Islam, work hard at school and think about your future career, volunteer for a charity or community project, learn a new language or skill... You should find that inshaAllah once your daily life has positive and constructive experiences filling it, you are able to overcome temptation. Why not try fasting as well, as this is recommended as a means of lowering the sexual drives - maybe incorporate one or two day-long fasts into your week?
Always remember that you already belong to a group more lasting and significant than society's cliques. You are a Muslim, of our Beloved Prophet's (peace be upon him) Ummah, with brothers and sisters in faith and a history of integrity going back over 1000 years. With that much support and love, we can face any trial and inshaAllah succeed.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Always remember that you already belong to a group more lasting and significant than society's cliques. You are a Muslim, of our Beloved Prophet's (peace be upon him) Ummah, with brothers and sisters in faith and a history of integrity going back over 1000 years. With that much support and love, we can face any trial and inshaAllah succeed.
Sister "Midnightmoon",
Above statement is such a beautiful reminder Alhamdullilah, may Allah (swt) reward you and all the Ummah. Amin
Read this.. I found this in one website.
Question: I proposed to a girl, she and her family accepted me, and there is only 3 months left for consummation. I am now confused because I am homosexual, I am inclined sexually to men more than women. No one knows this. Do I have to keep this secret forever, or should I tell this girl about it? I am very confused; I feel that I am deceiving her. She is a very good girl and deserves someone who is much better than me. If I marry her, she will definitely find out my secret one day, this may have very bad consequences; especially if we have children by then. I do not want to be unfair to anyone. We homosexuals are disgraced in Islam and have very limited options, we cannot marry like normal people, what is our fault? And what should we do? What is the wisdom behind us being created homosexuals? If you care about our matter and suffering tell us what shall we do?.
___________________
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Homosexuality is a severe illness and a grave calamity. If it is accompanied by actually committing immoral actions, then it is even worse, because of the sin and abhorrent nature of those immoral actions and their bad consequences in this world and in the Hereafter.
Hence you should focus on how to treat this perversion and save yourself from this destructive evil, more than focusing on whether to conceal it from your fiancée or disclose it to her.
You should realize that there are causes for this calamity, and these causes may be due to what the person affected has done. The one who wants to save himself from this situation should examine these causes and rid himself of them, and do what we advise, otherwise he is approving of and accepting his condition and he does not want to change for the better. Among the causes which may be due to his own actions are the following:
1.
Weakness of faith and remoteness of the heart from love of Allaah, and a lack of fear of His punishment.
2.
Looking freely at beardless youths, and enjoying their beauty and form.
This is the first step towards sin for those who are affected by this disease. Allaah has enjoined lowering the gaze and refraining from looking at haraam things, and the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has enjoined likewise. When he stopped following this command and began to do that which is forbidden, Iblees was able to shoot his poisoned arrow into his heart, and thus destroy him.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Looking is the origin of most of the problems that befall man, because looking generates thoughts, then thoughts generate ideas, and ideas generate desires, and desires generate will, which then becomes stronger and becomes firm resolve, in which case the deed will inevitably be done unless there is something to prevent it. Hence it was said that patience in lowering the gaze is easier than patience in bearing the pain that comes afterwards. End quote from al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 106).
Hence the scholars are unanimously agreed that it is haraam to look at beardless youths, and some of them regard that as more haraam than looking at women.
Imam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Similarly the scholars forbade a man to look at the face of a beardless youth if he is handsome, whether with or without desire, and whether it is free of fitnah (temptation) or there is the fear thereof. This is the correct view which was favoured by the scholars. This was stated by al-Shaafa’i and the prominent scholars of his madhhab (may Allaah have mercy on them). The evidence for this is that a beardless youth is, in some ways, like a woman; he may be desired as a woman is desired, and his form may be beautiful like that of a woman, and many of them may be more beautiful than many women. The prohibition applies more to them for another reason, which is that in their case there may result from attachment to them types of evil that do not occur in the case of women. End quote.
Sharh Muslim (4/31).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Looking at the face of a beardless youth with desire is like looking as the face of a mahram or a non-mahram woman with desire, whether the desire is desire for intercourse or the desire to derive pleasure from looking. If he looks at his mother, sister or daughter with pleasure derived from looking like the pleasure derived from looking at a non-mahram woman, then it is known to everyone that this is haraam. The same applies to looking at the face of a beardless youth, according to scholarly consensus. End quote.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/413) and (21/245).
And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) also said:
The one who looks repeatedly at a beardless youth and the like, or persists in that, and says “I am not looking with desire” is lying, because if he has no need to look, then he is only looking because of the pleasure that he feels in his heart as a result. As for an accidental glance, it is forgiven, if he averts his gaze.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/419) and (21/251).
The kind of looking with which these sick people are afflicted includes what they watch on satellite channels and what they see in newspapers and magazines, and on websites, of pictures of children and beardless young men, and this is what provokes them to commit immoral actions.
3 – Falling short with regard to obligatory and naafil acts of worship
If the person who is afflicted with this problem prays on time, fulfilling the conditions and obligatory parts of prayer, that will be a deterrent that keeps him from falling into evil and immoral ways. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahsha’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)”
[al-‘Ankaboot 29:45]
So how about if he regularly performs sunnah and naafil prayers?
4 – Forsaking the Qur’aan and failing to read books about the lives of righteous men and the imams
The Book of Allaah contains guidance, light and healing; it is the best protection for the Muslim against falling into sin and it is the best remedy for the one who does fall into sin.
If he reads books about the imams and biographies of the scholars, he can take them as an example and become familiar with their stories and rise above immorality and evil.
5 – Falling short in seeking knowledge
Knowledge is light, through which one may know what is halaal and do it, and what is haraam and avoid it. Through it he may come to know his Lord, may He be exalted, and His names, attributes and deeds. That will generate in his heart a sense of shyness before his Lord and shyness before His angels, so that he will not want to commit evil and immoral actions. Through knowledge he will come to know the state of sinners and the punishment that Allaah has prepared for them.
6 – A lot of spare time in the lives of those who have this problem
If they kept themselves busy with acts of worship, sport, permissible actions and seeking knowledge, they would not have time to spend in thinking of haraam things, let alone doing them.
7 – Making friends and keeping company with bad people
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) likened the bad friend to one who works the bellows: he will either burn his companion’s clothes or he will notice a bad smell coming from him.
8 – Not getting married
Allaah has created natural desires in man, and He has made the outlet for that in women. The permissible way to do that is marriage. The one who goes against his natural state (fitrah) and diverts that desire towards other males like him, is even lower than the animals, for the animals that Allaah has created are in front of us, and do we ever see any male mounting another male or looking at him with desire? Look at this and compare it with the one who looks at beardless youths of his own gender with desire, and the one who commits immoral actions with them, and that even makes him refrain from marrying women!
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, describing the remedy for haraam love and infatuation: The remedy for this fatal disease is to understand that what has befallen him of this disease that is contrary to Tawheed is due to his ignorance and the negligence of his heart towards Allaah. He must acknowledge the Oneness of his Lord (Tawheed) and His laws and verses first of all, then he should do acts of worship, both inward and outward, which will distract his heart from always thinking of this thing, turn to Him a great deal and beseech Allaah to take this away from him. He should focus his heart on Him. There is no better remedy for it than sincerity towards Allaah. This is the remedy that Allaah mentioned in His Book when He said (interpretation of the meaning): “Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves” [Yoosuf 12:24].
Allaah tells us that He diverted the evil of infatuation and immoral actions away from him because of his sincerity, because if the heart is sincere and one’s actions are sincerely for the sake of Allaah alone, then the love of images cannot take hold of his heart; they can only take hold of an empty heart, as the poet said:
Her love came into my heart before I had any idea of what love is,
And it found my heart vacant, thus it too hold of it.
End quote from al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 150, 151).
Secondly:
One of the gravest mistakes is to think that there is no remedy for this disease, and that the homosexual can never become straight. If that were the case, then Allaah would not have told the people of Loot to repent, and the Prophet of Allaah Loot (peace be upon him) would not have called them to give up their perversion. Allaah is the Creator of man, and He knows what can be changed in man and what cannot, so do not pay any attention to any claim that is contrary to that.
How many homosexuals have turned to their Lord and repented, and their repentance has been accepted and they have changed their ways, and their haraam desires have disappeared. Loot (peace be upon him) called on his people to marry, because that is an effective remedy, in which the one who is affected by this thing can direct his desires in the permissible manner.
Thirdly:
From the above it is clear that what the homosexual falls into of being attached to images of beardless youths, or evil immoral actions, is the result of his deeds (and he is to blame). He is required to give it up, and he can rid himself of that. If we assume that he feels attracted to men, then he must resist that and avoid the causes that may lead to him falling into haraam, just as a normal man is naturally attracted to women, but he is required to lower his gaze and not be alone with a woman, and he must avoid all the means that lead to fitnah (temptation).
Fourthly:
As for your saying “what should we do?”, we have explained to you what you should do. You should fear Allaah and respect Him so much that you do not want Him to see you in the bad situation which He dislikes for you, and for which He gives people a painful punishment.
But what we are really shocked by is what you say after that: “Is it our fault that we are like that? What is the wisdom behind a man being created like this?”
Yes, O slave of Allaah, the blame and consequences, the threat and punishment, all befall the one who commits the sin; he deserves it because of the evil acts that he has done and what his hands have earned.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And among men is he who disputes about Allaah, without knowledge or guidance, or a Book giving light (from Allaah),
9. Bending his neck in pride (far astray from the path of Allaah), and leading (others) too (far) astray from the path of Allaah. For him there is disgrace in this worldly life, and on the Day of Resurrection We shall make him taste the torment of burning (Fire).
10. That is because of what your hands have sent forth, and verily, Allaah is not unjust to (His) slaves”
[al-Hajj 22:8-10]
Allaah also says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who dispute concerning Allaah (His religion of Islamic Monotheism with which Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم has been sent), after it has been accepted (by the people), of no use is their dispute before their Lord and on them is wrath, and for them will be a severe torment”
[al-Shoora 42:16]
Shaykh al-Sa’di said (may Allaah have mercy on him): Here Allaah tells us that “those who dispute concerning Allaah”, with false proofs and contradictory specious arguments, “after it has been accepted (by the people)” i.e., after the people of insight and reason have responded to Allaah, because of the definitive signs and clear proof that He has made clear to them, therefore these people who dispute the truth after it has been made clear to them, “of no use is their dispute” i.e., it is false and rejected “before their Lord” because it implies rejection of the truth, and everything that is contrary to the truth is false.
“and on them is wrath” because of their disobedience and their turning away from the proof of Allaah and their rejecting it. “and for them will be a severe torment” which is the effect of Allaah’s wrath on them. This is the punishment of everyone who contests the truth with falsehood. End quote.
Allaah says of His lying enemies (interpretation of the meaning):
“And when they commit a Faahisha (evil deed, going round the Ka‘bah in naked state, every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse), they say: ‘We found our fathers doing it, and Allaah has commanded it on us.’ Say: ‘Nay, Allaah never commands Faahisha. Do you say of Allaah what you know not?’
29. Say (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم): My Lord has commanded justice and (said) that you should face Him only (i.e. worship none but Allaah and face the Qiblah, i.e. the Ka‘bah at Makkah during prayers) in each and every place of worship, in prayers (and not to face other false deities and idols), and invoke Him only making your religion sincere to Him (by not joining in worship any partner with Him and with the intention that you are doing your deeds for Allaah’s sake only). As He brought you (into being) in the beginning, so shall you be brought into being [on the Day of Resurrection in two groups, one as a blessed one (believers), and the other as a wretched one (disbelievers)].
30. A group He has guided, and a group deserved to be in error; (because) surely, they took the Shayaateen (devils) as Awliyaa’ (protectors and helpers) instead of Allaah, and think that they are guided”
[al-A’raaf 7:28-30].
Shaykh al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Here Allaah says, describing the evil state of the mushrikeen who commit sins, and claim that Allaah commanded them to do them: “And when they commit a Faahisha (evil deed)” meaning everything that is regarded as abhorrent and repugnant, which includes their circumambulating the Ka’bah naked. “they say: ‘We found our fathers doing it” they spoke the truth concerning that. “and Allaah has commanded it on us” they were lying concerning that, hence Allaah rejected this attribution of theirs and said: “Say: ‘Nay, Allaah never commands Faahisha (evil deeds)’” i.e., it is not befitting to His perfection and wisdom to enjoin His slaves to commit evil deeds, whether it is what these mushrikeen were doing or anything else. “Do you say of Allaah what you know not?,” and what fabrication can be greater than that? End quote.
What you have said is what the enemies of Allaah, the mushrikeen and those who disbelieve His Messengers, say. They fall into sin, then they make excuses for it on the basis of qadar (the divine decree), saying that Allaah created them like that, or that He commanded them to do it; exalted be Allaah far above what the wrongdoers say.
Hence let the adulterer, thief and murderer say: What is my fault? Allaah created me like this. This false argument ultimately invalidates all the divine laws, and invalidates the commands and prohibitions, and gives people free rein, so that they fornicate like donkeys, and soon some of them may commit evil actions in the street, as will happen at the end of time, and as happens in some kaafir and sinful countries!
Do you know that you are the one who opened this door to yourself, but that Allaah has proof against you, and you have no proof against Allaah?
So keep yourself busy with closing the door to evil and corruption, before you become unable to close it, instead of keeping yourself busy wondering about the one who made the door and how come he did not keep it closed, as it seems that you do not know the difference between the door and the wall!
If you want it all to be a wall, with no door in it, and no lamp, then what is the point of accountability, and what is the value of commands and prohibitions, halaal and haraam, reward and punishment, Paradise and Hell?
To sum up our advice to you, we advise you to hasten to get married, so that you can put your sperm into that which is pure and halaal, and protect yourself against haraam sex.
But, so that you will not deceive the one who trusts you or betray that trust or transgress against one who has not wronged you, it is essential that you begin first with sincere repentance to Allaah from the sin of homosexuality that you have fallen into, and strive to do all kinds of acts of obedience. Keep yourself busy with Allaah and pleasing Him, then as soon as you feel that you have started to follow the path of guidance, and you feel that you are going in the right direction, then strengthen the motives of goodness and purity in your heart by marrying one who will keep you chaste. But before starting to treat the problem or feeling that you have repented sincerely, do not transgress against anyone else and do not betray the one who has trusted you.
We ask Allaah to heal you, purify your heart, and keep you chaste.
And Allaah knows best.
____________________________
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
ASAK,
Enough has already been said about this issue. However, I'll keep my advice concise and concrete. Allah chose 'Adam and Eve' and not 'Adam and Steve'. I'm not sure whether this verse has been mentioned in any of the above comments, but it unequivocally declares homosexuality as deplorable.
If two men among you are guilty of lewdness, punish them both. If they repent and amend, Leave them alone; for Allah is Oft-returning, Most Merciful.
You still have some more time . This can be rectified.
Aafa Allahu Annka!
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
I remember that reading that the consensus is that that ayah has been abrogated.
The punishment for liwat is death in this deen.
'abrogated'??? What an ignorant comment. Quran is the true book and it has not been amended in any way.
assalamualaikum
this is all shaitan tricks , and learn what shaitan can do to mislead u , brother open ur eyes and see urself , it is not abt what society will acept it is about what allah has commanded us , pls fight back the nafs which is the real jihad and recite quran with its meaning and learn one thing allah has created male and female as partners , and none has right to change it , and plssss this is shaitan trap and he is whispering into ur ears u need to be strong and fight back and be stable and follow allah commands ,
jazakallah khair