Is there any conflict between Istikhara and my own personal dua?
Asalam o alaikum brothers and sisters, please help me out on this matter!
I am doing istikhara for the past 2 days, I do it after Isha prayer but I dont sleep after that (I've heard that dreams are not necessary). So for the past 2 days my feelings are still the same, nothing seems unusual, no change in feelings, no sign or anything. Still I would like to continue Istikhara for 7 days, but my question is:
When a person is doing istikhara should he stop praying about his OWN desire? Because I read somewhere that your dua and your istikhara are not conflicted. You can continue praying what you want along with istikhara because in istikhara you are asking Allah's help. Please guide me on this matter!!
For eg: I am doing istikhara for a girl, I want to marry her but some situations are going against it, like my mom refused and the girl refused as well. So I've been asking this from Allah for the past 2 months!! And finally I decided to do istikhara that if she's not right from me, my heart should turn away from her! So should I keep asking what "I" want? Along with istikhara?? I hope you can understand what I am trying to ask!
Thanks in advance!
~ Sumairkhan
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Salaams,
I personally don't think istikhara is necessary if the girl herself has rejected you. That in itself should be a sign to you that at least for now, she is not meant for you. You can't use istikhara to divine the future, as in trying to determine if she will change her mind later. Istikhara is for trying to make a decision when two or more options are available for you. If you've been declined, that doesn't leave you the two options of being with her or not being with her, it leaves you the ONLY option of not being with her.
That being said, if you want to continue making your own du'a asking Allah to change the heart and mind of the girl in question and your mother, feel free to do so. However, keep in mind that Allah may or may not allow what you are asking. In the future, if you are given a true choice about marriage, you can certainly make istikara right along with making du'a for the outcome you prefer. Istikhara is, as you said, a way of determining guidance from Allah so that you can make the best choice for that situation.
By the way, if things have pretty much been the same for the past two months as you say, there's no harm in expanding your horizons and trying to see what other young ladies are out there that you may like as well.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor