IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Sometimes you must make your own decisions

Question:

My Husband said Talaq once to me and left me. He did try to reconcile within three months but because of family pressures it was not successful. A few months later he tried to reconcile again and I agreed but I then found out that he had already married my sister who had left the family and home for him. He regretted it but was stuck.

Now many years later he has left her and wants to reconcile with me and be a father to our children. I am confused. I believe he does regret his past but I do not know where I stand. I have been told that his marriage to my sister is not valid because he had not divorced me as the iddat period had not passed. Please offer guidance.

- Sister Jan

Answer:

Dear Sister Jan, As-salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullah,

This has nothing to do with the 'iddah period. The 'iddah limits the woman from re-marrying before the completion of the waiting period, but does not limit the man. One of the reasons for this is that it must be ascertained whether or not the woman is pregnant. If she were to re-marry immediately then the fatherhood of the child would be in doubt. It is not relevant in your case.

More importantly, I. have serious concerns about this man's character and judgment. He divorced you, married your sister, and now wants to return to you? Why, because he's not getting along with your sister? What kind of man is this? What kind of destructive influence is he having on your family? Is he just a man who runs around following his whims without thinking of the consequences to others?

Does he have children with your sister? If so, then your children and hers are both cousins and siblings at the same time (half brothers or half sisters). It's a strange situation.

Furthermore, it's obvious that the two of you don't get along well, since your marriage ended in divorce. Have you addressed the issues that led to your divorce? Why would the marriage be any better the second time?

My feeling is to say, leave this man alone. He is out of control, and marrying him again will only deepen the division in your family, and will probably not result in anything good. That's my recommendation.

Still, he is the father of your children and I cannot make a decision for you.. If you feel that in spite of everything he is a decent man, and you love him, and he is a good father, then marry him.

If not, then don't marry him.

It seems to me that you have a habit of giving in to whatever pressure is put upon you. Try making your own decisions based on what makes you happy, and the guidance you receive from Allah. Pray Istikhara to Allah sincerely, removing any desires from your heart, and trust Allah to guide you to the best choice.