Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mother curses and tells us she hates us

Emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse
Emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse


I hate my Mom sometimes just as she says to my brothers and me that she hates us. . she curses at us, and we take it because we can't do anything. My brother argues back and sometimes I do too but most of the time I just leave the scene. It's horrible living with her. Her threats are knives stabbing me. I cry the pain out in the bathroom.

Anything that happens is referred to her in her mind, "on purpose" that we just want to make her life a living hell when we're the ones living in hell because of her. She says she's the victim, while we are the ones suffering. I don't know what to do anymore... I need serious help before I really break the Islamic rules.

- Najma, USA

Wael's Answer:

Dear Sister Najma, As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,

I'm sorry that you are having this experience with your mother. Emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse, and maybe more so. The sad fact is that some people are not good parents, and unfortunately you cannot choose your parents. Some people get good, kind, loving, supportive parents, and some people get abusive, neglectful, or simply uninterested parents, and that's the way the ball bounces. It's not up to you. It's your Qadr. This is the first fact that you have to accept.

Everyone is tested in different ways

Another way to look at it is that everyone is tested in different ways in life. For some people the test is poverty, or hunger, or a physical handicap. I have a friend who is my age, but he has a disease that is eating away his nervous system. When we were kids together he was very athletic, always riding a bicycle, and later he made his living importing bicycle parts from Europe. Now he is confined to a wheelchair and someone has to help him take care of his bodily needs. He never had a chance to get married and have kids. His life expectancy is short. This is his test, and it's not an easy one, and I would never want to exchange my problems for his. There are so many people whose tests are far more difficult than mine, and when I am feeling sorry for myself I remind myself of this fact.

It's awful when your test comes in the form of the very person who is supposed to love you, support you, and help you through this life. But there it is.

Once you have accepted this fact, and are not spending your time wailing against the injustice of life, or resenting the world, you can start to look at some possible ways to not only minimize the damage, but come out of it with your heart and spirit healthy and strong.

1. Try to get your mom to see a health professional

Your mother may be clinically depressed, or bipolar, or something similar. It's possible that the right medication could help her tremendously. I realize that she probably won't listen to your suggestion to see a doctor. But is there someone you can talk to who she respects, who could talk to her? A grandparent, or an aunt or uncle, or a good friend of hers? They can present the suggestion as if it's coming from them, not from you.

2. Realize that it's not about you

Don't take your mother's abuse into your heart. I'm not saying don't let it affect you; I know that's impossible. But if she tells you - for example - that you are worthless, don't believe that statement or make it part of your self-image. Realize that her behavior is a product of her own illness, or of her own damaging childhood and life experiences. She is taking it out on you because you are the one who is there. But it is not truly about you, and you should not accept the negative statements that she makes about you.

Don't argue, curse or shout back at your mother, as it will not help. It will only deepen her feelings of victimization, and it will leave you feeling out of control, just as she is.

3. Write affirmations and practice them

Affirmations are positive statements that you make about yourself. They are a powerful tool for strengthening your spirit, resisting negative programming, and focusing on who you really are as a human being. Write some affirmations to help fortify your sense of who you are as a person, and to prevent your mother's negativity from dragging you down. Keep your affirmations in a private notebook and read them every day. I really want you to do this. This is a tool that I use myself, and I have found it to be tremendously helpful in my life. I suggest that your affirmations might look something like this:

  • I, Najma, am a good and strong Muslimah. I believe in Allah and turn to Him for guidance and help. I strive for excellence in every way, for the sake of Allah.
  • I define myself.. Other people do not define me. I am a good, kind and honest human being, Insha'Allah.
  • I have power only over myself and the choices I make in life. I cannot force anyone to be kind or respectful to me, but I can respect myself and be kind to others.
  • I am an intelligent young woman. I do well in school and my teachers and peers respect me.
  • I keep my faith in Allah strong, my faith in myself alive, my eyes on the future and my heart full of hope, and that gets me through each day. I take whatever happiness comes my way each day and allow myself to enjoy it fully.
  • I am a dedicated student and a talented writer (or artist, singer, or whatever talents you may have) with a promising future Insha'Allah.
  • I am a good daughter. I am patient and loving with my mother. When speaking to her I maintain a positive, independent and calm spirit, knowing who I am, and confident in my choices.
  • I am constantly improving and becoming stronger spiritually, personally, mentally and physically.
  • I am nutritionally conscious and careful. My body is a gift from Allah and I feed it only what is good.
  • I am at peace with myself and others around me. I forgive myself for the mistakes I've made, and I forgive others for their mistakes as well.
  • I choose my friends well, always basing my friendships on serving Allah. I am a good friend, loyal and forgiving.
  • I am compassionate and generous. I choose to believe in humanity's goodness.
  • I am a part of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. I have a right to be here. My existence has meaning and purpose.
  • I am worthy of joy and love.
  • I am happy, Alhamdulillah.

4. Tell your mother how you feel in a calm way

Go to your mother at a time when she is in a good mood. Tell her in a calm, respectful way how sad it makes you feel when she says mean things to you or curses at you. It may help to write it down first, and practice in a mirror what you want to say so that you can keep your cool and stay on point if your mother responds with anger. Be prepared for the possibility that your mother may not react well, and may even heap more abuse on you. If this happens, don't let yourself be provoked. Speak your piece calmly, and thank her for listening. If her response is good, it may help your family get started on the road to some kind of resolution. If her response is poor, at least you will know that you made an effort. There is power in that.

5. Try to avoid the abuse as much as possible

If there is a particular time of day when your mother is most volatile, try to schedule other activities, like school or extra-curricular activities, at that time. Join a club at school or do some volunteer work. This will get you out of the house for a while. It will also give you a different perspective on life and may help to keep you balanced emotionally.

6. See a counselor

It's important that you talk to someone about the problems you are having at home. You can't just soak up all the abuse like a sponge and not let it out. Does your school have a counselor? That would be a good person to talk to. Is there someone in the Muslim community you respect, who could listen and advise you? Or maybe a teacher, an aunt, or a friend's parent that you respect? That person doesn't have to solve the problem for you, just to listen with a sympathetic ear, so that you have an outlet for your anger and sadness.

7. . Look for ways to get out of the situation

You might consider applying for boarding school or school away from home if you have the money, or applying for grants (financial scholarships) if you don't. If there is a relative you could live with, and your mother allows it, this may be a good way to get some relief. If you are getting ready for college, try to get a scholarship so that you can live on-campus or away from home.

Depending on your age, you might consider marriage as a way of finding a happier home situation. Just make sure you don't grab onto anyone out of desperation. You don't want to make a bad choice and go from the frying pan into the fire.

The only caveat here is that I do not know your age in comparison to your brothers. If they are younger than you, they may need you around for emotional support. That's a judgment call that you must make.

8. Break the cycle of abuse

This may be the most important point of all. It's vital that you try to follow the advice I have given you here, so that you can become an emotionally healthy person of your own. You don't want to grow up, have children, and pass on to them the same abuse you received. Believe me, this happens all the time. The only way to avoid this is to take steps to achieve your own serenity and peace of mind. It doesn't just come. It takes work.

Last of all, if you cannot find someone in your community that you trust and can talk to, let me know, and I will put you in touch with a good Muslim sister who you can talk to on the phone, Insha'Allah.

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53 Responses »

  1. asalamu alaikum,
    sister it must be hard for you, have you asked your mother why she is doing this? dispite what she is doing you still have to treat your mother in kindness speacially when she attains old age, be patient and pray for your mother, inshallah hope things work out.

    ma salama

    • Najma n I plus ma siblings, we are in the same positions apart from the knvies....dis makes me cry n lowing myself esteem....i love children bt nw i feel like i dnt wanna have any coz of the curses dat m give to us all the time we do anything wrong.....for example: she maybe at work n expects food when she comes back no matter wot type of food we prepared n shes doesn't like it n demands for sumthing we dnt have, she will say we didnt cook coz we dnt care about her n that the food we cooked was jst to get herout of the way. We really try our best to please her but nothing ever works am tired of all this insults....any advise plz Assalaam Alaykum Warahmatullah wabarakathu.

      • We are in the same the advice above,i got married with someone that i love very much, infact my parents in law love me more than my parents...but the thing got worse, my mom still hates me, and curse me even if im pregnant...i never got any good advice from her regarding my first pregnancy,infact she cursed my baby to be..astaggfirullah...i really dont know wat to do...

  2. Thank you brother Wael, that was a very good response. I have gone through the same suffering myself all my life, and still do, and to top it all I did actually go from the frying pan right into the fire. I thought anything would be better than that emotional abuse, but i was wrong. And I was naive, my parents married me off without my real consent, i wasn't even ready for marriage. Regarding my current situation I am only trying to find some alternative good place to stay after terminating my marriage, I simply cannot go back to my mother.

    And to Najma I want to say, hang in there and try to remain as strong as you can, gather all the support you can. Stick to friends who make you feel worthy and good about yourself. Read the Quran and ask Allah for help. I know the temptation to yell and run away from 'home' is extremely strong, but like brother Wael said, it is a test, and will make you a more patient person. Just don't bottle up everything. I did that and it was harmful. i thought I'll be sinning if I backbite against my mother, but i finally started venting to my very good friends. They understood and it lessened the tension and stress in me.
    Next time whenever you're facing your mother just visualize a warm, glowing, protective light all around you from Allah, and imagine that you are completely safe there, no one and nothing can hurt you. Try being compassionate to your mother. Most of all, do try to keep busy in all kinds of healthy pursuits, especially volunteer work.
    All the best dear sister. May Allah always be with you and help you. Aameen.

  3. Sallam,

    thank you very much on this topic - emotional abuse . i have been suffering this for 23years now. I dont have any one to speack to uptil now. but i am glad i read this on the website today . Please i will like muslim scholars to preach more about this issue. Secondly, where in the quran can i find solice/ something inspirational on matter. Most places it talk sabout the rights ofmother and how you should treat your mother. I think one of the worst things in life is emotionmal abuse from your mum.


  4. sallam,

    I am happy about this topic- emotional abuse. I will like muslims scholars, organizations, islam channel .tv etc, to cover this topic and highlight on it. I have been suffering from this for a while now and I also suspect i have another brother also sufferinng from this.
    Sincerely I feel victims of this - emotional abuse especially from mothers find it very diffiucult as to who else will you speack with or who do you talk too.


  5. Salaam
    A very difficult situation, one that I've been going through all my life (I'm 40 now). Allah give you strength - I especially agree with the advice to get away, wisely of course, but staying in that environment will drive you crazy. I still cry when I see the stereotypical kind mother on TV or in movies - I feel as if my heart will break. And I still feel guilty - it must be my fault, I must be a bad daughter as she keeps tellling me. I have never Alhamdulillah treated my children like this. She has even turned my sister against me. At one stage I thought I would go crazy - our society does not readily accept that a mother could be "cruel", it's always the children's fault. But alhamdulillah my husband, who initially thought I must be the "bad" daughter, has seen the reality of my mother. I am very torn - I need her love, her approval - but getting close only leads to more heart ache and tears. I try to keep in touch because of "Selah Al Rahem", but each time I have to mentally prepare myself and be on guard. I can't forgive and forget - I try, but am unable to. I sometimes honestly wish I had a disease like your friend instead of this, if this is a test like you say. I fear I am failing this test miserably. Anyway - Ramadan Kareem to each of you, may Allah relieve all our burdens insha'Allah.

    • Salam sister
      I have read your sad story and I can really relate to your situation. Its a shame thatwe as muslim have no real help where we can go for guidance, somewhere like a Muslim molaana. In life im going through a lot a lot. My mother is very abusive cruel and curses me even though im very old, I have recently put my life situation on this website do readn it, name is Razia, put it uo today the 9th February 2015, This website is really good , one does not feel that they are alone going through torcher.

  6. Hello,
    I feel exactly the same way as the questioner and have often asked myself the question of how I should treat my mother in the same situation. I wonder whether it's okay to hate her because I really do sometimes, at the moment especially. She just sucks the energy out of me. She constantly abuses me by swearing at me for the most insignificant things. But I KNOW I am NOT at fault. I'd like to share an example of the kind of things my mother abuses me about. I have recently grown very close to my cousin whom I only got to know this year. He is from my Dads side. My mum hates my dad side. Hence my her abusing me for hanging around my cousin. Oh oh and if that was not enough, my mother excuses all the bad things my brother has ever done to her. Just yesterday he was in hospital for alchohol poisining. She wasupset with him for a while but her actions told me that me hanging out with my cousin was to her much worse than my brother drinking alchohol. I am so sad, really sad. I mean am I the only one who thinks what I'm doing is wrong. I'm starting to question. Is there anything in the quran that can help me with this predicament?

  7. salam aleykom wa rahmatullah wa barkaat. I just stumbled across this during my 'all out frenzied' search for the best solution to the same problem all of you have been facing- i am too,for the past 31 years...and counting. I am going through the same thing and have always thought of running away. But as it is a test from Allah All Mighty,i want to deal with it in the best way and reap its benefits inshaAllah. After countless emails to scholars and psychologists, the answer as to the best thing to do is: have patience with mother, keep praying to Allah for the best way out. Live in peace and tolerance with her. My mom is a christian, and my dad passed away when i was 17. My relatives on both sides arent helping matters,so all i have is Allah! And He will help me through. So patience and prayers friends. Peace

  8. Salaam
    I too have been brought up by an abusive mother and I ran off got married but again it was a mistake and ended however I was living in my own home when she became part of my life again only to force me into selling my property as I was seriously ill and almost died making me come home and using the proceeds to renovate her home. I now have nowhere to go and have been very sick and she is really nasty inspite of my poor health. I try so hard to keep quiet but I cant hold back and retaliate afterwards I feel sick that she is capable of making me behave in a way I am ashamed of but she knows how to break me and it seems she thrives on this. She know's I am trying to be closer to my religion and change but she breaks me. I have no other family here and have noone to turn to and am 45 and beginning to hate myself.

    • assalamu aleikum Mina. please dont hate urself. and remember, its not ur fault and its not ur problem. this character is called narcissistic personality disorder. google it and read about it to know how destructive it is.

      but lets follow the beautiful advice of brother Wael and keep praying for Allah's Help for nothing is hard or impossible for Him. please keep in touch 🙂

    • Asslaamu alaykum sister,
      I hope you and original poster, and the rest of the ppl who commented here are doing better now, mayAllah make it easy for us all amin.

      • Salam alikom I'm 55years old man and my mum kick it me out house already she kick my sister out my other sister and brothe 5of them they don't talk to her and don't see her at all she nightmares to leav wiv very abusiv mentally I'm so depressed it's seem story repeat her self my only option is to disappear lik my 3sis and 2 brothers

  9. My mother has always been really down and depressed, she only really lightens up when my brother (her only son) comes home from university overseas. This is only his second year however and when he lived at home with us even he felt like he wanted to get away from here. However he has grown and his opinions and views of life has changed.
    My mother isn't terrible. She just wants the best for us I am aware. She just doesn't know how to control her emotions and when she is upset she does not care the slightest bit about anybody else. Not only do I feel that but sometimes she would actually tell us. I don't understand why but my mother usually picks me to argue and scream at. My brother has always been her favourite and please don't tell me there is no such thing because there can be. I have a younger sister at the age of 8. She usually screams at her too but she doesn't verbally abuse her as much obviously because she is just a child.
    My sister has the same personality as me and I'm sure that if my mum carries on like this it will be a repeat for my sister, not helping her or my mum.
    The thing is, mashaAllah I'm only 17 yet much more mature than people think. I know exactly when I'm wrong. I never deny it. I may argue, but I will always admit when I am wrong and will 98% of the time attempt to fix the situation.
    I get nothing out of it. She's the type that needs to be left alone when she is upset. My mother is amazing, al7mdulilah I have one. She breaks her back everyday for us. I care deeply for her but when she acts like this she can completely change how I see her. Anger and hate comes out.
    I will be moving to London for Uni this Sept ISA so I don't mind standing it for much longer, I have exams to distract me anyway.

    My main point is, I know my mother loves us really etc. What people keep forgetting is that If my mother dies at any random moment, and she dies upset with me. I will go straight to hellfire. I dread this and don't want this to happen. Unfortunately my mother can be stubborn sometimes and claim that she "doesn't care".

    Disrespecting your mother is one of the biggest sins in Islam and I really wish to stop it.
    Please understand that when she is constantly showing signs of hate towards me it can be extremely hard.


  10. I can seriously relate to all of you guys. It's like im reading my own situation from a different person. I know its difficult when we see other people talking to their mothers like they're talking to their friends. At times i wish i had that, but since i dont then ill try to stay optimistic. An advice to all of you i would say, never argue continuously, listen to her and be patient. Arguing would only make things worse and it wont fix anything. So respond positively to her. Allah will reward you.. heres a vid

    ...this video is in Arabic , its about a guy who patiently took care of his mother throughout the last 9 years of his life. She couldn't walk so he would pick her up on his back and make tawaf during umrah. He was the one who bathed her all the time... Until this guy passed away.. the man who washed his dead body said that a strong pleasant and beautiful scent came out of this man when they buried him... always remember that Allah will reward you for being patient with any trial .. Make dua'a for your mothers, pray, remain steadfast on the deen and have faith in Allah
    salam aleikom 🙂

    • A salaamu Alaykum
      I Would firstly like ti thank everyone tha have shared their stories, I thought I was the only one who had a mother who swears is very abusive and curses me, she is 74 and im 45 now, I still get this emotional abuse from her things like "hope you rot in hell when you die, No jannah for you, your a s***, I will never forgive you this world or next". My mother made me has a child live through pedophile which was her nephew, she swore throughout life at me my younger sister my dad,. My fathers dead now so is my younger sister. My mother does black magic too, she gets that done when she wants her way. I ran away from home when I was 14 was brought up by foster parents which were Christian s, but I never changed my religion because my Emaan was strong. I got married to a muslim , my choice. My husband is nice he wanted me to see my parents 12 years ago, so I went to see them. Mother was same cursing me jyst like when I was a kid. My father had left her lived alone because it was hard for him to stay with her, my younger sister had died through pedophile abuse plus black magic which caused her cancer. I after my father who has sadly passed away recently talj very little to my mother who lives with her brother and his family. She curses me still when she sees me. If I don't see her she curses me that I will never get heaven when I die, she also says dirty stuff about my dead sibling that she was a whore! I can't take it no more I want nothing to do with my mum, but im scared in case I don't get jannah, they say Jannah is at mothers feet! S
      o im dead confused in what to do, Do I walk away from that cruel muskim mother, or di I stick it out getting abuse from her? I have children of my own who say mum shes not worth it all she does is make you cry but the reason I go to see mum is cause I want heaven. I know she did black magic killed my sister before she was going to grass the family pedophile m my father told me. Please help me someone who knows more aboyt Islam, I dont know where and what to do .

  11. Salaamu Alaykum,

    Subhan'Allah, everything I read is almost as if it's about me. I never would've thought I would find anything about "emotional abuse" and parents on a Islam website. It's like every website only mentions to "respect your mother". I understand that 100%. I just always felt like I was the worst daughter in the world. I'm 27 years old, and unmarried living with my mother as the only child. My mom is a great person, and has taken care of me. However, she would always yell at me for every little things. I remember I was crying one day for the death of someone and she told me "you just love to cry, I hate your crying". She would always say I'm worthless, and would never amount to nothing in life, she told me this since I was young. She would always take pleasure in yelling at me, and sometimes I would try to be a better muslim, it's like she would try to make me break from that. She would call me "disobiedient" and curse me. I sometimes feel my life has been affected by her curses. I always used to cry, and wish I had a mother who was my friend. Not someone who was always criticizing me for every little detail, and would always yell at me. I developed anxiety from this. It took me many years to get over this. Alhamdulilah, I now realize it's a test from Allah. I love my mom dearly, and have always feared I might burn in hell for talking back to her. It was so difficult being always made to cry. She knows how to break me down. I still love my mother, and have decided even though I'm unmarried to live with another sister. It's better that way. I think this will improve our relationship. I wish so much blessings for my mom. I ask Allah to forgive me for anything wrong I've done. Please brothers and sisters who read this, make dua for me...for Allah to forgive me.

  12. hooooooooo comment c dificile d avoir une mere mechante mauvaise , qui te dit quelle ne t aime pas , moi mère cè une femme qui n aime perssone tout le monde est mauvais meme cè propre enfants , quand j aitè célibataire mes parent me batè tout les jour , mere me detester tout comme mon pere , il nous ont rien apris , ni éducation ni salat ni rien ,cè la nature qui nous a èduquè , ni diplome ni avenir (je vien d une grand famille riche ) , je me suis marier maintenant hamdoulah mon mari m aime beaucoup et aime beaucoup cè enfants , mais ma mere na pas changer sa méchanceté a tripler de volume ,a cause d elle jè u le goitre , je me suis faite opèrè , elle ma dit tu la meriter , jai vraiment pleurè quand elle ma dit sa , au dèbut elle detester mes efants mais maintenent elle fè s emblanc de les aimè par elle a vu quelle exagere devants son gendre j ai peur de devenir depressif un jour , aider moi a trouver une solution , je soufre vraiment , que doit je faire (MA MERE C7 UN MONSTRE) je cè pas si cè hram de dire sa mè cè plus fort que moi elle mon poisonne la vie elle peu pas me voir heureuse

    • Nana,

      Apart from making out that you think 'your mother is a monster' (astagfirullah) I can't make out much else, lol - sorry. If you can translate your comment into English, that would be great.

      SisterZ Editor

    • Bonjour Nana Nanou,
      je suis desolee d'entendre votre histoire avec votre maman. Quelque soit son comportment, n'oublie pas que c'est votre mere. C'est juste mon opinion, peut etre votre mere a eu une enfance malheureuse et par consequent elle ne peut pas exprimer d'amour?? Je ne dis pas qu'elle a raison avec le ton qu'elle avec vous mais essai d'etre meilleure qu'elle.

      If faut admettre qu'on ne peut pas changer les autres s'ils ne le veulent pas. Dans ces cas precis, c'est a nous de changer nos reactions a l'egard de ces personnes. Essayez de lui parler calmement. Meme si votre mere ne veut pas ecouter, il faut la respecter. Peut etre il faut changer la facon dont vous voyez votre mere, ecarter l'idee que votre mere est un monstre. Pour l'amour de Dieu, remplacer l'image d'une mere monstre avec l'image d'une mere douce. Quand vouz envisagez votre mere comme une mere douce, vous allez adopter une autre attititude et vous aurez plus de compassion pour votre mere.

      Une nouvelle attitude va influencer positivement votre mere. A titre personel, je suis une mere, je n'ai jamais entendu ma mere dire "je t'aime" ni a moi ni a mes freres et soeurs. Mais au fond de moi, je ne la blame pas parce que je comprends tres bien qu'elle a eu une enfance tres difficile, "la cozette".

      Please, arretez de penser que votre mere ne veut pas votre bonheur. Toutes les meres veulent le bonheur a leurs enfants. Celles qui devient de cette loi de la nature, je crains qu'elles soient malades et dans ces cas, c'est a leurs enfants de les soigner. Si vous avez epuisez toutes les solutions, vous devez toujours respecter votre mere et prier pour elle.

      Bonne journee et j'espere que la situation s'ameliora entre vous et vous maman Insha Allah,

  13. salam
    My mom trys to abonden me. She slaps, hits me with a hanger etc. and she curses at me. Plus im losing my temper now because of her its so sick. And says shes the victim and if tell anyone they wont believe me.

    • Hanah, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and give us more information, for example your age, your family situation, etc. We'll publish your post soon Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

  14. I'm still in this same situation. I was always the good daughter, very loyal,patient and honest ( I never hide anything from my mother, i will tell her what i was doing, when im coming home and my plans for the day). I was between school, work and home. I have good reputation among family, relatives and neighboors. I have always obey her, help and give her whatever she asked me. My mother made me feel I was nothing, like i was bought from the market as long as i can remember. When i try to explain that what is she is doing is not right, she will hit me with anything she has on her hand and curse me. Things got worse when I got to know a muslim brother and that i told my mother I want to marry him. From this point on my life became more horrible. I almost got mental break down, my GPA at the university went down, I couldnt hold my part time job. To make situation better, I have to let go the man I want to marry thinking the way my mother treats me will get change. it change little bit, but she hasnt change her ways. So I thought ways to get out this sutation. I started joining the gym, volunteer group and going out with friends in addition to strenghtening my connection with Allah s.w.a to make my day brighter. I make a lot of dua to Allah s.w.a to get me out of this situation and help me. Alhamdulillah Allah answered my dua and blessing me with a wonderful husband that I married with the blessings of Allah s.w.a. My mother got sick and I came back to help her, but she doesnt stop cursing me and hates my husband. When i try to go walk with her, she vents all the anger at my husband she curses him. This makes me sad of course and if i say to my mother it is wrong to curse my husband that way, she accusses me of taking my husband's side. All I do just listen and pray that I get out this sitation soon inshaAllah. I tell to myself Allah s.w.a helped me get out of this situation and InshaAllah Allah will help me again and I will be with my husband soon InshaAllah. I just want to say dont lose hope, hold tight to the rope of Allah s.w.a. Do everything for the sake of Allah s.w.a and he will reward you. Make dua for your mother that Allah will soften her heart.

  15. Aslamu calykum wr wb........Subhanallah, i am literally crying reading this post, is the secound day of Ramadan i had huge fight with my mother which made me break my fast. I am 30 years of age and my mother hates me because i am not married, she makes me feel unwanted and always makes sarcastic remarks of how i am over weight, uneducated and problem is even worse cause every argument that happens between me and my mother is due to my eldest sister who hates me and makes mischieves... but i cant leave my mother she is in her old age and for the sake of Allah i tolerate her.. brother wael gave a good advice please follow it.. remember we have no choice when it comes to our parents and deep down they do really love us, it's life circumstances and the shaytan who is making this problems more obvious and damaging.. please dont take anything and may Allah subhana wataclla make us all peace and forgives. make the most of this Ramadan make as much dua's as u can, inshallah everything will be well.

  16. Assalamualaikum WRB,

    I am 40 yrs old lady and still struggling with my relationship with my mother. Perhaps by the time I am writing this our Sister Najma has had a better relationship with her mother. I love what Bro Wael had written and fully support all his suggestions. Since I have been having the same situation all my life , I thought I might share my own story too so that some of you will know that you are not alone

    1. Your Mother will Never Change.

    This is the most important thing that a child who is emotionally abused should try to understand and accept. Its your Qadr like what Bro Wael said. No matter how much you yearn for her to change, it will not happen. Once you can accept that, it should be a good starting point for you to take the next step.

    Never expect her to say sorry or apologize to you, that only happens in Western movies. Your mother will never admit that shes at fault. Learn to live with it.

    2. Understand The Background of Your Mother

    Try to look into her past her background and you will see and understand why she s behaving the way she is now. My mother comes from a very disfunctional family with a very irrational mother (thats my grandmother) and a father who's always chasing after women, my mothers parents were divorced. My mother never knew how to be loving because her mother was never one too. I started to feel sorry towards my mother, even though we never really talked about her past, but I knew what she had to go through.

    3. Do not let your mothers words and actions affect you

    What you should learn to do is not to let her actions affect you. It is very difficult to do, because we are humans with feelings, but you really have to be above it all. Practise what Bro Wael said, write down all the good things about yourself and that you are not what she says you are. When I grew up my mother always said bad things about me and I was confused because at school I was very popular likeable and loved by my friends and teachers. From there on I knew and learned bit by bit that I was not that bad as what my mother claimed I was. Try to look at how other people see and treat you and you ll understand what I am saying here.

    4. Dua

    I learned to make Dua' ever since I was a kid. I prayed silently at night thinking that I was a bad girl. I asked Allah for His help for me to be a good daughter to my mother because, I said to HIM, that I dont want my mother to scold me anymore. And when I was a teenager, i kept on praying to Allah to grant my mother all good things because I was really clueless and didnt know what to do.

    5. Take a Firm Stand

    This might be controversial but I had experienced it and it worked. When I was out of the University, I stayed with my parents and even I was already in my late 20s my mother's abused just never stopped. Like I said, my friends love me, and sometimes (even though they knew about my mother) I took them to my house and we had a good time chatting and laughing in my room when my mother would just barged in and instructed me to do chores !!! Yes in the middle of me having a good clean fun time with my friends. I think she just couldnt stand hearing and seeing me happy with my friends. My mother said to me "This is my house you follow my rules and if you dont like the rules, you can get out !".

    I chose to get out of the house, and all hells broke loose. My mother took it as a slap on her face but I took it as an alternative for me not to be abused constantly by her. At that point all I could do was kept on praying to HIM that I did all that so that our relationship could be better. Initially she was very very angry and mad but slowly I kept on going to visit her almost everyday, and she later accepted my decision.

    6. Be Strong and Affirmative and Compassionate

    Now that your mother realises that you are able to make your own decision, she will also realize that you are not the same 10 years old kids she used to push around. But still you have to remember Rule No 1, your mother will not change. Even after sometimes, after my mother accepted my decision to move out, she sometimes still wants her ways. If it is something very important to you, you have to put your foot down. But at the same time, you must also show your love and respect, this is an art that you will have to master by time ... 🙂

    Yes, like what Bro Wael says, have a "niah" and be very determined that you will break this cycle of emotional abuse. Keep on praying and say to yourself that you will not want to be like your mother.

    7. Dua

    Yes I will say this again, because Allah grants my dua after my move. The relationship got better. Even though my mother sometimes tries to push me around but she would do in a very subtle way (yeap she s still the same mother). And at times it can be very hard for me when she does something that is not right (from the Islamic point of view) and yes there are times I find my self climbing an uphill task to understand her, but at least now, my mother learns to respect me and I have learned to love her too.

    8. Its Not You, Its Her

    I found this at the age of 40 years old. Dont worry your time for Allah to reveal that will come too. Yeah it takes time, but its worth it. Trust me.

    Tips: If you find yourself finding it hard to respect your mother, learn to hold on to HIM, that you re doing it because of HIM and because of the Prophet SAW said so. Its not nice but we re human, dont feel guilty when you said to yourself at that moment where you really cant stand but have to be nice to her "I m doing this because of you Ya Allah ..... not because of her, help me Ya Allah it so unbearable".

    May Allah Forgive Us All

    • Thank u very very much for this. Light in my night right now. Can wipe off my tears and know wt to do now. JazakAllah to u and brother wael

  17. Salaams,

    I'm really thankful for this post, each and everyone made me cry more and more and reminded me of my life and how im not alone.
    I am a 22 yr old girl and have one elder sibling and three younger. Me and my older sibling get on really well and do so with mum as well sometimes. Other times she's constantly shouting and screaming and swearing at al five of us, a different person each day, and when i mean constantly its every day she has a scream and a shout maybe more, sometimes 3 or 4 times. Its embarassing, shes an embarassment. She shouts for no reason and sometimes i feel like she knows shes in the wrong. When I talk to her calmly she changes her story and tries to blame my dad for everything even though nothing is my dads fault. I feel like she hates us all. she is really selfish

    the only problem i have is that when friends come by whether they are her friends or mine or my sisters, she acts like a completely different person, so fake and talks about us like she is proud, but 10 seconds later if were in the kitchen alone she will switch...or an example would be the other night we were at a friends
    mehndi party and one minute she is so bubbly and acts as nice as pie...the next minute she takes me to a side and starts moaning and complaining about the amount of money i have given ....shes all about taking and never giving it makes me soooo angry inside but i never argue with her about it....i feel like I am in the wrong for being a giving person.

    During Ramadhan i used to pray to make mum a peaceful person....they were answered but I wanted a duaa to last a little bit longer.

    The bit that makes me cry the most is someone asked me for my hand in marriage and i dont really want to, I didnt mind but mum really liked the family and everytime we would talk about it and i would say No she would scream and shout and pretend to time she even nearly crashed the car, shes a big drama queen and it makes me really angry....i dont know whato to do :'(

    Writing all this is making me cry even more than i ever do, i always block it out of my head, the way she is, i always have fun with friends and my sister and constanlty doing things, working, uni, going out for meals, the beach, different places every week with my sister and friends....Walking and road trips are the BEST ones for me.

    I just wish she would stop with this jekyll n hyde personality, when confronted she just blames dads side of the family when dads not around, when dads around she will blame my 20 yr old brother for the way he is.

    I just want to scream!!!!

  18. Salaamz, my mother and I have no relationship at all. My mother had an affair when I was twelve years old, hence I grew up with my grandparents. When my father passed away, I was 30 years old, married and had a lovely daughter. My mother then chose my husband to be her new partner, I got divorced and lost custody of my daughter. I reverted to Islam and married again to have a normal happy life. Yes I found that in life, but I miss my daughter, whom my own biological mother has stolen, poisoned her against me. How do I ever forgive this person whom is supposed to be my mother?

    • Reshma, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and give us more details about your situation (how you lost custody of your daughter, what happened with your husband...). We'll publish it in turn Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

      • I lost custody of my daughter because I did not have the support of my parents. My mother wanted to see me begging for happiness and love. My father had passed away. I have a brother whom robbed me for my fathers house and wealth.
        My daughter grew up in my parents home cos I worked for all I had. When I went through the divorce, my ex never wanted to pay maintenance. He had my mothers help to fight me for my daughter. He has no mother, as she had passed away when he was young and he has a drunkard father whom never cared.
        Any case, whenever I would discipline my ten year old daughter, I never knew that I was been framed for abuse.
        I never abused my daughter. I had her in a private school, and tried to give her everything, but she sadly demanded for more which was not in my pockets reach.
        My daughter gained a bad attitude and started to compare the things her father did for her. She lost respect and appreciation. Her mind was poisoned by my mother, and she wanted to live with her father and my mother. In their eyes, I was unfit to be a good mother.
        Where and how in my life do I ever forgive my mother, how has robbed me of so much happiness

    • Asllamaalikum sister
      I just read your story and its really is heart aching, if your mother has stole yournow ex husband and your daughter, I don't think she knows how wrong it is. Gosh, mothers are suppose to protect children once they have them, I believe that children are a gift from Allah SWT. Everyone whom are given a gift from Allah SWT should be thankful, you know when a human is born God has love for them, each person soul Allah swt sends are Allahs gift, one should treasure! If you are hurting another human being its gunna, Alkah forgives lots of things because his merciful, but we humans when hurt badly we can't.
      I honestly believe that mothers need to read more into Islam about their rights not only about their rights but their children's rights. You know when we hurt our children and harm them emotionally we are sinners, obviously mothers have Jannah under their feet, but thats because they have protected you as a child m fed you when Hungary, nursed you throughout the years, loved you and given their best years of life putting their childs needs beforethem. Thats what a good muslim mother does.
      I don't believe that one should have children which are innocent,then treat them like bad cause they think they can just because they are your door to heaven.
      Any way you are a great person been through a lot just stay silent Allah knows your mothers in the wrong , dont say horrible things to your even though you are hurting. One day Insha Allah you will get justice, we all are humans mothers are humans too, guess im saying, we humans some are good, others are not, just because one becomes a parent doesnt meanthey are perfect. God will be the judge of all mankind.
      Just praying for you sister may Allah give you sabar like I'm trying with my mother.
      I dont speak to mine cause my mother is always hurting me, cursing me, uses black magic to alk family when things dont go her way! Btw once one uses black magic they aee not Muslims anymore cause using black magic is calling upon the devil to do your ugly deeds.One takes away part of another humans brain to then reinforce them into doing what they want.

  19. Reading your comments made me cry and emotional and i thought i was the only person going through this situation... [remainder of post removed by Editor]

    [Editor's note: Please log in and submit your question as an original post, and it will get answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  20. I don't have words to express how relieved i am to know that it's just not only me who's going through the exact same situation.
    The worst thing about my scenario is that I have nobody in this world to talk my heart out. Both of my siblings left in the same year, one of my siblings passed away and the other went abroad.
    The weird part is she is 24/7 linked to learning and teaching of Quran ( translation and tajweed ) but it hasn't reduced her negativity to even the tiniest bit. The time she's not linked to it is the time she only curses and abuses whoever comes in her way. she says the most hurtful things to me because I'm the only person who's available around her.
    I let go even the most hurtful things she says to me but what i can't is her curses that I should be thrown in the hell fire for being the worst daughter and she always says it with "inshaAllah". Whatever happens she blames it on me. From her relation with my dad to everything. Though I know i'm not the reason. My life's first umrah was filled with the curses and abuses, 3 times ! And none of which was my mistake but she insulted me infront of so many ppl.
    I cry to myself at times thinking that i don't want to be thrown into hell fire because of my mother. My this life is like hell and I don't want another life to be eternally the same. :'( Thinking this, I try my level best to make her happy and I show utmost patience but the truth is nothing in this world or maybe even heaven can't satisfy her. I cant begin to express what i feel for my dad for treating her with such patience. Maybe that's we are wrong, but there is no other way to keep the peace at home.
    You have no idea how much I've changed myself to gain Allah's pleasure. But the one thing from Allah and Prophet(pbuh) we know is to stay obedient to especially mothers. It's such a trial. Even though I'm constantly trying my best to become a better muslim everyday, I just can't pass this test of not gaining mother's displeasure. The fact is no person has ever pleased her. And I think I've lost in both of the worlds just because I was destined to be her daughter. The truth I have human heart which does feel stuff.

  21. I have been in the same situation. I have been controlling myself but sometimes I react back and the situation gets worst. But I am seeing my mother is getting more hyper on me that she throws the anger of my other syblings on me because she just can't say anything to them.

    She is getting used to of keep scolding me , over little issues. My mother's behaviour has great affect on my personality that I couldn't perform well at my work place. My productivity level got down even twice I was inqured from my management and the colleagues that m I having problems at home.

    Now , I am mature and 26 years old girl . I sometimes think that I should do somethings for myself? I meant I have been a very obedient child of my mother. Now, I just can't be very obedient. She expects me to cook meal , to serve my brothers my elder sisters as i have always been serving. I am the youngest one among all but only I have been into home chores. I have been working and studying and at home I have been cooking and sometimes I used to mop and sweep the house whereas my sister never did.

    For last two years I have been feeling severe pain in knees that I can't stand in kitchen for more than an hour and sometimes it's too much severe that I just can't bear it. My mother expects me to cook . Fortunately my papa does all the work on my behalf. Then my mother still become sarcastic with him and me too for not doing my job. Few months back she started cursing me , even if I have done nothing but she somehow makes thing that I couldn't understand why is she doing like that :/ 🙁 . She called me manhoos twice and then my brother who often fight with me started calling Manhoos too and that hurt me so much.

    What I have been observing and have concluded that she doesn't speak like that purposely, but she has become like that with me. She sees that I am the only one who would not raise the voice so she throws the anger on me. She throws her tension on me but her attitude is getting worse so is my ability. I feel like I am losing my sensibility , my memory has become more weak.
    I don't feel like coming to home.
    Yes I have fought with my mother for the language she used for me then later I realised I shouldn't have been speaking to her like that but she made me so full that I had to answer back.

    Every time I tried to make her understand that I am a young unmarried girl she shouldn't be talking like that with me . She denies her statements and she just take it to her Ego.

    Few days back I told her , the bad incidents that had been with me due to her negligence. A female cousin of mine used to touch me. I had told her in childhood but she just avoided it. There was an other picture I remember that was about a male cousin doing something wrong with me I just can't remember exactly how old I was but i do remember that i got addicted of his doing that thing. then I used to do with a doll of mine.
    I told my mother all this because I have an adopted sister she is now 4 years old. I din't want that to happen to her so just to make her realised things I had to discuss with my mother. She said what could i do I let you go to play , I din't ask you to get into these things :O I said I think I was too young to realise what was that all about.

    Yesterday , as always she started on me and she commented in front of my father and brother that " She had been doing that --------- and blaming me for her activities." :O

    This hurt me so much that I started beating myself I threw my phone to get my anger out. I took the phone twice and hit it with the ground again and again. Now, it was in my mind that now my brother would be using the same words for me or he would have misunderstood what my mother said as he doesn't know the story.

    I don't know how to face this all . I tried my best to control on my emotions and took it as a test for me.

  22. Assalaim alykum WRB, I am 19 years old at the age of seventeen my parents just broke up I hv to say this because they hvnt officially been divorced and there is no any expectations of them getting along so me and my siblings just dnt know why, actually if u consult anyone to our fàmily problems there s no reason for our family to end up just like tht.

    We as family still hv hope that our family is still there and always try to rebuild it but gosh if not for Allah and my deen I could hv broke down long ago, we can't understand but my mom is always there to pick on us especially my elder sister who is married, she àlways takes advantage of every little thing to curse us shout at as, it really breaks us when we are trying to reunite the bond tht we share and she as the only leader of the family curse as and our father, we sometimes think she doesnt lv us bceuse she always blame us for every little thing she even dared to tell my sister that she is the one who got her married so she can break it and am sad to say this but it really is happening my bro-in -law isn't in good terms witnowout her wife(my sister) i am even scared of hving i meañ marriage, children i cnt really do this to my own children but inshaalah I am glad tht I found this website and it has shown my something and I thnk allah as he brought me here to share my this to my muslim brothers and sister whom we are in the same situation and thnk you brother Wael you showed me the way today, do forget to pray guys as I will always do cfor every one in my place to act strong and bravely!!!!

  23. il go straight to the point. if u have abusive parent/s cut your ties with them. wat wael recommends looks good on paper but it doesnt provide any practical solutions. if your parents abuse u physically, emotionally, pshychologically then they are really not parents. true parents are those who love you unconditionally, respect you for who you are, help you grow in your own identity and spiritually etc etc. an abusive parent is one who doesnt have a clue as to what being one is. they will literally destroy your life because their own lives are a living hell. these affirmations etc wont change anything. you know exactly how hard it is to live with these type of people. how much pain it causes. how it interferes with your life. but theres always solutions to problems. remember the story of ibrahims father azar. he was an abusive arrogant abusive father. finally when he threatens ibrahim he supplicates for him and then leaves him. not just from his house but from the city as well. i think thats the solution for this problem. how painful it is, you have to do what is right for you. the right thing for your own survival. as a human being each one of you deserves love and respect. exercising patience and restraint is a good thing. but there has to be a limit. you dont belong to your parents. you dont owe them anything. heres a quote a came across. something i always keep in mind. "you come through them, not FOR them". i hope people who are like you and me find the strength and courage to stand up towards abuse. and that you get to live in a healthy environment where you dont constantly have to live in fear or having to repeat affirmations or cry your eyes out in the toilet. i hope and pray you get to live a happy and wonderful life free from these toxic parents.


    • INDEED TRUE AHMED... i so Agree with u.. it's hard to please my mother she cursed me in the name of ALLAH for small mistakes she hates me she dont like me and she wish for me to have a misserable like which is very painful on my side i thot i am lucky at my age of 38 a daugther atleast i did my best to be a good daugther but end up i a always a bad one.. they cannot see my worth no matter what il do my parents cannot see the good side of me.. it hurts but i am immuned now.. i used to ask forgiveness but still for small mistakes my mother end up wish a bad life for me curse me like hell so what is the point of asking forgiveness over and over.. the pwrson i thot i could run and my shoulder to cry on they are the one who is emotionally abusing me.. 🙁

      • Assalamu alaykum Sister,
        Why dont you concider marriage
        Actually this is probably a silly thing to say , im sure you have considered it in these years. However if you get in touch with any imam of masjid they may be able to help you find someone suitable. You dont have to suffer like this. But may Allah reward you for your patience

  24. i canot say anything..
    My mother sucked all my energy..
    She says she always curse me..
    I will b zaleel o khuwar in world n after.
    I want my papa back

    • Asalamu alaykum Brother Hamesh, read all the comments above especially what brother Wael has written.
      And just always remember that you will not be cursed if you havent done anything wrong. Just be careful not to yell at ur mum when she speaks like this, as she may curse you for it.

  25. Hey guy

    I go through the same problem in my life .. I'm not a Muslim but problems are the same and I know I'm not alone !! In this !! It's verbal abuse !!

    I've found that setting a goal helps .. So I urge all of you to set a goal no matter how big or small .. Can be a business .. A boyfriend a girlfriend.. A new wife .. More money .. Be a millionaire !!
    Set the goal and before you sleep close your eyes and visualize the goal as already achieved!!! See your new life when you close your eyes !! And it will make you happy !! And excited and do the same when you wake up on the morning !! And only try to think about your goal !!

    You have nothing to lose from my therapy and you will love it !! Also a very compulsory must be done it gratitude everyday !! Write down 5 to 10 things you are grateful for everyday !! And start with I'm so happy and grateful ... So I urge all of you to just try !!

    Everything will be fine And okay and good and wonderful !!
    Thank you !!

    • Hi Lavesh,
      I hope your doing better. These are some good tips, as long as we wake up the next morning and makes some little changes and effort in order to make these goals practical and real. What religion are you part of?

  26. Asalam Aleykum, Hang on Najma hope and pray Ur situation has improved, I have tears in my eyes, reading ur article I always thought I was alone in a situation where my mother hated me I was 16yrs wen it got worse am nw 43 yrs and things have never changed between me and my mother, growing up was hard from physical abuse, emotional abuse, and she favoured my young sister, to a point if I sat near her she would chase me away I spent most of the time alone I had no right in our house everything I did was wrong and making matters worse she would get angry with my late father if he did nt side with her against me he often kept quite, she would threaten to leave the house and at one time she told me she will leave so that I share the bed with my late father at that age I started expressing myself telling her she was wrong after she would pick a knive to stab me ,things only got worse she would call me worthless if I didn't have a job, i lived with her like a stranger, always she used to tell her friends despite the fact she gave birth to me I was nt a good person I had a bad heart bad influence to her other 7 kids, my fault was I always told her the truth when she was wrong even to her guests at times I wish I didn't say the truth, Bt regretting nw won't help, i left home gt married things didn't work out I had a baby girl n nowhere to go my sisters ask me to came home for my daughter sake I did, and she took it out on my kid too she would insult me n my kid for the food we ate although she welcomed outsiders evn though I tried chipping in, she would chaseus away knowing We had no where to go, Alhamdulillah i became firm in the deen and always fasted so wen she tries to pick a quarrel I use to tel her am fasting and she would tel me u only started practicing deen yesterday nw u think u r walking with the Angels,thn she would say u will never enter Jannah coz its under her feet i gt upset gt shaken which nearly made me stop practicing the religion Bt Allah guided me through a sheikh who adviced me Alhamdullilah, I gt married, thn one day my new husband visited her and she liked him a lot he had a first wife who refused our marriage thn my mother adviced him to divorce me instead of the other wife seeking divorce, my mother told my new husband that I can't stay in a marriage for long I didn't thk much of it, Bt she went on every time telling him among her children I was the bad one I was shocked I thought mother defended their children, she one time incited him to take my new born baby from me I couldn't understand y wallahi I have never insulted her or threatened her the hatred she has is a thing I can't understand, she would at times tell me go leave my husband n stay with her i refused, I tried changing wen I met her I tried hugging her Bt she doesn't respond tried shaking her hand evn wen other people are there Bt she will nt raise her hand I don't know what I did to her am scared of asking her least she gets angry, she always says negative things to my sibling am the eldest Bt am invincible to them, it's like I don't belong to that family, thy make decisions alone am nt involved,she says am bad Bt why is my daughter bad wat did she do to her I don't know only Allah knows, the cursing subhaAllah she curse me all the time one time wen I was living at her home with my daughter after the divorce, I gt marriage proposals wallahi from 4 men one after the other she refused them all, at the same time she secretly use to take my sister for quran reading for Allah to give her a husband then she would tell her friends am a burden to her she is tired of me I couldn't understand y thn she refused i gt married I respected her I didn't want to do things my way with out her blessing, and nw at 43yrs I couldn't take it anymore the negative comments I did what Allah forbid a sin I stayed away from her a whole year I didn't talk to her for this I may never gt Jannah altho I tried getting in touch Bt it's hard even talking to her, Bt I try May Allah forgive me for what I did, may Allah forgive her. I have tried to forget her calling me her co wife evn after she divorced my father n he already passed away for her calling me a co wife is weird, one time I told my new husband nt to be frequenting going to her place thy were neighbors I was afraid she would turn him against me so one time I visited her she asked me wea my husband was she hasn't seen him lately and I said I told him nt to be coming without informing me atleast she has visitors Bt deep down I knew she can also be harsh to him she had this mood swings at times and a temper and she dropped a bombshell on me she said I was jealous of her coz of my husband visiting her, I had no words

  27. Fatma: Just curious, did your mother treated all your 6 siblings the same way as you.

  28. I can relate to many of yous here, may allah grant us all with patience.
    Being the eldest, they get it the hardest I believe. But alhamdullilah me and my siblings support each other through everything.

    I have a question, what advice can you give me when my mother talks negative untrue things about me to others I,e strangers, relatives, her friends and sometimes my own friends (eventhough they know about my mother) but it is still an embarrassment.

    I know some turn against me and look at me with disgrace that I cant handle it. I sometimes feel like my mother loves the sadness and the shock of them when she tells them or maybe the way the soothe her..the pity she gets.

    eventhough I don't blame her but Its sometimes too much that it kills my self-esteem... Brothers and Sisters include me in your duaas like I will so too.

    If I defended myself or told them the truth when they confront me what is the ruling in islam? Is it okay?

  29. My mother is my saddest story or worst or ok better word is *pain* my mother is my pain on earth... I can't choose parents... Mother of not I would have loved too.. That kind of connection isnt between us cause she worship success amongst her children... She curses us all and even say this is one thats good to her and talk bad about others... She worship success! My mother curses even if a pin is been placed elsewhere... I remember one night when my mother went to the kitchen and found the sliding window opened and she starts cursing... Mind you before judging that we stay in an upstairs so her deluded mind is one can climb which isn't possible in anyways cause it can't even fit in a grown human... And my mother even tells everybody about us... My elder sis is sick and has fobroid... We traveled together and didn't tell her cause if we had told her... She would use that against her outside and she would insult her with it... My relationship and childhood trauma with my mother is still affecting me at 29years of age... I yell at my girlfriend.. I get angry easily and other thing... She thinks of evil like don't go here they are evil. People and. You later find her there herself.. She is scared of success cause a mother's joy should be her children but not mine... She curses us all and I wonder is this the woman. That gave birth to me... I even question God cause I can't hold that thought... My last fight with her and I told myself am ever done with her... I am. On job haunting and she asked me. If I was going out I told her yes I would love to touch places at least base on job and there she goes omg.... Negative words all cause she doesn't want me to go and get a life.. She said she has gotten to a stage in her life she doesn't care... I was so so so pissed and I yelled... Pointed finger at her she respected her sef cause she hasn't seen. That kind of rage.. If if didn't put it together I would have killed her cause this same woman messed up my dad family so we are stocked with her and she knows we can't go anywhere so that rage and anger and hates.... She respected her self and shut up... If a mother can be like this... Why would God give one this... I have considered suicide one too many times all cause of her... Cause her negative talks no matter what will make you talk back to her and that's wrong and from there she should know she is already a bad mother but she won't.... Even my late dad she still curse him till date... Does Islam support this even when it says you should be obedient to parents?

  30. Uhm same shoes here... It's crazy when it is your own mother that does this to you... My mother relationship with us is like cat and rat or cat and dog... Everyday of her life is all about curse and its not easy... It really hurts me and affect relationship.. It is well!!!

  31. Assalamualaikum,

    JazakAllah, I am also abused and have a small child with whom I suffer taking care of. I have no idea how to do what so I pray alot and alot and alot and only after that I feel at ease with myself. I feel my virtues my good luck and everything has been taken away from me becasue of my mother's curse and now I am totally blank and trying still to get back good luck in life.

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