Should I have a child to make him happy?
Asalamu Alikum
I have been married for 7months alhamdullah and have been very happy. Marriage is very sacred to me and I love my husband very much, alhamdullah. However my husband has always wanted children much more than me, but I always used to say that when we are capable of looking after ourselves and are stable then inshaa allah we will proceed to that stage.
However I can see that he isn't happy and that he is trying to make me happy and say its okay and that he will wait for me. But I don't want to make him unhappy so what should I do? I don't want my husband to not love me because I couldn't do something most of the women around the world do. I want to make my husband happy as I only go to jannah if hes content with me.
please help inshaa allah
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Salaams,
I've heard people say that if one waits for the "right" time to have a child, it will never happen. Of course if two parents have 12 kids and can barely feed any of them, and are being put out of their house because there is no money to pay rent because neither parent is employed, that might be a good time to practice family planning. But, in my opinion, if you and your husband are for the most part stable, and it is something he wants, you should not try to deny him this because of fears that the baby won't have what it needs.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 42 verse 12:
To Him (Allah) belong the keys (of the treasures) of the heavens and the earth: He enlarges and restricts the sustenance to whom He Wills: for He Knows full well all things.
and in verse 19 of the same chaper:
Gracious is Allah to His servants: He gives sustenance to whom He Pleases: and He has Power to can carry out His Will.
and in Chapter 13 verse 26:
Allah doth enlarge or grant by (strict) measure the sustenance (which He Gives) to whom He so Pleases.
Further, according to Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.430:
Narrated by Abdullah bin Musud:
Allah's Messenger (saws), the true and truly inspired said, "(The matter of the Creation of) a human being is put together in the womb of the mother in forty days, and then it becomes a clot of thick blood for a similar period, and then a piece of flesh for a similar period. Then Allah sends an Angel who is ordered to write four things: he (the Angel) is ordered to write down its (the baby’s) deeds, its sustenance, its (date of) death, and whether it will be blessed or wretched (in religion). Then the soul is breathed into it…..”
What seems clear to me, is that whatever sustenance you or your child or your family have or doesn't have, is determined by Allah and not you. Based on that, I don't think it should be a factor in keeping your husband from his right to a child. To bear children is a right upon our spouses, and it should only be suspended if you both mutually agree on it. Even then, if Allah sees fit to give you a child, He knows better.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I think you should do whats going to make you happy after all you are the one who is going to be carrying the baby not him!
It is the right of both the man and the wie to have children, if anyone of them does not oblige to this right [by trying to concieve], he/she has oppressed the other spouse.
I one o them wants children, no matter how many times, the other must go along with it.
I agree with the first part of your statement. Having children is one of the fundamental purposes and expectations of marriage. But, "If one of them wants children, no matter how man times, the other must go along with it.." - that makes no sense. Neither spouse is a slave to the other. A woman cannot be forced to bear more children than she is willing. And a man cannot be forced to accept a large family if he does not want it.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Basically if both spouses are in agreement they should have a baby I think that sounds fair.
Forget about giving birth as the hard choice, as instead, the hard part is raising the child. As they say, any man can father a child, but only a dad can raise them. Any woman can give birth, but only a mom will love them.
The question isn't whether you are ready to get pregnant, but whether you are both ready to raise another human being for the next 20 or so years until they are ready to be on their own. If that sounds like a lot to consider, it's because it is.
are you kidding? professor x giving birth is the most difficult part its so painful most men don't realise it because their not the one having a baby growing inside them for 9 months and pushing it out!
As salamu alaykum,
Sister Miah, trust his words the most difficult part of motherhood is to raise your child but at the same time it is one of the biggest blessings a woman can have in this life, Alhamdulillah. You must think about it.
Wasalam,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams,
Miah, not everyones experience of childbirth is the same. There are a lot of women who would say there are more painful things physically, and some even find the experience enjoyable and not very painful at all. In addition, some parents have an easier time during the child rearing part than others too; some would do it again over and over and some feel one was hard enough to raise. None of us can really predict what it would be like to bear and raise a child for anyone else, but there is a line between thinking we know what's best for us and Allah knowing what's best for us and being able to submit to that accordingly.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
@Miah
Some women never give birth that way because they undergo a C-section. Yet my point was that as any mother will tell you, seeing a child go hungry or thirsty because they do not have money for food is more painful than physical labor. My remark is about practical, emotional and mental preparedness concerning bringing a child into this world. A person only needs to look at the statistics of poor hungry children to see how this reality comes to bear.
Salaam Sister,
you should both want to have the child. So you ask yourself the question do you want a child.If the answer is no then don't.You should want the child and not be having a child because your spouse wants the child.You will be the mother and you will be carrying the child,you willbe looking after the child and you do not want to have feelings of resentment towards the child after it is born,because you did not want the child.
Have a child when you both want a child.That is the bottom line,there a lot of unloved and neglected children out there in the world,do not have a child just for the sake of it, please.
Take Care.
Allah Hafiz.
Do u think u feed the baby. No. you'r just a Source.
This is Allah (swt) who provides food to every livingthing that exists. Allah made this world, The World of Reason. He makes reason and source of everything.
When you were in your mother's womb, who provided u the food and shelter. even when neither ur mom had arrangement to feed u nor u could feed urself. Allah made your mother's womb a shelter for u and thick fluid in it as a food for u..when u came in this world, Allah made ur father and mother the
source for ur food and shelter and other needs. when u were unable to eat ur self. And day by day u grew up older. Allah made reasons and sources for ur every need. This is Allah who provide food to everyone. He not even provides food to a tiny little worm breathing into a small closed hollow vacum stone but also listen the sentiments and duas that come out from its little heart. Allah is the creator of everything and this is only him who is providing food & fulfulling needs of everything.
You do not feed ur baby, This is Allah who made u source for thier meal.
The amount of food is written in thier fate by Allah and he has promised for it...and that complete amount will reach to their stomach in anyway in anycase.
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so do not decline ur husband if the reason behind this is that u worry how will u fulfill their needs. Allah (swt) definately will make ways and reasons for this. because he is the creator.
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And beloved prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.w) will be proud on the day of Qayama , because of the abundance of people in his Umma.
and he has advised all muslims to marry those women who can give birth to many childrens.
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May Allah give us all Hidaya.. Aameen..