What can I do if my family doesnt give me food?
Rasool(sws) said: “The merciful are shown mercy by the All-Merciful. Show mercy to those on earth, and He Who is in heaven will show mercy unto you”
I am a severely disabled (dont walk and limited arm use) never married adult woman. my family is cruel and abusive and often dont give me food to eat. Sometimes I am crying in bed in pain and hungry (my illness is very physically painful) and I can hear them in the kitchen eating and joking and laughing.
This Ramadan was very hard for me, I came to find out they do have a lot of food, but they kept it outside it the garage where I can't access it. They also deprive me of clean clothing or proper clothing to wear for prayer. They threaten to beat me and break all my bones with a stick, wish I am dead, etc.
I am very sad and depressed and dont know what to do. Now I am really starting to hate them, I know we are supposed to have sabr but I don't know how to have sabr and how to not be sad and angry and depressed and feel suicidal.
If someone always wishes you dead and you are disabled and helpless, it does make you depressed with suicidal thoughts, even though I cant do that because its not allowed in our religion.
How do I make sabr?
~ Zp
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Salaam,
Are you kind, or atleast "normal" towards them yet they behave this way towards you??? Who is this "family"..your own parents?
Please provide more information so that we can help you inshallah.
Where do you live, in the West or?
May Allah help you and your family, Ameen.
Was salaam
Kindness has nothing to do with it. The family's behaviour is despicable.
I was expecting someone to say that.
Kindness and the poster's treatment towards his/her family has alot to do with it. True, the familys behaviour is bad, however, if thats as a result of very bad behaviour from his side then its very important to be noted before bombarding and labelling them as 'dispicable and ruthless' and the poster as the 'innocent victim.'
Well what you have to understand is that even if Zp has been unkind to his/her family, that doesnt mean he/she deserves this kind of treatment, especially since he/she is disabled and therefore at a serious disadvantage compared to able bodied people, so maybe you should re-examine your view.
Disgusting behaviour to threaten a disabled person with abuse. It seems like you are saying that if ZP treatment towards his/her family is poor, then its okay that they do what they want with this individual.
Faith,
If you had a sibling or a child whether disabled or not, who was rude in his/her behaviour, would you refuse to give him/her food, refuse to give him/her clean clothes and threaten to break all his bones with a stick? This is not the way to treat anyone.
I have someone very close to me who suffers from bi-polar. When this person has had a relapse, she is the most difficult person to take care of, and yes she has fallen under my personal care several times. She becomes physically and verbally abusive, but I would never think for a single moment to deprive her of food, clothing or anything. In fact, I would have to reason with myself, put my own frustrations to one side and see her physical and verbal abuse as her frustration over her vulnerable condition, and I would feel the need to help her even further.
My father was mentally fit and healthy but had various physical health ailments. He was a loving man but was also a very angry one too. Would it have been right for me to deprive him of food and threaten to beat him etc, astagfirullah, never.
The original poster has told her condition, that she is disabled, she cannot walk and has limited movement in one of her arms. If she has been rude to her family, may Allah give her sabr to be patient. But no behaviour on her part should be a justification for her to be treated as she has described. She is a human and has full rights to be loved and cared for as everyone does.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dilly and SisterZ,
I did not ever claim that the family's behaviour was "justified" if ZP was behaving badly towards them. Please read my words carefully.
Remember there is always two sides to a coin. When stories are narrated here, we have to be careful in what we advice them because only hearing one side of the story could lead us to misguiding someone and them taking wrong steps over that. We could be accountable to Allah for that.
It is unfortunate - but theres no other way of this happening- that ultimately, you will only hear the story from one side however, it is still alot better when you hear them give it with some explanation as to why the other party is doing what they are and what their say is on the issues.
I feel for ZP and I sincerely pray from the bottom of my heart that may Allah reward her for the difficulties she must face due to her disabilities and may He be her source of strength. However, I am not going to forget my rational here due to emotions of 'feeling sorry' for her over her disability. To be honest, I dont like the way this whole post has been written because I smell someone who is desperately into self pity. He/'she has come and only focused on the disability and how hes deprived of food etc. Not once has this poster mentioned WHY ...
There are bad people in the world, i know that...but everything has a limit. As you guys have already highlighted, most people would treat disabled people with more care, especially if they are family too. So the whole case should sound as 'odd' as it does of 'shocking' to you guys. This is because he/she has only talked of the issues that naturally present him as the victim.
Clearly she has mentioned that her family has said some nasty things to her, which is wrong regardless of what she has said to them, however, it shows that chances are there was some kind of argument for them to have said that. And most arguments are two sided are they not? So why has ZP not mentioned what SHE said to them as well?
I'll ask ya a question. How do you know that this sister is not obese, at risk of heart failure with her doctors advicing her family to not give her too much food but only a certain specific amount at specific times and she (like most people with eating disorders) wants to just eat food whenever shes hungry regardless of the harm it is causing her. And so her family are not giving in and doing this for her benefit. How do you know this is not the case??? How do you know that she then due to the fact that she is hungry and disabled doesnt get frustrated at them and insults them and they are patient most of the times but due to being human, have become angry and say bad things back to her?
If your answer is because she hasn't mentioned it, then let me remind you that she has not mentioend anything from her family's point of view so its wrong to judge that this is not the case either.
Personally I have in my life seen more cases of the above example I gave than to have to witness a family treating their own flesh and blood who is disabled in such a bad way without reason. So when I read the post, I saw it from a different light.
Was salaam
Faith,
I understand your view, that we will never be able to see two sides of the coin with cases on this website. I was discussing the same thing with some of my fellow editors about this earlier today, although that is not reflected in my reply to ZP.
Yes, this could possibly be a case where infact the family does care, but ZP is interpreting their behaviour in a negative way. We do not know. But I thought the way in which you initially questioned her, was in a very accusing manner. Further, I do not agree with your way of thinking when you say this poster has written her comments in a 'self pitying' manner. Just as I don't have enough information to believe that her family are mistreating her, you don't have enough information to accuse her of self pitying, for if her assessment of what is going on in her home is a true account/reflection, then her writing here should be seen as a sincere cry for help - not self pity. So lets give the sister a chance to provide more information inshaAllah.
Hence you or I could have asked questions like:
And 'ZP', if you are reading this, I would appreciate very much if you could answer the following, it will help us to help you inshaAllah:
1. What is your exact condition? Is there a possibility that your family are withholding (not depriving) food from you for your own benefit, i.e. Do you have an eating disorder? Is there a specific diet you have been prescribed by your doctor which they have a responsibility to ensure/enforce?
2. How many times have your family refrained from giving you clean clothes to pray in? What has been their reason behind with-holding clothes from you? Can you describe the context of the situation?
3. Threatening to break someone's bones with a stick is nothing positive. But in what context was that said? Because I remember my mum would try to scare me into listening if I was misbehaving by saying this to me in 'punjabi', and she would show me her big wooden cooking spoon. I do not agree with this style of parenting at all, but I never believed for a second that she was actually going to touch me with it. And she didnt, ever.
4. Apart from this, what is your relationship like with your family? Do they ever try to share time with you, talk to you etc? How do you respond?
5. Who do get on with most in your home or family? And why is this?
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
SisterZ,
Yes, which is why initially, before advising her or even condemning her family like most have here, I asked in my first post for more information.
Jazakallah khair for understanding. Lets hope ZP will provide more information inshallah.
Was salaam
Oh really sad to listen sister,but i cant even think how u might be feeling...its damn hard,May allah help you and give the Best thing Jannatul firdous for your patience,if you are week in some points i am sure you might be far better in any other quality...
Unconditional lOve sIS
Hi Alsalam mu alaikum zp.
I really fell sad for what is happening to.I fell like to cry for you. but really what makes them treat you so mercilessly like that?are you not their own child or what?and are they your parents?
Children are a gift from Allah to parents.Many people in this world are forbid from this great gift.They sacrifice a lot to have even one child how will call them mom or dad.But i really fell sad for those who throw this great gift by treating their children mercilessly as if they are not the children from their own blood.children are a great gift from Allah and we must be kind to them,and show them love and compassion.and make them be always happy.and the prophet(s.a.w)he used to love children and plays with them even if they are not of his own.
As in islam it is the right of the a child to be feed,clothed and protected till they grew up to their adulthood.it is primarily the duty of parents to provide protection care and love to their children.Parents are the duty bound to see that childs personality develops in all fields.and children must have the respect,to enjoy and affecting from their parents.
But i really cant understand why they treat you mercilessly.But always remember that Allah is always there to help you.Dont ever thick of death.Death is not always the best solution to our problems remembering Allah and patients(sabr)is always our solution.as Allah said(And do not kill yourselves surely Allah is most merciful to you)
and you try to have sabr because(patients(sabr) is the key to success)and Allah loves those who have patients to their problems .As He said in His holy book(Indeed Allah is with those who are patients.)
& the prophet (s.a.w)said(patients is from Allah and hastiness is from satan)
so try to have patients and Allah will be getting you out from your problem and ask Allah to guide your family.
and ishallah i will be praying for you too.may Allah bless you.
It is so the reality. Many people are suffering immensely for a child and there are people who treat their children like this.
As salamu alaykum, Sister ZP,
The most appropiate advice would be to see if you can in anyway find someone that you trust that can help you, but for your words seems to me that you are very isolated, then my advice would be focus just on Allah(swt) and you and the capabilities you already have and you have been blessed with and you can use to improve your situation, insha´Allah
Bismillah, there is a deep shining glimpse of Light in your words, may Allah(swt) bless you for the sweetness, love, forgiveness and sabr you have been sharing with your family despite their behaviour.
I can see a clear way of Light for you and that way will be tough for a while but Insha´Allah, you will see results, maybe you want to give it a try, you have been blessed with a soft Heart and now you are afraid of it hardening, Alhamdulillah, you are extremely conscious of your process.
Sister, your spiritual and mental bodies are strong, it is your physical body the one that is weak and the one that is being used to test you in this life, through its weaknesses you are being proved, but insha´Allah, through mental and spiritual exercises you can improve your condition, insha´Allah, then let´s focus on your stronger side to be able to guide your physical body to its best, and at the same time help you to soften the enviroment you are in, insha´Allah.
You can believe what I am going to tell you or not, there is a quality in the brain call plasticity, this quality can help you to improve your physical condition, have you experienced anytime in anymoment the feeling of having a normal, healthy body, in a dream, where you felt very light, where you could walk and move your arms freely? If you had I want you to retain that memorie and visualize you do all the things you would like to do if you were capable, visualize yourself getting up of bed, walking, washing yourself, getting clean nice clothes, dressing up, combing your hair, watching yourself on a mirrow and thinking, Alhamdulillah I am blessed, making your bed, going out, loving your family and being loved, huged and appreciated by your loved ones, preparing food, cleaning the house, taking care of the little ones, see a different look in the eyes of those that today are being cruel to you, fill your Heart with unconditional Love and give them a look back full of Love, when time of salat comes I want you to see in your mind how you pray your salat normally, do it with faith, do it believing He(swt) is watching your efforts to improve, do it believing what you are doing, and when the tears flows from your eyes and your Heart aches with pain, fill it with Unconditional Love, that Light heals, His Love watching you, Heals.
My sweet zp, you can do it, I can see the glimpse of Light in your Heart that wants to become a powerful source of Light for all of us around you,insha´Allah.
During the day, even when I know will be painful, try to make some exercise by yourself, first give yourself massage in all your body, don´t forget any part of it, use your arms, elbows, hands to bring blood and life into the sleeping parts of your body, when you do it remember to pray Al-Fatihah, no stoping giving thanks to Allah(swt). After the massage, a bit of movement, if your legs are completely slept, try to move them with your arms, little by little, today, one movement, tomorrow two, the day after three,.........what is important here is to do it everyday and stop if you feel it is enough, trust your instinct.
I want you to visualize the blessing of having hope, embracing Hope will be a strong Light that will keep you close to Allah(swt) and will give you,energy to focus on your goals, light to stay away from darkness, endurance to stand the pain and keep trying everyday non stoping, while you are alive you have time to improve, insha´Allah. Listen one very important thing, do a little bit every day, and everyday a little bit more than the day before, this way you will see and test where are your limits and you will be able to appreciate the difference in time, insha´Allah.
There is an important factor that would be great if you can work on too while you exercise and it is breathing, conscious breathing, when you inhale you take the air to your belly, see how it grows and when you exhale you see all the air coming out, do it in a relaxed way and everyday a bit more, 5 minutes, 6, 7,.....until it comes natural to you, this will help you a lot, insha´Allah. When you eat, chew your food 50 times until it comes water in your mouth, this will be very good to improve the condition of your brain and all your body, insha´Allah.
Try to be more independant every day, exercise yourself to do simple but very important duties, go slowly, please, insha´Allah.
Pray, pray and pray, give all your pain and suffering to Him(swt) not a leave moves withouth His Knowledge, to have sabr it is fine, talk to Him, what you need, what you want, what you expect, what you dream, everything, He(swt) is close to you all the time, He (swt) sees your Heart and see everything around you, my beloved Sister, what else can we ask for? Use your tools to create the path you came to this Life to do, Insha´Allahif a woman deaf and blind could write books what is it impossible for you?
Miracles do happen, Alhamdulillah, believe you can be living what you consider a miracle, insha´Allah.
Dream, create your life, be the muslimah you came to this world to be, fight to be your best, believe you have ways to improve, believe your brain structure can be modified and your condition can be improved , insha´Allah, trust the tools that Allah(swt) has blessed you with, use them wisely, be steady in your efforts, Insha´Allah.
Read the Quran, write it, recite it, begin with Al Fatihah, write it slowly, try it once and again, until you feel satisfied with the writing, if you cannot do it physically, visualize that you do it, your brain will make the same efforts as you were doing it for real, just the fact of thinking about doing something activates the brain like you are doing it, the same with the exercise and the salat and your dreams, insha´Allah. Go for it, my beloved sister, while we are alive, the world is ours, make of Our Lord the center of your entire Universe and you will see how everything acquires a different perspective, insha´Allah.
Believe beyond any reasoning, say Alhamdulillah and feel compassion for your loved ones that are so lost, forgive them with all your Heart and if you feel you cannot do it, ask Allah(swt) to help you to forgive them and to be able to stand the situation until He(swt) guides you to improve it, insha´Allah.
I do believe you have a way of Light , insha´Allah that will keep you far away from the way of darkness that is tempting you, and will guide you to your best, insha´Allah.
See the Love pouring from your Heart and shining through your eyes as I see it when I read your words, masha´Allah and insha´Allah, you will see how the hardness of the Heart of the people close to you included your loved ones melts. But keep working on being your best, stay strong and if you fall, go to Allah(swt) as many times as necessary, this way you will fulfill your duties in this world, insha´Allah.
May Allah(swt) help and guide us to our best. Insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salams sister Maria,
Good to have you back sister and great advice to sister ZP Masha Allah.
Dear Maria - JazakhAllahkhayr for your caring response to the sister.
Dear ZP - I agree with Sister Maria. I would like to add though, that although having sabr is a good thing, it is part of protecting the precious life that Allah gave you to seek help to better your life. Eating is an essential and necessary part of human make up and if you are deprived of food, this will have a very negative affect on your health. Being threatened to have your bones broken must also be terribly frightening for you and all things put together cannot be having a positive affect on your mental well being. For these reasons, I believe you need to confide in someone trustworthy - a friend, a relative or a doctor and let them help you inshaAllah.
I do not know what country you are in, but hopefully you are in a place where there are organisations that provide help for people in your condition. Perhaps if you speak to your doctor, you will be given a carer who comes to help you for a few hours each day. Perhaps also your doctor will be able to arrange some counselling for you and your family who clearly need to learn how to care emotionally and physically for someone with a disability.
The point is ZP, that Allah created you and us all perfectly, disability or no disability. You have as much right to be cared for and loved as we all do. You also have as much right to demand your rights as much as anyone else. So please speak to someone trustworthy soon and let them help you inshaAllah.
My heartiest of prayers are with you dear sister,
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Mashallah beautiful response sister 🙂
Dear ZP sister salaam,
Please do not give up!!! U r very important in the eyes of Allah (swt). Allah (swt) is All-hearing and All-knowing!!! Ur good sabr will inshaAllah be counted in the hereafter. It is fard upon u to look after urself!!! Please do not give up hope xxx
Please get help from a trusted relatives and/or friends!!!
And sister u have got access to internet. Please do a search on domestic volience or anti-abuse organisations in ur area or their general helpline. Such organisations are there to help!!! And u need their help!
May Allah (swt) soften ur family's heart and may He make it easy for u... Ameen.
Ur sister xxx
Assalam O Alaikum sister ZP,
I am so sad and sorry to hear about your hardships in the hands of your own family. May Allah (swt) make a way out for you my dear sister and may HE put mercy in the hearts of your family. Sister, you know when Allah (swt) loves someone; he tests them with difficulty, sufferings and pain. The more HE loves, the more difficult the suffering or test. But Alhamdullilah, we have to carry on with praying to Allah (swt) to help us in such situation and give us patience and ease our difficulties and shower his blessings upon us. I am shocked to see that how your relatives are depriving you of food and neat clothings Astaghfirullah. In fact they should provide you with all this and earn your duas since Allah (swt) accepts the duas of those who he puts in test. Islam teaches us to be kind to other human beings let alone our own relatives; in fact we are commanded that if we want to do charity then the most deserving people are our own relatives. Following Hadith does not relate directly to your situation but tells us to how to be with other human beings whether they are relatives or not.
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Amr;
A man asked Holy Prophet (PBUH); What sort of deeds or (what qualities of) Islam are good?
The Prophet (PBUH) replied; To feed and greet those whom you know and those whom you do not know. (Sahih Bukhari)
On another occasion Holy Prophet (PBUH) said;
“Those of you who believe in God and the Hereafter should be kind to their relatives.” (Al-Bukhari)
He (PBUH) further said;
“Those of you who would like to have more providence and longer lives should be kind to their relatives.” (Muslim)
Sister, I would like to request you to please provide us with more information if you can such as;
1- Where do you live and how old are you?
2- By family you mean your parents or uncles/aunts etc etc.
3- How long have they been treating you like this and is their a reason for such treatment; I mean was their a major problem in the family which drove them to behave like this?
4- Have you ever tried to contact any authorities/organisation/NGO's for help? As you know their are many organisations/government institutions for disabled people to help them get on with their lives especially in the West.
5- Also, one very important point which is; were you born disabled or their was an incident in your late life which lead to your disability?
6- Have you yourself or your parents/siblings or relatives have ever taken you to doctor to discuss your problem? I say this because it is quite possible that their may be a treatment for your condition.
So, sister get back to us with details I requested above and follow the advice that sister Maria gave you earlier. Apart from that if you have easy access to internet please read articles on this website http://islamicsunrays.com/ which will definitely help you improve yourself spirtually and are source of peace and tranquility.
If you have access to internet or telephone then please try to locate a charity/organisation or government institute in your nearby area who may be able to help you in your situation. May Allah (swt) ease your sufferings and lighten the hearts of your relatives to treat you with kindness and show love and mercy. (amin)
You are in our duas sister and please do update us.
Waslam,
Muhammad1982:)
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Salaam sister. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I agree is there someone you can confide in dear sister? Remember my dear sister that the dua of those who are suffering is answered by Allah swt. The patient are with Allah swt and you will get your reward InshaAllah. I am disgusted and shocked at your familys behaviour.
At the same time, it is important to look after yourself to the best of your ability so try to get help if you can. If you cannot contact friends or family if necessary phone or email an organisation who can help you.
Your family may treat you badly and as though you are not important but do not let them make you feel this way. Turn to Allah, take comfort in Him and ask HIm to help you dear sister. I will make dua for you InshaAllah.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
x
Please also read trhis article, I pray it will be a source of comfort for you.
x
http://islamicsunrays.com/allah-does-not-make-throwaways/
I do not know what country you are in, but if it is in the west, then surely you can call the police and they will help you. There are plenty of organizations/shelters for people who have suffered abuse, and I doubt they'd turn you down.
As-Salaamu Alaikum ZP,
What i have read is truly cruel and this is mental abuse as well. You are patient, you do not have to take this kind of abuse from them no matter what has caused them to behave in this horrendous manner, them depriving you of food, cleaning clothing etc is classed as mental abuse ok they have threatened you with violence this again a another form of abuse.
We can give you islamic advice on how to be patient, but i think it is more than that you need right now, this should be reported to the police right away. They have stepped over the line with this, you should contact your local social services for help and they will help you especially when it comes to abuse of any kind they have to act by law.
We as citizen have a duty of care towards others in need, you came onto this site for help and support is there anyway you can report your family to the police, do you have a close relative that you can speak to in private to get you help.
Also as you have access to the internet can you get onto sites that help disabled people who are being abused. There are many organisations that will help you if you only make the first move.
Now the last bit if your family are behaving the way they are because of you or you may have done something to upset them, this does not give them the right to keep you as a prisoner, you have rights and i strongly say that you take them to task with this.
What about your neighbours can you talk to them, surely there has to be someone that you can tell what is going on.
Some family are very abusive to people with disabilities because it is demanding role in looking after someone with disabilities, it is a full time job in itself. Again no excuse for this abuse to happen to you.
I am shocked to read this. And I am reading a reality, not a movie or a nightmare.
Dear Zp, your story have me feeling scared that I do not thank Allah for all the blessings he has given me. I am always complining and now reading your story has me feeling scared that I dared complined to Almighty Allah!!!
Astagfirullah!! May Allah forgive me. I have seen people being tortured by mothers and brothers. I have heard how they are beaten, but I now see how very worse it can get!!! May Allah help you and may Allah give you peace.
Salam alaikum
Thank you for the very nice posters who responded, especially Maria and Muhammad, your posts moved me alot.
Also there were some very unkind posts that really hurt me and made me cry. I wasn't going to respond to them, but decided to respond due to the small chance that this poster may think twice and not write hurtful posts to someone else in the future.
Faith, you are really wrong about me. I am not obese, self pitying, have an eating disorder, or whatever else you think. If you didn't like my post because you said you smell someone selfpitying you are really wrong and that was a nasty thing to say. Noone asked you to respond if you didn't like my post. Why did you respond just to hurt me. Isn't the Islamic way to speak good or keep silent, and sometimes suspicion is a sin, you dont have a right to suspect me of being obese or call me selfpitying Islamically it was wrong. I humbly request you in the future if you dont like someone's post don't respond just to hurt them or make suggestions of false things about them, you don't want that in your book on the Day of Judgement do you. You were very hurtful and upsetting because the things you suggest are totally untrue, and Allah is my witness and judge, not you.
My post was not about pity or asking you to make me a "innocent victim" at all. Actually I am not obese but I am malnourished and diagnosed with various nutritional deficiencies. I feel like blacking out and keep shaking from the hunger. But the point of my post, which noone answered, was how to make sabr, and how to get through this in a way to please Allah, that was my concern, not your judgement.
I know its alot of work to take care of a disabled person and my family thinks I should be the one earning and taking care of them not the other way around, I hate that I cant do it. I used to have a nice setup where I had a small minifridge and microwave and I could roll to it in a chair and use it, but they took it away from me saying the fridge might leak ice or water and make a mess on the floor,(though it never did) they took my bath bench when I had a nice setup so I could shower, they don't let me have anything to make things handicap accessible. I don't want them to work hard, noone cleans for years, the house is very dirty and messy, only I wish for maybe a little fruit or something with some nutrition for my nutrition deficiences, Allah helped me He took away alot of my feelings of hunger, but I dont want to be malnourished, they have been putting out a bag of chips for me from time to time but I am still malnourished.
Anyway Allah knows best I made a lot of sacrifices for my family and did a lot for them (before I got sick) when I used to work I gave them my whole paychecks, I never thought of saving anything or setting anything aside for myself. Then after I got sick they wanted to stick me in a nursing home, so far Allah has saved me from that, I know if I go in a home I will never get out and I will be alone there for the rest of my life, plus I am a Muslim and its important for me to only have halal food to eat and to be able to listen to Quran and do wazifas, I don't know if I could do that in a nonmuslim home. My family mocked me saying anywhere else I would have to eat pork. My family don't like to spend their money or do any work, if I earn and do things for myself it is ok for them, or if I go to a nursing home where someone else gives me food, etc and they dont have to do anything I think they will be happy.
Mostly I try to sleep all day especially if they are around I have to sleep because I am scared of them, if I am sleeping they mostly ignore me, its just a big problem if I ask for anything like once I asked for some food just so I could have strenght to pray more, I got in alot of trouble and abuse and I'm still paying for that mistake. Im in a lot of pain and if im not asleep mostly I lie in bed crying and asking Allah to take the pain away, if I cry or scream in pain they generally just ignore me or else come and shout at me.
Regarding the food their perspective what they said is that it is not their responsiblity for giving me food, and if I can't take it on my own (cook clean etc because of my disability) that is my problem. At night I used to do dua at Tahajjud time, just zikr and dua because physically I couldn't do wudu and pray, but they would just come to the bed where I was and start abusing me, so I stopped that which I regret, now at night I do Quran and wazifas but I haven't been able to get back to the Tahajjud duas like I used to. They abuse me more if I do Quran and wazifa more, I think thats why in Ramadan it really gets worse. For many years Ramadan and the months after Ramadan are a worse time.
Anyway I only responded here in the hope that there is a small chance next time if you don't like someones post you will just ignore it rather than write something upsetting and unkind that will hurt them more. Allah watches over all of us, and He whatever good or bad we do, He will bring it on the Day of Judgement.
Salaam alaikum zp,
Sister, im sorry that you are going through so much hardship. Once again I will pray for you and ask Allah swt to make this trial easier for you, to give you patience and reward you for it in this world and the akhiraah.
It was not a matter of 'liking' your post. If anybody posts here, thats including u, then they have to realise that the people responding are not divinely inspired to know vital information which they have not provided. So there was nothing wrong or 'rude' or 'upsetting' about someone asking you for more info as well praying for u whilst doing that. You may have appreciated it more had I just judged the case and your family without knowing the details however I an sorry I could'nt and still wont do that if I face a situation similar. Yes as muslims we have to think well of someone but if I had thought well of you and unwell of your family without sufficient details provided, that would have been wrong for of me as a muslim.
Alhamdulillah now that you HAVE provided more details like you should have initially, you can be better understood inshallah, like you want to be, and the situation judged somewhat more justly, the way Allah swt wants us to.
I have enough on my plate to answer Allah for, so please dont hold this against me too..forgive me for upsetting you as that was not my intention.
Ws
Dear ZP,
JazaakhAllahkhayr for providing more information.
Sister, 'sabr' is good. But sabr would include you taking some action to improve your quality of life aswell. Its not like your family are just stopping you from seeing your friends or going to school (which would be bad enough). From what you are saying, they are depriving you of something that is necessary to sustain your life - food. This is abuse.
Your account sounds as though you are in a Western country, in which there are health organisations available to help you. My strong advice to you is to contact one of these organisations and speak to one of their counsellors. As I said before, they may be able to give you a carer for some hours in the day and arrange for you to meet with others in the same condition or even assist you in doing things that you enjoy. ZP, your life is too important to leave in the hands of ignorant people. I understand you may feel guilty for telling an authority about the way you are being treated, but really you have nothing to feel bad about. You have a right to live. You are human. You have feelings. You are important.
If you want one of our female Editors to email you in private, please let us know here and we will be glad to contact you inshaAllah.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hi sister zp may Allah bless you
Hope that my response didnt hurt you.but really by providing more informations makes me know that you are really patient a girl. you used to suffer a lot from your family but even though you have patience & seek Allahs help and guidance.many people get in such problems and they will always think of committing suicide.But you mashallah u seek Allahs help and that is what every muslim should do when they get through such problems. and i have learn a lot from you how to make a real patience.u were making patience for long time may Allah bless.
And the patience person is blessed by Allah.And Allah said of those how are patience(they are those on whom(Descend)blessings from Allah and mercy and they are the ones that receive guidance.)
(And to those who show patience and constancy,and work righteousness,for them is forgiveness(of sins)and a great reward.)surah hud.
My Allah descend His blessings and mercy upon you and guide your family and accept all your prayers and duas.Ameen.
Faith and Ruhijafira,
I've deleted your personal exchange of words to each other. This thread is for ZP, so please do not divert the focus away from the sister. Ruhijafira, you made a very good point in your comment but it would be better to express yourself without the anger and extras.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
i think its better to get out of this mess as soon as possible nothing more then that could be done!!!!!!!!!!!
Asalamu Alakum
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE CALLL THE POLICE
What your family is doing is a crime. Of course as a Muslim I'm sure you don't want to get non Muslims involved but this is sick and disturbing. Your life and well being is at stake. Please by Allah seek help in your community, Insha Allah I hope you have access to a phone call an Aunt, cousin, uncle, grandparents -anyone who doesn't know what's going on and may be able to help. May Allah reward you for your patience but there is a time and place for everything. Self defense is OK in islam and with your family's behavior you need to put your own well being first. it makes me cringe to think of your condition and your family's cruelty. May Allah have mercy on you, and again, my final plea PLEASE CALL FAMILY OR POLICE, your life is precious. BarakAllah
Nuriddeen,
I agree with your advice. But what is this about not wanting to get 'non muslims' involved?
Its not a very positive attitude to have, is it?
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Remember Zp its ok to free yourself from oppression whether it be from your parents or anyone else you DO NOT have to have patience with this. Even Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h.) left Mecca so why stay in a house that abuses you? Being in a nursing home at leaset you may have some indepence for them and maybe you could reach out to your local Masjid and have the brothers and sisters visit you often. Allah has made this earth spacious for you -mentally and physically. If you do choose to stay I pray that Allah accepts your patience and accepts you in to paradise. I'm really hurt by your story and I pray that you will find a way out in this life and the next.
Dear Zp
you really made me cry sister, I realy feel for you I have witness people who had disable person in there house they treated them really bad I think personnally the family members can't be bothered to help out & they just cruel heart individuals .. you mentioned you don't want to move to a nursing home why not sister you can ask them that you muslim & they will provide you with Halal food if not Allah knows your circustance as long as you dont' eat pork you will be fine but i am pretty sure if you request for halal food they will provide or ask them you vegetarian so that way you don't eat any meat.. & you said you don't want to move to a nursing home cause you pray & read Quran regardless of where you are you can read your Quran take it with you & if you go to a nursing home i am sure they can find you some sort of activities that you capable of doing you can do that during the day & that will keep you busy you dont' have to sleep all day long move from you home & i don't mean to judge you please but I feel you want attention & love from your family as well sister i life is very cruel if you can't give they won't provide for nothing so just put them behind you & move to a nursing home you will be much better off I wish i knew you ... please let me know you doing & let me know on your decision
Please do dua for me. The situation is really bad now. I cant take it anymore
ZP,
Do you want me to email you? You may feel more comfortable talking to an Editor privately.
We want to help you inshaAllah.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe,
I have only one question: Is there any way possible to help this poor child ? If I have to go there personally or arrange something, by Allah I will.
Please tell me.
Salaam waleikum.
Dear Raja,
I know how you feel. Its difficult knowing that someone is suffering so much and you can't physically do anything about it. Unfortunately, we do not have systems in place to physically intervene. InshaAllah the sister will reply and we will be able to encourage her to seek help from authorities.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I Understand that my dear sister in Islam. But that doesn't mean I cannot provide certain resources. If she needs money I'll do my best if she needs a place too stay i'll do my best. We as a ummah need to help each other thats what a Umman is for. Thats what I am trying too say. So if she needs someone to cal for her then we can. If she needs something extra then perhaps we can and by Allah we will.
Unfortunately sister hasn't even told us where she is from or anything specific.
I certainly don't want to put her into trouble but I will ask every sister here a question.
Do you want to earn a good deed ? A deed by which Allah will be pleased and forgiveness shall be granted. A deed which Allah likes most because your thinking about another and not about yourself.
Try to do everything you can to help this sister then, even if you have to provide for her see what you can do for her. Then see what Allah does for you.
In case I as a male can do anything Notify me please. I will do whatever I can ameen.
May Allah bless us all and guideth us.
Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe
Ps: I am sorry if I hurt anyones feelings or said anything wrong, please forgive me.
Of course you have not hurt anyone.
I have emailed Sister ZP. If she responds, we will see what we can do from there inshaAllah.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As salamu alaykum, my sweet zp,
I will, insha´Allah, ...but please, let Sister Z email you, insha´Allah.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you, Wael for sharing this dua with us.
اللهم انى اسئلك فرجا قريبا وصبرا اجميلا ورزقا و اسعا و العافية من جميع البلآء و اسئلك تمام العافية و اسئلك دوام العافية واسئلك الشكر على العافية و اسئلك الغنى عن الناس و ا حول و لا قوة الا با لله العلى العضيم
Allahumma inni as'aluka farajan qariban, wa sabran jameelan, wa rizqan wasi'an, wal 'afiyata min jami'il-bala'i, wa as'aluka tammamal-'afiyati wa as'aluka dawamal-'afiyati, wa as'aluka-sh-shukha'alal 'afiyati, wa as'alukal-ghina 'anin-naasi, wa la hawla wa la quwwata illa billahil 'aliyyil-adhim.
O Allah, I ask You of immediate prosperity, and beautiful patience against misery and affliction, and abundance in sustenance, and peace from all misfortunes; and I also ask You for perfect and perpetual peace of mind, and I ask You to enable me to give thanks for granting me peace, and I ask You (to make me prosperous enough) to be needless of other people, and I cannot be saved (from sins) nor have I power (for good deeds), but by the help of Allah, the Sublime, the Great.
Wasalam,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Every night & day I remember sister Zp I really need to find a way to help her out please do let us know what is happening ... if we need to call any authority I don't mind personally doing it to take her out of where she is staying now .. I can go where she is if I can afford it I am not sure where she really is but plz let us know I don't know what else to say I am so fraustrated notify me ASAP regards
if i can't go I can arrange some thing for her I just need to know where is specifically & her authorisation for taking a further action
Thanks you all looking forward ot ZP's reply
May Allah help sister Zp.I really wish if I can do something for you.May Allah help you out.Ameen
thanks for the kind words, was almost unconscious so family fed me a little, but im too sick now and in so much physical pain, I cant sit to pray or do wudu or read Quran anymore, can barely even move head now, they want to stick me in a home, please do duas for the pain to be less, I appreciate your duas so much, noone i know in real life could care less about me
ZP,
Does somebody help you log on to your computer? That must be a mission for you.
Maybe the care home will be a blessing in disguise for you sis. You'll be able to eat properly there, then you'll have the energy to pray too.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
assalamu'alaykum
may ALLAH be with U and may ALLAH help u and ease ur sufferings.
Remember that it is test from ALLAH and u will be rewarded for having sabr. And ALLAH expiates u from ur sins.
May ALLAH remove from u the pain and may ALLAH make u healthy again.
Insha'allah i will remember u in my duas
Asalamu alaykum to all. I must say that I have an extremely hard time believing this. Only Allah the all-Knowing is aware of the truth, but these are some extremely serious trangressions of a human beings rights, and this would be considered to be mid to even high degree torture under Human Rights laws. Furthermore, if this family denies you the BASIC essentials (food, hygeine, etc.), and then LAUGH at you whilst denying you these vital assets, then I strongly believe they wouldn't give you free access to the internet, a means of communication to the outside world that could severely compromise them (not to mention the fact that they just wouldn't let you on it for leisure). If, however, in the off chance they DID let you on, why didn't you give your address to a legal-aid firm to have them rescue you from such appaling conditions? If one argues that you snuck on, why didn't you use the same time to sneak out? Find a police station, ANY source of help? It can't be because your disabled, because the amount of time on the computer is longer, even louder, than sneaking out. If the doors are locked beyond your ability, or your 'broken bones' stopped you, then I return to my other argument: why didn't you contact authentic help from your internet? Why bother with blogs created for depression/marriage/family matters that cannot provide you with legitimate help? I am only a visitor to this site, but it is obvious that this isn't true, so don't exploit the blogs for your immature tendencies. Only Allah subhana wa ta'ala knows best. I can't believe other people took this seriously. If this is true then I am beyond sorry, astagfrhu'Allah, but you must understand my reasoning, your story seems only logical in stories, but Allah subhana wa ta'ala knows best. May He the Exalted bestow Mercy on you. I won't pray Dua for you, I can only pray to Allah subhana wa ta'ala from my heart and with sincerity. Salam.
Salam. Any seed of doubt in relation to my argument can be removed by the fact that sister Zp hasn't supplied an address. I honestly cannot believe such intelligent people took this as authentic, absolutely no offence intended. Salam and may Allah subhana wa ta'ala bertow His Mercy on all.
We considered the fact that it might be a hoax, but without knowing, we decided to treat is as real. Either way we advised the sister as best we can, Insha'Allah. There are in fact families who treat their children like this. Haven't you read news stories of families who are discovered with their children chained in the backyard? There are families who do horrible things. Secondly, just because the sister can log on to a computer, does not mean that she would immediately call the police. If she did, what would happen? Perhaps she's frightened that she would end up in foster care, or that if her family were arrested or cited, their abuse of her might increase.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
To cast suspicion on this sister is unforgiveable!
I sincerely request the editors to delete accusing comments posted by sister faith as i feel that these type of comments may push a vulnerable person over the edge! This isn't the first time she accuses commentors and posters. I request that the editors really look at their stance as they have a very heavy social responsibility.
Also, to the doubters surely you cant judge the world by our own limited experience! What happened to keeping an open mind??? Are you that narrow minded and ignorant???
Sister Zp I for one feel your pain and frustration and will make sincere dua for you.