Will Allah forgive me for rejecting a proposal after accepting?
Asalamualaikum,
My parents had finalized my partner for me a year ago who is my cousin. That time I was okay with it and agreed to it. However, as time went on I met another guy. I was very much attracted towards him. I started to fall for him very badly. He felt the same about me. We wanted to get married and have a future together. So I broke off my engagement with my cousin with the excuse that I do not think he is suitable for me.
Will Allah forgive me for all the people I hurt? Will Allah forgive me for taking such a step? Will Allah show me happiness in my future? Or will I be punished for this?
I would also like to mention we haven't met my cousins family after they first finalized our talk as they live in India and we live abroad so no ceremonies have taken place either it was all over the phone. Please help me .. I have upset a lot of people by calling this engagement off. But I want to spend my life with the one I love. He is doing alot for me, he has switched to a better University for the sake of standards, started working at a nice place to be presentable. I am positive he is the only one that can keep me happy. But I'm worried - what if my past haunts me?
Please tell me if what I did was right or wrong? I have hurt my parents and relatives by breaking off my engagement but I did not want to be with one person and be thinking of another. My relatives are very upset from my parents as well. I feel like trash and I feel like I have committed a BIG sin by creating problems in families for the sake of my own happiness 🙁
Please guide me? Will I be punished? Will I be able to live my life with the one I want to?
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Salaams,
Allah forgives people for many sins. He forgives people for so many things, things some of us would think are horrible and don't deserve forgiveness. However, calling off an engagement is not a sin. You don't need Allah to forgive you for changing your mind, but you may want to apologize to your family for causing disruption and for any hurt feelings. We are not to hurt the heart of one another, but sometimes it does happen (it doesn't mean you've sinned, though). We should still apologize when it does to help maintain good relationships with others.
There is something I'm more concerned about with your post, though, and this may be an issue that falls in the "sin" category so you may need forgiveness depending on what's going on. You broke your engagement to your cousin, yes; but you haven't mentioned if your parents approve of the person you DO want to marry. I understand you care very much about him, but if you are planning to marry someone against your parents wishes, this could be a problem. Have you talked to them yet about this new guy? What are their feelings about him? If you are moving forward with him and your parents aren't even involved, yes this is sin and wrong, and could cause all types of problems.
So, if you haven't already, please let your parents know you are interested in someone else. If they are supportive of you and just a little dissappointed in having to change plans, that will probably work itself out over time. As far as your cousins family, they are probably stinging from the rejection but they will have to accept that sometimes plans change. If your parents are not in approval of the guy you want to be with, you have to respect their feelings in the matter and perhaps this means starting from scratch in looking for a husband.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you so much for your advice, it made me feel so much better. I have told my mom about this new guy and the only reason they are against it is because everyone in our family is talking against us. It makes me feel bad and they feel terrible that everyone is talking behind their back because of me. This is the only reason my mom is also against it, she says I can never be happy if all my relatives are giving me "bad dua" and are against me for calling off an engagement that was first of all so close in relation, secondly, everyone was really extremely looking forward to it. This other guy on the other hand is very committed. He's willing to do anything for me. He's willing to take stand for me anywhere and anytime. Another reason my mom is 50-50 is because he is out of the family, she's always wanted a guy we know of, whose background we know and are aware of not someone totally random. If I fight for him against these reasons, it'll be okay right? I mean, these are no reasons to turn someone down. I REALLY love him and life with him would complete me in every way. PLEASE, pray for us.
Asalaam alaikum,
Just so that you know, Allah (swt) only grants halal duas and so someone cannot make a dua to harm you with it getting answered unless you are a tyrant that denies revelation, God or anything of that caliber.
In Islam, you have a choice of who to marry and though it has caused friction, you have that right. The extended family should bow out gracefully and should admit that if your heart was not in it, then that's a blessing that you put off this marriage and saved their son a worse scenario of a loveless marriage.
Though I do want to say that this guy should make the effort to speak to your parents and build his relationship with them, first, as he plans to marry you. He should show them that he is making the effort in his life, that he dignifies and honors you and that you two can make it a good marriage. He should introduce himself, come over your house and try to make a good start of it. Ask him to do this and be persistent that he does this, as it's a gauge of his sincerity.
Insha'allah, time will work this out.