Back with abusive husband-nowhere-to go
He has not been physically abusive but the verbal and emotional abuse is sickening. I am not allowed to work, have to home school the two smallest children so he can have them watching my every move, am not allowed to have friends or deal with family members and he still accuses me indirectly of being unfaithful. My children finish school in three weeks and i am thinking of leaving but how much damage am i going to cause my children and where will we go, my family will not help me since my return i have no support system, the internet is my only form of communication with the world. I have called the DV hotline but again with teenage boys no one can or will help.
I have even placed craigslist request for somewhere to stay in various states. i am slowly organizing my stuff for a quick escape but do not know what i am going to do for gas money, food nothing, i am so stressed out that i am having migraines and chest pains daily. I was gone for three months and in those three months Allah showed me that I am worthy of happiness. I give dua daily for peace I pray that Allah softens my husbands heart, What am I doing? My other problem is daily he makes it painfully noticable to everyone that the only reason he wanted us to return was for his youngest son, he tells me that me and the kids can leave just leave his son and frankly i am so fed up i have no problem of leaving him,
i love all my children but i cant continue to sacrifice my other childrens happiness for one. He kisses the ground his youngest son walks on and treats the rest of us like something he stepped on. I have a 17, 14, and 8 year old that he doesnt show a bit of intrest in, buys the very limited things they need and belittles them everyday for his and the 9 year olds amusement. Do you think i am doing the right thing by leaving again and considering leaving my youngest boy. Allah give me strength ameen.
- rockinhijab
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Dear Sister, Walaykumsalaam,
I remember your previous post. I wish you had been strong enough not to return to your husband. Your case should serve as a reminder to all those sisters out there to remain strong once they have left. Under your circumstances (as you state they are), I believe you should leave with ALL your children. A man who is so unstable and abusive as you say can turn on anyone.
Is it not possible for the same organisation that helped you before to help you again? Can you contact the police and ask for their support? Your local police station should have a domestic violence team whom you can talk to for advice. They will not rush you, instead they will help you plan an 'escape'. Which state do you live in Sister? Perhaps one of our Editors may know whom you can contact in your area.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Sister,
I make du'aa to Allah for your happiness and unity of family.
You may do what you think is best for yourself, the kids and the father, without doing injustice to anyone, not even yourself.
35. And if ye fear a breech between them twain (the man and wife), appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they desire amendment Allah will make them of one mind. Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Aware. - Surah An Nisaa
128. If a woman feareth ill treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves. Peace is better. But greed hath been made present in the minds (of men). If ye do good and keep from evil, Lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.
129. Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so): But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
130. But if they separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance. Allah is ever All Embracing, All Knowing.131. Unto Allah belongeth whatsoever is in the heavens and whatsoever is in the earth And We charged those who received the Scripture before you, and (We charge) you, that ye keep your duty toward Allah. And if ye disbelieve, lo! unto Allah belongeth whatsoever is in the heavens and whatsoever is in the earth, and Allah is ever Absolute, Ownerof Praise.
132. Unto Allah belongeth whatsoever is in the heavens and whatsoever is in the earth. And Allah is sufficient as Defender.
Allah has shown a way here, for most marriage disturbances, these verses are the only answer and the only way to move on in Allah's guidance.
So think and choose the best for yourself.
If you separate, Allah will give you of His abundance.
1. By the morning hours
2. And by the night when it is stillest,
3. Thy Lord hath not forsaken thee nor doth He hate thee,
4. And verily the latter portion will be better for thee than the former
5. And verily thy Lord will give unto thee so that thou wilt be content.
6. Did He not find thee an orphan and protect (thee)?
7. Did He not find thee wandering and direct (thee)?
8. Did He not find thee destitute and enrich (thee)?9. Therefore the orphan oppress not,
10. Therefore the beggar drive not away,
11. Therefore of the bounty of thy Lord be thy discourse. - Surah Ad Duhaa.
42. And that thy Lord, He is the goal;
43. And that He it is Who maketh laugh, and maketh weep,
44. And that He it is Who giveth death and giveth life;
45. And that He createth the two spouses, the male and the female,
46. From a drop (of seed) when it is poured forth;
47. And that He hath ordained the second bringing forth;
48. And that He it is Who enricheth and contenteth: - Surah An Najm.
Sister, Allah is the Enricher, if you have no means, he will provide you. He created you from a drop, can you imagine? A woman now you are and before you were nothing, than you were created from a drop, than a clot, than fashioned in to shapes as Allah willed, and you grew up, he fed you with mother's milk, he helped you walk, he taught you speech, he taught you to read, write, he bestowed ample means on you to live life.
So trust Allah, we are the poor and Allah is the rich. Trust Allah. Think best, and choose the best without doing injustice as I wrote above.
Hope it helps.
Salaam,
Your brother.
As salamu alaykum sister,
You are having anxiety due to all the stress you have to handle, you should go to a doctor to prescribe you something to be strong to get out of there, I know you are desesperate, but please think twice before separating the children, insha´Allah.
You were strong once, you will be stronger now that you know you can do it. Ask for help as Sister Z adviced you, and get ready to go, insha´Allah.
My prayers are with you and your family, insha´Allah.
From Heart to Heart,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Mashallah i dont think u realise how many women are going through the same impossible situations, my situation feels helpless too; im here for u sister and inchallah we can help each other , and may Allah make it easy for us