I met a non-Muslim; he converted and we married. Now he has doubts
I'm a moslem sister who met a non-moslem person and he was interested in marrying me. I told him he must convert first and that i can't force him he said I really want to be close to God and that he will convert. I believed him and he converted and we got married. After telling him and showing him about islam and Quran, he said I don't feel comfortable.. He used to be christian, he believes that there is one God, but doesn't believe what the Quran says. Should i get a divorce?
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Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
It sounds as though you are in a very difficult situation. As you correctly told him, it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man. It appears as though he hastily converted in order to marry you, though only Allah knows what was in his heart at the time.
I think, going back, that the correct thing to do in such a situation is to tell him he would have to convert to marry a Muslim woman, and the you should NOT have continued to talk to him. Instead, you should have cut off all contact with him and let a MAN in your community teach him about Islam. This way, you could perhaps have seen if his interest in Islam was sincere or if he was merely learning in order to be close to you.
What is done is done, so now you have to act to try to see if you can save the marriage. If your husband has stated in no uncertain terms that he does not believe in the pillars of belief as the Muslims believe, then he has declared himself to be an unbeliever. Because of this, your marriage becomes annulled, and you enter your "iddah", or waiting period. During this time, you can stay in the same house with him, but there can be no marital intimacy. Now you should talk to him and bring good strong educated Muslims to talk to him and try to see where his doubts are. They should find out exactly what he does not believe in, whether it is one of the fundamentals of Islam, or some detail that he has perhaps interpreted incorrectly so that he is confused. If, after the three-month period of the 'iddah, he still says he does not believe in Islam, then you are to leave and let him go. He is not lawful to you as a husband and you are free to marry another person.
There is still hope for you, but he will need to WANT to continue to learn and be open-minded about returning to Islam. While you are trying to instruct him, make sure you are keeping to your prayers, and make many du'as, supplications, for Allah to guide him so that your marriage will not be broken. InshAllah he will be guided to the truth. And Allah knows best.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Salam Aliekon sister Noorah
Thank you a lot for your advice. I would like to know what is the reference to get more knowledgeable about my situation so I can get back to it. Is it in sunnah or Sharee'a. My husband and I agreed about learning about Islam. He actually never disrespected Islam in any way as far as for accepting and performing salat he prays with me but not the five prayers and he also fasted few days. I think he's not considered to be Kafer and I feel he believes that there is only one God and believes in prophet (PBUH), but needs to read and learn about him, so I feel that we could work it out. It is just hard for him to know that Jesus wasn't crucified and that he didn't die for our sins, I'm open to any suggestions sister in regards to that to show him from Quran, I showed some verses but I need more. Thanks again sister.
Salam Aliekom
Salam Aliekom Sister Noorah
Thank you a lot for these websites, they are really helpful. I have another question, my mother in low embraces the Trinity concept and she asks my husband to help her with her church assignments. I asked not to do that in our house as I told him about that there is no trinity. Should I ask her not to do that? Can you advise me on that.
Thank you
Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
I think it would cause an issue between you and your husband at this time if you tried to tell your mother-in-law directly not to bring these church assignments in. Perhaps you can talk to your husband and tell him that he should advise his mother not to ask him. She is obviously doing it in an attempt to "win him back" to Christianity. My father did the same thing to me, as he is a Baptist preacher, may Allah guide him. He would send me e-mails of his Sunday sermons to "proofread". I simply told him no thanks.
If your husband does not have t he desire or ability to tell his mother "no" about this, just tell him you disagree with what he is doing, and go out for a cup of coffee or something while they are doing it. Be polite to your mother-in-law and make du'a for her. Work on the husband first, and inshAllah, if he is able to come to a correct understanding of Islam, he can work on his mother in due time. And Allah knows Best.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah
"If your husband has stated in no uncertain terms that he does not believe in the pillars of belief as the Muslims believe, then he has declared himself to be an unbeliever. Because of this, your marriage becomes annulled, and you enter your 'iddah', or waiting period."
Assalamu alaikom Sister Noorah. Thank you for posting such excellent advice. I have a friend who is married to a non-Muslim, in a similar situation to the sister who posted. The man made shahada but after a few months he expressed doubts. The sister ended up having a child with this man, now five years old and she has been married to her husband for over five years now. She said that he has already stated many times that he doesn't believe in Islam and has no interest in becoming Muslim. She is currently thinking of divorcing him. I'm not sure how long ago he made his intentions 100% clear, but would it mean that she has been living in sin for years? If so then this sister really needs to be advised about this. Can you give me the reference to some sound hadiths that support the above sentence?
Walaikum as Salaam, Khadija,
Yes, it is true that, in such a case where the man has repeatedly and openly expressed his disbelief, and he is not fulfilling any of the duties of Islam, such as praying and fasting and such, then he is not permissible to her any more. The marriage would have become null and void a long time ago, so she has been living with him in an unmarried state for a long time.
My advice to her would be that, Islamically, she is already divorced, so she is no longer allowed to be alone with him and must leave, or have him leave. She should pursue a civil divorce if one is necessary where she lives, such as in the US. She must make every effort to get full custody of their daughter, so that the girl can grow up as a Muslimah, inshAllah.
I am including some links here that describe situations where the woman is Muslim and her husband is not. It is unanimous among the scholars with no disagreement that she is no longer married to him, so you must counsel her and tell her that she should love and respect Allah even if this situation is painful for her, because the life of this world is short compared to the life after the Day of Judgment. If she obeys Allah in this matter and leaves her disbelieving husband, Allah will bless her with something better, either a good Muslim husband in this life, or a vast reward in the life to come, or both! So she should step firmly into her new life and be secure in the knowledge that she will be doing the right thing.
As for what has gone before, Allah always accepts the sincere repentance of His servants, so if she repents of having stayed with her husband after the marriage became void, and she leaves him and gets on with her life, Allah will surely forgive her and bless her.
Here are the links that I promised:
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/4036/husband%20kaafir
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/6257/husband%20kaafir
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/3408/husband%20kaafir
I know this will not be an easy situation for her, and it will also be a challenge for you to advise her. Be honest, gentle, and firm, and offer your sisterhood and support. Help her, and ask the Muslim community to reach out to her to help her if she is in financial need, needs a place to stay, and such. She has a right to help from the community so she can get on with her life. Advise her to adhere to the five daily prayers and to start teaching her daughter the fundamentals of Islam. InshAllah she will take your advice. And Allah knows best.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah
Salaam Alaikum Amy,
I'm very glad to hear that your husband has not totally abandoned Islam and that he is still open to learning. I still think the absolute best way to learn is in the "real world" with educated Muslim brothers who can answer his questions on the spot. There are also some excellent websites that talk about Jesus, peace be upon him, in Islam, and I will give you some links here:
http://islam.thetruecall.com/modules.php?file=article&name=News&sid=25
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xczNovau-Y (there are ten different parts to this video series)
http://www.islamicity.com (tons of stuff)
http://www.islamtomorrow.com/yusuf.asp
InshAllah, if Allah wills, he will be able to overcome the "conditioning" he had. It is very hard to let go of something you grew up with. I will make du'a for both of you that he becomes strengthened in his Islam. You are always welcome to ask any more questions, and he is welcome to as well. If he has a specific question, inshAllah I can offer more precise links to answers for him.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah
Why, during all the disuccions of whether amy1972 should or should not be with her husband, has there been no mention of love? Surely the love that two people have for each other for them to enter into the institution of marriage should be stronger than any feelings of faith. If amy1972 truly loves her husband, it should not matter which god/prophet he believes in.