Engagement in Islam
Engagement and Islam
What basically is engagement?
after the engagement do the male and female become mahram for each other?
can they male and female have verbal communication?
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As Salamualaikum,
In Islam, we have Nikah, once the boy and the girl agree to get married. Engagement is based on culture and not Sharee'ah.
It is Nikah that makes a man the woman's Mahram. He is just like any other non Mahram man to her before Nikah, even if they are to get married (i.e. they are engaged).
Any interaction between them before Nikah is wrong according to the Sharee'ah, and Allah Knows Best.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
ASSALAMALIKUM-
ENGAGEMENT IS A TRADITION OF PAGAN CUSTOM OF CHRISTIANS NOT A PART OF ISLAM IT IS A VERY STRONG BIDDAH -
Observing the Customs of Non-Muslims (I)
The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Are you observing a pagan custom! I was thinking of invoking such a curse upon you that your appearances might be deformed.” [Ibn Majah]
Muslims must differ in areas of similarities with non-Muslims.
Being different from the infidels is an important principle in Islam. Following the path of those cursed by Allah ](Subhanahu wa ta’aala) is not part of Islam.
hen Islam spread outside the Arabian peninsula in the time of the Sahabah, they also prohibited the adoption of the customs of the Persians (Zoroastrians) and Romans (Christians and Jews). If we cast aside the teachings of the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) we cast aside the protection that Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) has provided us with against the Shaitaan, in the same manner that if one casts aside one’s clothes they expose their body to the cold.
ONE WHO DOES NIKAH TO YOU BECOMES A MAHRAM UNTIL THEN ANY NA MAHRAM IS A STRANGER FOR YOU -
uzzam, As-salamu alaykum,
It's common in Muslim cultures for people to get engaged, but it has no religious significance. It's merely a promise or agreement that they will marry each other. There's nothing wrong with it, but the couple are still non-mahrem to each other.
However, many people (especially in the subcontinent) conduct a nikah and think it is engagement. Then they think the "rukhsati" or waleemah is the real marriage. This is completely wrong. Nikah is the real marriage. When a couple has a nikah (meaning they agree to marry each other in front of witnesses; and the groom pays the mahr to the bride) then they are married. They are husband and wife and can do anything that a husband and wife can do, including living together, and having intimate relations.
It is highly recommended to have a waleemah after the nikah, to publicize the marriage. However it does not add any legal weight to the marriage, which is already complete.
As far as the rukhsati or "sending off" of the bride, it's not an Islamic tradition. It has no Islamic significance at all. Unless one considers it to be a waleemah, which is a recommended party as I mentioned.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
WAEL
It's merely a promise or agreement that they will marry each other. There's nothing wrong with it
THIS YOUR STATEMENT WHICH NO MUSLIM HAS RIGHT TO SAY THIS AS IT DEFIES THE HADEES- Observing the Customs of Non-Muslims (I)
The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Are you observing a pagan custom! I was thinking of invoking such a curse upon you that your appearances might be deformed.” [Ibn Majah]-It's merely a promise or agreement that they will marry each other. There's nothing wrong with it
HOW CAN WE CAlLL OURSELVES-MUSLIMS WHEN WE DEFY A HADEES AND THEN TO SAY THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IN IT-
AND WE MUST ACT AS A UMMATHI OF NABI SALALAHAUALAHAIWASALAMA AND SAY WHAT HE TOLD IS RIGHT AND DECLARE WRONG WHAT HE TOLD IS WRONG OR SHOWN US THE WAY THAT A PARTICULAR ACT IS BIDDAH AND ALL BIDDAH ARE CURSED BY ALLAH-
THIS IS FOR YOUR KIND INFORMATION-
REGARDS
ALI YOUSUFF
Ali, there's nothing wrong in Islam with making a promise, or having a contract. That's all an engagement is.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
assalamalaikum-
YOU WONT BELIEVE 1ST TIME WHEN I READ THIS BELOW GIVEN HADEES I WAS SO SHAKEN AND KEPT IT TO SENF OTHERS WHEN THEY INDULGE IN WRONG THINGS WHICH ARE NOT PART OF ISLAM
AND HERE THIS HADEES SHOW NO EFFECT AT ALL AND I GET REPLY .....It's merely a promise or agreement that they will marry each other. There's nothing wrong with it
I am so sorry to say that this line of yours is equal to defying nabi salalahaualahaiwaslalams hadees and this is very wrong and the way you are mentioning that it is ONLY A PROMISE.........
PROMISE THEN LET THE PROMISE BE VERBAL WITHOUT A PAGAN CUSTOM PERFORMED ON IT-
Observing the Customs of Non-Muslims (I)
The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Are you observing a pagan custom! I was thinking of invoking such a curse upon you that your appearances might be deformed.” [Ibn Majah]-
PL YOU CANNOT LEGALISE A PAGAN CUSTOM AND BIDDAH SO EASILY IN YOUR MIND AND REVEAL ON THIS FORUM REPEATEDLY INSPITE OF ME REMINDING YOU THAT SUCH A STRONG HADEES WHICH SAYS- I was thinking of invoking such a curse upon you that your appearances might be deformed.”
I DONT THINK THERE WILL BE ANY EFFECT LEFT IN THIS ON HADEESES-IN THIS UMMAH IF WE THINK WITH OUR KOLI BRAINS AND MAKE AAL ASSUMPTIONS SUTING OUR WHIMS AND FANCIES
WITHOUT PRECEDENCE AND OVER THAT YOU WANT TO FOLLOW A PAGAN CUSTOM SO HAPPILY ASYING IT IS ONLY A PROMISE-
INSPITE OF NABI SALALAHAUALAHAIWASLALAMA TELLING IN CLEAR CUT 2 WORDS I AM LEAVING 2 THINGS WITH THE QURAN AND SUNNAH YOU WILL NOT GO ASTRAY AS LONG AS YOU HILD ON THE THEM- AMD ALSO SHOWING AND ESTABLISHING A SYSTEM THAT PRECEDENCE IN ISLAM IS WITH HIM AND THE 4 RIGHTLY GUIDED KHALIFAS-
Precedent that must be applied or followed is known as binding precedent (alternatelymandatory precedent, mandatory or binding authority
Prophet Muhammad (saw) said, "Whoever among you live (for long time) will see many difference, I URGE YOU TO FOLLOW MY SUNNAH & THE WAY OF THE RIGHTLY GUIDED KHALEEFAS who come after me. Hold on to it firmly. Beware of newly invented matters, for every innovation is going astray." {Ahmad 4/126, Tirmidhee 2676}
Ali, I'm just about fed up with you. But just for the sake of understanding, why don't you explain to me how I have defied any hadith? And which pagan custom do you imagine that I am promoting?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
The custom of "engagement" was begun by the Catholic church in the year 1215 when the pope decreed that all couples intending to marry must have the banns(proclamation) of marriage announced in church on three consecutive holy days. This tradition was begun specifically to end the problem of clandestine marriages. There seemed to be an issue at the time with men who frequently travelled from town to town and married a woman in each town.
Prior to 1215, a couple could agree to marry and immediately go to the local church and get married. Once the banns of marriage was required, the couple had to wait sometimes for months, before their marriage could take place. And the banns had to be announced in the parishes of both parties if they lived in different towns. Thus began the period known as "engagement". The priest would announce who intended to marry and anyone one who knew of an impediment to the marriage (pre-existing marriage, lack of consent, or prohibited degree of kinship) was to declare it.
Since couples had to wait to be married they would sometimes give one another a ring to signify their intent to marry another. But this practice didn't really become popular until the end of the 19th century, and usually only among the upper class. Diamond engagement rings that are the custom now in many western countries didn't become widely used until the 1930's.
At one point some years ago, I proposed to a woman and she agreed to marry me. We set a date about four months away for the wedding because she was not ready yet. We did not have any engagement party, nor did I give her a ring. We also observed the rules of Islamic etiquette. We considered ourselves "engaged" in the sense that we were promised to each other, and were not considering anyone else as a marriage partner.
That's all I mean by engagement. To me it is perfectly fine, as it is nothing but a promise and an understanding. There is no pagan ritual taking place, as Ali has alleged, nor does it have anything to do with what the Catholic church declared in 1215.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
U said u met the women b4 nikah
Is it alowed going to that date even if its for promising that will marry each other?
Br. Wael,
I get what you meant by engagment...the period of time between agreeing to marry and the nikah. My post above was only meant to illustrate to Ali that the process of engagement in the western world was derived from the christian tradition and NO paganism was involved. Also, I wanted to illustrate historically that the advent of engagement rings and the like are a western born cultural tradition that occurred in the late 19th/early 20th century among some people of the book. In no way am I trying to link Islam with chrisianity. And even in the western world, engagements vary according to the couple and their wishes.
Assalamalaikum-
DEAR WAEL PL DONT BE OFFENDED THIS CLARIFICATION IS ADDRESSED TO ALL WHO DONT KNOW WHAT IS AN ENGAGEMENT IT IS ASSUREDLY THE PAGAN NAME AND CUSTOM-
THE WORD ENGAGEMENT DOES IT ALL-
IT IS THE NAME OF THE PAGAN CHRISTIANS CUSTOM WHO INVENTED THIS ITS NOT NABI SALAHAUALAHAIWASLALAM WHO GAVE THIS SUBJECT OR NAME AND THEY DIDNT DO THTA ALSO WHICH YOU MENTIONED-
MY POINT WAS TO PERFORM ANY THING NAMED AS ENGAGEMENT IS A PAGAN CUSTOM THATS ALL-
I WILL GIVE A REASONABLE EXAMPLE-OF BIRTHDAY DO IT AT HOME WITH ONLY FAMILY OR SINGLE IS ALSO A BRITHDAY-
311 YEARS OF RULE AND ERA OF NABI SALAHAUALAHAIWASALAM HAZRATH ABU BAKE HAZRATH UMAR HAZRATH USMAN HAZRATH ALI 4 IMAMS ETC NO ONE DARED TO ATTEMPT THIS BIDDAH[INNOVATION]
ROOTED IN THE CELEBRATION BY PHIRAUN THE ENEMY OF ALLAH-SEE ORIGINAL ROOT OF THE DISEASE CALLED BIRTHDAY-
http://www.triumphpro.com/birthdays-origin.htm
AND TO PERFORM A BIRTHDAY FOR EXAMPLE ON SMALL SCALE OR BIG IS NOT THE SUBEJECT MATTER IT IS THE WHAT IS THIS WE DO-THE PERFORMANCE OF THE RITUAL IS THE SUBJECT MATTER-
LIKEWISE A MUSLIMS WORD VERBALLY IS ENOUGH TO FIX RELATIONSHIP WE DONT NEED TO SIT AND GIVE PROMISE WITH RING OR WITHOUT OR ANY PARTY OR NO PARTY OR WHAT EVER STYLE WE DO--IT IS THE NAME OF ENGAGEMENT AND THE RITUAL WHICH IS BIDDAH AND A PAGAN CUSTOM
AGAIN I WILL REPEAT THAT PRECEDENCE ONLY PERMITS US AND IF THERE IS NO PRECEDENCE THEN WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH IT WITH 40 FOOT POLE ALSO-
We also observed the rules of Islamic etiquette-ONCE WE PERFORM MEETING TO DO THIS PROMISING THEN IT APPLIES WITH AS YOU TOLD That's all I mean by engagement.
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
Ali, I'm just about fed up with you
PL DONT BE LIKE THAT WITH ME AS I TOLD ABOVE THIS MESSAGE GOES TO AAL SO THAT THERE IS AN AWARENESS OF MATTER TO ALL WHO READ THIS IS CALLED ISLAH AND THERE IS NOTHING GETTING DISGUSTED OR FED UP-SORRY IF I HAVE HURT YOU -
MY POINT STRAIGHT GOES TO NAME E N G A G E M E N T [WHAT EVER FORM OR SHAPE OR STYLE IS NOT EH POINT-
SO AGAIN I REQUEST DONT BE OFFENDED-
LET ALL MUSLIMS ON THIS FORUM KNOW EXACT POSITION AND STATUS OF ISLAM ON SUBJECTS WHICH BELONG TO OTHER RELIGIONS -
IT WILL BE GOOD FOR COMING GENERATIONS --
REGARDS
ALI
Brother Ali, you are not correct. The word engagement is not a bid'ah in itself. When a person proposes and the relationship is approved, before marriage, it will be called as "engagement". And this does not include the practices such as exchange of rings and so on, which is not correct.
Something I found on Islamqa:
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And there is no sin on you if you make a hint of betrothal…” [al-Baqarah 2:235] and it was narrated that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) got engaged to ‘Aa’ishah. (Al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah, 4793).
And in al-Saheeh it also states that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) got engaged to Hafsah. (Al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah,4830). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged the one who wants to get engaged to look at the woman to whom he wishes to propose.
According to the hadeeth, “When any one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, then let him do so.” (Abu Dawood, al-Nikaah, 2082; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 1832).
But in Islamic sharee’ah there are no specific practices that must be followed with regard to engagement.
What some Muslims do, announcing
the engagement, having a party to
celebrate and exchanging gifts, all comes under the heading of customs which are permissible in principle, and none of them are haraam except those which sharee’ah indicates are haraam – which includes the exchange of rings between the engaged couple, a custom which is known in Arabic as “dublah.”
(end quote...)
I hope it is clear now 🙂
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you, Muhammad Waseem, that's a very clear explanation.
Brother Waseem,
I just want to clarify so that I am not mistaken. Exchanging rings is considered haram or a part of customs?
-Helping Sister
As stated, it is something called dublah. It refers to exchanging rings with a belief. This belief is that love would increase or would stay longer among the couple.
This is something incorrect. Hence ruled as an innovation. And every innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Fire.
The scholars such as Shaikh ibn Uthaimeen Rahimahullah also call it forbidden. And Allah Knows Best.
You can read the following Fatwa for reference:
http://www.fatwaislam.com/fis/index.cfm?scn=fd&ID=353
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Ali, how should I not be offended when you say that I am defying the Prophet (sws)? You are almost calling me kaafir.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
asalam u alikum
one month ago my parents set me up for a marraige proposal (remainder of comment deleted by editor).
Salaams,
Please log in and submit your questions as a separate post, and we will answer them in turn in shaa Allah.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor