How can I regain his trust?
A/s I am sana. I'm 16 years old and in love with a 22 year old boy. We have been in a relationship for the last year. Our story started from February. For one year we never met each other. After one year, he came to meet me and we had a physical relationship and after meeting each other we loved each other. But during this one year, I broke his trust many times.
Now, unfortunately after meeting, I broke his trust. We both love each other, but now by hurting, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. He says he hates me, but he loves me.
What should I do to win his trust?
Please suggest any dua so that our love will increase.
Allahafiz
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Salaam sister, First thing you should not be in a relationship it is haraam in Islam. Talk to him about getting married and then everything will be alright cause you guys will always be together.
Salaam Sana.
Its quite concerning that you have mentioned nothing about repentance. Are you aware my dear sister that it's completely haraam to be in a pre-marital relationship and sex before marriage is a grave sin in Islam? So either way you shouldn't be in a relationship with him at all. Sister we do not know when Allah swt is going to take us. What if Allah swt (god forbid) takes your soul while you are engaged in zina?
4] Remember you are a disbeliever at the time of committing adultery!
The Prophet (saw) said: "No adulterer is a believer at the time when he is committing adultery." Narrated by Al-Bukhaari (2475) and Muslim (57).
He (saw) also said: "If a man commits zina, faith comes out of him and hovers over him like a cloud, then when he stops, faith returns to him." Narrated by Abu Dawood (4960) and al-Tirmidhi (2625); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
So you are in a state of disbelief when committing adultery! Furthermore, the acts leading to it have also been labelled as zina in the above hadiths, so even during committing those 'other' acts, your iman is in a state of doubt. That leads on to the next frightening point, what if....
5] Imagine, 'what if' your soul is taken while you are in that state of disbelief?!
Allah warns us in the Quran (Surah As-Sajdah, Verse 11): "...The Angel of Death, who is set over you, will take your souls, then you shall be brought to your Lord".
There are angels who torture the wrongdoers at the time of death: "If only you could see, when the angels take the souls of those who disbelieve, the angels are beating their faces and their backs." (Qur'an Surah Al-Kahf, Verse 50)
6] Think of what the grave consequence of your sins could be:
You will have displeased Allah greatly, thereby losing out on multiple blessings during your life on earth. You may have to face shame and dishonour. You may lose close friends. Upon realising your sin, you will feel pain, shame, grief, depression; you will experience negativity, loneliness and bitterness. You may have to live with knowing you broke someone’s marriage, thereby incurring the curse of the ex wife, or you may catch a sexually transmitted disease. And these are just some of the worldly consequences. The pain in the Hereafter to come will be incomparable to anything you could ever imagine.
Dear sister Allah swt is the Most Merciful, so as long as you realise the enormity of your sin, repent sincerely , and vow not to go near it again, Allah swt will forgive you InshaAllah. So this guy leaving you is a blessing, even if it hurts you, as it is protecting you from the sin of zina. Not everyone gets the chance to turn back to Allah swt so I strongly advise you to take this chance, leave this man be and turn to your Lord.
Ultimately, we can only control our own actions (if Allah wills) but we cannot control others. There is no dua to make someone love you. If this guy wants to leave, then as hard as it you need to let him go.
So you have two choices:
- Keep chasing this guy, trying to get him to be with you. Waste more time earning Allah's displeasure and anger. Be 'available' for this guy until he gets bored and finds the courage to finally dump you. Harsh? It's a reality. The truth is the same story plays over and over again for different people. Don't you think you're worth more than that? You are a beautiful Muslimah. Don't give away your most precious asset again. It's for your husband. And don't wait on someone who doesn't want to be with.
OR
- Accept that this guy doesnt want to be with you and realise it's for the best. Regret, Repent and make amends. Turn back to Allah swt and work to be close to Him and steer clear of friendships and relationships with the opposite sex. It will hurt letting him go, but it's got to happen one day anyway. And yes you broke his trust. Move on and learn from it so you dont make the same mistake when married.
Dear sister after time, you will move on InshaAllah, the pain gets less each day. So keep busy. If you dont pray, then start praying. The months ahead will be difficult but one day you will look back and say Alhumdulilah I changed. You will InshaAllah thank Allah swt that He chose to bring you back to Him, rather than let you stay on this sin.
He is opening a door for you to get off the road to Hell and walk towards Jannat. The key to the door is repentance and the one who chooses is you. Will you take this chance or will you carry on walking towards your own punishment.
I pray you choose the right path.
Please have a good read of these links they will help you InshaAllah. If you need any help/support feel free to comment on here. Forgive me for any harshness, I did this in the hope itl be wake up call!
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/the-sin-of-adultery-and-fornication-part-2/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/the-sin-of-adultery-and-fornication-part-3/
http://islamicsunrays.com/stop-trying-to-change-others/
http://islamicsunrays.com/
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Sana,,,
its quite amazing to build a relationship before bewaring of Islamic and Shariah Law,,anyhw,,ur relationship with that guy without any physical involvement is jst right but,,,u have to go through proper channel,,,try another way to keep ur relation on way,,,
I am in a similar situation, except his trust is hurt because of my past (before i met him)... I would like to see what more people have to say about this...
We all know that we should leave them, but what if marriage comes soon?
Nevermind...
Sister Sara you made it so clear 🙂
i didn't get what you said...
In short, you should always endeavour to hide your sins so they are between you and Allah. However you also cannot lie about them. I wouldnt advise marrying anyone who is struggling to get over your past at the very least until they can let it go. If you need more advise please log in and submit a post.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
OK there is a problem with "physical relationship" part... y so quick? wud have met him more, Love would have renewed, as you two were not aware of each others nature, attitude, behaviour practically, you have done it in first time, so thats y its looking difficult for you to gain his trust again, otherwise meeting live would have changed his behaviour towards you... But still you can do gain his trust by spending more time with him as a sincere friend, caring, loving... time heals everything slowly...
on other hand, he is avoiding you deliberately, he doesnt like you in real (may be) thats why... Otherwise if he loves you then, " Loving only someone's qualities is not love, you have to accept his odds too..."