In a relationship with catholic man but want him to convert
I've been in a relationship with a wonderful man, however my main problem which is upsetting me is that he is not a Muslim but a non-practising Catholic. I want a halal relationship and it breaks my heart as I feel my imaan slowly slips away over time. My partner doesn't prevent me from fasting, praying however I feel and know I am a hypocrite in the eyes of Allah swt.
I don't understand how I can behave this way whilst knowing that it's so wrong and i'm hurting my own soul and parents. They remind me I will go to hell if I don't repent and change my ways. I gave my man, books on Islam and he says he needs time to accept Islam. He said he doesn't take religion or converting lightly but how much time do you give some one to convert? A year? Six months? He said we needed to move things on as my parents have been finding me prospective partners.
I know it's Allah's Will and I sincerely hope and pray he will become a Muslim. He says he will do it for me as he knows it will make things easier for me. I want him to truely believe, not just for me but for Allah swt sake. Will an Imam do the Nikah for us, will he just need to he read the Shahadah or will he need to prove his intentions in learning about Islam and showing them to the Imaam? My man says have faith he is not going to convert and then become fickle and change his ways. Will my parents need to be present at the Nikah or do we just need two witnesses?
- pinkfink
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Asalaamualaykum Dear 'Pinkfink',
Hmm, what a pickle.
I am glad that you are aware of what Islam says on such a matter. This is a start.
Do your parents know about this man? Would they be willing to give you their blessings if he was Muslim? If so, ask your father to work him, to teach him Islam. If this is not an option, do you have a brother who can do this? If not, take him to a qualified Imam, explain the situation and then leave him to it.
Imams are used to dealing with such situations and guide people through such cases. So get the ball rolling and see if it leads to anything. In the meantime, keep your distance.
I have seen someone going through the same thing as you. Her brother is maashaAllah practising and so meets the non-practising Catholic man on a weekly basis to teach him Islam. For him, the idea of accepting Islam was triggered by his desire to marry this girl, but in the process of learning Islam, he is beginning to see sense in it. And he will only take Shahaadah when he is completely ok with it. Had he been a 'fake', he would have taken Shahaadah immediately just to aquire a certificate and marry the girl.
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Sister - of course it is best for you to marry a good practising Muslim. But we have to make the best of every situation, right? So if you can seek the help of someone to guide this man to Islam for you, then do so. With regards to your second question: as a female, you require two adult sane male Muslim witnesses and your father's permission to marry.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum,
Please STOP. Yes, for your good dunya and aakhirah stop this relationship right now. You did your job, gave him Islamic material, give him contact of a Masjid and Imam to answer his queries and also he has internet to look up to. He can still be a Muslim without needing your constant supervision.
"My man" does not sound good without marriage from the mouth of a Muslima who fears Allah.
If he converts for you, he can easily turn up to disbelief as well later on. A person who could not take the Truth with full acceptance for Allah, His Creator how can he be loyal to someone who he has been with a few moments of life and has not favored him as His Creator has favored him.
Conversion to Islam should be only for Allah on the sole basis of the realization of Truth - The Qur'an is True, Muhammad indeed is the Messenger of Allah, indeed the Qur'an was revealed to Him by the One who created the heavens and the earth and to Him is the Surrender. Until and unless this guy does not feel so, any conversion would be fruitless.
Also, you should have looked for a good Muslim. Not a non Muslim. His conversion may happen soon, may be later or may never happen.
How long you wish to wait, it depends upon you. Is your family ready for this? How much conflicts are you ready to face to marry this person? Is it worth all the effort?
Would you strive similarly for Islam as you would strive to marry this guy?
Ask yourself a few questions. From your post I feel Alhamdulillaah you have realized that to be with a non Muslim man is haraam and Insha Allah you will cut off ties with him soon. I also feel from your post that you want this marriage to happen smoothely but also there seem to be chances of rejection from your family.
So first you need to be firm on Islam, then you need to find a man firm on Islam. If this is the case, the denial of parents to your choice on unIslamic grounds is not acceptable and you should consult your parents in kindness and marry the one you choose if he is a Muslim fearing Allah.
Allah is best aware of each individuals faith and intentions, but external examination of faith is possible. If you find the right person, marry him and continue, if you find someone seem good first and later changing and not giving you peace, divorce him.
Take life lightly, take aakhirah heavily. Once you do this, Insha Allah, hard seeming this will seem much easier to do and you will be able to make good provision for aakhirah, Insha Allah.
Remember you have to meet Allah one Day and answer for your deeds. Remember this always, Insha Allah.
Islamic marriage is a bond by which men and women claim rights in one another by making Allah a surety over themselves.
Your parents presence solidifies the fact that you are marrying on your choice and the guy is not forcing you in to marriage. It makes the marriage look like a marriage and not a secret contract. Hence the presence of a Wali (gaurdian) is heavily stressed upon to be a condition for a valid nikaah. Only if your parents do not allow you to marry by choice and unIslamic reasons, you may seek help of a local Imaam and decide upon the nikaah. But until then, if they agree to your choice, marry happily in their presense insha Allah.Do not marry secretly, it does not befit a Muslim male or female to do so.
Hope this helps.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Am currently in the same situation but alhamdullillah.. I have never acted on it am praying to Allah to give me strength to never act on it unless he reverts to Islam.
May Allah make it easy for all of us and forgive us our past sins
salaam to all my muslim brothers and sisters,
Am in the same situation!!! too .
my boyfriend had told me that he is going to convert to Islam but i think he lied to me. OMG!!! i felt soo soo bad and heart broken.He gave me reasons that his parents could not accept him to change. I pleaded because i love him and i still do.. but he said he could not choose me and live his parents . i felt so bad up to now . how can i change his mind .. i really miss him and still love him.
Namusoke, you cannot change his mind. Accept his decision. In the future please do not get involved with boyfriends, and certainly not with non-Muslim men. If you do you will be committing a sin and setting yourself up for more disappointments.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor