Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I met her online, but her father is blocking the way

New Yorker cartoon: "We met online"

"We met online".

Aslam o alaikum,

i am 28 years old male. i wanted to get marry and i wanted to find someone myself but i dont know any girl or someone in person in real to looking for this.

so i told my parents that i will register in a Muslim matrimonial website.

i had told my parents that whenever i will meet someone suitable i will let them know so they can take the matters further family to family.

i came to know someone from that website and we exchanged information about each other and each others family i found her very decent.. we are both pakistani but we are both living abroad in different countries.

we felt that InshaAllah we can be good for each other .. and i asked her if her parents knkow that she is on this website .. she told that no but her sister knows this .. and she will inform her parents soon.

meanwhile i informed my parents as well..   later on i told her that ok tell your parents so we can take things further .. when she told her parents.. they were very upset that how come she found someone ..and how come she has decided to marry him even she never met me ..  but in fact the purpose to inform them was to meet me .. to know about me .. to talk to my family i mean to take this matter further ..

well they were not happy ..  but her mom asked her to tell me ... that i should ask my mother to call her which my mother did .. then i told her that i will come over there place and i will meet her parents so they can judge me or know about me ..  and i gave my all family details numbers address where i belong in email so she can find out about me .. her family said ok let him come here we will see ..

she is MashaAllah very good girl and understanding .. and i know my family is very simple and has good name in our area ..  there wont be any issue ..

but now suddenly her father is saying no .. he is asking her to say me that come there. . he will not meet me .. then he is saying her that he will leave them this and i mean alot of things ..  i am 28 and she is 26 we both are educated we both have jobs ..  we both understand islam and our communication started only one purpose that was to marry her ..  it has been almost 5 months and her parents knew like 3 months ago or 4 months ago .. i mean we did not hide anything.

of coz she is a girl and she is weak in this matter.. she is afraid that her  father may get sick .. her father is saying he will leave whole family ..

i dont see any reason that why i should not marry her ..  why she should no marry me .. .. this is pure emotional blackmailing .. .. when i ask for reason she doesnt have any valid reason given by her father ..  her father  says he asked some people about my family and they said family is not good which i cannot believe .. then her father said that we belong to some other place which is not true .. i mean there  c an be two things .. one that he has got wrong information . . or he did not even try to get any info about me.

she is very upset and i am upset too .. i understand that many people say that if Allah wants you to get married then he will find out a way ..  i understand that .. but we can just leave it like this also coz Allah helps those who try to do something as well . .i mean if we go with these thoughts that if we ever fail in someothing once we should not try to do that again ....  but we should not loose hope form Allah isnt it ?

i want to talk to her father . .i spoke to my family they support me .. i am only son ..and they want to see me happy ..  they said that they are willing to talk to her family .. and give them any inforation they need.. they will clear any misunderstanding ..  so far i am not sure that her father will agree to talk to me or my parents ..and this all doesnt make any sense to me . .why this ?  i mean i am not from some lower caste . .i am not from some other country .. s ame country same culture ..  same language ..  why would he do this . and if he is doing this ..  when i feel that if i marry that girl we can have very good life and life which can keep us closer to Allah because she is good muslimah .. Allahamdulillah ..

any body has any idea what to do ?

JazakAllah Khair,

- Faisal84


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2 Responses »

  1. i think he is just annoyed that how come his daughter found a a man on her own, he ( i mean you ) mustbe a very manipulative guy who h=is trying to play with daughter. iam saying this beause this girl went on her own to find someone on line. it is still considered a tabu to find someone yourself in pakistani culture.

    i think finding someone( girl should do this) from her side a male uncle or someone elder take him in confidence who can then speak to you or her dad to portray you as a nice decent guy who is looking for a girl for marriage. this way he will be less judgemental of you , otherwise he has already made an opinion about you since his daughter has found someone on her own which equal to that the boy must be a cheat.

    iam afarid i know the pakistani culture so well! even if families agree on such proposald they still want to keep it a bit secret. like for instance a cousin of mine got married to someone she stufied with , the whole owrld knows it but still the dad kept saying he is a friends son.

    stay patient, be persistent, keep the aspect that you two like each other away from lime light , involve a male ( not a female specifically as they are not clever enough to judge a man , this what her dad will say) a senior man grand dad etc . amke dua and intikhara to make it easy for you two, have faith Allah that He will make a way out for you two , keep the involvement between you two halaal.

    i sincere duas for you that may Allah make it easy for you.

    dear brother dont think about the dad as the vilan in your love story , dads are very protective of their daughters and unfortunately sometimes decent guys like are at the receiving end. but dads have also seen world and they usually can smell a rotton rat , also if you are sincere that will also not get unnoticed. just dont bring this issue as if you two are determined to marry but as if you would be sooo oblidged if he considered you for his daughter.

    good luck brother.

  2. Assalamualaikum brother,

    It is seriously a confusing matter. But I see one thing. He maybe worried about his daughter moving to a different country. I say this because you said both of you live abroad in different counties.

    Another possibil is that he's got wrong information about you.

    There's no way to know until you talk to him. Look for a way to talk to him or any way you can extract information as to why he's behaving how he is behaving. This may give you a hint as to whether there is a chance or not, and whether the reason he mentions is valid. Until then, it would be difficult to find out.

    I suggest you to pray Salatul Istikhaarah with complete faith in Allah and say pray to Allah that He makes her father agree if she is who Allah Has Chosen for you. Indeed, the hearts of all the beings are between the fingers of Allah. He Turns them to wherever He Wishes. Pray to Him that He Turns his heart towards you. I would also suggest you not to keep any personal contact with the girl, as she is a non Mahram for you.

    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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