Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Muslim and Gender Confused

gender issues

Assalamu aleykam my beloved brothers and sisters in Islam,

I really need some genuine Islamic advice, I'm not a bad person, at least I try not to be, but I suffer from these horrible conflicting feelings about my gender. By this I don't mean I'm homosexual, this is more along the lines of what people in west call 'gender dysphoria'

I'm biologically male but throughout my life I've had very strong feelings that I was female and I still get them, however I was always ashamed and have hid them totally.

Now this leads to me as an adult roughly in my early 20's.  I've been repressing these feelings all my life but it’s always been a cycle of having the feelings, then total rejection of them, trying to go on living as a male as I can openly, but once I’m home and alone again these feelings creep up on me again, and I become extremely sad and depressed and lonely because no one out there understands me. Because of this, my aspirations for my career and personal life seem to be at an all time low.

I've heard of some Muslims going for psychiatric analysis and having treatment to 'transition' their mental sexual identity, but I am far too afraid and shocked to death about this in case this violates Allah Almighty's law. I'm still trying hard to live my life but I don't know if I can go on like this.

I’ve seen transsexuals and I see other horrible corrupt people and sometimes I feel hatred for them because a lot of them go about violating the laws of Allah.  I'm not someone who is liberal please don't get me wrong I am actually quite a strict Muslim Alhamdulillah but these deep feelings I have breaks down my core and makes me depressed.  I see my sisters in Islam and I want to connect with them but I deeply fear approaching them because of my fear of connecting with other women in case anyone thinks I might be effeminate.

I just want to know what I can do, it makes me so sad.

Ya Allah, please guide me.

~ponderingsoul

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30 Responses »

  1. Assalam o alaikum brother,

    After reading about your situation I really feel for you as it sounds as if you are really struggling to do the right thing by our religion as well as yourself.
    Brother, the only advice I can suggest is to pray to Allah Subhana wa Taala for guidance and be patient.
    InshAllah your prayers will be heard and in time, at some point, you'll get the guidance you so desperately need right now.
    Perhaps try doing Istikhara to ask Allah what you should do to deal with these feelings.
    Another suggestion is to read dua for Anxiety and Depression. One I used quite regulaly when my ex-husband and I divorced was: "

    "Allahummagh firli, war hamni, wah deeni, wa 'aafini, war zuqni"
    O Allah, forgive me, have mercy on me, guide me, give me good health, provide for me."

    This dua helped me so much. Brother, be strong, be patient and dont give in to these feelings as Allah has made us how he wishes us to be. This life is a huge test for us and at every point we will struggle with something but the power of prayer is huge. Keep praying for guidance and help and InshAllah you will be rewarded by Allah for staying strong.

    I dont know if any of what I've said has helped, I hope so. I'll leave you with a few words:

    Abu Hurairah reported that Allah’s Messenger, peace be upon him, said: “For every misfortune, illness, anxiety, grief, or hurt that afflicts a Muslim, even the hurt caused by the pricking of a thorn – Allah removes some of his sins.”

    Abu Hurairah (r) said: “The Prophet, peace be upon him, remarked: ‘The example of a believer is like a fresh tender plant; from whichever direction the wind blows, it bends the plant. But when the wind dies down, it straightens up again. (Similarly a believer is tested by afflictions to strengthen his faith and heart, and he remains patient and firm).

    Source: Fiqh-us-Sunnah, volume 4, #1

  2. AA;

    Didn't we have the same exact post some time ago? like maybe a week or two ago?

    May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.

    If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me. Allah knows best.

    AA

  3. Just a Man,

    There is another post on this topic but its from October 2010 and it is closed.

    I'm not the same person who posted that if that's what you may be thinking.

    Also I am not sure about what you mean, everything is from Allah is it not?

    Muslim Sister,

    MaashaaAllah, that is beautiful and it put a smile on my face 🙂

    I want to be more of a Muslim man but I feel people don't accept me as who I am so I put on the characteristics of a very stern and 'hardy' man and I very ever rarely interact with females since I passed puberty.

    I just want to be a happy calm and peaceful person. I feel I am more of a soft natrued being, all of this pretending to be a macho man is really harming my heart I feel - I think that is what upsets me most.

    I don't think I have a strong lust for women, I have more of a longing to be friends with sisters, do you think there are any women out there that want to be married to a man like me? I feel that halal female companionship would solve my problems and fill that hole in my heart.

    I think it's shaitaan that is playing on these deep feelings by making me want to mutilate myself and pretend to physically be what I am not when it is Allah that created me as a man.

    Allah knows best ...

  4. I think muslim sister gave some good advice...I'm not so good at giving advice, but reading your post, I really want to suggest to you, that you seem like a really good person who is on the right path of islam..brother life is to short to feel depressed and upset...I know its easy for me to say this, as only you know how your feeling...but maybe you should go out and socialise and try to find a life time partner...and believe me when you find that one person who you give your heart away too...these strange feelings will just fade away...be strong and don't let these feelings over power you...there's a lot to explore in this life...all you need to do is pray, stay strong and be happy wake up with a smile and don't let shaytan make u believe ur something which ur not.

  5. I understand what you mean and I try hard, the only thing that makes me doubt and spreads the feelings deeper now is that I've read about individuals that have gotten Islamic advice from supposed Sheikhs who have actually encouraged them to get psychiatric diagnosis and get 'treatment' which in the west literally means to undergo medical courses of drugs and operations to transition physically into the opposite sex.

    There's even a well known Saudi psychologist who I believe is either a Sheikh or is affiliated with people of knowledge who has supported this procedure within shari'a, I believe he is one of the heads of the Arab psychiatric associate or a chief editor of the journal for KSA or something like that.

    I think a lot of people mistake it for being somethign sexually driven or some sort of whimsical want, people like me who suffer from this genuinely get depressive cycles and I've had these feelings well before I even had the slightest comprehension of what sexuality is.

    Like I've said I don't know what to do or what I want to do, may Allah help me. It just makes me feel anxious and sick in the stomach. Please make du'a for me that Allah helps me and eases my situation and directs me to the correct course of action.

  6. The psychologist is Dr Tariq Habib.

  7. That's shocking to hear. I cant understand why you are sceptical and feel anxiety when thinking of visiting these sheiks.
    Brother, I'm a big believer in the Holy Quran holding the answers for everything. Shaitan is trying his level best to mess with you, dont give in. You are stronger than him and you have love for Allah. This love shows in the way you write and the fear you show towards doing the wrong thing.

    Why not try socialising with others and making some more friends. Also, you mentioned in your original post you have no aspirations for your career. Work and focus on doing well career wise too. I understand when you come home and are alone, these feelings probably creep up on you again, but then use the gifts Allah has given us: Prayer, Dua and Quran.

    InshAllah, only Allah knows the right time, you may meet someone who becomes your partner for life and you never know, these feelings may go away.
    Take it day by day, hour by hour if need be. Stay strong brother. I'm praying for you 🙂

  8. AA;

    Here is what I can tell you:
    We all have different tests in life: Some like more women, some like different women, some might want to sleep with one specific woman whom is married to another man, some addicted to porn, etc etc etc. The good thing is you know it is wrong. With that, just do more Isamic practices, work, read more Quran, meet with people to talk about religion and learn new things. Try to memorize more Quran and Hadith, talk to Imama at mosque, do more religion things and inshallah that will take over your brain and you will stop thinking these thoughts.
    Knowing it is wrong is the first step, now you just need to continue to avoid it and replace the thoughts with other better thoughts.
    I, myself, go into high and low levels. We all do, but always keep going back to Allah and keep renewing the intention.
    May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.

    If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me. Allah knows best.

    AA

  9. I see what you mean but I have to honestly say, it's not like that - it's not something I'm actively doing, it's this horrible depressive consuming feeling i have inside of me.

    And I also have to say that I don't feel that its something linked to my actions in my day - mainly because its been with me since as far back as I can remember before I was even accountable for my deeds (like the age of 7 or 8 I can remember), some thines may spark it off like a sister speaking to me would bring out a lot of angst that would eat at me for days, usually its just an unpleasent thought that sits on my mind for most of the day. Western psychologists immediately diagnose it as transgenderism and offer treatment on the national health service for free but as a Muslim I don't go down that line because of fear.

    I hope you understand what I mean, it's not like its something I'm actively doing that's 'wrong' so I don't understand how I can stop it, in all honesty I WANT to stop the feelings.

    I'm not sure what kind of person you think I am but I am actually someone who ascribes to the beautiful teachings of Islam and I try quite hard to keep my Iman on a good level and so far I study Islamic jurisprudence.

    I manage to get by in life by distracting myself constantly, this is the only thing that seems to work, the main problem is I can't really focus myself because of this disease inside of me, I can't really enjoy any free time at all and it really harms my ability to focus and study hence why my progression in career and my life goals are always afflicted, and not to mention my sadness and depression I experience at times.

    The worst thing is that it comes and goes, and its disapperance is as frequent as its apperance so I NEVER know where I stand or what I want to act on in my life as in long term goals. Ya Allah please help me.

    • Brother . There is nothing in islam i know that should prevent you from taking medical help .. even upto surgery. Its like some one born with a bent arm... then should he stay like that!? No.. he should take medical treatment.

  10. AA;

    Excuse me asking: But these feelings, do you mean you feel saddened by simple stuff? u feel bad for the poor? or u feel to be with a man? you mean sexual feelings? or just soft feelings toward life in general?
    Sorry, but I am trying to understand the issue better. May Allah guide you to the best path and resolve all your issues ASAP. Ameen

    AA

  11. I used to feel that I should in fact be female, as a child, into my teens I used to think 'this' was what it meant to be 'gay' however when I started to comprehend sexuality I realised that it was nothing to do with that, I don't honestly have homosexual feelings and that isn't really the issue.

    I realised more that me having these deep feelings that I was in fact female was very strange, I used to think it was normal for everyone, but the feelings continued.

    Then I shought out help over the internet and found out what the condition was, I fitted all the symptoms, I even went to see a doctor about my depression, and me suffering from this condition is undenyable.

    However I feel that I just connect more with women, whenever I read female islamic blogs or watch lectures by female alimas it always makes me happy and connects with my heart and I just 'get' them more.

    But people tell me this is wrong and that I understand that it is haram for men and women to freely mix or speak without necessity so personally I avoid real world interactions with females effectively at all costs.

    Although I can't deny that I also feel very comforted by male Sheikhs when I hear talks by them, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, I just feel like I connect more spiritually than the physicality of our bodies.

    I think genuinely speaking my dream would be to have a wonderful understanding wife Inshaa`Allah that I can be good friends with and help her out with things and inshaa`Allah i would love to have children, especially to have and look after my own sons and daughters, may Allah make this so.

    I think the key thing is rememberance of death and striving for Jannah for Allah will fulfill our every desire, may Allah make us of the people of Jannah.

    Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day
    of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has
    attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.
    (Ale-‘Imraan 3:185)

    What are your thoughts?

  12. Brother you seem to have all the answers to your problems...you know what's right in islam and what's wrong...you just need to be strong and face your problems...you want to get married to a women..then why do you feel depressed thinking you ought to have been a women...I understand you feel depressed and you have done a lot of research on getting help...but you need to put an end to these feelings.I think there's two things you can do..either get help from a pshycologist (be brave there's nothing to be ashamed or scared about) or either find yourself a wife and get married and trust me I said this before the moment you fall in love you won't feel those feelings you have about yourself..I don't know what country your from, but there are a lot of muslim communities which provide help in finding a partner...and as you said you don't mix freely with women these marriage services are a very good way to find a partner.

  13. But how many women would want to marry a man like me? if I ever opened up to them about this.. I don't think many women looking for a husband would like to hear something like that.

    My main concerns are;

    1. there are people who suffered from this their whole lives but they denied it, they got married had kids etc. then it became too much because marrying didnt solve their problems so they end up ruining their marriage, depressing their kids etc. and undergoing operations to become the opposite sex... Authbuillah may Allah protect us all from such evil and misguidance

    2. there seem to be some people that are genuine Muslims yet have undergone this transition, this is the main thing that keeps me returning back to these feelings because I know that somewhere out there, there are Muslims just like me that have actually gotten treatment and are living apparently 'happy' lives, you can even read the other question in transgender to know about people like that.

    Although in my heart of hearts I feel it is wrong and possibly haram to even go near that kind of stuff, but to be honest I feel it is a doubtful matter and the advice from our beloved rasul Allah is to protect our iman by avoiding the doubtful matters. Allah knows best however, what I say is just my thoughts on the matter but I may be wrong.

    I personally think this is more of an effect of individualism at an extreme due to life in the west, it's all about satisfying the ego, the nafs, which can never be satisfied as Allah tells us in the Qur` an. I hope to one day inshaa` Allah move and make hijraa to a land of Islam where I can work in the community as a good Muslim man and help out people with good things and be active in the Masaajid, Insha` Allah. Make du`a for me though please.

    Please make du'a, please don't say you will and forget, please try and remember because this is really a hard troubling thing for me, ya Allah help me, help us all. Ameen.

  14. Asalam Aleykum Brother,

    SubhanAllah, I don't think you have a sickness! Seek refuge in Allah for Shaytan will try to get us through ANY MEANS. I strongly feel that marrying someone will help you. You will be able to connect to this sister and perhaps make her so happy because of your connection to her. You might just be more sensitive than other man just like there are women that are more like men in terms of feelings. Please seek Allah's help and marry soon. Indulge yourself in his remembrance and focus on getting married and your career. may Allah help you and guide us all.

  15. to be honest what I say when I reply on here is simply fueled by my emotions when I am on a high peak of wanting to be just a normal guy, I don't think I am being honest with my self, this isn't some small tick i can just brush away, this is entirely a whole body / mind trashing experience that is ruining my life that I have suffered from since as long as I can remember...

    I honestly want help so badly, the thing I don't understand is that it is officially recognised as a genuine medical disorder by the world health organisation, the British NHS and effectively all medical councils who are trained professional psychiatrists, endocrinologists and other various medical experts.

    The case is a person with this sees a medical doctor and they are medically diagnosed as suffering from gender dysphoria and they are offered treatment, where is the haram in correcting a medical ailment?

    This is as much changing the creation as any other medical surgical procedure is it not?

    and if this is imitation of women then who were the mukhanathun? why is it they were allowed to enter upon the wives of Rasul Allah upon him be peace, and later on they were even ordered to be castrated by the Caliph.

    I think this innate feeling and medical correction is different to a totally normal male that dresses up and pretends to be a woman and engages in forbidden sexual acts purely out of lewdness. (as Imam Nawawi raheemollah defined it)

  16. Brother follow what your heart says...read namaaz and ask allah to guide you to the right path...don't waste your life being depressed and stressed, you seem to be a knowledgeable man...make a decision on what you feel right to do...if you think the treatment will help you...then do istaqakara to find out if that's the correct path to take...also u said that if you get this treatment you will get diagnosed as gender dysporia..brother honestly you shouldn't be worrying about being diagnosed, medical information will always be confidential...also there's no harm in ringing up or visiting these psychologist to ask for advice rather then treatment...secondly brother if after performing istakara and you don't get a good dream or a good sign for this treatment then you should really take the step of marriage

  17. I'm sorry, I wrote that earlier post when i was feeling very emotional about it and my thoughts were clouded.

    Sister Natalie I think and feel that you are right, also a and Muslim Sister, when I think about it deeply and seriously I realise that this is just crazy false desires put there by shaytan (that I want to actually become female)....

    However I still feel that I am innately more of an emotional, caring and loving person and I feel a bit more soft hearted that most rough and tough guys that I know.. I think that I just want to find a wife that will love and care for me and I want to do the same for her

    I realise this because in reality it is impossible for a man to become female because we are ressurected upon our fitra and our place in the hereafter is determined (a man having his hour al ayns in paradise, his wife and such), I think the only exception is the hermaphrodites because they are physically unique and there is evidence from the Quran and Sunnah about them and their case, and even then they are corrected to what they are physically closest to.

    Please keep me in your duas, oh Allah please protect me from falling into the deception and false desires of shaytan.

    This life is a temporal test and we are all going to die so we should all realise our actions and their weight before we die so that we can be comfortable in dying and not fear it and meet the grave in a good way and meet Allah on the day of judgement in a beautiful fashion and not in a disgraced state insha Allah 🙂

  18. Salam Bro
    I am a female living in the UK who is also suffering from GID, reading what you have wrote has brought tears to my eyes, because it is EXACTLY, (word by word) what i am feeling and going through, i am struggling each and everyday, somedays i try to ignore it and keep living (thinking to myself that Allah loves me this much to give me this test), others i just wish Allah would just take me away from this life and end my suffering coz i feel that Allah has cursed me.
    It has become too much of a problem for me that i need to watch as many TV Shows/movies as i can, so they can transport me to another life.
    I am constantly depressed and can not concentrate on my studies at all.

    Don't get me wrong i do have a very full life Alh, a great family, plenty and plenty of friends but that can never fill the whole in me.
    I am also quite a religious person, i try to get involved as much as i can with ISocs (islamic societies) and other Islamic activities and charities, i feel that is how i can please Allah as much as i can. But i fear that no matter what i do it will never be enough.

    On a good day, i concentrate on this hadeeth

    قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: " إن لله خلقاً خلقهم لقضاء حوائج الناس، آلى على نفسه أن لا يعذبهم بالنار، فإذا كان يوم القيامة وضعت لهم منابر من نور يحدثون الله تعالى والناس في الحساب "

    Working for such organisations/charities this past year has really opened my eyes. Now my aim in life is much more clear and it is to do as much aid work as possible.
    I keep hoping and praying that if i do the right things in this life, i will be rewarded in Janneh iA, maybe then in Janneh Allah can make me who i want to be and i can be free from this pain

    • Asalaam alaikum Sister,

      There was a lengthy discussion on this topic a few months ago. Have a look through it here and if you could, please create another post. Until the meantime, read the following replies, follow any links and try to access any information that was talked about.

      http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/islam-and-transgender/comment-page-1/#comment-46401

      I want you to know that there are Muslims who care about you and will try to help you, Insha'allah.

    • Wa aleykum salam,

      wow! That's really eye opening because I virtually do the exact same thing lol, I'm always watching TV shows and films because I get the same kind of relief in that virtual world. I also do the exact same things like helping in out with isoc stuff too... I wish there was just a foundation that was aimed at helping people like us, as in a group that acknowledges that we suffer from GID but also acknowledges that we don't believe in seeking treatment etc. because in reality I genuinely believe that it's not permissible to get medical treatment in the sense of change our bodies physically even though it "seems" to work wonders I don't think that it answers all the problems it creates...

      the fact that we're recreated on our natural disposition on the day of judgement etc. reuinited with our loved ones in the hereafter etc. the reward for men and women being different and so on? I mean I'm not here to give a fatwa this is just what's convinced me, although I feel so passionately against this conclusion in the sense that I feel so sad and miserable at times and my deep feelings to be a loving caring mother etc. I feel like crying now ><

      but Allah does as He wills and we have to remember that this world is just a short tiny event and the next world is ETERNAL! We really have to get this into our minds and realise it to be a reality, I think this GID test is in reality a test of our faith, if we really truly believe in Allah and in the hereafter then I think we need to get our heads down and focus keeping our iman and having patience to bear out anything, I mean when we read the story of Ayub aleihisalam and see to what extent Allah tested him then we really should realise that we do actually have good health, family, working bodily organs, sight, hearing alhamdu lilah! :))

      but that' is with regards to this world and judgement day, inshaa Allah if we are the blessed people who enter jannah then every one of our desires will be met and Allah of course knows best, may Allah make it possible for us to be of the people of jannah! Please keep posting here though because you don't know what difference it makes to actually hear about other people who suffer from the same problems, it really is beneficial alhamdu 'lilah

      • Salam
        Walahi I feel such relief that I am talking to someone who is going through the same thing as me and also who knows what it is to stay true to Islam and Allah!

        Me too wallah, I wish we could talk about what we are without any hardship, I wish we could talk to others like us to get advice, share experiences, and help eachother through this day-to-day struggle that normal people don't seem to understand, I read online that somewhere in the US, gay Muslims who don't commit the harram (act upon their feelings), go to support groups kind of like AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), I think that's brilliant, it will strengthen them to help them stay on the right path, they will support eachother and it will give them the feeling that they are not alone.

        It's soo important that people like us understand that there is nothing harram about us or the way we feel (if one of us fell in love), because in Islam love is not harram, you can fall in love with whomever you want, as long as its not an animal or a child lol, what's harram is if we act upon those feelings or if we seek what is called "treatment" (hormone shots & surgery).
        I truly believe that the treatment we need is psychological if we where diagnosed at a younger age, but now our only treatment is seeking God and having a very strong connection to him. Or in some cases, falling for someone that you want nothing more in this life but that person, so you put Allah in your heart and work your butt off to make sure you are going to enter Janneh, eventually to be with that special person, because that's the only way you can.
        Allah rewards believers by creating "whatever they wish" (Surat ash-Shura, 22; Surat al-Furqan, 16; Surat az-Zumar, 34). There, they have EVERYTHING that their HEARTS want. In Surat al-Kahf, 35, Allah says that He will give believers more than they can desire or imagine, and that these blessings will be increased several-fold in Paradise. 

        It's funny because I think my only worry at the moment is the same as you, and it is: marriage lol.
        All of my friends in the UK and back home are getting hitched and it really does put an immense amount of pressure on me to do the same, thankfully my parents aren't like that and they're not in a hurry, but still I feel as if it has to happen soon, don't get me wrong I get along with boys no problem, infact if I could, I would stop hanging with girls and spend all my time with guys, but I am just not attracted to them, because deep inside my brain I feel I am one.
        But I know it is inevitable, I will have to get married to one, I have thought about it a lot, and because I do get along with boys so well, I could marry a guy and we could become the best of friends, but i will never fall for him or be attracted to him physically, and I do feel bad about the fact that it would be soo unfair on him.

        A lady in my family is nearly 45 and isn't married yet, she's always been a career gal, putting her career first, bas still you can tell she isn't happy and sometimes I sense that she's very lonely, and will eventually end up alone and I can not bear the thought of ending up alone, so marriage is a must.

        I guess you can live having GID, it's an extreme struggle, but it is never the less do-able, if you keep your faith in Allah strong.
        It is the biggest of ALL tests and if we pass then we will be rewarded probably more than most humans on this earth, because our struggle is a daily one, each day we wake up knowing that something is wrong but we choose to keep Allah in our hearts and keep on going, but if we lose (give in to our desires or commit suicide) then our loss will be one of the worst imaginable. 

        But for me, the only thing that hurts more that anything in this entire world, is knowing that I will never, ever, be with the one I love. It is for me, so unfair, that Allah has made me a HUGE romantic, a person who loves love more than anything in this entire world but to be deprived of it.
        That is my pain, waking up everyday thinking about this and sleeping most nights with tears in my eyes, not being able to believe how cursed I am.
        Somehow though I seem to live through each day, because of this I am also struggling academically not caring about Uni etc, but I have never felt so close to Allah, alh.

        I have so much more to share wallah bas I'm afraid I can not do it on this site, it is still too public for me and I know if someone I know passed through this site, they will know it is me

  19. Also Suffering

    I know EXACTLY what you mean.

    Can't even believe I have found these discussions, this information is SO USEFUL and VERY VITAL because it is so RARE to find MUSLIMS DISCUSSING these topics.

    The strange this is how YOU'RE STORY is VERY SIMILAR to the OTHER FELLOW mister HELP NEEDED.

    Cheerio,
    SS~

    • Salam SS

      If you need any help, I am more than happy to help you with anything inshallah.
      If you would like to share your story your more than welcome to

      • I don't know what to think I keep getting confused,

        I feel like I can deal with it but at times I get this overwhelming feeling that I've got nothing to do and I just get so bored and feel like I am missing out on life.

        But then sometimes I get a good feeling of Iman and have some good times with friends and I feel okay.

        It comes and goes really, btw this is actually ponderingsoul but for some reason it doesn't allow me to post under that name any more.

        I was just say I know exactly what you meant by those feelings of romance and all.

        There was someone on another post that had been to the doctors and apparently consulted a 'sheikh' recommended by the NHS that allowed them to undergo treatment and actually transition and get surgery etc.

        I wish I could find the name of that apparently qualified sheikh so I could debate with him about this and see his evidences.

        There are so many con men that pretend to be scholars and go around telling people its okay to be gay or do what you want sexually, etc.

        When it is clear that men to imitate women are cursed and women who imitate men.

        But of course Allah knows best.

        I haven't seen one convincing argument in favour of treating transsexuality with surgery regardless of how much I may desire or want it. May Allah safeguard us from falsehood and evil.

        What about you? Have you ever looked into the fiqh regarding this?

  20. I am not muslim or transgender .. I just think it's lovely that there are these types of posts where muslim people can openly talk with others with the same condition. I think you guys are really brave and wish you the best of luck in your future 🙂

  21. assalamu alaikum pondering soul,

    Being that i have been a nurse and have worked in forensics and psychiatry..i may have a different opinion on things..First ..why hate anyone? life is TOO short subhanallah we all fall short...but me..being a muslim. i cannot hate ANYONE..but have empathy as we all have different vices that we work to improve on..whether it be gluttony, sexual, greed, aggressives,arrogance..i have seen that many muslims and/or religious people want to put people in a box..either you are BOY/GIRL.etc and should be this way , that way..or otherwise you are abnormal..

    my father has been a doctor for over 35 years alhumdulilah..and he is even brought to say some people are born with certain pathologies..as i have seen aswell...some are born with incomplete genitalia...(which i have seen alot) or adult WOMEN with high levels of progesterone and low levels of estrogen that developed like men with thick facial hairs...higher muscularity and low fertility levels..some men i have seen that have lower testosterine levels and show feminine features..they were born this way...ALLAH swt has created man and it itself man has variations! you have disabled people that are genetically sterile, adults born with both genitalia etc..so if this happens then a sexuality incommonality is bond to occur. I as a muslim am not here to judge anyone ..i can only say as a muslim that ALLAH SWT is the one and only to do that.

    Be who you are..and strive to be a good muslim in your best ability..the intention is what counts..

  22. Brothers & Sisters ASA,
    I am a father with a 7 year old daughter who wants to be a boy. When she was just a baby I listened something like that on NPR and I kind of condemed those parents thinking it is justs them, reflecting their own wishes on their children. However when my daugther reached 3 she started to act like a boy insisting sometimes getting very emotional and upset that she is a boy. I am thinking that this kind of happened because I condemed those people but it doesn't help the situation. We told her she can never be a boy because of the anatomy and she kind of accepted it but it is still there. She can not stand playing with girls or girly things. She had an imaginary older brother at college that she shares with us as a joke. The other day she said he was actually herself. As soon as she could she refused to wear skirts of girl shoes at 3. She hates to go with her mom to women gatherings and play only with boys if she can find one. If she cannot she sits with her mom pretenging to be older. She never plays with girls at her age.

    Anyway, this is the situation. We know a friend of us has the same problem with their son who is also 7. They are good friends. We are just thinking to marry her right after high school with a boy who also has the same problem. We belive marriage will solve a big part of the problem. If it is with somebody in the same situation they can depend on each other in order to overcome this illness. Meanwhile we try to explain her that she can succedd anything that boys can succed but she doesn't have to act like one. We try to encorage her to wear hicap when she is praying and advise her to try to look like more girly because it looks ugly when she dresses and prays like a boy; just like how other boys would look ugly if they wear hicab and attend prayers with their moms. As she grows older our biggest fear is that her discovering the accaptance in the pop culture and has encouragement from so called success stories of transgender teenagers.
    My humble advice to my brothers and sisters who are suffering from this illnes is again to marry as soon as possible with someone who is in the same situation. We also need muslim pschologs-pyschaitrists' recomandation on this.
    May Allah help you and us all.

    ASA

    • Salaams,

      Your daughter is 7, which is much too young to read into her having a gender identity disorder. In fact, with all due respect, she probably doesn't even understand what you're talking about when you tell her "we try to explain her that she can succeed anything that boys can succeed, but she doesn't have to act like one". That's an abstract concept, and she's a child and can only think in concrete terms. I personally think you might be causing more harm than good to focus on this issue so early in her life.

      Speaking personally, I also never played with dolls or girls toys growing up. I hated Barbies, but had a full collection of matchbox cars and star wars ships, figurines, creatures etc. Most of my playmates were boys just because of the similar taste in play. However, as I entered puberty I became immensely attracted to men and am completely heterosexual. I still don't share a lot of traditionally feminine qualities that other women have, but I am at peace with who I am and have no problem with relationships.

      You have no idea how your daughter might turn out. Trust me. I have 4 children, and who they are at 7 is not the same as who they are at 14, 12, and 9. And who they are now is likely not who they will be as adults. Let her enjoy her childhood as she likes, and don't worry about how and when you're going to marry her off. Enjoy and accept her as she is now at age 7, because enough difficulties are going to be coming your way when she hits puberty even if she does become more balanced in her femininity.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  23. Assalam Alaikum, I'm not sure if you still will receive this message but I just wanted to say that as a Muslim who has a friend dealing with this, and witnessing how horribly tough it is, I want to applaud you for being so careful. I really admire how strong you are in not wanting to disappoint Allah or doing something against His will. You're really an inspiration in sacrifice. I've seen things like these pull people farther from God to the point where they probably no longer believe. To see your strength, and how close its making you to Him, I truly truly want to give you the credit you deserve. I would keep talking to sheikhs about the issue. There has to be a solution. If this is an issue separate from psychological damage of the past and has no psychological roots to why you feel this way, then I do believe insha Allah there should be a way to correct it even if that means medically. Keep praying and keep making dua to God to help you through this. I pray for you and all those that struggle with these things. It breaks my heart and I wish I had the answers and could help. But as awful as I feel that you have to go through this, I know things happen for a reason and your strength and comittment to Allah just makes me so proud. I know that with your faith, there will be a way out. I pray you figure out what's best for you and I pray to God to guide you and help you towards the right path for you. You're in my thoughts. Stay strong and always keep Allah part of your daily life. In a world where faith has become rare and life has become scary, thank you for teaching us all about struggle, sacrifice, and true dedication.
    Wa alaikum assalam

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