Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Homosexual urges and the role of Marriage

eman dua despair faith
Assalamu Alaikum dear brothers and sisters,
May Allah reward you all immensely for your efforts, i am an Imam and a teacher of Islamic sciences in my home country, I have been travelling seeking Islamic knowledge abroad for many years now, alhamdulliah.
I have a serious issue that has caused me severe fear, anxiety and depression, I suffer from Homosexual urges and I don't have sexual attraction towards females, this has been the case since puberty, i fight these desires daily and do not desire them what so ever, I contemplate constantly if I should leave Dawah and teaching Islamic knowledge because I am constantly around males in study circles, when I am teaching and giving Dawah, it's extremely difficult to avoid, I feel lost and very much alone even though I have been in therapy for many years, I constantly ask Allah to assist me with this struggle however nothing has changed as of yet, this issue has led me to severe depression and anxiety, recently i have been diagnosed with Pure OCD aswell, which has led me to many suicidal thoughts, I truly fear for my religion as I am getting many doubtful thoughts which are intrusive, I don't desire these blasphemous thoughts what so ever.
I have tried to seek assistance from my teachers however they don't seem to understand how the issue works (regarding homosexual tenancies).
I am currently 28 years of age, I desire very much to get married and have children (if Allah wills) however I fear very much that I will be miserable like many homosexuals who get married to the opposite gender.
What do you advice?
JazackAllah khairan.

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4 Responses »

  1. Read manzil daily and get married...someone has done bk magic when you were young.possible .The desire for men is not possible unless evil was involved...There is answer to everything.My question you is are you a Islamic scholor who went to a durulloom for 8 or more years and have you memorized the whole Quran because I'm getting unsure feeling.Anyways Your story needs some details to your past .this will determine some clues etc....I can understand if you were from a village and you have the most knowledge and you are the Imam? You see the devils know from the direction that one is pursuing..Someone had to be involved.You would have to undergo hypnosis and see a specialist in islamic excorcist

  2. Sorry to hear about your current state of affair but I am not sure if I can ask but did you have an abusive childhood ? Were you sexually or emotionally abused by a male older than you. If you did then it is quite possible that your desire to please a man and have an intimate relationship with him may seem normal.

    If it is then you it is quite common for males to develop some sort of any intimacy with males.

    if I can help with anything else please let me know


  3. Assalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatu, brother.

    The righteous men stress the necessity of keeping away from kids. AI-Hasan Ibn Zakwan said, "Do not be accustomed to sit with the wealthy men's kids since they are good looking like the virgin ladies. They might be more fascinating than women.” Reported by Al-Dailami.

    One of the earlier scholars also said, "I do not fear a beast of prey when attacking a devout young man. I just fear a juvenile when sitting with him." More than that he said, 'A man should not sleep with a juvenile together." It is unlawful for a man as scholars argued, to stay alone with a juvenile in a house, a shop or a bathroom as in the case of men and women.

    Among juveniles are those who may be more beautiful than women. He may be most fascinating. It is easy
    to justify what you do of evil with him than is with a woman. Therefore, such deep feelings are most likely unlawful.

    Numerous maxims of the early Muslims were postulated as warnings from keeping near of them. Once, Sufyan Ath- Thawri entered a public bath and the a handsome boy entered after him. Sufyan said, "Get him out because when ever I see a woman I see a Devil but whenever I see a handsome boy I see a group of devils."

    A man visited Imam Ahmad accompanied with a handsome boy. Imam Ahmad said, "Who is that?" The man replied, "My nephew." Imam Ahmad said, "Do not come again with him. Nor should you walk with him lest the people who do not know you think something bad about you.

    When the delegate of `Abdel-Qays came to the Prophet (pbuh) there was a handsome juvenile with them. The Prophet (pbuh) made him sit behind his back and said, "The trial of Dawud pertained to the gaze.” It was said that the look is message of adultery. The Prophet (pbuh) said, "Eye-looking is a poisonous arrow of Satan and whoever gives it up for the sake of Allah, he will feel the joys of Worship which will persist until the Day of Judgement.” Reported by AI-Hakim who said that it is an authetic hadith

    So the cause of the homosexual feelings since puberty might have been that you grew up with a lot of good looking kids around you.

    So what's missing in your Deen? It is guidance for control over your heart, brother! and Allah controls the heart.

    It means you don't just force yourself again and again to control your feelings and automatically you have control over your heart! No, it's not that.

    Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, the hearts of the children of Adam, all of them, are between the two fingers of the Merciful as one heart. He directs them wherever he wills.” Then the Prophet said, “O Allah, the director of the hearts, direct our hearts to your obedience.” (Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2654)

    And Allah guides whomsoever he wills, but specifically whom does Allah guide?

    Surah Yunus Verse 9: Verily, those who believe and do deeds of righteousness, their Lord will guide them through their faith; under them will flow rivers in the Gardens of delight (Paradise).)

    So to get guidance according to the above ayah, you already believe. However, you need to do one SPECIFIC deed of righteousness for Allah to guide you in your particular problem. This may sound like a very simple deed and you may have done it a thousand times in the past, and that is lowering your gaze when you look at someone attractive, but this time it is not just to avoid the feelings, it is for guidance!

    Let's say you lower your gaze and refrain from looking at 10 people, but still Allah hasn't turned your heart. That means the deed of refraining from looking at 10 people is not enough for the specific guidance. You need to do more refraining and then slowly Allah turns your heart, brother! and you can see the result just in a day. So after reading this post when you're around a lot of men, lower your gaze for the sake of receiving guidance and tell me how you feel the next day, brother. I'll be waiting for the answer.

    Jazakallah Khair.

  4. The last thing you need is to get married to a lady and drag her down into your mess. Work on yourself, you should know your enemy, and how your enemy works and plans. After all how can you fight the "wass" "wass" from the shaitan if you don't know how he operates. Its all in the hearts and minds, just like that !

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