My Parents emotionally blackmailing me into marrying someone I don’t love.
I am a girl in the age of 21. In my culture, girls in the age of 16 and above get married. My parents have been finding me a proposal to get me married off, for the past 3 years. But none of the proposals have turned out to be the way they expect it. I came across a boy around 1 n hlf yrs back, he liked me and so did I. Since its haram in islam to love, I asked him to approach my parents and ask for their approval. Which he did; my parents were over the moon about the proposal, because he fits all their criteria. But as soon as they found out the fact that I 'loved' him, they created a scene and rejected. I thought, okay fine...they are my parents and they know best. So I let it go.
But in the back of my head, every single day all I did was think of him.Time passed by and still none of the proposals worked out. I felt stress and depressed everyday, thinking why my parents would disapprove someone so perfect and make me go through this whole process of finding a groom (meeting the grooms family,talking to the groom and all that nonsence).
Anyhow recently that same boy I liked, approached my parents again. My parents had forgotten it's him and once again was overjoyed about this proposal. But after they figured out, its the same boy, they are once again not approving it. But this time I realised I had enough with it and spoke up my opinion. They don't have a valid reason to reject this proposal and deep down they really know he's a good boy with a good islamic character.
My parents agreed to do this marriage, but not with their blessings or happines. But only because I 'WANT' it. I just don't think its fair for them to behave like this. I was patient till they found someone appropriate for me for 3 years. Finally someone with characters I want in a husband turns up, and yet they reject without any reason. Just because it was 'SEEN' as love.
Anyhow I don't want a marriage where my parents are not happy about it, but I dunno if they'll ever be with anything. I don't know if I should simply blindfoldy agree to someone they choose or just go with the flow and marry this boy itself and changing their opinions about him later on. But I know I won't have a wedding, probably jus a nikkah with witnesses present. I guess every girl dreams of that one perfect day in life and it depresses me further to think I won't have that.
They did the same thing to my sister, but now they r ever so loving with her and my bro-inlaw...I thought they would have learnt through thier mistake of judging people. I really don't know what I should do to make them happy.
~ Rishma
1 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Salaams,
You and your parents are misguided to think that "its haram in islam to love". In Islam, it's haram for sexes to mix. It's haraam for a man and woman to be alone together. It's haraam to "date". But to see someone once and become attracted to them enough to want to find out more about them to see if you can marry them? This is totally HALAL. Having emotions of care for someone or interest to know more is not haraam at all, so everything they are basing their decisions upon is in error.
In fact, Muhammad's (saws) beloved wife Khadijah proposed marriage to him because she found herself attracted to who he was and what she saw in him, and wanted to find a satisfying life with him in marriage. If what she did were haram, then Muhammad (saws) would've never accepted her proposal! No where in any hadith or in Qu'ran will you find anything that states that if you start to love someone before marriage (provided you are doing everything else according to shariah) that it is haram.
However, it sounds as if your parents are are agreeing (albeit reluctantly) to let the marriage go forward. You are resenting them for making a sacrifice of their own preferences for YOURS, and you're complaining? This is what all parents should do when they don't have a realistic reason to prevent the marriage from taking place. You can't control how others feel, but when it comes to marriage what's most important is if YOU are happy. If you like this guy and they are letting you marry, then marry. live YOUR happiness with the person you care about. The fact that they are going out for you speaks a lot, because I've read too many posts here where the parents won't even do that much. Be grateful for that and know that with time, as they see you happy with your new husband, they too will grow more satisfied with the decision they made to permit your nikkah (and yes, of course you can always have a bigger celebration later on).
Trust me sister, it's better to live with a little of their dejection now, then try to appease them and then end up having to settle for living with a husband who makes YOU miserable.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor