IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Salamu Alaikum

Dear all,

Last year, something happened which changed me completely and dramatically. It all began when I opened a Facebook account and I got to know some guys. Shortly after accepting their friend requests we started to use MSN and a little while after that we decided to open the webcams....n that was when my sins started to take place. Me being this innocent lady who always used to be happy and did my best to help my family members and friends....and who had achieved to climb the educational ladder successfully...and who always used to feel safe from any kind of harm......did things I never thought I would do when the cams where turned on.

No matter how much I try to explain that I regret what I did full heartedly....no matter how much I try to explain how bad I felt ...n no matter that at those moments I never thought about how wrong and sinful I became........you will not believe how my heart, mind and soul wish that I never should have done what I did. Opening cam for sm guys and show them ...well you know. How come I did not think it was wrong at that time? How come I never thought about my family and the good reputation we have could be damaged due to my silly decisions of trusting strangers on the net?  

I never even looked or knew that webcam sessions can indeed be recorded and made public on the net. Some of you may think, "How stupid could u be not knowing such a thing? or "To start with why on earth did u open webcam and did those haram stuff for those strangers?" ....what I instead ask myself after all........is "Did I not know that Allah was watching me?" That question tore me apart....mentally..... I dont know how I decided to stop opening the cam and showing myself to those guys....well one day...for no reason at all...I thought to myself "What are you doing.....make tawbah immidiately and change!" Day by day....I started to regret what I did....I started to think about my life prior to the webcam incidents....how safe I was....how good I used to be...how pure and clean I felt....yet I did what I until this day cannot really believe......I feel ashamed, disgusted, regretful not only towards my parents for bringing me up like a flower in the desert.....they made me flourish throughout my years....they protected me and did their best to make me happy....and here I was.....comitting sin after sin with some guys....was it worth it? NO!!  But the thing is.... I feel ashamed towards Allah...

Even though it has been a year now......I am still shocked at what I did....I can't help thinking about my sins on a daily basis; in fact 24/7. Was it possible that this good, pure, clever, intelligent, helpful lady who is loved by all her friends and family committ such major sins? Yes....because.....we are created weak.....as Allah (swt) states in the holy Book. We all committ mistakes and sin, major or minor. One day......unlike all the days in my life..... something happened.....within me.

I decided to never ever again do anything haram and the fear of Allah was planted in my heart.....and the roots started to grow in my heart....and SUBHAN ALLAH....I started to pray and made a sincere Tawbah......ever since I have not missed my prayers, I read the Qur3an and started to read hadiths...Ive gained knowledge about our beautiful deen and most importantley; that Allah is the one who will judge us, that He is AL RAHMAN AND AL RAHIM....and that He is the One who listens to our prayers and forgives. Somewhere I found a sentence that caught my attention which I would like to share with you, it made me realise that what we may enjoy and like (in my case it was the guys and the webcam session which I liked for a short period until I realised how wrong I was to even think like that!):

"May Allah take away what takes you away from Him" Indeed......Allah knew, of course, how lost I was.....that Shaytan did his best to make me fall into worse sins....Allah saved me from what I was doing; digging my own grave full of sins!!!! Ya Allah..... the person I am now...is even better than the one I was before committing those sins......the safety I thought I had, the happiness I was blinded by, the feelings of being proud.......was changed for the better. Allah made me open up my heart, eyes and mind and to confess how wrong I had been and gave me the golden chance to repent before it was too late. When Im standing for my prayers....and when I go into prostration for the One and Only Lord....I know deep inside..... that He saved me from a nightmare....That was the biggest trial of my life...the test from above to warn me off my sins...and to repent if I am a true muslim.

I thank Allah, no matter how much Ive suffered and will do until I die, that He saved me from a living hell.....Only He knows what could have happened, only He knows how I felt when realizing how wrong I was....when I cried every night and felt lost.....He heard me...He felt me...He knew...that Im his sinful slave who would repent...He did this to me out of His Mercy.....and whenever I think about what happened to me I say AlhamduliAllah and Inna Lilahy wa Ina Ilahy Raj3on"  It does not matter how much I regret, I can't turn back the hands of time...and make those things undone...they happened for a reason.......they changed me ...they made me a better person.....SUBHAN ALLAH...

.I feel pure inside...I feel calm....even though I have no idea if those guys did record me .....only Allah knows....inshAllah nothing will happen...it has not for one year; and my friends keep telling me if they (the guys) wanted to harm me they would have done so a long time ago...why should they wait for such a long time? Anyways......the only thing I say is the following" Hasbi Allahu La Ilahaa  Ila Huwa 3alayhi tawakaltw wa Huwa Rabb al Arsh al Athem"        I thank Allah with every breath I take that He made me repent!

-noor1