Still not found the right partner for marriage
Hello there
I am a 31 year old educated British Pakistani man born and bred in England, who is working in a retail store and also doing a part time theater acting course and the same time trying to find the right woman to settle down with. It's not fair as most of the people that I work with have taken all the girls at my workplace now they are thinking of getting married. To be honest I for myself am not a bad person, my hobbies include keeping fit, reading, going out and also enjoy watching a odd film or two.
Why is it that a man like myself who has done no wrong by not sleeping with other women, smoking or doing drugs cannot find a suitable partner at this day and age.
There was one Pakistani girl that I really liked it was all I could ask for medium sized figure, pale complexion, great personality, bubbly person but then she decided to go for a pakistani jerk and a fool, it really broke my heart to see such a beautiful woman go and live her whole life to a person who does nothing more than going around in his car, drinking and even looking like a roughneck.
Now I was the one that saw her first and I was going to tell my parents about her as this was going to be the biggest turning point in my life. I showed my parents the picture and they agreed even my grandmother was pleased after all these years she has been doing the hard work of finding my suitable match. Then this had to happen to me as I saw them kissing at the back while this rage of anger built up inside of me it felt like I was going to kill him for what he did. In the end I had to let it go and being upset at the same time really does make you feel like that it was meant to happen, so had to tell my folks about this event, my grandmother broke down, father started to ask questions like I was being in a police station, mum trying to calm everyone down.
Now everyday I see them holding hands, talking, kissing, buying her gifts and dresses and even going on holiday breaks while I have go cover this guy's shifts so that he can plan out his big day.
I am depressed and angry that this has happened to me and I spend most of the times locked in my room and applying these dating sites so that I can be happy with a suitable partner of my needs. Why is it all my life I have been searching for this type of girl and the rest of my friends and even my cousins have found the right ones. I guess I was destined to live alone forever and just watch as they walk down that aisle while me standing at the back wondering when my time will come.
Please help as I cannot live like this as it is making me depressed physically and mentally I cannot eat or even get a good night's sleep cause sometimes on the odd nights I even cry in my sleep or I just stare into the night sky and just think to myself what the future will be for me in years to come.
-rk008
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ASA brother:
I can understand why you feel this way and how bad it feels, as i myself have asked that question many times, "Why them, and not me?" " why cant i find a good muslim and marry him?" But i have learned that Allah (swt) knows best and we dont. If you have not found that girl yet, there is a reason! Maybe Allah (swt) is testing your patience, remember that Allah (swt) rewards those who are patient!
In my opinion, do not rush things,trying desperately to find the perfect girl for you! Because what that may result is in you setteling for anyone, and at the end that is not good. As for this girl, she is now taken, and there is nothing you can do but look on the opposite direction. Why not talk to your imaam and tell him what it is you are looking for, maybe, inshallah he can help you.
Brother be patient, and you will see that at the end, when you find that special person, inshallah, you will better appreciate it, because of all the wait. And dont give up! Alhamdulillah, you are a good muslim, you dont drink, do drugs, or sleep around (mashallah)... keep up the good work and Allah (swt) will reward you, Inshallah!!
Stay strong, and when Allah (swt) thinks it is the right moment you will find her, withouth having to look and dig around for her...
AMIRA
Assalamu Alaikum Warhamthallahi Wrbkathuh,
I think all single brother and sisters feel this way. I too, am having troubles finding a poius husbad but remember brother, patience is half of imaan. Keep Sabr and inshallah, when Allah(swt) thinks it the right time for marriage, he will show the way. And the sister who left you really missed out on a good brother but whats written is written. Maybe if you were to marry her, your life may not have been so good as you thought ..only Allah(swt) knows.
You're not destined to live alone brother. infact no one is. Remeber, Allah(swt) has created us in pairs.and its just that you havent found her yet. All in good time brother. In the meantime, increase your knoweledge of Islam, bring yourself closer to the Creator. Remind yourself the purpose of life. Marriage is half of deen brother, but theres more to life than marriage.
Let your family member, relative know that your looking for a wife. I, personally wouldnt recommend finding patners online as i had a really bad online experience but as long you keep it halal and remind yourself that you;re only there to find yourself a patner.
May Allah(swt) grant you a poius wife and bless you in this dunya and the hereafter.
Assalamu alaykum Brother,
Pray to Allah to send a good wife your way and Insha Allah, she will come towards you.
Try it, seriously, try it.
Also, strengthen your Islamic side, if you are already a practicing Muslim, Alhamdulillaah, no worries, keep strong. Allah knows, we don't except what He discloses to us.
Do not be too "strict" in criteria for a wife. Remember we all have weaknesses and faults within us and it is not possible to marry an angel now.
So whosoever comes your way, Insha Allah, put forward your priorities and talk straight to the point.
Meet people and relatives who are aware of single women, at your comfort make them known by yourself or by your family that you are looking for a girl, make the efforts a bit faster now. Insha Allah it will help get results in favor.
Make du'aa, when you wake up at night, do wudu and pray, ask Allah. May be Allah wants you to divert your attention to Him and ask Him and bow down and fall prostrate to Him. Seek Allah's help always.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Dear rk008,
I know it is hard to want to get married but believe there is no one out there. If you are living in a non-muslim country, then obviously the pool from which you can choose a mate is very limited. Do you have any social contacts in muslim countries?
Just remember something. Dua is wonderful for bring peace to your heart and bringing you closer to Allah. Your dua can be answered tomorrow, or, it can be answered in 40 years time. Or, it will be answered in the hereafter. You don't know what is destined for you.
In the meantime, you really should be focusing on other things that will bring you fulfillment. Building your career, traveling to interesting places, taking courses, taking up new hobbies, going out with friends, learning to cook new dishes. Getting in touch with beauty helps too - do you like gardening or perhaps art galleries? My point is, make best efforts to find soemone, but you can't just "sit and wait." You are living in a country where the majority population is not muslim. Your marriage may happen soon, or it may happen much later in life. You will drive yourself to insanity if you wake up every day worrying about it. Be open to other fulfilling avenues for your life to unfold.
Please trust me, I wish someone had given me the same advice 15 years ago! Instead, I was blinded by the reality of the situation around me, and put my blind trust in the ways of my parents which really are steeped in culture rather than religion -- a bad combination!
Good luck!
Subhanallah...reading this kind of reminds me of what goes through my mind at times when i feel low about being single.. attractive, educated, religious...why me? why am I the only single one?
You know...I think, this mentality comes from shitaan and is a sure way to make us feel depressed and feel low about our choices in life. When we do the right things and don't immediately see the rewards...shitaan likes to question why we are living in such a way and tell us that we are wasting our time and that there is no way out of this...thus hopelessness sets in. And the more depressed and angry we feel...the further we become from Our Lord and Cherisher..because ultimately, we are blaming Him for His Decisions and not accepting his Khadr or what He has decreed for us. This is a trial and is very difficult when you are living especially in Western countries where it really is hard to find the right person.
( I had to ask for forgiveness for my own behaviour just tonight...for losing patience...and will probably have to keep asking for forgiveness over and over again...but ultimately...we are not alone and Allah swt never puts us in a trial which is bigger than we can handle).
At the end of the day, Allah swt knows what is best for His servants and He knows what will benefit us and what will harm us. He is never unjust to His servants and all good comes from Him.
I pray that Allah swt grants you a pious wife. ameen.
One last thing...brother try not to dwell on what could have been with the other girl... this can lead to envy...which eats up our good deeds.
I say all of these things, not because, I am perfect and I am advising you, but rather to let you know, you are not alone and also to remind myself, because I often forget.
sallam
this happens to me alot. but instead of taking the negative i see it as God protecting me ! you deserve a good women! this girl was obviously not good for you as she was messing around so why not see it as you dogged a bullet?
your only seeing her as someone you should have been with. but did you want to be with a nonpious girl? who has bad taste in men? NO""!!! you deserve better and inshallah you will get someone who good for you ameen!!
Keep your chin up and never doubt what happens for you is for the better becuase Allah knows best!
Allah hafiz