Will his Muslim parents accept me as I’m Jewish?
For about 2 years now I have been dating my boyfriend Zain. I am 17 and Zain is 18. We are so much in love and just so happy together and would love to spend our lives together. The only thing keeping our situation from being close to prefect is the fact that I'm Jewish. I am non practicing, and rarely follow any Judaic traditions, although, I am still very proud of who I am and would not be willing to convert. Zain claims he has no problem whatsoever with that. As far as how I feel about the fact he is Muslim? No problem whatsoever, I love him for exactly how God created him, and I would never expect nor want him to change who he is for me. I would never want to pull him away from his religion either, even though he is barely observant as well.
Zain has met my family, my friends, and most of my loved ones, I have yet to meet anyone other than one of his friends and his brother(very briefly and he has 3 other sisters). I'm 100% aware of the fact that us dating is forbidden, but his parents know about me already and have not rejected me. I feel that part of being in a relationship is meeting both sides of the family, and I feel like I'm missing out on that :(. I want nothing more than for them to like me for the respectable young lady I am. Regardless of my religion I feel that if their son is truly happy with me shouldn't they be happy for him? Is that wrong to think?
As far as children go; I would want to introduce them to both religions. I feel as though forcing religion down a child's throat is going to do nothing but backfire in the end and I think it's wrong. I would want my children to lead their lives how they want to lead them, not how him or I brainwashed them to be. I'll except them whichever path they choose.
So basically my questions are as follows, do you think his family can/will ever except me? Are they allowed to? Do you think our relationship has a chance? And if the answerers to this question can give me some added insight about this topic it would be great fully appreciated.
Thank you so much 🙂
WORLD PEACE! 😀
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Salaams,
No one can really tell you what his parents will think of you, because we don't know them. Some parents are very moderate and open minded and will judge you as a person and not based on your beliefs. Others, however, have very strong ideals about the type of woman their son should marry and will not even give you a chance if they know that even one requirement is missing. I tend to think even the most decent of parents might be aware that a Muslim man can marry a Jewish woman, and could try to be accepting of you, they might still have wished in their hearts that their son would've married someone of the Islamic faith to ensure the best chances for the relationship and upbringing of their grandchildren.
I guess my question would be, if they already know about you, why haven't you met yet? Is it because they are not ready, or Zain is not ready? Have you tried asking Zain what he thinks their reaction would be? I tend to think he knows his parents best and would be able to better gauge their level of accepting you better than any of us could.
As far as whether your relationship could work, it depends on a lot of factors. Someone would have to know you and Zain very well and have an idea of how you both cope with challenges to give any type of meaningful answer. What I do see as a potential sticking point, however, is what you said about raising children: "I would want to introduce them to both religions. I feel as though forcing religion down a child's throat is going to do nothing but backfire in the end and I think it's wrong. I would want my children to lead their lives how they want to lead them, not how him or I brainwashed them to be. I'll except them whichever path they choose."
That approach might be fine for other types of interfaith families, but truthfully in Islam the children must be raised according to the faith of their father- the Islamic faith. This is the case whether the dad is very religious, or barely practices at all. So even if Zain agrees with you right now on "exposing the kids to both faiths", it's entirely possible that when children do come along his parents will be outspoken about them being raised up under Islam, and put pressure on Zain to do so.
Personally, I don't suggest any Christian or Jewish ladies marry a Muslim man if they are not willing to raise the children as Muslims. There are many, many reasons why this is important and so it should be treated as a dealbreaker when it comes to marriage. If that's not something you can concede to, then I have to say that if Zain ever does get more serious about his faith at some point after you all have married, it's going to be extremely tough on you and may result in a divorce.
I think a good exercise for you would be to imagine a different Zain- imagine what he would be like if he became very devoted to his faith and observant to the practices. I know you know him as he is now, but this is something that could possibly happen. Could you still love and accept him then? Could he still love and accept you? What if you were the one who wanted to get serious about your Judaism someday? Don't ever presume that the carefree years and thoughts you have when you are young will remain, because the trials and tests of life often get us to thinking about our real purpose on earth and what we are to do about it. In the end, a lot of people decide to get back to their spiritual roots, and this can ruin interfaith families if they are not prepared for it.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Amy is right. adding to her i would like to recommend is this that try to perceive and look from the eyes of reality and truth rather fallacy
May allah guide you to the right path ameen
Dear inlove,
I am 14 I live in Paris and I am muslim.
I absolutely need to talk to you as I don t know you.
Please email me !! : (Email address deleted by Editor)
Love Imane
Hello 🙂 i can't see your email address so we'll have to talk a different way!
Salaams,
Private email exchanges are not permitted on this site. Please post whatever feedback you have in this forum. Thank you.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Your lost my friend(so lost im using my break at work to reply to you), one of the reasons people post on this site is for confidential advice without revealing any personal details, and those who reply do so out of goodwill and good nature not because they 'know' the poster and furthernore why not post your solution here is it such a secret, or are you after a girls email address for cheap thrill i wonder..why the need to talk to her through email ?
Your a young lad but learn to walk before you run in other words think before you write.
Au revoir and Asalamoalaikum
Inlove i will aim to give you a detailed answer soon insha'Allah, a different insight into your questions.
Hello, the above advice is correct and points raised true i would like to expand on the last point by sister amy.
'For about 2 years now I have been dating my boyfriend Zain. I am 17 and Zain is 18.'
I quote from your question, so in actual fact you were 15 and 16 respectively when you met first and so the relationship went on from there, from what i read zain appears to be a 'non-practicsing' muslim which is the biggest issue in your scenario.
When we are young some things dont matter, and when it comes to love we are literally blinded and decide to 'jump the cliff in a hurry before seeing if a branch is their to hold', zain at this time is as you say in love with you and has no problem with your religion and your beliefs.
But as you say he has met your parents and family, however has yet to let you do the same a sign of hesitency on his part dont you think ?, so why the hesitency i mean he loves you so why not introduce you to the people who could be your future in-laws. the reason is religion and more specifically the compatibility of your religions, while his parents may accept you as his girlfriend which is common among modern muslim parents, when thinking further both he and his parents have doubts.
I want nothing more than for them to like me for the respectable young lady I am. Regardless of my religion I feel that if their son is truly happy with me shouldn't they be happy for him? Is that wrong to think?
In a ideal world and on moral grounds absolutely yes i agree, and you know what i am sure they think of you in a good way, but religion is religion and guidlines are there to be followed and for this reason only would the parents say no or ask of you to convert.
In regards to the childrens religion, i agree with amy and they would have to adopt islam i understand your approach and once again in a ideal world and morally that is perfect, however religion states otherwise and so since zain adheres to islam the children must follow the same faith .
do you think his family can/will ever except me? Are they allowed to? Do you think our relationship has a chance?
Going back to my first point, you are both young and yet to handle any real responsibility and what you decide now will impact on your later life, first of all you must clear everything with zain and make sure you both agree.
His family seem lenient to be fair, and so i think they would gradually accept you as part of their family and moreso as a permanent part of their sons family. but the key to them accepting you is first for zain to accept you and now you may think what this means, well zain is 18 and so is young with nothing on his shoulders and no real responsibilities however he will grow old 1 day and you must consider him becoming a devout muslim as this becomes common among muslims of old age, so if this was the case again the children would be in a even worse situation since their father would insist on them becoming muslims and loosing freewill of religion, so question zain on this and keep a open mind when hearing his answers.
Do you think our relationship has a chance?
Yes, but i am afraid it involves change and commitment from you regarding religious child rearing. ask yourself this 'how much do i love zain, and how much would i give up for him?' and based on that talk to zain and figure things out. i admire your respect and love for him and his faith, and value you taking your time to ask this question, but the buck stops with you and i hope you make a decision good for your future and that of his.
Keep us posted on any changes, and if you want any further advice please ask.
in Islam, the children must be muslim otherwise the guy will get the sin of not his children being muslims
thats why only marriages with muslim women is advised because the non muslim wife will lead his children to the non muslim path