Should I just let him go?
I was seeing a boy a year ago and he was a good Muslim and very sweet. I was not treating him as good and things ended.
This April we were together again and I still treated him bad but he changed he was doing things a Muslim shouldn't be doing. I still love him and now he says we can't talk . But I am ready to be friends with him but I'm afraid that he's had enough and doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm guilty about the way I treated him.
I understand that everything is done with but I feel something missing and that I can't go on. Is the right thing to do to accept his wishes and just never speak to him until he says so or if he ever does or should I say something ...how and what?
I want him to know I changed significantly and don't want anything from him. A part of me is saying of that's true then why am I trying to reach out. How do I mend this feeling? What do you think he is feeling? I feel stuck and I know Allah has better plans for me but....I don't know
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Salaam sister.
It is easy said then done dear little sister, but you cannot force someone to feel a certain way or do a certain thing. We can only influence our own actions directly. Ultimately he has ever right to end things and if you have treated him badly in the past it is no wonder. Even if you have changed sometimes trust can be damaged beyond the point of no repair.
I know this is not what you want to hear but it is important to be honest and open. So in answer to your question yes, let this guy go. He wants to go and it will be much better for your deen. Dear sister, do you realise pre-marital relationships are haraam. Theres this misconception among the youth that they're OK if you dont have sexual contact - (I used to think this too) its not true! Being alone together, sweet talking, holding hands are all forms of zina and are sins.
"A son of Adam's share of zina has been predestined for him, and he will inevitably fulfill that. Thus the eyes commit zina by looking, the ears commit zina by listening, the tongue commits zina by speaking, the mouth commits zina by kissing, the hands commits zina by acting (or touching) the foot commits zina by walking (toward the sin) the soul (or heart) wishes and desires (the sin) and the private part confirms all of that or desires it"
(Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim).
Rasulullah S.A.W. said "It is better for a man that a steel nail be driven through the centre of his head....rather than if he touches the palm of a strange women" Rasulullah S.A.W. said "It is better for a man that a steel nail be driven through the centre of his head....rather than if he touches the palm of a strange women"
Make tawbah for your previous relationship with this guy. Accept it's going to hurt for a while but break contact and let him go. Stay away from casual opposite gender friendships in future. Allah swt is the Most Merciful and as long as you acknowledge your sin, make efforts to avoid it and repent, He will forgive you. If you don't pray start praying your obligatory prayers. Remember that nothing and no one should precede Allah swt. Everything else is transient and doesn't last. The only lasting things are our deeds. So Know that He swt loves you and wants you to succeed. So work to get closer to Him and your life will be filled with peace and tranquility.
Also take up some hobbies (anything halal) and keep busy. In time you will move on from this guy InshaAllah
Sara
IslamicAnswrs.com Editor
Leave him.. its not love, its lust but just well disguised as love, you see everything happens for a reason and maybe you treating him bad was infact good for you since you didnt get too close and commit even greater sin and now he has pushed you back, i would say confide in Allah, ask him to guide you and inshaAllah you will forget about him. your at a early stage of what people call 'in love' save yourself before you fall into a trap, take what happened as a sign and move on, pray to Allah to bring you a man worthy of your love and one who is right for you.
Its going to be hard, but pray and keep faith in Allah, inshaAllah you will move on, but whatever you do, however tempted dont contact him, i fear by doing so you will end up in a bad place.
Asaalam alaikum,
An Islamic scholar gave this advice nearly a year ago to a youth who was experiencing the same problem. When it came to the act of regret, what you are feeling is not only remorse to this person, but you have also twisted this remorse as a way of trying to "hang on" to this male. You are seeking a ways of trying to alleviate yourself of guilt by having a haram relationship, which id completely contradictory.
In time, and you probably know this in your heart, after being friends with him you will attempt to take the relationship to another level. It will start by talking about feelings and then who knows where it will go from there. This desire is a part of your lower nafs that are twisting your higher nafs of wanting to repent and move on. Essentially you are stuck on the first floor of this struggle, a foot in your lower nafs and another leg struggling to get free. You need to struggle harder.
You said that this boy has begun to act in a way that is un-Islamic, so you try to think of this as your responsibility to "help" him. You know that this is not your intention, though. You cannot use this to fool yourself as a means of continuing the relationship. His behavior is more of a sign for you to discontinue this relationship and you know it. Allah (swt) is trying to show you the way, but you also have to do your part and recognize this, too.
Your actions should take the following:
1. Send him an email asking for forgiveness of any wrong you did to him. You are only seeking closure. Nothing more.
2.Do not expect anything in return.
3. If you receive a response, do not use it as a means to reconnect. This is haram. Only thank him, say good bye, and move on.
4. This is to provide that feeling you need for closure, which has been twisted by your lower nafs. Do NOT abuse it.
5. If he never responds then Alhamdulillah, you still have closure. It's simple.
The whole idea behind this is merely to give yourself a way out and not a way back into his life or continuing the relationship. It may sound selfish at first, but what you are trying to accomplish is satiating your lowers nafs and throwing water on them. This is a part of your higher desires trying to starve them, essentially.
You also need to ask yourself why you are feeling this way about a boy. You need to understand that there is a void in your life for emotional fulfillment, but that you need to form a relationship instead with Allah (swt). Every absence that we feel is not an invitation to go about making more friends or engaging in forbidden activities. It's an invitation to improve your relationship with The Most Divine.
Shaytan whispers to these lower nafs. Allah (swt) calls you to your higher ones. You need to form the heart that recognizes the difference.