Husband is not interested in sex
I was engaged for 5 years and now its been 2 years we got married. Before marriage my hubby used to love me alot and we were even involved in sexual acts which I always regret. Since we've got married, he changed alot now. He seems soo much busy that he dont give me time, always stressed out because of work pressure, even our sex life is not at all going good, he only come to me once in 1 and half or 2 months.
I don't understand, why is it like this? I am sure there is no other women. He do take alot care of me and fullfil all his responsibilities but doesnt seems interested in sex with me. I don't understand what is the reason?? I need some advice on what should I do? I am really very confused. I even try my best to make him satisfied and he do satisfy with me but still 🙁
I really don't know whats wrong. I do understand that his work is very hard and he bear alot stress and pressure and he can't work without painkiller like panadol, which he take regularly, is it the reason behind this? Or is stress is the reason? I really don't know how to ask him regarding this, please help me.
~Niham
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I was engaged for 5 years and now its been 2 years we got married. Before marriage my hubby used to love me alot and we were even involved in sexual acts which I always regret.
That is your problem, since you engaged in it before marraige, the blessing of the act has been taken away, so ask A l l a a h to forgive you and put love and affection between yourself and your man.
Your second problem is stress, stress is the biggest inhibitor of sexual desire.
there are many du'as which can be read to ask Allah to remove stress from you.
Not sure about the drug, but strss is definately the key factor.
Salaam, one of the important things in a marriage is sex, it is what makes the marriage special and unique from casual relationships, since you engaged in the act before marriage, as the brother said you have lost blessing and hence the desire, you must repent for your sin and inshaAllah you will see the rahmah return to your marriage and may it be a harmonious one.
As for your husband, stress of job can take its toll, but he to must seek solace in Allah, when you are in prostration infront of Allah, all the worries, pain and fears of the dunya go away and you are in a position of free and open mind, Allah can remove the stress and in its place give you peace, keep faith and inshaAllah you will see a difference.
Asalaam alaikum,
Please take the advice about seeking sincere forgiveness and repentance for past sins and encourage your husband to do so, as well. However, I will concentrate of the other factors you have stated in this post.
The stress and the painkillers are acting like a cocktail to kill his sexual desire. Is he taking it for an actual physical pain or to reduce high blood pressure? If for actual physical pain, these medications should not become a dependency that he relies on and he should instead seek rehabilitation, physical therapy and/or medical surgery to alleviate chronic pain, if needed. A dependence on painkillers can lead to addiction, immune resistance and may cause him future trouble if he is ever prescribed more powerful painkillers because of the resistance.
If his work is labor intensive and daily, then what is happening is that his muscles, joints and overall condition is not getting enough time to recuperate and heal. Muscles actually go through a tearing process when exercised and need time to heal and repair those tears on a daily basis. This is why you see many athletes taking protein supplements and BCAAs (branch chain amino acids), as the protein and BCCAs act as a repair and building block to the muscles for recovery. Protein shakes and bars may help him to recover his muscles and improve his issues while increasing blood circulation, as well.
As his body is breaking physically down, the first thing that the body does to preserve itself is to extinguish a lust desire to save strength for the daily work schedule. This in itself causes more stress because his sexual desire is still present and it needed release forthrightly through you, his wife. It becomes a vicious cycle. So, he may also need to see a chiropractor on a bi-monthly if not weekly basis, as well. If he can see a chiropractor about chronic pain, he may also be prescribed an Eastern type of massage known as acupressure to relieve extreme soreness and sharp pains. The most aggressive forms of acupressure can be very demanding if he has tension knots in his shoulder and neck muscles. A proper male therapist will be able to assess his situation and recommend the right treatment.
If it's for high blood pressure or hypertension, then the drug will act as a blood thinner and affect his ability to become erect and keep his erections for long and frequent periods of time. Therefore, this drug may be effectively killing his ability to achieve a 100% hardened erection and cause him to lose confidence as your sexual partner. So instead, he is having to build up his sexual prowess to such a degree that it takes a month to two months for him to become sexually active towards you. His body having to deal with everything else is taking such a long time to recuperate that it puts sex on the back burner, so to speak.
http://www.answers.com/topic/non-steroidal-anti-inflammatory-drug#Erectile_dysfunction_risk
With what you have described, take this advice and have him see a doctor to get him off the painkillers, address his issues and recuperate his body effectively. After such, his ability to crave sex with you should increase naturally. Because it is in the Right of the Wife to have frequent sex with her husband, it is his Islamic duty to seek medical remedy and solutions so as to fulfill your needs.
salam,
i think you are equating sex to if your husband loves you or not. sex is important in a relationship but its not the criteria for a happy marriage. before marriage you both didnt used to live together so what ever time you spend together is kind of more valuable. after marriage ofcourse things change you are not spending that special few hrs together but living together. if he is stressed at work that can effect sexual desire (libido) . although having sex before marriage is not allowed in islam butit does not mean that it effects your married life. repentance is very essential but dont carry it like a burden to effect your married life. alhamdullilah you both got married despite indulging in prohibited, take it as a blessing from Allah.Allah is the most mercifu, he understands our weaknesses and when we repent he loves to forgive.
your hubby still loves you as you said he is taking care of you. dont equate his love to number of times you become sexually active. if you two have been together for that long ( 7 yrs ,including your engagement) than most of the couple do become like that.
dont worry my sis, be thankful that you two are together, he is not invovled in any other sexual activity , affairs etc. make home environment pleasant for him so that he feels happy returning home. may Allah bless your marriage.ameen.
aoa,
i am unfortunately in the same boat as the sister who asked the question. the only difference is my husband doesn't take any medications and he works at home for the most part. there is nothing medically wrong with him as far as i know and he is not involved with other women. i am tired of being the one that always initiates, not to mention that it gets humiliating for the woman after a while. it is an islamic right for men and women both to have sexual satisfaction through halal means. my question is that if a man is allowed to marry a second wife if his sexual needs are not being met, what are the woman's options? is the woman's only option to suffer silently and wait till her husband decides to be kind to her?
A woman has a right to satisfacton as well. The Messenger of Allah (sws) reminded his companions that "your wives have rights on you." Of course a second husband is not an option. Have you tried talking to your husband about it? I realize it may be an embarrassing subject to broach, but he needs to know how you feel. If you find that he doesn't care, or is unwilling to change, then you can consider divorce as an option.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
hello its happening with majority in all over the world may your husband don not like your few habits and he also knows that you like to having sex with him their for he is not paying attention and the thoughts of many peoples that wife is not going any were she my sole property there for they do not pay attention to this issue my advise to you that man do not like women's suggestions about any thing he want a woman that looks beautiful and don not change your habits he does not like then try its my personal experience
I am in same boat as this sister....me n my husband are married for 2 yrs now....his interest in sex was just gor 3 months....now he approaches me just once a month or 2 months....infact we went without any physical contact for 8 months.....i am 30 n he is 42....we i dont tali really dontk much cause he dont like talking...we have a son...my husband continously abuse me and humilate me...i want to talk to hom abt this all but fear tht it might en worsen the relationship.....i really dont want my son to suffer but can someone suggest an islamic solutio. To it which is acceptable to society also and not effect my child also.....i m desprate to find a sol....and no its mot just abt sexual relationship.....sex is part of it....but constant humilatio. From his side and always finding faults inme is what is making me go mad
Dream, please post your question separately after you login; if you need an advise. We will publish it in turn, in sha Allah.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
My husband is not untested in me at all. I get angry all the time the way he's like that. And he's been like this about 8 years I'm 32 I'm still young I'm not ugly at all. He don't even sleep in our room. I get hurt the way he is. It's not fair to me. I'm kind of shame to say this. But sometime I want my husband so bad. I touch my self bc he's never there when I need him. I don't like what I do but can't help my self. I need someone to tell me what can I do please help.
sir plz listen my problem care fully becuz this is much worse then others...
[Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]
Salaam
I have been married for 8 months...husband has tried sex but is finding it dufgicult...we ysed to have foreplay but its been months and I'm lucky to get a kiss
..I have fallen out of love with him and cant be bothered anymore...we are like two strangers in one house...he says there's no problem but clearly there is...he always makes excuse that he has work in the morning abd is tired...now I have given up....
Summaya ur post is from 2014 and i just read it in 2016.i really wanted to know what happened next??im suffering from the same situation..im married from more than 3 years and my husband never want to have sex 🙁
please help me .. If there is any wazifa or ayat for this