An Issue of Colour!
Asalamu aleykum,
I am planning to marry somebody I am in love with, and have been in love with, for four years. We are both Muslims but from different sects; he's Sunni and I'm Shia. I don't think my parents would object to us getting married based on that, BUT they will based on his skin colour.
He comes from Africa and I from the Middle East. We attended the same boarding school and that was how we met. My mother and brothers know him well. I don't hide my relationship from them.
I've had numerous marriage proposals in the past couple of years. My mother has made it clear that she would not accept the person I am planning to marry and that I should start exhausting my other options. She admitted that his skin colour was a problem for her and the cultural difference is to great for us to reach a compromise.
My goal in life is lead a principled Islamic life so that I can stand before Allah and answer any question I will be faced with in an accountable manner. The man I am planning to marry feels exactly the same way. In fact, it was the biggest reason that pushed me to want to be with him. The other men I would most likely marry would not REALLY lead and Islamic way of life. My family doesn't exactly do so either and that is why I am looking for someone that wouldn't follow the way-of-life.
How do I go about convincing my parents to support my decisions? I need for myself and for my family, Islamic advice, to justify my decision!
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Assalamualaikum Sister,
First of all, you may find someone in your family who is older than your parents, or who is respected by them and can influence them. Someone who is close to you or understand your situation. Or maybe an Imam there?
Ask the person to talk to your parents. We know parents don't like us to lecture them.
Then, the person should make them realize that Allah and Islam don't judge person by race, colour, culture, or wealth. What counts is the person's deed and how he/she follows Islam. We all will be asked in Judgement Day, and only our deeds can help us in Akhirat.
Also, there's a hadits, if a man want to marry a lady, marry her because of these factors: her beauty, her scholar, her roots, and her deen!
Hope this helps. Wassalam.
sister, I understand fully what you are going through. I am currently engaged to a Muslim man from the Ivory Coast (West Africa) and I am from Guyana (South America). My family is upset that i am with him because he is black. I have found great comfort in my grandmother who knows that at the end of the day it is not for us to judge a person especially by their skin color. I hope that you have at least one person in your family that can be of some comfort at this difficult time.
Color should not matter at all. Your parents should understand that. Try to get them to not be so racial, even if it's very hard because if you convince them to let you marry the person, you'll end up with someone you love.
dont be afraid of your decisione just try to make your parent understand in any respectful way u can.i am from sierra leonean from west africa and my husband is from ghana.the onlything my parent ask me is if he is a muslim.and i said yes they acepted his proposal because they are not the one to justify our faith is only Allah u can do that.