I am haunted by my sin, and want to repent
I hava committed a great sin and now I am repenting. I want to make tawbah. Please show me the correct ways :-
When I was probably 17-18, a female servant of 12-13 yrs used to work in our house. One day nobody was at home and I asked her for oral sex. At first, she acted as though she did not hear anything. Later I asked her again and she gave me. Later she told it to my mom. My mother dismissed her to protect her from me. When she returned to her locality, she disclosed the matter. Then my family probably settled the issue by giving her family some money (I am not sure about that). No harm was done to her family.
Now I am repenting very much. It is haunting me. I want to make tawbah. Is it a must for me to seek her forgiveness? I am ashamed and I want to say sorry to her, but if I bring up the issue again in front of my family, they will be annoyed and it will be disrepectful for them. I do not want to disrespect them anymore. Moreover, some of my brothers are married and I don't want their wives to know about that. But I want to make tawbah.
Will it be okay if I:
1. Repent deeply.
2. Strictly, try not to be involved in such a sin again?
Please let me know.
-sinner
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In my personal opinion i suggest you repent continuesly!! shukr atleast you realise what you have done is wrong. i dont see why you have to speak to your parents about asking the girl for forgiveness, you NEED to ask her for maaf and keep making duaa she forgives you. You shouldnt need permission to do the right thing esspecially in this case. But going to ask for forgiveness from the girl could possibly take her back to the day all this happened and its pobibly haunting her more than its haunting you!!
Make maaf and repent or you sins and try and live your life as a good muslim, ALLAH is all forgivng and is THE GREATEST. if you are sincere in your repenting surely HE will forgive you INSHA 'ALLAH AMEEN. and make duaa you never do it again INSHA 'ALLAH AMEEN.
Salaam.
I do not know the conditions of what occured, and if this was forced. If so this is an additional wrong, especially given her age. You are lucky you were not prosecuted. Although seeking her forgiveness is important, I agree that it may cause emotional trauma to the girl to be reminded of it.
Brother Allah swt is the Most Merciful and if you are sincere in your repentance, InshaAllah He will forgive you for the sin. Do not despair of Allahs Mercy. No sin is too great for Him to forgive and no sin is greater than His Mercy. Ensure that you are giving up the sin for the sake of Allah and not for material reasons. Here are the conditions of repentance:
1 – Giving up the sin immediately.
2 – Regretting what has happened in the past.
3 – Resolving not to go back to it.
4 – Making amends to those whom you have wronged, or asking for their forgiveness.
http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1069 - Please read this, it will give you some details on how to repent InshaAllah.
For the last point, it is not always possible or simple to ask the person you wronged for forgiveness. In this case, it may cause more problems so I would advise that you do not contact this girl or her family regarding this issue. If you cannot ask the person for forgiveness then you should pray that Allah swt forgives the person. Pray for her forgiveness too and InshaAllah you will not owe her so much of your good deeds on that day, or InshaAllah she will forgive you for the wrong you've done her. Do not let this sin haunt you. Shaitaan wants you to stop moving forward, and make you feel like Allah wont forgive you, so you wont repent and make the change. Don't let him stop you and dont despair. Most importantly, when you do remember the sin seek Allahs forgiveness.
Take this opportunity to turn to Islam, do your salat if you do not already - at least do the fardh salat. In future, do not be alone with any other woman
Anas (radi Allahu anhu) said that he heard the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) say: “Allah the Exalted said: “O son of Adam! As long as you invoke Me and plead to Me, I will forgive you whatever you have committed, and I will not make much of it. O son of Adam! If your evil deeds reach the borders of the sky, and then you ask Me for forgiveness, I will forgive you. O son of Adam! If you bring forth the earth full of errors, then you meet Me while you do not associate anything (or anyone) with Me, I will bring forth for you its full of forgiveness.”
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum brother,
Sins happen in obedience to Shaytaan and disobedience to Allah.
Then His slaves come back to obedience to Him by repenting to Him truely and afterward not knowingly repeat what they did before.
Repent to Allah. If you get a chance Insha Allah you may go to say sorry to her. Just see to it that your meeting and saying sorry to her does not cause further fitna.
Leave the rest aside.
Study the Qur'an, if you do so, you won't need our advice in these matters. Allah has already revealed about repentance, about sins, about earning His pleasure, about jahannam, about jannah, about dunya and aakhirah and about His creation.
Insha Allah, I hope you will do it brother. And Insha Allah, it will be your guiding for in life.
Salaam,
Your brother.
why so graphic? I was disgusted reading this, the mods should edit the questions.
Ildeen hayah
In religion there should be hayah (feelings of modesty and shyness) This should be part of an islamic characteristic. I wouldnt want my kids to read this and I strongly urge the mods to edit.
Note: Regardless of people wanting to seek advice, it should be written with high manners. The way we conduct ourselves, the choice of our words, im not referring to sins, im directly addressing how we as a muslims should speak. We have Rassoul Allah Mohammed as our example and the sahabah, they would never speak with graphic detail. Allowing others or not reminding them how to speak is sinful.
Reader, I do not think the question was graphic, and I don't see how it could have been edited without losing the point of the question.
Also, I think you are mistaken in your understanding of Islamic knowledge. We Muslims should be shy with each other in the sense that we should be respectful, not obscene or lewd. However the Prophet (sws) also said that there is no shyness in learning the religion. And you are wrong that the Prophet and Sahabah would not speak of such things. Men and women used to ask the Prophet explicit questions about sexual dreams, bodily fluids, sexual positions, prohibited sexual acts, menstruation, etc, and he would answer them clearly. There are many such hadith.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
It was extremely graphic describing not just the act but the ending...and for what??
Describing the pinnacle and where & how is happened is profane and in particular bad taste islamically because regardless of the details the question is about forgiveness so the description is irrelevant so there is no point in the description.
What you are referring to asking questions in Islamic teachings is *la hayah fil deen* meaning its ok to ask about issues regarding halal relationships of bodily functions.
You show me ONE hadeeth that encourages people whom have committed ZINA to describe their acts in disgusting detail, demeaning himself and the woman he abused, to seek advice on forgiveness!
To go into the detail which you find unoffensive would be if he was asking about a husband and wife relationship or what is permissible in Islam, he is asking about forgiveness about an act of ZINA so what is the point of the gross details, except khadhs hayana wa masameena (to scratch our manners and our ears)
Such descriptions show nothing but disrespect for others and a gross display of blatant audacious shamelessness regarding acts of zina and no where in our religion is that allowed.
Besides what exactly is it you want to tell him?
There is no zina perverted behavioral islamic check list to for you to go down and see how many points each act of sexual deviancy is i.e.
#$%% = 10 points off your good deed score
ˆ&ˆ%$ = 8 points off your good deed score
$$ˆ&*ˆ% = 153 points off your good deed score
What he wants to understand is if he can be forgiven and what to do, THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DESCRIBING THE SIN...
It should be asked like "I have committed a act in sexual nature with a woman and now I want to know how to ask forgiveness"
THAT would be how you should be encouraging Islamic behavior and how to ask questions.
FYI - Even in the Christian faith there is a CLOSED confession box and privacy when people confide in their sins, even the christians do not go around galavanting their sins in great detail for all to read!
And the process of confessions as per their religion is an actual part of the forgiveness ritual.
We do not have that in Islam, we don't need a medium, that has nothing to do with forgiveness.
Our deen teaches us *INBULEETUM FASTATIROU* when you are inflicted with a sin, cover yourself.
From among the teachings of Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) is to keep sins a secret matter. If someone commits a sinful act which is against the Commandments of Allah, or is against the moral character, or is such an act that may cause harm to one's honor, then he should keep it a secret and seek forgiveness from Allah in the darkness of night.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O so- and-so! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!" [Saheeh al-Bukhari]
Abdullah Ibn Masoud (May allah be pleased with him) related, `A man came to the Prophet and said: `O Messenger of Allah! I have mingled with a woman in the far side of al-Medina, and I fulfilled my desire short of actually having sexual intercourse with her. So, here am I, judge me according to what you decide.' Umar Ibn al-Khattab (May allah be pleased with him) then said: `Allah had kept your secret, why did not you keep your secret?' [Sharh Muslim]
This is a public forum, that could be read by children!
It could be read by people seeking islamic knowledge, what type of idea are you setting when you allow issues of forgiveness to be described in lewd detail and forgiveness has nothing to do with such settings! Such writing could be labeled smut or literary porn.
Islam is purer and has high morals , ethics and manners.
What about such questions being asked of Muslims of weak faith, what example are you setting them, what about ilnufoos ilmareetha (thoses whos hearts are filled with sickness?
If Allah ordered ". If you fear Allah , then do not be soft in speech lest he in whose heart is disease should covet(desire) but speak with appropriate speech" Al ahzab 33:32
La hawla wala Quwa illa billah, innah lillah wa inna eylayhi rajeoon
If you are done blasting me, the post was already edited, perhaps by one of the other editors, when I said that I did not find it offensive. If there was indeed such graphic detail as you are describing then that was a mistake and it should have been edited from the start.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
you edited it, good
Also
The reason we don't have mediums to garner forgiveness from Allah God almighty, is because Allah subhana wa taalah sees and knows what is in our hearts, what we reveal and what we conceal. Allah hears and sees the steps of an ant under a rock in the darkest of nights.
We don't need a medium such as confession boxes or confession forums.
Describing what happened in detail inside an abused womans mouth is either shameless or done on purpose which defeats the purpose of seeking advise on forgiveness.
However asking " I have committed an act of a sexual nature with a woman whom i have coerced and abused, and I want to know how to ask forgiveness , do i need to ask it of her or direct with Allah?"
That can be answered by more learned people than I.
Allah loves those whom repent whom regret.
Allah swt said if we dont sin and repent then he will exchange us with gawm who do sin and repent.
Allah wants us to learn so WE TEACH.
Our entire existance is to worship Allah. Dua - supplication to Allah is in itself a form of worship.
In Islam we dont need a priest, or an idol or a medium, our links are direct to Allah and when we walk towards Allah he comes running to us.
This is the loving and merciful nature of Allah
But take heed of his wrath, Allah doesnt like those whom transgress and take pride in their transgressions, nor those whom twist his deen to suit our whims or rationalizations
I want to clarify why Allah amar bil sitir (Allah has ordered covering of our sins) is because humans by nature, especially those whom have weak hearts, and even the strongest of hearts struggle daily with their inner jihad to maintain their piety and deen, so Allah wants muslims to behave in Islamic morality to encourage and be an example to others, because the ones with weaker conviction when hearing of sins will find it easy to copy, because its human nature - monkey see monkey do -
We complain of a confused generation loosing itself in globalization, taking the bad and dismissing the good, to truly help them one must set an example and inspire to teach.
When religion this frame in time is described as kal ghabeth ala jamr min al nar - those whom hold onto their religion are such as those holding onto a burning coal.
Rationalizing matters under the pretext of ' its ok to describe the sin shamelssly to seek forgiveness' acts as a coolant to the coal of not just the man asking but the many reading.
Muslims remember you will sin but dont flaunt it
Muslims remember that Allah is forgiving towards our transgressions to him, beware not to transgress against others for they will hold you accountable on the day of judgement, no one will pass the serat almustaqeem (the thin line that we pass to go to heaven) until all the transgressions against one another are judged.
Muslims remember to not be caught up in shaitans rationalizations because it will have a butterfly effect , a ricochet effect and everything we say and do that may influence others, we will be judged for.