Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How should I deal with my abusive husband?

As Salamu Alaikum everyone,

I am 23 years old and been married for almost 2 years. I feel stuck after getting married. My husband is abusive and he would get angry over anything and everything. This is getting hard to handle as this has been going on for the last 1.5 years. I wouldn’t say he is the worst person but he is definitely not a good husband at all.

First, the good side. My husband doesn’t smoke, drink or do drugs. He doesn’t even talk to girls. He stays with me 24/7 and even takes me to the office with him sometimes. He’s a little caring sometimes. You all are probably thinking, “Oh! If he doesn’t do any of those, how can he be a horrible husband?” If one doesn’t do any of those, that doesn’t make that person “perfect”. In fact, no one is perfect in this world. Everyone has flaws.

The problem is that he raises his hands on me all the time. He made my nose bleed lots of time, I get bruises on my face and hands all the time. He hits me on my head very hard (I might get a brain stroke), slaps me hard, punches me, kicks me. He is unbearable.

I’ve been wanting to conceive so that our problems gets solved and he becomes nicer toward me. I think he will not beat me if I am pregnant.

- Unnamed Girl

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6 Responses »

  1. Dear girl I'm so sorry to know that you have been subject to don't need to take this at all.

    The more you accept it the worse it would become. Having a child won't work it will become worst.. You will have another human subject to his abuse...

    You need to stand for yourself.. These sort of husband/men only can beat their wife and children,anyone weaker and under him..get him beaten up by some thugs and see how he feels.your husband is weak and a coward. Warn him firmly to stop abusing you or you will involve authority.

    Get some sensible elders, people who would actually be able to put a stop to it!

    If there's a mental issue with him he should get help. Most likely he will blame you for his abusive behaviour..

    You can pray to the almighty to give him Hidayah..InshaAlla. There are some doas you could recite..

    If all fails leave him.

    Not sure what else you can do.
    May Allah protect you from your husband's abuse.

  2. You need to leave him asap. This sort of people never change. I can't believe he hits you and your nose bleeds and you think you might have a stroke and you want to have a baby with him??????

    Why are you letting him hit you? There is something wrong with you.

    Get your relatives to come over and give him a good thrashing, at least as bad as what he had done to you, then leave him and have him charged with all the things he has done to you.

    Your life is already half over being married to this freak, it will be all over if you have a baby with him.

    Marrying him was the biggest mistake of your life, you need to get out whilst you can. Dont even think about having a baby.

    • Brother Hussein,

      In response to your question "Why are you letting him hit you? There is something wrong with you," this is victim shaming and blaming. She is not somehow "letting" him do it. She is in a weakened physical and mental state due to his abuse, and most likely, her self-esteem and self-confidence are at an all time low.

      Also, you say that "Marrying him was the biggest mistake of your life" I don't think she needs to hear this and have regrets about it at this point. How is that productive? People like her husband don't show their true colors until after they get married, so there is no way of her having known how he'd treat her.

      And Allah knows best.


  3. Salam,

    It won't get better with kids. Please divorce him now.

  4. SubhanAllah sister it’s definitely hard to leave me but you wouldn’t want your child to see his mom beaten and abused Alhamdulilaah you Allah didn’t give you a child with him . Please leave him and do something with your life hobbies, go to college or school. Do something for yourself it’s not your fault he turned out this way . Just because he takes you to his office and stays with you doesn’t mean his a good husband you can do better please work on your self-eestem and self worth . You seem to be lost yourself in your marriage SubhanAllah get away from him and never get back with him . You can do better , Don’t confront him since you can’t talk about divorce or leaving his abusive and will hurt you . Just run away escape and go to a iman and sheikh to divorce him you don’t even need his apploval for divorce wish you luck .

  5. Asalam aleykum sister,

    Seek out advice from an imaam especially an imaam from your local mosque.

    Tell his parents about his behaviour.
    And also tell your parents too.

    Do not tell your friends, because if once he changes he would be humiliated and so would you.

    May allah subhan w T’ala make this easy for you and give you strength ,patience and give him hiddayah through you. Allahum ameen.

    I hope my advice has been of any help to you.

    Wasalam Aleykum

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