My husband tried to rush to intimacy 15 minutes after Nikah
Assalamu alaikkum,
I am a 23 year old woman. My nikaah is over. But I am not happy with my life. Me and my husband did not live together because legally we are not married and he has not taken me to his house formally which will be done within few months. The problem is not that.. .
I have a doubt on my husband. After we got nikaah we were left for some time alone to talk. But my husband more than talking to me he was trying to have physical relation. He was asking me to do things which i was not much aware of. We had been together only for 15 minutes but he was very fast. There was not even time for any sort of attraction or love to take place. Sorry if i am being open coz i dont have any1 close to discuss it..
My husband works in UK. He doesnt know much aboout Islam . We don't know much about each other which is something unusual nowadays. Nowadays husband and wife will know each other very well and then move on. I have a doubt that if my husband use to go to girls for his pleasure from UK. I dont know how to know about this.
Is there any Dua in Islam to bring truth in front of us? So that i can move on in my life without any fear. After his behaviour i dont feel like thinking of him or talk about him. What should i do? I use to pray daily crying to Allah seeking about this. I cant see any way in front of me. I want to know the truth about him before we get married legally. What should i do? How will i get an answer from Allah regarding this?
Usually all newly married couple use to be happy... but i am extremely sad.... All my friends are happy with their life.... But what happened to me?
I had an affair before my marriage. But that was not so deep like how it should be in these days.. Is it because of that i am being depressed.? But i really dont think so. because i dropped that when i came to know that it will not be acceptable for both of our families.
I accepted my husband thinking that he would give me more love than what i got. But i dint get any love from him. i dint feel any love. What should i do?
I want to know:
- which Dua will bring the truth about my husband in front of me?
- Dua which will make me happy.
-Dua which will bring best for me.
plz Reply,
- heba
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poor guy! talk to him heba, he is your husband, you will start liking him.you are shy or shall i say normal and he was just acting immature. may Allah bring happiness in your life.
No I don't think the sister was shy she just needed time to connect with him and get to know him a little bit better because unfortunately she didn't get a chance to speak to him before marriage unlike most couples. Also I think it was silly that he made a move on her so soon when he barely even knows her.
What I think the sister should do is speak to the brother as often as she can since he is away as this could help those doubts she has of him to go away!
ps if he has been with women outside of marriage then you should ask him to get tested!
Sister Heba, As-salamu alaykum,
First, you are overreacting and ruining your own marriage in the process. Nikah is a legal Islamic marriage and there is nothing wrong with your husband wanting to touch you or make love after Nikah. His eagerness may have showed poor judgment or poor understanding of your needs, but it was not any kind of a sin. I understand that you were not ready or comfortable and that's okay, you can let him know that. But there's no reason to be suspicious of your husband or to think that his eagerness implies some sort of previous sexual experience. It's normal for a man to be eager in this situation. Who knows, maybe he has never touched a woman but has been dreaming of it and wanted to get to it.
In any case, you need to resume communication with your husband. Talk to him, get to know him, become affectionate with each other.
Secondly, you say, "I had an affair before my marriage." Be very careful about making such statements. If you committed zinaa then you must make sincere tawbah to Allah, as it is a great sin. Do not tell anyone about it. Make sure you have cut off all contact with whoever you were involved with.
Maybe that's the reason why you are suspicious of your husband? It has been said that a thief imagines everyone to be a thief. Similarly, perhaps someone who has been involved in an affair imagines that others do the same.
If you did not actually commit zinaa then do not use these words "I had an affair" as that is what people will understand from it.
Either way, I don't need to know. I am only advising you, Insha'Allah.
Fix your relationship with your husband and put the past out of your mind, especially since he did nothing really wrong, except to be impatient.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
lol bro, I really liked the pic; it made me laugh crazy even at work. If groom looked like that then I don't blame sister for writing a whole post:). Seems like he will crush anything in his way to get to the target haha.
On a serious note I agree with what brother Wael said, just wanted to add that though intimacy is sadqah and wife shouldn't refuse to her husband (unless their is a valid reason such as sickness or other emergency situations) but their are manners to approach wife and understand that for woman intimacy is different. It's just not only physical but also emotional and this emotional attachment is really important as well so husband should make his wife ready for this. Their should be foreplay (it is very important for wife especially as it takes time for them to be ready for intimacy and feel satisfied) and then the rest should follow. Their is a great example of this in the marital life of our beloved Prophet (PBUH) who was very considerate of all HIS (s.a.w) wives. Their is a famous hadeeth which states this fact;
"The best of you, is the one who is best to his wives, and I am the best of you toward my wives."
(Al-Tahaawi:Saheeh)
The glorious Quran says;
"Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good acts for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah. And know that ye are to meet HIM (in the hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe." (2:223)
Also, their is a famous Hadeeth which states;
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Gud islamic answer
Assalam-u-Alikum!
I am a 24 years old Muslim girl and my father died two years ago. I don't have any bro or sis so I have to live and support my mother. Recently my most of the friends are getting married and whenever I attend their marriages I get a feeling that I also want to get married. This feeling is not connected to any sexual requirements rather I want to have someone on my side as my lawful husband. But I don't want to leave my mother alone. My proposals are also few and not suitable mostly because I'm an orphan. I just want to know that how can I end this desire of getting married because its making me jealous when I see happy couples and girls having their loving husbands alongside them.
Please please please reply.......I'm in so much difficulty!
Walaikum salam sister Habiba,
Sorry to hear about your circumstances but as they are a test from Allah (swt) to see how patient and thankful you are. You must stay positive; you are just 24 and don't rush into things just because your friends are getting married. Just take your time, sign up to hala matrimonial sites for marriage, inform your friends and family members to help you as well, attend marriage events and join sister halaqas not only to make yourself known but also to keep yourself occupied and busy until you get married. iA when time is right, you will get married; stay positive and fast to stay away from haram temptations which are whispers of shyatan. Their are brothers who will understand your situation and will help you look after your mother iA, just pray tahajud, extra nawafil and make a lot of dua in the middle of the night.
If you want a detailed reply then please log-in and write your question as a separate post. May Allah (swt) help us all get married to the right person who will help us stay on the right path to reach paradise. (Amin)
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
As-salamu alaykum, Habiba u get married to any guy u like or ur parents want to and let ur husband now ur desire once and for whom their are no parents allah(swat) is their for him/her
ASSLAMALAIKUM,
SEE ALLAH IS WITH YOU- Say: O My servants who have transgressed against their own souls, despair not of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Surah az-Zumar 39:53)
When supplicating, one should truly seek Allahs aid and His forgiveness and demonstrate his need for Allah and submit to Him with fear and hope in receiving the desired response. Allah advises in Surat al-Araaf 7:56:
And the final condition of ones dua being responded to is that one must make sure he is living off of halal and permissible means.
SO YOU MUST START DOING THE MID NIGHT PRAYERS WHICH ARE THE MOST EFFECTIVE ...They forsake their beds to call their Lord in fear and hope. (Surat as-Sajdah 32:16)
Call out to Him with fear and hope. (Surat al-Araaf 7:56)
Lo! Allah is a Lord of Kindness to mankind, but most of mankind give not thanks. (Surat al-Baqarah 2:143)
pl read ASTHAGFARULAAH AS MANY TIME YOU CAN ALLAH WILL OPEN SOME WAY OPUT FOR YOU INSHALLAH.
Nisalove,
You have been warned quite a few times by Brother Wael and Sister Fozia to not write in capital but you seem to ignore the warnings. If you don't pay heed then your comments may not be published from now on. Please don't write in capital.
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
SEE I HAVE VISION PROBLEM SO I WRITE AND CHECK IF I HAVE TYPED RIGHT OR MISTAKE THATS ALL-
IF YOU PERMIT I WILL CONTINUE IN CAPITAL LETTERS OR ELSE DO IT IN REGULAR LTTERS BUT I GET TEARS IN MY EYES WHEN I CHECK THE PARAGRAPHS
PL ANSWER YR PERMISSION IS THERE OR NOT THANKS.I LL FOLLOW ON YR REPLY.
REGARDS
ALI YOUSUFF.
Okay, that's fine then. You can write in caps.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
SHUKRIYA AAP KA MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU FOR THIS DECISION OR ELSE I WOULD HAVE SUFFERED WRITING WITH TEARS YOU SAVED ME FROM THAT AND AT ANY COST I DONT WANT TO LOOSE YOUR ESTEEMED FORUM WHERE THE MOST ASD MOST REJECTED MOST WORRIED MOST DISTURBED AND MOST NEEDY MOST LONELY MOST SUFFERED MOST WANTED SUPPORT MOST LOVING MOST DESTITUTE OF THE GIRLS AND WOMEN ARE INTERACTING WITH THEIR PROBLEMS AND I AM VERY SFOT HEARTED SITTING HERE ITSELF I BECOME SO ENGROSSED IN THEIR STORIES THAT MY MOOD VAHNGES AND FRUSTRATION ADDS UP HEARING THEIR PLIGHT.
PL BE REATS ASSURED THAT THE WEALTH YOU ARE GETTING BY SOLVING OR CONSOLING WHAT EVER FOR THE OPPRESSED FROM THIS SOURCE ALL THE ANGELS ARE WRITING EVERY MINUTE THE GOOD DEEDS AND DOING DUA TO ALLAH FOR YOU.
REGARDS
ALI YOUSUFF.
SALAM nisaslove.
SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT VISION PROBLEMS
ANOTHER THING YOU TRY AS WELL AS THE CAPS WHEN YOU WANT TO CHECK WORK:
PRESS THE CTRL AND + KEYS TOGETHER AT THE SAME TIME. IT MAKES IT BIGGER.
PRESS THE CTRL AND - KEYS TOGTHER AT SAME TIME TO MAKE IT SMALLER AGAIN. IT REALLY HELPED MY FRIEND WHO HAS VISION PROBLEMS
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor.
Hi, don't get me wrong how did you too meet? I honestly can't see myself marrying someone that I don't know a soul about, these days we all Mary someone we love insallah allah will make this easier for you.
Brother Muhammad!
Jazak Allah, Thank you so much for your response, it is very encouraging and I feel very relaxed about it now!
May Allah bless you!
Asalaam alaikum Sister Heba,
A lot of your concerns are shared here in this post and the replies will apply to your situation, as well.
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/have-to-get-pregnant-right-away/
Please read Al Istikhara prayer, it is very helpful ! Ther are many sites that show how to perform Istikhara prayer, how many times, and when. My prayers for the sister!
Amal
Salam brothers and sisters,my problem is that my husband is a very silent and a self centered guy.
(Remainder of comment has been deleted. Please log in and write your question as a separate post and we'll answer it in turn, Insha'Allah. Thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
I read ur situation.its more of a thing related with ur mind and you instead of your husband.yup,he may had shown too much urgency getting close to you,but he is ur husband.and u said u had an affair!well,you need to check urself and clean out urself instead of thinking ill about ur husband.you are a woman,a woman brings happiness in a man's life,and see what you have done for ur husband till now!you could have loved him,given respect to him instead of complaining about him.asking for duaa to be happy is not the solution.use ur mind Allah has given u.this is insane u didnt even tried to talk to ur husband.try to know him,get closer to him.you will find peace and every happiness. 🙂
very dissapointed with some peoples response of dismissing this ladies concerns.
she was probably looking to marry someone who was more gentle and calm. ur concerns are valid and im sure you probably felt like he was only looking to get married for one reason. there is more to a marriage then just lust. i dont care how long he has been waiting. this is a soul that is infornt of you. u wouldnt appreciate if a woman ran up to you and violated you without saying hi first. anways i would just speak to ur husband about how you feel. im sure he wont even care, becasue clearly he didnt care to begin with. but this is all a test and some men are worse. goodluck.
You are quite right. I read my own response from 10 years ago and I'm a little bit embarrassed by it. The sister was clearly very innocent and unprepared. The husband should have taken his time, and spent some days just talking to her, holding her hand, and letting the connection develop.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor