Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have feelings for a man at work, I need harsh advice!

muslim woman in hijabAssalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu,

I live in America and work at a small Islamic school. I have been working there for two years. At the beginning of the year, a brother whom I knew in school (but hated very much as he called me fat daily) began working at my Islamic school.

The principal for this school is very strict and everything is completely segregated, however during a fundraiser the men and women are still separate but working in the same large area selling things.

My grudge carried well into the workplace. He had messaged twice in the beginning of the year asking for help with how to do his reports, etc. It was very formal and respectful but I was annoyed so I nicely helped him and told him in the second time it’d be best to ask the principal or someone else in the future.

Unfortunately, during one of these fundraiser events, I was impressed with the akhlaaq of this brother and something in me changed. He is also a hafith. I immediately told my mom of my feelings and she told me it is natural and to not act on it.

I have had strong feelings a few times like this in the past and it has lasted many years but eventually passed as I NEVER acted upon it Alhamdulillah. I am constantly wondering if this sudden change in feelings is from shaytan or if this person is destined for me. I am constantly making dua.

I am in a dilemma because I don’t know what to do with my thoughts and it’s distracting me from my busy lifestyle. We have messaged a few times since these feelings have arrived but it has been strictly formal and my mom is fully aware of the content. Due to these feelings, I didn’t turn him away like I did last time when he messaged and I am scared I’ve done something terrible.

Please believe me when I say these feelings are the last thing I want but I can’t seem to shake it off. Seeing him at my workplace is very difficult for me but I love my job and don’t want to leave. I am scared my intention is changing from wanting to teach kids Quran and getting good deeds to wanting to see this person at work. It is scaring me.

After every prayer, I make dua that if he is not in my khayr then for Allah to remove these feelings from me and if he is then for me to have patience. I know I shouldn’t say this but nothing has changed in regards to my feelings and I don’t know if it is because of my dua or because shaytaan is intervening.

Please does anybody know any dua or can give me harsh advice as to what to do in this situation.

Jazakallahu khayran,
Your sister in islam

- khalifa1234

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2 Responses »

  1. Walaikum Asalaam.

    You are suffering from infatuation. As you said, before you had something similar.

    Its hard to believe someone who you say have good aqhlaak yet call you fat. Well some guys do that but in reality they actually like the girl. Anyhow, just by seeing him at work doing fundraising you can't possibly assume he's good. This is the thing with young girls. You see a little an you lose your mind.

    Take it easy. But if you want to marry, and your mother will support your choice. You could ask. Get over and move on.

    Personally I wouldn't advise you to chase him.


  2. I don´t really see the problem. You say he has changed, he is a good man mashaAllah, and you have feelings for him. Why not just inquire and see if he is interested in marriage? Maybe he is interested in you as well.

    Wael Editor

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