I slept with a married woman, should I confess or keep it secret?
I had sex with a married women. What should I do now? Do I have to tell everything to her husband, ask for forgiveness or just I have to ask Allah to forgive and keep this as a secret to her husband?
Please help me.
- mundu
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Mundu,
Adultery/Fornication is a major sin. Have you broken away from this woman? If not, do so immediately. And then do tawbah straightaway, this includes improving your character: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/tawbah-in-islam/
Stay away from this woman and do not ever tell anyone of this sin. By telling anyone or her husband, you will damage her marriage if not break it and this will be another sin hovering over you. The Prophet (sws) said: "Avoid these filthy things that Allaah has forbidden. Whoever has done any of them, let him conceal himself with the concealment of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted." Narrated by al-Bayhaqi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 663.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaam alaykum,
Get checked for STDs, because you aren't the first she's had. While you're waiting to see if you have a sexually transmitted disease (you can still contract with condoms), maybe you should think about what in the world is wrong with you to commit such a sin. Don't ask me to help you with that one.
Also, just in case you're foolish enough to actually tell her husband, keep in mind that he may become violent with you and/or that he may become violent with his wife. Men are often lead to murder because of these things, which should have kept you away from a married woman, never mind to mention fear of Allah (swt).
If he was vindictive, he could sue you in civil court for the dissolution of his marriage and win, so imagine that judgment being on your credit score report. He'll certainly let any Muslims around your community know of your actions, as well, so you could kiss any chance of having any respect in your town. If there's a shariah court in your country, thinking of the consequences of that decision should hang over your head for a long time.
You should think about moving and restarting your life, because chances are if she ever becomes angry with her husband and blurts it out, you'll be looking over your shoulder. Yet that compares in comparison to having to stand in front of Allah (swt) and having your own body, including your genitals, testifying against you.
Sounds horrible, huh? Now maybe you'll try to understand the gravity of your sin.
Just ask Allah to forgive you, make hijra if you can.
and dont look back.
Do sadden alot because Allâh does forgive sins by way of showing great regret., but you must show regret to Allâh.
You have oppressed yourself by sinning, but even more greatly, you have oppressed another man by sleeping with his wife, and the oppressed will take the good deeds of their oppressor on the day of judgement, or leave their major sins with them.
If you can't afford to make hijra, then dont look at her disgracefull face ever again, dont tell her family as it could cause killings, injuries, scarres for life, and im sure you're aware many cultures have so called "honour" killings where they take law into their own hands.
No one is allowed to take the sharî'ah into his own hands and stone his wife in his back garden for adultery, like some miskîn fool did in America.
May Allâh forgive you and me.
pray to allah for forgiveness and never do this sin in future. but major fault belongs to that shameless woman, who is married and then doing this indiscipline , shameless sin. after having a partner she is commiting zina, that woman shuold be stricly punished...................
Sarfraj,
The sin should be concealed, including the woman's sin. If her sin is concealed and no-one comes to know of it, then no punishment can be enforced, and that is better. Insha'Allah she will very sincerely repent and Allah will wipe out her sin. May Allah forgive us all our sins, and also blot them out: major and minor, open and private.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editot
' but major fault belongs to that shameless woman, who is married and then doing this indiscipline , shameless sin. after having a partner she is commiting zina, that woman shuold be stricly punished................... '
Your letting the man of rather lightly there, by blaming the woman, you fail to consider how men can manipulate a woman and play with her emotions to get what they want, this happens alot and a woman feels almost pressured into something, this may well be the case here, its not like the brother has posted the whole scenario, he merely asks for help on how to repent and what to do next and you take that and blame it all on the woman, but who is really responsible, that we dont know.
it takes two to commit zina its not only the married women's fault I think that's rather sexist that you think its only her fault and that she should be punished its not our job to punish anyone its Allah who will punish them on the day of judgement both of them for what they did
I agree with you regarding the woman, as i dont know how a person can ever live with himself after such disgrace, it will keep eating them away even after 40 years., but a person cannot punish his wife even if he found out what she did, or he wittnessed it.
No one should tell their sins about anyone.
A unanimous honoured female and another male companion called Mâ'iz Ibn Mâlik both confessed their adultery to the prophet[saww] and were stoned to death.
If everybody replies that way to advices requests, nobody would dare to come back. He didnt come to hear your judgement, at least as u said he admits, thats the problem,, he already knows he made a mistake. But if you wants to critize, make in a good and wiser way. You didnt need to say that he is pathetic and sick, you actually look a temper person and needs some yoga lol
Funny you say that, i said the same to another on a different post, however my reply was not a judgement but rather a harsh reality check, and as you picked up i acknowledge his courage to admit his mistake, and if you read it again it has good advice embedded within it. once again my word choice is based on the issue, and clearly the brother needed to be told, and im not a hot head lol, thanks for the advice anyway.
i read it again but im not agreed with the first paragraph, he is not sick, as you said yourself he admits his mistakes. I also sometimes give harsh reality but to people who doesnt understand they did wrong. But to people who come volonteer and confess with their heart and feel guilty already, no i would not be so harsh. Lot of people seek for help here cos they can freely confess even their worst sins without shame as they hope to get advices without being critizes. Mostly TheAdmin here as Wael and Sisterz are very patient and encourages them urgently to repent, then they give them way out or advices etc.
anyway salam
Asalaam alaykum,
I do think Br.Kelvenater does bring to light a reality to the reaction that the poster might receive, if he confessed his sin, which he may not appreciate the circumstances of doing since he was asking about it. In this regard, with the harshness, he can think to himself that as he received such words on the internet from a stranger, think of the reaction he would receive from this woman's husband!
This should open his eyes to the reality of discreteness and secrecy he need to exercise in this matter of keeping his sin covered. This is why adultery is one of the greatest sins, because of the ramifications of tearing a family and a community apart. In the Holy Qur'an, Allah (swt) says that when two Muslims have a dispute, we must reconcile them if we can, as this is a good deed. It only stands to reason that causing the opposite through the sin of adultery is even more serious because it goes against the ideal of what Muslim should be.
At times, I believe, we may not appreciate the gravity of these sins fully. And though we can question the words of description of our personal distates, it nonetheless emphasizes the weight of the situation. For if man reacts in this way, one can only imagine how the Wrath of Allah (swt) befalls on someone who commits these deeds without understanding how great the sin was to commit in full respects afterwards. Therefore, if these words drive the poster to even greater a greater level of repentance, then perhaps it will help him, in kind.
Salaam sister saraa, further to professor x's point, i would like to say this, if taken to a extreme then my point would make sense to you, and you will see which angle i see it in, i myself am strongly against people who commit zina, adultery and other heinous acts.
' he is not sick, as you said yourself he admits his mistakes. '
If a murderer stood in a dock and admitted he killed someone, but regrets his decision and wants to be forgiven and repent for his crime, as jury would you take pity and say since he admitted his mistake we shouldnt outline the nature and severity of his crime ?, yes he has confessed but that dosent make it any better, apply it to any situation, if someone stole from you then confessed but couldnt return the goods, would you take pity and not outline the nature and severity of his crime never mind the effect on you ?.
As a man i think of that womans poor husband, and i feel for him since he is innocent and unbeknown to him his wife has cheated on him, yes now they can move on, but lets not forget mundu over here whos the man responsible, as the phrase goes 'it takes 2...' and it was no different in this case and so i labelled him 'pathetic and sick', now apply those words to my above 2 scenarios, are my words really wrong, and this is a huge sin and is equivalent to murder in some respect,, he has taken the dignity and cleanliness of another mans wife away.
i hope that helps you understand where my point is coming from, the feeling is natural when you read such things, because i am man, if i can control myself and keep belief in Allah, then why can another brother not, and cause so much hurt and pain.
In regard to the admin, if you read their replies when they have more time, they include links, if you read the links you get what i said but in a much harsh manner, since it outlines the punishments for such sins, i am not trying to beat him down, just tell him how it is, i hope he repents and becomes a better man insha'Allah.
I rest my case sister, any more points please do tell me, if i am wrong whatever my age i always take feedback and change .
As i was tought your sins should be kept between you and llah. Repent and dont tell anyone. I hope your mot married yourself.
just ask forgiveness and move on and get married if it tell it will cause problems . i'm sure you wouldn't want people to talk about you and ruin you rep
stay in the deen and ask for forgiveness
repent
repent
repent
and cry to Allah for what you've done
why would you even have any relationship with a married woman, or any woman. what kind of question is this should I Ask Allah for forgiveness yes you ask Allah for forgiveness. And He will forgive you, as long as your sincere and not repeating the sin again.
Assalaamu alaikum
My dear brother, first of all, may Allah Taala forgive you and us all, and accept us in His Mercy.
You should not reveal your sin to any human, nor bring it in a discussion, nor hint to it, for the consequences of revealing what Allah Taala has concealed for you will be desastrous. Do as the Hadith recommends.
I advise you to:
1/ Repent to Allah Taala instantly, make it a genuine Tawbah, and fulfill all its conditions.
2/ Change location, go far away from her if you can, otherwise never ever come near where she is.
3/ Be righteous, and do good, knowing that Allah Taala is watching you at all time.
When you have done that, live as a true believer, with a certainty that Allah Taala forgives sins, including yours.
Never despair from His Mercy, and He forgives all sins, except Shirk if one dies on it .
His Mercy overwhelms His Wrath as stated in Hadith Qudsi, and let me teach you one simple thing to show you the Greatness of His Mercy. We as humans show mercy and kindness to each others, hence we get the title of "Nice person", "Sweet person", etc...a title we didn't have yesterday before we helped others, in other words we had to do something to acquire that title, and it is so little compared to the Mercy Allah Taala has bestowed on His creation, meaning He kept 99% percent with Him, and He bestowed 1% on us, so that we show care, help, sympathy for each other. As for Him Subhaanah, He has been The Most-Kind and The Most-Merciful well before even anything was created, as it was One of His Attributes Subhaanah.
I am sure now you are more confident and you are thinking all hope is in Allah Taala.
I love you my brother for Allah's sake, and may He gather me with you and all Muslims in the gardens of Firdaws. NEVER DESPAIR FROM THE MERCY OF ALLAH, HE IS IN NO NEED FOR OUR PUNISHMENT.
(I am saying this to you with tears in my eyes, for by Allah, I am speaking from my heart)
Fear Allah Taala, and do that which is good, and each time you finished a good deed, think you will die before you are able to do another, try to live like that until you meet Him.
Your brother who loves you, Abu Abdillah Omar.
Assalaamu alaikum
You are a fool if you tell the husband. He will kill you. Put yourself in his situation and imagine the envy, jealously and, betrayal and anger.
Do not tell anyone if you have had sex with another mans wife.You will get killed or beat for sure.Her husband will blame you and come after you with a vengence.You need to never come around again.Only if she later divorces will you be able to show your face.Pray you do not get discovered.I'm sure for an hour of pleasure it is not worth worrying about getting caught for the rest of your life is it?
But the ulam’a have often told us that Allah does not forgive the offense of a slave against another, so how can this be forgiven by Allah swt? Pls clearify