I was unfaithful toward my husband; now he wants to divorce me.
"And others have confessed their faults, they have mingled a good deed and an evil one; (perhaps) Allah will turn to them (mercifully); surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. Take alms out of their property, you would cleanse them and purify them thereby, and pray for them; surely your prayer is a relief to them; and Allah is Hearing, Knowing." Sura 9: 102 to 106
Aoa,
I need help. I will be honest and admit that I have not been faithful towards my husband over and over again. And as he has always forgiven me, but I still did not understand.
Right now, we are at this point where he is considering a divorce when I finally opened my eyes. I have appologised to him and his family as they also are involved. I have cried and honestly asked for forgiveness from Allah.
I do not know how to persuade my husband as he no longer loves me or trusts me. Please tell me how I can save my marriage, because I am truly repenting and want to make up for everything if he just gives me one last chance.
Please guide me in the light of Islam .
- Mrs.a
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Salaams,
Allah promises that if we turn to Him with true repentence and remorse, He will forgive us for our sins. However, He doesn't promise us that the natural consequences of our sins will be withheld. What that means is, if someone commits zina and contracts a sexual disease, the disease will remain even though a person repents. If some commits murder, the victim will remain deceased even if the murderer repents. If someone gambles their money away, they will still be broke even if they repent... the money doesn't come back.
In your case, even if you truly repent, and Allah truly forgives you, you still have to face the consequences of your actions. From what you've said, your husband has an understandable right to divorce you if you've been unfaithful to him not just once, but multiple times. Clearly, the damage has been done, and he cannot trust you anymore...no matter how sincere you may be.
Speaking of which, are you 100% positive that you are truly repentant? How do you know that you are not grieving the loss of your husband once and for all? Are you repenting only to keep him together with you? Or would you still be this repentant even if you knew it wouldn't make a difference and he would leave you anyway?
I'm not asking these questions to seem accusatory, but they are questions we all must ask ourselves to examine our niyats. Many parents will tell you that some children will cry and cry not because they really regret the wrong thing they did, but because they hate the taking of the punishment that awaits them. That's not true repentence. When someone has made the same sin over and over, being more than completely sure about their intentions of repentence are vital....not because of what happens in this life, but out of taqwa for what could happen in the next.
One final thing: if you truly love and care for your husband, let him go. If he doesn't love or trust you anymore, it's only selfishness to hang on to him. A true lover will not hold someone to them, who doesn't want to be there.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
asalamu alaikum,
sis you said "i have not been faithful towards my husband over and over again" that already means he forgave yet you betrayed his trust. you failed to understand, how can he ever trust you. i dont think you can save your marriage.
repent for the sin you did and i personally think its best you went your seperate ways. surely your husband deserves better.
ma salama
Yes, I agree I'm sorry to say this but theses days no husband forgive their wife's cheating on them over and over again, marsallah you were very lucky he gave you so many chances, If I was your husband honestly I would leave you too because I'm married and if I cheating on my husband he would never forgive me he would leave me right away and I would have done the same thing if he cheating on me.So Ramadan is coming up I would pray to Allah ask for his forgiveness.
Sister, you need to elaborate. When you say that you have been unfaithful over and over again, do you literally mean that you committed adultery repeatedly?
If so, then I don't believe your marriage can be saved. You have destroyed it with your actions and you must face up to the consequences.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
but i id not have zina. ever. it was mainly text and some meeting over coffee
i never slept with anyone.. never. it was more of texting and talking over the phone.. not physical.
please im really regretting and i want to be with him. because i realise how much i love him. i just want one last chance. please pray for me. i beg u all.
Sister I will suggest you one think it nay help or it may not. I don't know how old are you even you have kids or not. Tell him alone in nice time sit together and kneel down towards him and hold hands then confess from your deep inside heart that you truly feeling ashamed with your behavior, tell him to give you one more chance if you have kids mention for the sake of children and if you donor have kids then say for the sake of me help me to become good human do not let me go like this. So gave you the starting stuffs like that say, and if alhumdullilah he forgive you and give you chance then remember it is your LAST chance. Do not let go this chance to proof that you can become good. Do not give him chance to complain about your work, behavior and so on.
Sister, do you know what Allah hates most? DIVORCE and also if husband is not satisfy with their wives Allah become upset Allah dosent like this kind of people. If your husband us good in his character, behavior and his seen then you should follow and respect and keep him happy with close eyes.
May Allah bless you sister,
i do not have any kids. and he wont even listen to me. he has sent me home to my parents who live in other country than him and if i call him he calls other family members telling them to make me stop calling him. i have gone on my knees to appologise from the heart... i admitted everythign.
could you giude me for something to read like dua that could save this marriage.
im trying all i can.
please everyone who reads this. just do pray for me. that may Allah save this marriage. i beg u
Awww sister I am soo sorry then it will be very hard to convice him,sister then one thing you can try is Ishtikhara prayer it may help. I am feeling so sad about you sister I wish you would have Open your eyes earlier 🙁 sister trust in Allah whatever slag dose Allah do it for good Allah never ever won't do it for bad. Satin trapped you like hell now he left after destroying you and you have realized. Still do not stop pray pray at night make long dua cry to Allah sister even if your marriage go bac to normal keep crying to Allah till death.
You know one thing sister who will go to helll more we "women" may Allah forgive us.
@ brokenbrain
thank you for your suggestion. i do understand where your coming from. but i have not told you everythign about him. because i believe no matter what he did to begin with or even on the night of our wedding. i should never have gotten involved with anyother men. and i have not had intercourse with anyone. it was just some text messege exchange and some meeting at a coffeshop.
still it does not excuse my actions.
i pray for forgiveness to Allah and even my husband.
i didnt want to badmouth my husband now because i have to take responsibility for my actions. but it was he who cheated first. he had this ex he was constantly involved with that her mother called him on our wedding night etc.
but that is no excuse itself. so i hope you can pray for me. and i surely would like another chance to make up for all wrong doings.
sallam
sorry to hear i didnt realise, i thought you were commiting zina with men astakfir. If he did these things and his mother was bad enough to call the ex on your wedding night maybe its better that its over? he doesnt seem worth it. sometimes things break and they cant be fixed and hard as it seems at the moment God knows whats best for us?
i think reflect also on what you did and why you did it? it seems that he did bad and you spoke to men becuase you wanted to either sabotage the relationship becuase you thought he didnt care or you wanted him to feel the same way he made you feel. The reason im bringing this up is you should really reflect on your actions and inshallah in the future you wont make further mistakes ameen.
I still think dont worry about him. God has all the powers to do anything, focus on yourself and be a good muslim inshallah youll lead a good life.
Allah hafiz
he cheated on you, you cheated on him, and you still trying to save your marriage? start afresh?
Sister let me tell you one thing trust me and note my word non of men won't forget his x wife never ever impossible, they won't love or have emotion about that but never ever won't remove from his heart trust me and you can quote my post and write it somewhere after 10/15 years I you see some one or anything you will remember I am also second wife my husband love me so much he work very hard to keep me an my child happy still sometimes he thinks about his x he dosent call but you can tell in by some action an talking. You know he was married so do not take this in your heart you wont be happy sister. Sister trust me my situation was like you but I didn't involve with men but I did lie to my husband about household, Allah blessed me because I cried to him and Allah like helll. Allah did listen to my prayer and my dua. And yeah I have a daughter so one of the reason of my daughter I got chance to solve. I am not making you feel ba sister. I amnit showing hoe lucky I. Am I am saying this because you have to make duanyo Allah and cry to Allah to get an answer. Andy heart says Allah will help you sister if you ask to Allah sincerely. We will male dua fr you but it's less affictive. Allah wants to see what you do to save your marriage and be happy Allah want to see your efforts sister.
dear all.not a prayer goes by i dont cry to Allah to forgive me and give me another chance to fix my marriage. i cant leave him because i love him to death. i dont know how to b without him. please all pray that ALlah put some Reham in his heart.
i know i did wrong and i know if he allows , i can mek him happy. but just pray he gives a chNCE i beg u all.. i have been engaged to him since i wwas 17. we got married when i was 18 so . and now im 22. all my life it has been him .. all i know is my husband, yes i got detracked but just once Allah give me a chance. ill make things right. INSHALLAH
Sister our pray won't work for you. Trust me Allah will only see your effort. As earlier I suggest to do salat ul Ishtikhara, you need it indeed.
i am trying my best to. and my mother is doing istkhara. since i do not know how to .
sister it will be good if you do it,. learn how to pray ishtikhara top of the page it id given. you donot know and you not trying to learn sorry if my words make you sad but it seems you not trying to do wich will be good fir you ofcours your mom will do but you have to do for yourself to satisfy allah.
dear sister nadia.
i just learned and did istakhara. and i do not mind anythign you say because the truth is what it is. i am at fault and i want to fix things. but i will still ask you all and everyone who reads all this to remember me in your prayers. and pray that my marriage lasts. inshallah.
aoa,
i did istakhara. and my mother is doing it aswell. but none of us have seen anythign yet. she has been doing it for like 7 days and iv done it for like 3.. but none of us has seen anythign. what should we do ..
Salaams,
Sister, istikhara is not about "seeing things". Please read the articles about istikhara listed on the home page under Istikhara Questions and Answers.
I just want to ask you, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? If you caught your husband talking to girls and setting up coffee dates, and it got so bad that you no longer trusted him or cared to be with him, how would you feel if he kept pestering you and pestering you about staying with him? How would you feel about him if he refused to let you go, even if it's what you really, really wanted? Would you respect him more or less? Would you feel he really cares about you and what you want and need, or just what he wants?
It's one thing if he seems uncertain about the divorce, and there is wiggle room to earn his mercy once more. But if there's not, if he's made up his mind once and for all and is moving on, everything you're doing to try to win him back is probably only having the opposite effect.
Speaking personally, if my husband "cheated" on me over and over, and I finally decided to divorce him, it would feel like a double slap in the face for him to claim he was sincere now, when he couldn't be sincere all the times he betrayed me. I'm just saying, try to consider things from your husband's point of view, because it seems you are focusing on nothing but your own feelings about this. For a marriage to work, this kind of ability is needed...so it's in your best interest to start cultivating it in the off chance he does let you back in his life.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
get a divorce and learn from your mistakes. its inevitable, move on.
I think now it is difficult for you to convince him .Learn from your mistakes .