I love one girl, but I married another
Salam Brothers and Sisters. I read few posts of this forum and found it interesting. I am also going through some similar circumstances.
I am now 31 years old and got married few months ago under high family pressure. Actually what happened, my mother got very sick (later died of cancer), she wanted me to marry a girl who was my first cousin. I always cared for that girl and loved her as a sister. So being emotionally attached to my mother I agreed to her.
She is just 17 years and going to school. Sounds like we two are incompatible with each other in terms of age and education. I am in the final stage of getting my PhD in Engineering from USA.
It is important to mention that I was emotionally attached to some other girl (she was my class fellow and I wanted to marry her but could not because of sudden health problems of my mother). I am still unable to get her out of my mind. Though we have stopped any kind of communication after my marriage.
After being together for a month, I came back to US, she is still in my home country. Now I am realizing and repenting a lot about this decision. We two have very less things to share. Though my wife is very cooperative and she loves me also but I not emotionally or physically attracted to her. She has become very disappointed and stopped calling me, we have no communication for the last one month or more.
Initially I had plans to bring her to US but now have changed it as I don't want to keep her in pain when I do not love her.
What is the right way for me to follow in the light of Quran and Sunnah? I am finally getting convinced that divorce is the only option I have, because I feel I am unable to fulfill her rights. Also it is important to mention that I am under deep stress due to the demise of my mother and loneliness is hurting me a lot, and has become a big distraction for my studies.
Regards,
- ahamed786
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Dear Ahamed786,
I totally empathise with you and I exactly understand where you're coming from.
Your situation seems all the more difficult with the huge gap in age, education and maturity. Also, the fact that you treated your now wife like a younger sister!!! Painful, it is. I understand, you have given in to your ailing mother's request for emotional reasons, but now the reality it seems is too difficult to simply ignore.
I feel sorry for all three of you - you, your wife, and the person you wished to spend your entire life with.
I would say, if it really looks difficult, then you need to consider your options, sit with your family and honestly discuss it out with everyone involved. Because keeping things together for the heck of it, in the long run, and once the kids are involved would be really very traumatic and unfair.
Separating, at this in point in time, can atleast give you all an opportunity to get on with life, once again. It's better to have heartache for a couple of years than have it for your entire life!
I seriously wonder why parents have to compel girls as young as your wife into marriage! She's not even finished basic education. She needs to be given her opportunity to study, to learn, to grow up the ideal way, to at least mature into a woman, who's ready and willing for a marriage, who's ready to be an equal partner, ready to be a mother, ready to take care of an entire family.
I can imagine the huge emotional gap between the two of you, given the fact that she's still in her teens and you're in your early 30s. I really feel sad for you. I mean it.
I think, you're a matured guy, to have not jumped into "exploiting" her. I pray, God helps you out of the situation, without causing much heartburn to everyone involved.
I know, it's a difficult decision, but you will have to. I believe, in the long run, even your wife will understand, the reason why you had to do it.
God Bless You.
I totally agree with you. Good advise.
May Allah ease the situation for him.
you need to sit down and talk to your parents otherwise it will be too late the young girl that you married will also loose trust in you if you keep things away from her .its important to be completely and utterly honest and tell them how you feel about this girl and let your young wife go remember its your right to marry someone compatible to you don't destroy another girls life i mean she's only 17!!!!!!
stand up and speak out be a man
seriously let your 17 year old wife go now ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm 18 and i'm not even ready for marriage now!!!!!!!!!
dear Ahmed,
asalamalaikum,
i feel sorry for you but i feel more sorry for this very young girl , who is your wife, what ever happened in your life that ended up in you marrying her, has spoiled her life already!!!!!!!!
i think you have exploited her . Did you not know she is only 17 and going to school ? when you were marrying her. this is so bad.imagine what this poor girl will feel when you will divorce her.giving her a loveless married life is another torture!
if you really think you have no feeling for her , then set her free.
brother look what you are doing to girls, one you did not marry but gave her hopes that you are the man to dream about and then abandoned her, the other you married but cant give her happiness of marriage. please brother dont play with emotions of people , not yours, definitely not others! it hurts!!!!!!!! dont hurt people.
we all come across situations in life where we feel pressured for making decisions in life, but if it involves others then everyone has the right to be treated justly.we should never use anyone for a temporaray fix or to make one of our loved one happy.
and look at yourself did it make you any happier?set your self free and those who are trapped with you.
Yeah I know how you feel is going to get harder later on because all you would do is thing about the other girl for rest of your life, like everybody said talk to your family members till them how you really feel because is not fair to your wife since she is so young marsallah when I was 17 I didn't even know what boyfriends are. I would say follow your heart life is to short just be honest with your wife, I'm sure your mother would love to see you happy. So good luck.