Nikkah, marriage and Talaq online, I need help
Asalam-o-alykum to all my muslim sisters and brothers !
I stumbled across this website to find solution to my problem & for some much needed advice . Last 2 weeks I have been in agony,crying,no sleep and behind in all my duties . Just a little about me ,I am 21 years old ,caring .peaceful ,for who ALLAH (s) is eternal love ,Fear HIM all the time .I came from a very educated and lovely family Alhamdu-Allah. However my problem stems from my decision to get married . Six months ago, I was in Islamic website looking for married in Islamic way so go on I found a guy which he was : 25 years old,living far away, was engaged twice and openmined,such a honest person, everything good and bad I knew about his past, but weak on his prayers .
I always wanted him to do his Salah , talking about Islam. All I wanted was to change him in good way .
We were in love and I did not want to have Haram relationship , he asked me to marry him soon but the problem was that he was not able to come U.S.A, he told his family about us but they were not happy why ? Because we were from different countries . Go on and told him I really don´t want to have Haram relationship, let´s do Online Nikahh which we did but the point is that there was no Imam to read our Nikahh .´We believed Nikahh is something to accept someone from heart and have feelings that yes he/she is my life-partner which we had , I was ready to leave everything for him, all I believed was that this kind of love only can come from ALLAH(s) which I had for him, I always felt he is & will be the one in this world and hereafter .
We began calling upon husband and wife , had strong feelings, he was always in my prayers, 100 % we were sure that we will do proper Nikahh.
I always asked ALLAh (O ALLAH am I in Haram relationship) but I never felt that our relationship is Haram .
Go on just 3 weeks ago I catch him in haram stuff which he hidden from me, something from his past life . When I asked him why? He commited No, I did not but I had prove & was very hard for me to trust him .
I cried alot & every second I was asking ALLAH, why ? please ALLAH help me, I really do not know what should I do next ? Should I forgive him just help me YA ALLAH .
I was ready to turn back to him and forgive him but he was not that husband anymore who I loved so much and was ready to do anything for him .
How soon he changed himself still I can not believe.
He gave me 3 words which was (Talaq,Talaq,Talaq) replied me you are not my wife anymore never understood me lab lab lab ......Now he is in touch with a girl from his own country which his mother choosed for him.
o ALLAH forgive me for all my mistakes and sins which I commited .
o my sisters and brothers I really need your advice.
I commited mind and physical feelings but I did not loss my virginity AlhamduAllah. What I did was to believed he is and will be my husband ,I did not know he will change that soon .
I m also finding it is very hard to move on and consider other man for marriage ,as I no longer trust anyone.
I feel quite hopeless and keep having flashbacks, why?
He is back , please help, what should I do?
All I want is now to die with forehead on the ground , ALLAH in my mind , Quran in my tongue and tears in my eyes. Ameen
I apologies for my long comment.
muslim
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Dear Sister, Walaykumsalaam,
In order to marry someone, you require a Wali's permission, someone to perform your nikah contract and two witnesses. You had none of those, so you are clearly not married, despite what you have been imagining. You are 21 years old, you are a young adult and you cannot play 'lets pretend marriages'. Alhumdulillah you have stopped to seek advice now before things get worse. And Alhumdulillah again it seems that you have never met this man physically.
My advice to you is this: break all contact with this boy. You are not good for each other. If you are having flashbacks and are feeling guilty and upset, this is because of the mistakes you have made but if you repent and try to do right from now, inshaAllah you find peace. If you are conversing with someone on the internet for marriage, there are etiquettes and limits which must be observed, just as if you meet someone in person.
Allah has stopped you from getting into more haraam with this boy as fortunately you never met him. Allah has also saved you your dignity and honour. So count your blessings and move on. And in future when you are spouse searching, it would be better for you to involve your parents, or another responsible female.
You will be ok, this is one bad experience, where the damage has been limited because you never met the boy in person Alhumdulillah. Do Tawbah, don't cross the Islamic boundaries with men again and find protection and safety with Allah.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
sister
Your mental anguish is purely a sign of your guilt- so thats a good thing. And like sisterZ said you were not married, so you have to be clear about that. He was not your husband and you were in a sinful relationship.
However by the grace of Allah, you have been saved- so I think from this day forward you should concentrate soley on yourself- try and occupy your time with useful activities, such as reciting the Quran, praying, gaining knowledge, meet new sisters and get involved in voluntary work such as charity work, it can been very fulfilling and will do wonders for your psyche.
You do not need this guy and you have no right to be in contact with him- if he's going to marry some other girl then so what?? that is of no concern to you.
Take stock of your life sister and start living it- don't sit in from of a computer screen and conjure up images of a happy married life- that life will come to you insha-allah one day- and it will be real, bought about in the proper way.
Walk away from him sister- change your contact details and break free from this misery thats weighing so heavily on your heart.
i pray and hope that you find peace. take care of yourself- too many wolves out there in sheeps clothing!
sir last night i said my husband give me divorce he donot bother sudden he said talaq talaq talaq talaq talaq what u said all the time in joke he was not in neeat of divorce my question is this divorce valid or noti am quiet worried ans me quickly
Uzma,
You asked your husband for a divorce and then he uttered the words, so why are you now worried? Why did you play with the word divorce in the first place if you do not want it?
Anyhow, we are not scholars of marriage and divorce, so we cannot answer your question. Please consult with a qualified person regarding your case.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sir Alsalam o Alycum
I want to ask a problem. if wife demand
(Question deleted by Editor)
Do not take uttering words like 'Talaaq/Divorce' lightly. Marriage and Divorce are not a joke. Please consult with an Imam regarding this issue of Divorce - as we are not fiqh qualified.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam-O-Alikum
1 month before my nikkah was fixed on phone, girl whole family was ready and happy, her brother sisters father and her mom, as i was in saudia and the girl was in pakistan, parents decided to do nikkah on phone, and will register nikkah agrement from court, so she can travel same time on marriage day with the groom, we got nikkah agreement from saudia and signed it, groom signed and his father signed, and we send it to pakistan to girls parents, they showed that nikkah agreement to moulvi sahab and moulvi sahab said its ok nikkah can be done on this nikkah nama but we can register this nikkah nama from court, for traveling she has to sign on pakistani nikkah nama, they took pakistani nikkah nama, signed on it, girl and her father both, and they send it to me and the date was fixed that i
now my question is some people said to me nikkah is valid once u have signed on nikkah nama your father has signed by her name, mahr is decided, they signed on another nikkah nama by your name her father signed so its valid nikkah and some dont agree iam confused can any 1 tell me is it valid or not will call moulvi in saudia and will sign in front of him but the same day wen date of nikkah was fixed girl mother said we can not do this nikkah and nikkah didnt took place, before signing istikhara was done by every 1 even sylani welfare istikhara was done also all were positive
Assalam O Alaikum brother Zeeshan,
Please consult a local scholar, I read an article quite sometime ago which I am posting here to help you iA.
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=12&ID=10141&CATE=167
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com